Winding Road
by LW107
Summary: Hopefully love and friendship will be enough for this group of doctors as they struggle through parenting, death, illness, and the everyday battles that can make living life so difficult. Future fic dealing primarily with MerDer, McStizzie, and Addex.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story takes place about six years after the finale of season three and is about an eventful time in the lives of some of our favorite doctors. It focuses primarily on MerDer, Addex, and McStizzie, though the other characters do occasionally appear. The first chapter acts mostly as a background to how things have developed over the past few years, though the ending of the chapter does get the plot rolling. The story will hopefully be filled with drama, angst, sex, romance, humor . . . basically anything I can fit in here. I hope you like it!**

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A giant smile was plastered on Derek's face as he gazed through the plate-glass window of the nursery of the Seattle Grace Maternity Ward. His eyes jumped from one infant to another, studying their expressions with awe. He could feel his grin widen as he focused on a tiny bundle in the row closest to the window, the dark-haired little boy swaddled tightly in a thin blanket as his wide eyes darted across the ceiling.

Derek nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand slap lightly against his shoulder, the goofy grin faltering. He knew instantly who the hand belonged to without even turning around, and he rotated his head sideways to glare playfully at his best friend.

Mark smirked, his eyes darting between the window of the nursery and Derek's teasing glower. "Daydreaming, buddy?"

"Shut up, Mark," Derek answered, but the smile on his face coupled with the bantering tone of his voice betrayed his attempt to appear irritated.

Though the process had been gradual, Mark and Derek had made an effort to repair their relationship, and now, years after the actual catastrophe that had driven them apart in the first place, they could honestly claim to be as close as they were growing up. After so many months of hostility, the two had eventually decided to put their ugly history behind him, especially when it became apparent that all parties involved had moved passed the adulterated event.

Derek, of course, had moved on with Meredith. Their relationship had been rocky at first, but as Meredith adjusted to the ways of being a relationship person and Derek had realized how to balance the priorities in his life, the two had quickly learned how to make things work. The fresh start, which began weeks after Burke had left Cristina on her wedding day, had been exactly what the couple needed. Their reconciliation had been slow, both fearful of having their heart ripped apart yet again, but it soon became obvious that they both wanted the same things; that they both wanted to move beyond the hurt they'd caused one another and start over.

Just as Derek had found himself moving on with Meredith, Mark, too, found a new woman to turn his life around. The once untamable bachelor had met his match with Isobel Stevens, a woman who not only fearlessly put him in his place when he opted to use his sarcasm and brash comments in her presence, but one who had also effortlessly worked her way into his heart. The attraction between the two was of no surprise to either of them; in fact, they were both willing to admit that some sort of affair between them was probably inevitable. What did catch them off guard, however, was the way in which their physical attraction combined with their equally feisty spirits, causing a nearly explosive reaction when they'd first taken one another in the shower of the resident's locker room. The unexpected meeting, an effect of an especially stressful day in the OR and a growing loneliness in the pit their hearts, could have easily been a one time thing, but as they'd panted against one another as steam rose around their bodies, they both knew without a shadow of a doubt that it wouldn't be.

It was in great part due to their growing relationships with these women that Mark and Derek finally started to make amends for everything that had transpired between them. The transition from enemies to friends occurred over breakfast in the wee hours of the morning, the two of them inevitably running into one another as they stumbled from Izzie and Meredith's neighboring bedrooms. The looks of animosity over their cups of coffee had eventually turned in to looks of tolerance, the tolerance inevitably leading to a shared acceptance, and in the span of only a few months, the two men were sharing sections of the _Seattle Times_ and occasionally meeting in the foyer for an early morning run.

The recuperating friendship between Mark and Derek was thrilling for Izzie and Meredith, who actually grew closer to one another as their significant other's repaired their relationship. On the rare occasion that the four of them found themselves not on the schedule at Seattle Grace, they often made plans together, grabbing drinks at Joe's or catching a movie at the downtown theater.

On a normal Sunday morning, eight months after Mark had begun seeing Izzie and nearly twelve since Meredith and Derek had righted what was wrong with their initial relationship, Mark and Derek had found themselves entering the kitchen, sweat dripping down their backs as they struggled to catch their breath from a three mile run around Queen Anne Hill. Mark went straight to the refrigerator, grabbing two bottles of water and tossing one to Derek as they sat down at the table for a light breakfast before showering and heading to the hospital.

It was just as Mark was handing Derek the sport's section of the newspaper that they were reminded of why they had been so distant for their first few months in Seattle. Mark's eyes widened as he caught sight of the figure in the doorway, his dropping jaw causing Derek to turn around to inspect what was so astounding. It was at this moment that Derek saw his ex-wife traipsing in the room, walking confidently as though her presence in the Meredith's kitchen was no odder than the fact that the sun rose each and every morning. Mark and Derek exchanged flabbergasted glances as she helped herself to a cup of coffee before casually walking over to the table and plopping down between them.

"Good morning," she yawned, taking a sip of the lukewarm liquid that filled the coffee cup which Meredith drank from morning after morning.

Mark narrowed his eyes, looking at her incredulously. "Uh, good morning, Addison."

Addison took another sip of her coffee, ignoring the shocked stares of the two men as she stole the society pages from Mark's hands. The room was quiet as her eyes scanned the spreads, Mark and Derek unsure what to say as the elephant in the room continued to grow with each passing second.

Finally unable to stand his curiosity anymore, Derek leaned against the table, his gaze intent as he stared at Addison inquisitively. "Um, what the hell are you doing here?"

Addison looked up from the paper, her head cocking to the side as she grinned at Derek. "What am I _doing_? Um, I'm doing Alex Karev."

The statement was said with such matter-of-factness, Mark and Derek couldn't help but crack smiles. "_Karev_?" Mark repeated with a disbelieving grin. "You're sleeping with _Alex_ Karev?"

Her eyebrow lifted as she looked at him with a confident expression. "Isn't that what I just said?"

Mark pursed his lips, nodding his head slightly as he glanced at Derek bemusedly. Addison caught the exchange, rolling her eyes. "Do you think we could skip the whole awkward exchange? I'm really not in the mood."

Derek stifled a smile, strangely comforted by Addison's assertive attitude. "Well alright then," Derek mumbled, and with simultaneous nods, he and Mark picked up their section of the papers. And with that, Addison was officially inducted into their breakfast club.

Derek and Mark followed through with their promise to forgo the awkwardness that could have arisen with the current living situation. The circumstances turned out to be unexpectedly pleasant and comfortable between everyone sleeping under the roof, everyone getting along surprisingly well when they all happened to be sleeping over at the same time. In place of the awkwardness, though, was the unavoidable feeling of claustrophobia, which could be felt to the fullest extent in the mornings when the six of them were scurrying to get ready for rounds.

The congestion reached its peak one morning as Izzie yelled at the top of the stairs, her frustration spiking as Alex and Addison's shower marathon stretched into the thirty minute mark. Mark sighed in the kitchen as he glanced at Meredith and Derek across the breakfast table, all of them hearing Izzie's irritated screeches as she demanded her turn in the bathroom.

"This house is way too crowded," Mark acknowledged, tearing off a corner of his bagel and stuffing it in his mouth.

Derek nodded, only half paying attention as he scanned an article in the _World Medical Journal_. "Yeah, you should definitely leave," he mumbled, his tone teasing as his lips curled upward.

Mark flashed a smile. "Maybe I will. Maybe I'll ask Izzie to marry me, and we'll move far away from you insatiable perverts."

No one was exactly sure how Mark's teasing comment had led him to the high-end jewelry store that very afternoon. The strange thing was, though, there wasn't a doubt in his mind as he'd handed his credit card to the saleswoman, the small velvet box containing a platinum engagement ring already weighing heavily in the depths of his pocket. His confidence in his decision had only been substantiated when he'd seen the tears in Izzie's eyes two weeks later as he'd knelt down on one knee, her smile growing as she'd uttered the word _yes_ over and over, her lips suddenly covering nearly every inch of his face until they'd finally settled on his mouth.

Izzie's excitement over her upcoming nuptials was seemingly contagious, Meredith and Addison suddenly thrilled by the news as they helped her prepare for what was quickly shaping into her fairytale wedding. Addison easily wormed her way into the tight friendship that Izzie and Meredith had formed over the past year, growing especially close with Izzie as she readily volunteered to gang up on Mark with her. Together, the three of them planned and conspired, and within four months, Isobel Stevens transformed into Mrs. Mark Sloan.

Mark and Izzie's happily-ever-after only seemed to strengthen the relationships of the other two couples. Seeing their friends as blissful newlyweds was like an affirmation that such things really did happen. It was this very affirmation that allowed Meredith to accept Derek's proposal when he finally mustered up the nerve to ask her to marry him six months later. The engagement was a long one, both of them enjoying the newest stage of their relationship, but when they finally exchanged vows in a tiny chapel on the bank of Elliot Bay more than a year and a half later, the words they uttered were meant with such complete sincerity, neither one felt a single qualm as they'd slipped the simple bands onto each other's ring fingers.

That cold November day was soley about Meredith and Derek, and it was for this reason that Izzie was actually able to keep a secret for the first time in her life. As she watched her friends exchange vows from her place at Meredith's side, her eyes would periodically roam to Mark's across the aisle, both of them exchanging knowing grins as their thoughts flowed concurrently. Mark's eyes sparkled as his gaze roamed to his wife's flat torso, his chest virtually ablaze with happiness as he pictured the child that was growing within, a child that they had only found out about seven hours before.

William Bennett Sloan was born on June 28th of the following year, his initial screams of life bringing tears of joy to the eyes of everyone in the room. Mark and Izzie hadn't been able to take their eyes off of their tiny son for the first hours of his life, their smiles never faltering as every move he made took their breath away. Parenthood had been an amazingly easy transition for them, both of them happily doting on their child as they'd watched him develop. Ben's vibrant brown eyes captivated everyone around him, and the grin that he flashed, which Izzie insisted was an exact replica of his father's, had the power to melt the hearts of everyone who knew him.

In addition to the obvious joys that parenthood brought her, Ben's arrival also allowed Izzie to rekindle her long-strained relationship with George. Though their friendship had never been the same after their brief, yet disastrous affair just after George's father had passed away, they were now able to find common ground with the arrival of their children. Callie and George had welcomed Samuel Harold O'Malley to the world only four months before Ben had been born, and their similar familial situations impelled them to come to a silent understanding, which eventually led to a comfortable companionship between the two families.

Mark and Izzie's new focus on being parents did little to quiet the relationships they'd developed with Meredith and Derek and Addison and Alex. The three couples continued to enjoy their friendships as they had for the past few years, the friendships that had begun with a simple unofficial breakfast club. Now, though, there was a new member, a tiny person who had somehow managed to acquire all the best features of Izzie and Mark and compile them in a way that left everyone fussing over his every need.

It was on Ben's second Christmas that Alex stole Addison's breath in the most unexpected way. She was sitting on his lap, her head resting against his as they watched Mark reading Ben _The Night Before Christmas_. The little boy was smiling as his father read the words, his eyes wide with excitement as he remained totally entranced by the images imprinted on the page. Alex smiled at the sound of Ben's quiet giggle, his face turning so that his lips were pressed against Addison's ear. "I want that, what they have; I want a family. I want _you_ to be my family."

Addison turned to meet Alex's gaze, her face guarded as she studied his expression. "Alex…" she whispered.

His hand had slipped over hers, and before she knew what was happening, he'd slipped an engagement ring on her finger. "Marry me, Addison."

Though they had been together for nearly four years, they had only talked sporadically about the possibility of marriage. The news about her infertility that Addison had received during her brief trip to Los Angeles all of those years before had effectively crushed her dream of having a family, so she had never felt the need to push her relationship with Alex in any particular direction. They were both wonderfully happy with the way things were, both in agreement that things couldn't possibly be better between them, even if they had a tiny piece of paper legally binding them together for life. But as she stared at her diamond-clad finger in the midst of the room filled with the people who'd grown to be their family, Addison couldn't imagine anything that she wanted more than to have Alex Karev as her husband. With a smile on her face, she'd pulled his face to hers, the soft brush of her lips an obvious acceptance to his question.

The holidays left everyone reeling with happiness, and the future was looking up as the New Year stuck. Everyone seemed to be content with the way things were going, excited by the direction of their careers and their personal lives. This is why it was such a traumatic morning for Meredith when, in the second week of February, a tiny stick turned blue right before her eyes. She swallowed, blinking her lashes over and over in the hope that she could somehow clear away some sort of temporary color-blinding phenomenon, but the pregnancy test remained the same shade of nauseating blue no matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she wasn't pregnant.

Addison confirmed the news after a quick examination, pilfering Meredith's hope that the home pregnancy test had been wrong. A baby was not what she was expecting this year to bring, and though she knew Derek would be over the roof with excitement, she couldn't contain her own suffocating nerves at the prospect of becoming a mother.

She was, of course, correct in her assumption that Derek would relish the idea of having a baby. She couldn't recall a time since they'd met that she'd seen such a joyous look on his face as the one she'd seen when she told him about the pregnancy. From the moment he'd received the news, he'd committed himself to pampering her, wanting to take care of her every need as she grew their child in her womb. Though the pregnancy had caught them both off guard, his excitement over his impending fatherhood continued to steadily increase with each month, often leaving him feeling as though he were going to burst with happiness whenever he thought of his child. He was completely enthralled with Meredith's ever-growing belly, and as her pregnancy wore on, it was not uncommon for his wife to express her annoyance over his incessant doting. Derek knew, though, that she was far from annoyed. If anything, she was relieved that he was excited enough for the both of them. Although there was no doubt in his mind that Meredith would love their child, her worries over inheriting the bad mommy gene only grew worse as she approached her due date.

Luckily, Izzie was able to supply some relief for Meredith's fears about her encroaching motherhood. Izzie's excitement over Meredith's pregnancy almost matched Derek's. She was constantly encouraging Meredith and reassuring her that she was nothing like Ellis Grey, promising her that she was going to make a great mother. Though Derek often provided his wife the same assurances, it seemed that Meredith typically took greater comfort in Izzie's female opinion, almost certainly because Izzie had been through pregnancy herself.

Now, as Meredith entered her seventh month of pregnancy, Derek could barely contain his excitement. It was this very excitement that often led him to the maternity ward of the hospital, his enthusiasm over his impending fatherhood leading him to peer at the newly arrived infants through the glass pane. Mark's laughing expression when he caught him at the glass had Derek rolling his eyes, walking away from his friend as he continued down the hallway. "What do you want, Mark?"

Mark laughed, shrugging his shoulders as he rushed to catch up to Derek. "Oh nothing; we just have a quiet board today, and I've already run out of things to do."

"Don't you know you're not supposed to talk about a quiet board?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "Oh please; I don't buy into that superstition bullshit."

Derek was about to reply when he noticed a spirited blonde heading straight for them, her speed quick as she balanced a tiny boy on her hip. "Hey, there're Ben and Izzie."

Mark looked up, grinning with surprise when he saw his wife and son. "Hey, what're you two doing here?"

"Daddy!" Ben squealed, hurling himself into his father's arms the moment Izzie was standing before him. Mark laughed, pulling Ben against his chest as he offered Izzie a light kiss.

"We just came by to pick up Meredith since her shift's over. I convinced her that we need to go shopping for the nursery if…you know…she wants to have somewhere to put the baby when he's born."

Derek smirked. "Good thinking. Where _is_ she?"

"I'm here," Meredith announced, walking up to the group as the question crossed her husband's lips. "Your son has decided to use my bladder as a freaking lounge chair, so I had to run to the restroom. Again. For like, the trillionth time today." Derek grinned, his hands rising to her shoulders and massaging gently.

Derek continued to knead the knots in her shoulders as the five of them chatted in the middle of the hallway. Ben's face contorted in excitement when his father asked him what he'd done that day. "I got my hur wet, Daddy," he animatedly replied, touching his blonde locks as though it were proof.

"You got your _hair_ wet?" Mark asked, looking at Izzie.

She laughed at her son, kissing his forehead lovingly. "I took him to the pool at Addison and Alex's apartment," she told him with a grin, turning to look at her son. "Baby, tell daddy what a great swimmer you are!"

Ben giggled, smirking at his mother. "I can kick, kick, kick!" he squealed, flailing his legs in the air to demonstrate.

Addison and Alex were laughing as they walked hand-in-hand toward the group, humored by the image of Mark holding Ben away from his body as he tried to avoid being inadvertently kicked by the enthusiastic boy. Addison smiled when Ben's eyes lit up at the sight of her, and she held her arms out in Ben's direction, laughing when the toddler giggled as he threw himself in her direction. "Hey, sweetie," she said with a smile, kissing the top of his head lightly.

"Hi!" Ben greeted in a high pitched voice, his arms swinging around Addison's neck as he grinned at Alex over her shoulder. "Awex!"

Alex laughed. "Hey little man," he said, giving the boy a soft high-five. "Are you excited about your birthday party on Saturday?"

Ben nodded energetically at the thought of the birthday party his mother had been planning for weeks, his face flushed with excitement as he held up three fingers for everyone to see. "I'm going to be free years old!"

Izzie smiled, her hand rising to rub Ben's back. "My baby's getting so old."

Ben scowled at her, shaking his head. "I'm not a _baby_, Mommy. I'm _big_!"

"Oh course you are," Izzie indulged, grinning widely as she took him from Addison. Looking at Meredith, she raised her eyebrows. "We should probably go if we want to actually get to the stores before they close."

"Okay." Meredith leaned against Derek, kissing him. "I'll see you at home."

"You guys have fun," Mark told them, touching his nose to the tip of his son's. "Love you," he told him. Turning to Izzie, he captured her lips in his in a brief kiss. "And I love you, too."

"Love you, Daddy!" Ben said happily, his arms wrapping around Izzie's neck as she grinned at her husband. Mark watched them walk away, smiling at the sight of his wife and son dissolving into giggles as Izzie tickled Ben's neck with kisses on their way to the elevator.

Meredith and Izzie walked to the parking lot, easily finding Izzie's Ford Explorer. As Izzie strapped Ben into his car seat, Meredith plucked the car keys from her hands. "I'll drive," she said. "You drive like a grandma. We definitely won't make it to the stores before they close if you don't let me behind the wheel."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "I do _not_ drive like a grandma," she told her, acting offended as she tickled Ben before shutting his door. "I'm just cautious."

"Yeah, cautious being code word for grandma," Meredith said with a laugh, walking around to the driver's side.

Izzie opened the passenger door, sitting in the seat in front of Ben. "You're going to love this boutique, Mer," she told her as Meredith pulled out of the parking lot. "I'm telling you, you're going to be a hundred times more excited about the baby after you decorate the nursery."

Meredith rolled her eyes at Izzie's enthusiasm. "It's not that I'm not excited; I'm just scared shitless."

Izzie glared at her, checking on Ben in the backseat to see if the toddler had noticed Meredith's bad language. Luckily he hadn't, his eyes focused out the passenger window as he babbled to himself.

Meredith sped down the road, driving quickly as she followed the directions Izzie was giving her. "It's only a few more blocks up the street," Izzie offered, smiling as she heard Ben begin a rendition of the theme song to Sesame Street as his legs dangled against his car seat.

Meredith groaned when her cell phone rang moments later, her hand reaching out and pulling her purse from the floor of the back seat. She dug through the contents of her purse blindly, the ringing continuing as her hand refused to connect with the shrilling device. "Want me to look for it?" Izzie offered.

"No, I think I can get it," Meredith said, looking into her bag. Holding the steering wheel with her free hand, she spotted the glow of the screen at the bottom of the purse and wrapped her hands around it. "Got it," she said, pulling it out and looking at the caller ID.

She looked up sharply when she heard Izzie frantically scream. "Meredith!" An instant later, she felt the SUV lurch to the left as a car plowed into the passenger side of the vehicle, Izzie's car spinning through the intersection before coming to a halt against a telephone pole on the opposite side of the road.

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	2. Chapter 2

Meredith slowly picked her aching head up from the driver's side window, gingerly touching her forehead and finding a quickly-forming knot on her hairline. A painful groan escaped her lips, penetrating the eerie quietness inside the car. 

The silence in the SUV suddenly seemed deafening as Meredith turned her head toward the passenger seat, a feeling of dread filling the pit of her stomach. "Izzie?" she called worriedly, unbuckling her seatbelt and leaning over the console to where Izzie was slumped against the dashboard. "Iz?" Meredith called more frantically, finding her friend unconscious, a gash on her forehead oozing streaks of blood into her hair. With shaking hands, she brought her fingers to Izzie's neck, feeling for a pulse. She let out a breath of relief when she found the steady rhythm beneath her fingertips. "Izzie, can you hear me?" she asked loudly.

Izzie's eyes remained closed, but she began mumbling incoherently. "B…Ben," Meredith heard her say before she went silent again. Meredith eyes widened as the tiny word penetrated her mind, and she quickly turned toward the back of the car to check on Izzie's son. Her eyes widened at the sight of the scene behind her, waves of nausea beginning to course through her belly.

The back passenger door had been completely crushed in, impelling Ben's carseat into the middle of the car. The toddler's body was unmoving, his head sagging forward as he sat in uncharacteristic quietness. "Ben!" Meredith cried, seeing his tiny, motionless body. She climbed into the backseat, her heart racing as she rushed to his side. "Ben?" As she felt for a pulse on the little boy's neck, grateful tears filled her eyes at the detection of a soft rhythm against her ring finger. It wasn't as strong as she would have liked, but it was there and that was all that mattered. "Ben, sweetie? Answer Aunt Meredith, baby. Come on, Ben," she whispered, her attention becoming momentarily diverted as a man ran up to the car.

"Are you okay in there?" he asked.

"No!" she yelled, her voice sounding nearly hysterical. "Call 911. Tell them there are two serious injuries in this car, including…including a child," she said, her throat tightening with emotion. The man nodded and immediately took out his phone, but Meredith turned back to the little boy in front of her, ignoring the man as he conversed with the emergency operator.

Meredith took a shaky breath as a wave of dizziness overcame her. _Get it together_, she thought to herself. Switching to doctor-mode, Meredith did her best to push her personal discomfort to the back of her mind so that she could assess Ben's injuries. Outside the car, she heard the man with the phone tell her, "The ambulance will be here any second. You're lucky; there were a couple of EMT's a few of blocks over so they'll be here pretty quickly."

She laughed bitterly to herself at his description of them as lucky. She most definitely did _not _feel lucky at that moment. Her hands trembled as she gently touched the little boy's body, feeling for injuries that were not immediately apparent to the naked eye. As her hands scanned his tiny arms, she found two displaced bones on the left side, causing her guilt to intensify. "Oh, Ben I'm so sorry, baby."

Minutes passed by before she heard the sound of an approaching ambulance and almost instantly, two EMT's were moving toward the vehicle, shouting for curious onlookers to back away. They appeared by the Explorer's side within seconds, ripping open the front and back doors on the driver's side.

"Are you okay?" the female EMT asked Meredith, crawling into the back seat beside her and Ben as her partner climbed in the driver's seat to look at Izzie.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Meredith rushed to assure her, leaning against the seat as waves of dizziness swept through her head. "Check on him. Check on Ben."

As she leaned against the seat, Meredith could hear the EMT speaking to her, the words sounding blurry as the woman's hand gently shook her shoulder. The actions, though, seemed distant from her mind as a ringing resounded in her head, and before she realized what was happening, her world suddenly went black.

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Bailey and Callie stood outside of the emergency room waiting for an incoming ambulance. It pulled into the bay moments later, the doors of the rig swinging open and a paramedic jumping out. "What've you got?" Bailey asked hurriedly, approaching the vehicle.

"We have a pregnant female. She passed out in the field, but she's conscious now," the paramedic said as the stretcher was pulled from the ambulance.

As Bailey drew near, she immediately saw Meredith's figure struggling to sit up. "I'm fine," Meredith insisted, fighting the paramedic who was attempting to hold her down.

"Meredith?" Bailey asked with surprise, Callie running over to join her. Bailey's eyes narrowed as the younger woman continued to struggle against the paramedic. "Lay down!" Bailey demanded, causing Meredith to look at her warily. "What happened?"

Meredith's eye clouded with tears, her distress becoming more apparent. "There was an accident," she said with a shaky voice as two more ambulances approached the bay. "Izzie and Ben…they…Izzie and Ben were…"

"They were in the car?" Callie asked worriedly when it became obvious that Meredith couldn't continue her thought. Meredith nodded in confirmation as she fought to keep her tears at bay, and Callie looked anxiously at Bailey.

"I'm going to go page Mark and Derek," Bailey said to Callie as she started to go back through the hospital doors, her heart pounding with worry as she thought of the two women she'd raised since internship and the tiny boy she'd grown to love.

"Bailey!" Callie called from behind her, interrupting her thoughts and causing her to turn around. "Page Addison, too," she reminded her, looking worriedly at Meredith's pregnant stomach as they wheeled her stretcher toward the entrance of the emergency room.

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Mark hurried to the elevator, slipping through the doors just before they closed and finding Derek on the other side. "Hey, are you going to the ER?"

Derek nodded. "I told you not to talk about the quiet board. This is all your fault," he said with a grin.

"Do you know what'd going on down there?"

Derek shook his head as the elevator doors parted open, and he immediately saw Addison standing over a patient. "Let's go see where they need us," he suggested, already walking out of the elevator in the direction of his ex-wife.

As he approached the gurney, Derek felt his breath catch in his throat, Meredith's face coming into view. "Meredith!" he said with alarm, rushing to her side as Mark following closely behind him.

She looked up from the screen where Addison had already started a sonogram. "I'm fine," she assured him immediately. "_We're_ fine."

Derek looked questioningly at Addison, who nodded to confirm Meredith's assurances. "Everything looks normal," she told him, her voice sounding strained. "The baby's heart beat is strong, so you don't need to worry. Meredith passed out from shock, but she seems okay for now. I want to monitor her for the next few hours just to be safe, but I really don't think that there's any cause for alarm."

Derek nodded, his heart still beating widely in his chest. "What happened?"

"Where are Izzie and Ben?" Mark interjected before Meredith could answer, his voice rising in alarm as his eyes scanned the ER. Meredith looked at him remorsefully, her eyes filling with tears as she observed the panic on his face. Seeing her expression, Mark shook his head fervently. "No…no, where are they?"

"There was an accident, Mark," Addison quietly interposed, laying her hand on his shoulder for support. "Izzie's in Trauma Room 2 with Callie and Bailey, and Ben's in Trauma Room 3 with the Chief and Cristina."

"Oh my God," Mark whispered, the blood draining from his face as his chin began to quiver.

Before Addison and Derek could stop him, he'd turned around in the direction of the trauma rooms, ignoring the burning sensation in the pit of his stomach as he approached the bustle surrounding his family. "Mark," he heard Addison call from behind him, but he didn't bother to turn around as he arrived at Trauma Room 2, easily pushing open the doors to find Callie and Bailey examining his wife.

"Oh my God," he whispered again, knowing instantly that the image of her lying motionless on the gurney with crimson streaks of blood coating her hair was one he would not soon forget.

"Mark, you can't be in here," Callie told him the moment he walked into the room. "You need to leave."

"But…"

"Come on, Sloan, you have to wait outside," Bailey told him as she walked to where Mark was standing, placing her hand gently on his arm and ushering him out the door.

"Is she…what's…how's…"

"We're still examining her, Mark" Bailey told him softly in the hallway, her tone sympathetic as Mark's obvious devastation grew increasingly apparent. "She's unconscious right now, but I'll let you know as soon as we find out anything."

Feeling helpless when Bailey disappeared back through the double doors, Mark walked to the trauma room next to Izzie's, looking in the window of the door. It was impossible for him not to see the Chief barking orders at the nurses and doctors scrambling around the room, but he soon shut the image out, closing his lids when tears formed in the corner of his eyes at the sight of his tiny son lying on the table.

He soon sensed a presence behind him, and he turned around to find Alex standing over his shoulder, looking fearfully inside the room where his co-workers were frantically working on Ben. Alex turned to Mark, meeting his gaze. "What…what happened?" he asked, staggered by the sight before him.

Mark shook his head. "I don't know," he said hoarsely. "They were just here…they were just here laughing and talking and everything was fine. And now…now…"

Addison and Derek walked over behind them. Addison immediately went to Alex, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "I can't believe this," she said quietly, looking briefly into the trauma room where the doctors were hovering over Ben. "This seems so surreal," she whispered, burying her face back into Alex's shoulder.

Alex nodded his head in agreement, his hand running through her hair as his fingers gripped the thin material of her scrubs, hold the cotton in his hands as though it were a lifeline. "Do you know what happened?" he asked his fiancé quietly. "Did Meredith say anything?"

She began fidgeting in Alex's embrace, her eyes darting nervously between Alex and Mark. "Um, she didn't say much. They were in an accident on their way to shop for Meredith's baby. The EMT told Bailey that the driver of the other car was killed instantly. He was only sixteen," she said quietly.

Alex swore under his breath, pulling Addison tighter against him. Looking at Derek over Addison's shoulder, he asked quietly, "How's Meredith?"

Derek was looking worriedly at Mark, who seemed to be in a trancelike state as he watched the Chief place a breathing tube down Ben's throat through the window. "She's okay. We're about to take her upstairs, but I wanted to come check on Izzie and Ben before we left," he said, the chief swiftly opening the door to the trauma room as the words crossed his lips, looking gravely at the people congregated in the hallway.

"Derek, we need you in here."

Derek looked up at the sound of his name, his eyes nervous. "Oh," he answered in surprise, gazing fleetingly toward Mark before turning back to the chief. "Oh, I…um-"

"Now!" Dr. Webber told him.

Derek nodded his head, turning to Mark. "It's going to be okay," he assured him, though they all knew that his promise was empty. There was no way Derek could know whether or not things were going to turn out alright for the Sloan family.

Mark nodded, doing his best to hold back the uncharacteristic tears that were burning his eyes. "Take care of him," he told his friend quietly, his knuckles turning white as he gripped Derek's shoulder desperately. Derek nodded, pushing the panic away from his mind as he disappeared through the door.

Behind him, Mark felt Addison place her hand on his shoulder. "Mark, they're fighters, okay? They're going-"

"Stop it. I can't…I can't listen to this right now. Please, just…just don't say anything."

She complied with his wishes, standing silently between Mark and Alex as they watched the activity through the window. She knew everything the doctors were doing as she observed their movements, and with a sinking feeling, she realized that Mark did too. She took a deep breath, lacing her fingers through his as she said a silent prayer.

Their vigil was interrupted when Callie burst through the doors of Trauma Room 2, turning toward them anxiously. "Addison, Alex, we could use you guys in here."

Mark's eyes darkened, his shoulders tensing as he looked at her with panic. "What's going on?" he asked. "Callie…"

Callie looked from Addison and Alex to where Mark stood helplessly beside them. "She…she's pregnant, Mark."

Mark's jaw dropped slightly as he let out a breath of surprise. He turned to study Alex and Addison's expression, noting their twin looks of anstonishment that likely mirrored his own.

With a sinking feeling, he watched Alex run to the door that Callie was holding open. Beside him, Addison looked sadly at Mark, her fingers tightening around his to gain his attention. "Are you going to be okay?"

He laughed cynically, a tear falling down his cheek and disappearing off the sharp plane of his jawbone. "Yeah, I'll be fine," he finally answered, his voice quivering with emotion. Addison frowned at his response, hesitating to leave him alone, so he squeezed her hand lightly, doing his best to keep the miserable look off his face. "Please, just…just go take care of my wife."

She nodded, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye as she hurried off to join the team that was working on Izzie.

Alone in the hallway, Mark leaned against the wall before sinking to the floor, burying his head in hands. Now all he could do was wait.


	3. Chapter 3

Mark stared at the oak door for several moments, trying to force himself to go inside the room before him. This was going to be difficult, he knew, and he wasn't sure he had the emotional strength to go in there. He had to, though. He had to go in that room because he had to _know_.

Forcing him self to turn the knob and push the door open, we walked quietly into the dimly lit room, his breath hitching in the back of his throat when he saw the fragile woman lying before him in the hospital bed. She was motionless at first, unmoving as she slept, but she stirred when he shut the door softly behind him.

He saw her open her eyes and gaze confusedly at him. Realization soon dawned on her, however, as the events of the afternoon came flooding back, and her eyes widened as the memories poured into her mind. She looked at him apprehensively for several moments, worried about what he had come to say.

"Mark...?" Meredith finally said, her voice cracking as his name crossed her lips.

He remained expressionless as he walked toward her, taking a seat in the chair adjacent to her bed, and they sat wordlessly as they stared at one another, the seconds stretching on as tension filled the room. Finally unable to take the silence, Meredith took a deep breath as she looked desperately at her friend. "Are they okay?" she croaked, her eyes pleading with him for reassurance.

Tears filled his eyes as bitter laugher escaped his mouth, sounding almost hysterical as his head shook from side to side. "No…no, they're not okay, Meredith," he told her, his thick voice quivering.

Meredith's resolve broke at his words, a tear slipping down the side of her face. "What...what do you mean?" she questioned, her voice sounding high-pitched with desperation. "Are they...?" She shook her head, unable to complete her question, the unspoken inquisition remaining frozen on her tongue as she looked fearfully at his face.

Mark looked down at his hands as they rested in his lap. "No, they're not _dead_," he told her, the harsh words causing them both to flinch simultaneously. He sighed, feeling remorseful about his insensitivity, but unable to bring himself to apologize.

He could see that she was anxiously waiting for news about Ben and Izzie, and he couldn't bring himself to deny her that information. "Bailey's moving Izzie to a room right now. She's still unconscious, and they're not sure why she hasn't woken up," he said quietly, shaking his head with wonder. "They can't find evidence of any severe head injuries, so they said we just…we just have to wait." He looked at Meredith intently, his expression bleak as he thought about the ominous situation. He swallowed through the tears that were threatening to fall, forcing himself to continue his conversation. "Did you know she was pregnant?" Meredith looked at him sharply as he asked the question, another tear slowly making its way down her cheek as she realized yet _another_ life was at stake. She shook her head slowly, indicating she hadn't known about the baby. "Yeah, I didn't know, either," Mark said in a whisper.

Meredith closed her eyes against her emotions as she looked away from Mark. "And Ben...?" she questioned fearfully, her hand unconsciously moving to rest on her unborn child.

Mark's gaze followed her hand, his face tightening as he fought with his emotions. "He's...he's in surgery," Mark told her, his voice barely above a whisper. "He has a severe brain hemorrhage. I wanted to wait for...for Izzie to wake up before they took him to the OR, but Derek...he said...he said we couldn't put it off." As the words came out, Mark's face crumbled with devastation, a sob surprising both of them as it escaped from his mouth.

Meredith sat quietly, feeling overwhelmingly remorseful as Mark mourned at her bedside. Turning toward her friend, she reached out in an attempt to place her hand over his, but he recoiled away from her impeding touch, looking at her with wide, tear-filled eyes.

"Mark...?" she whispered, confusion written on her face.

His eyes were panicked, his look guarded as he studied her expression. "I _know_, Meredith," he said in a low voice, looking at her grimly. "I know you were the one driving the car." Meredith opened her mouth to say something, but she closed it again when the words failed to come, guilt written clearly on her face. He stared intently at her, his demanding eyes preventing her from looking away. "I talked to the police downstairs, the one's who are investigating the accident. They told me that you were the one driving." He closed his eyes as he fought to get ahold on his emotions, trying to remain calm as he looked black at her pleadingly. "I need to know what happened, Mer. I need to know that this wasn't your fault."

Meredith looked away from his gaze, her chest burning as guilt washed over her. She shook her head as tears spilled from her eyes, sliding down her face as her body began to tremble with emotion. "I wish I could tell you that," she whispered, closing her eyes. "More than anything, I wish that I could tell you what happened. But I don't _know_, Mark. I don't know what happened."

"What...what do you mean? You don't remember?"

She shook her head as a sob escaped her lips. "No!" she confessed hysterically. "I wasn't looking! I wasn't looking at the road. I was...I was trying to find my cell phone." A nearly bitter laugh fell from her lips as he looked at her, his mouth shockingly agape at her admission. She shook her head apologetically at him as she wiped the tears from her face. "I'm sorry, Mark. I'm _so_ sorry! I don't know what happened. But I'm just so…"

Mark shook his head as her apologies trailed off, unable to handle her appeal for forgiveness as he thought about his family fighting for their lives. "No," responded, his voice dangerously low. "No, you do _not_ get to apologize for this right now." He stood up, his body feeling numb as he and walked silently from the room, ignoring her increasingly hysterical pleas as he let the door slam shut behind him.

He walked back to the elevator, ignoring the sympathetic stares that were coming from the men and women he and Izzie worked with day in and day out. He tried to block his conversation with Meredith from his mind as he pushed the button to his wife's floor, knowing that dwelling on Meredith's words would only hinder him as he fought to merely make it through the day. Right now, all he needed to focus on was being there for Izzie and Ben. He needed to be strong for his family, and he couldn't let Meredith's admission distract him from that job.

When the elevator doors opened, he saw Bailey and Callie standing at the nurse's station immersed in conversation. He walked over to them, looking anxiously between their faces. "Any change?" he asked hopefully, his eyes glancing fleetingly at the door of Izzie's hospital room.

Callie looked at him sympathetically as she shook her head. "It's only been half an hour since you left, Mark. It's probably going to take time..."

Mark nodded, staring at the floor to shield his tears from their view. "Okay," he said softly. "I guess I'll just go sit with her." As he headed in the direction of the private room housing his wife, they looked watched him worriedly, frowning at the image of the vulnerable man as he moved forward with his shoulders slumped, as though all of his energy had been drained from his body.

Mark pushed the door open, walking quietly into his wife's hospital room and taking a seat by her bed. He picked her hand up in his, a small frown falling upon his face as it sat limply in his palm. He took a shuddering breath, forcing his tears to the back of his throat. "Iz…" he whispered, bringing her hand to his lips. "Jesus, Izzie, _please_… You have to wake up. I need you right now. I need you, and Ben needs you. Please, please, wake up."

He looked at her expectantly, a part of him believing that she would open her eyes at the sound of his voice. She remained motionless, though, lying unmoving on the bed before him, her eyes not even fluttering beneath her lids. He swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat as he laid his head against her hip, closing his eyes.

In his mind, he could vividly see another day when he had rested his head against his wife's hip as she'd lain in a hospital bed. He had been happy then, watching her intently as she'd brought their newborn son to her breast.

_She laughed with delight, looking at Mark with a twinkle in her eyes. __"Wow, he's already got a healthy appetite."_

_Mark laughed jovially, lightly stroking the white-blond fuzz on the top of his son's head. __"Must take after his mother__."_

Today, though, there were no smiles to be had in this room.

The hours ticked by as Mark sat next to Izzie, his eyes never leaving her face in the hope that he might catch a flicker of movement. She never stirred, though. Even when the door to her room opened and Alex and Addison walked in, she remained frozen before him.

Alex walked over to the bed, checking her vitals to make sure they were safe for the baby she was carrying. Addison moved to stand behind Mark, placing her hand on his shoulder. "How're you doing?"

He shrugged feebly beneath her hand, his eyes not moving from Izzie's face. "Pretty fucking terrible, Addison."

Addison frowned at his hostile tone, but before she could form a reply, the door opened behind them, interrupting her thoughts. The three of them turned simultaneously, their heart rates all quickening at the sight of Derek standing at the door. Mark stood up instantly, looking expectantly at his friend. "How's Ben? Can I see him?"

Derek looked briefly at Izzie's still form, frowning at her unmoving figure as he motioned his head toward the hall. "Let's talk outside," he suggested, his voice strained.

Mark's heart began beating violently in his chest as he stepped slowly toward the hallway, his eyes never leaving Derek's drained, haggard expression. Addison and Alex followed behind them, shutting the door quietly as they congregated in the hallway.

With a feeling of trepidation he had never experienced in his life, Mark's eyes darted between Derek, the Chief, and Cristina, three of his friends who had, for the past several hours, employed their power to save lives as they fought to repair Ben's injuries. His face finally settling on his lifelong best friend, his chest grew heavy as he saw the gut-wrenching expression marking his features. It was a struggle for him to find his voice, his ability to speak seemingly lost as Derek began to shake his head sadly. "Derek…"

When he felt Addison walk up and place a hand on his shoulder, he turned to look at her briefly, registering the tears that were beginning to spill onto her cheek. Mark inhaled sharply, his eyes stinging as he rotated back toward Derek, shaking his head frantically as his mind refused to accept what his friend's body language was telling him. "No…no, you have to say it. I won't believe you until you say it," he growled, his voice rising feverishly as each word crossed his lips.

Derek closed his eyes. "I…Mark…" But the words seemed to be lodged in his throat, refusing to come out as a lump burned a path in his esophagus.

It was Cristina who eventually mustered up the courage to speak up, stepping forward as she tried to look Mark squarely in the eye. "Ben died, Mark," she told him quietly, her voice cracking as a tear burned a path down her cheek, betraying her attempt to act professionally. "I…I'm so sorry. We did everything we could…"

Mark looked at them all one by one, seeing their tears and concerned expressions. Taking a deep breath, he shook his head, unwilling to accept Cristina's words. "You…you did everything you could?" His voice was quiet, nearly broken by his shock. "Everything you _could_? Well obviously that wasn't enough!" he shouted, tears spilling over his eyes lids. "How could this _happen_? How the _hell_ could you let this happen?"

Derek took a step toward him, his hand outstretched. "Mark…"

Inhaling sharply, he glared at the sympathetic appeal, backing away abruptly. "No! No, don't…just…just _don't_." He couldn't look at them; he couldn't be near them as they stared at him so compassionately. Their worried expressions only added to the feeling of nausea already plaguing his stomach, and he had a sudden overwhelming need to be next to his wife, to hold her and take comfort in her, to be with someone who could actually understand what he was feeling. It didn't matter that she lay ignorantly in the bed; it didn't matter that she was oblivious to the grief coursing through his body. He just needed to be with Izzie.

Without a second glance at his friends, the friends who he considered to be more of a family than the actual people with whom he shared blood, he turned away from them, feeling intoxicated with grief as he entered Izzie's room and slammed the door behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

Derek entered his wife's hospital room looking as exhausted and emotionally worn-out as he felt. His heart was heavy as he shut the door behind him, hating that he was about to devastate yet another person with the news of Ben's death.

He walked quietly over to her bed when he saw that she was asleep, her back to him as she lay on her side facing the window. Slipping his shoes off, he climbed in next to her on the tiny space, wrapping his arms around her as images of the Sloan family ran through his mind. He closed his eyes, grateful that he was able to hold his own family in his arms.

Meredith stirred as she felt his arms tighten around her abdomen, and she snuggled closer to him as his hand came to rest on the area that they knew their unborn child favored. "Tell me what happened," she said quietly, staring vacantly out the window.

Derek closed his eyes against the pain in her voice, realizing that she knew him well enough to sense from his body language that something wasn't right. "We couldn't…I couldn't save him," he whispered, his voice heavy with grief. He felt her body begin to tremble in his arms, and he buried his face into her lavender-scented hair, inhaling the familiar fragrance before placing a light kiss on her neck. "There was just too much damage to his brain," he said quietly, his breath warm against her skin. "We did everything we could, but…but we just…"

She nodded silently in a plea for him to discontinue his explanation, unable to hear any more details about the failed attempt to save Mark and Izzie's son. Tears spilled down her face as Derek stroked her hair, the only sounds in the room being the quiet sobs radiating from her body.

It was several minutes before she finally calmed down, the shaking in her body eventually subsiding, leaving her so still that Derek wondered if she'd cried herself to sleep. He knew that she hadn't, though, when her hand covered his, her fingers squeezing his palms. "How's Mark?" she finally asked, her question piercing the otherwise silent room.

Derek shook his head wordless, guilt coursing through him as he thought of his best friend. "How do you think?"

Meredith didn't reply as she lay quietly against him, mentally reliving her conversation with Mark from earlier that afternoon. Her heart ached at the thought of what he must be feeling right now; he had already been devastated by the mere thought of Ben being injured, and now…

"I want to go see him," she said softy. "And Izzie, too. I need to see them both," she told him, rotating her body so that she could stare into his face.

"Mer, I don't think Mark wants to see anyone right now," he told her quietly, picturing the way Mark had slammed the door of Izzie's room after receiving the news about his son, effectively shutting everyone out.

She closed her eyes briefly, not wanting to have to tell her husband that she had been the driver of the SUV, yet knowing she could never keep such a huge secret from him. "I think the accident was my fault," she quietly admitted, her eyes remaining closed so the she wouldn't have to look at his reaction. "I was driving the car, Derek. I made Izzie let me drive, and then I…I wasn't paying attention. My cell phone was ringing and I looked away from the road for just a _second_." Tears filled her eyes yet again, her stomach flutter with anxiety. "The accident happened at an intersection, but I don't know if I ran the light, or if it was the other guy," she said, shaking her head. "Either way, if I had _just_ been paying attention…"

Derek silenced her as he pulled her head into his chest, his sight blurry from the moisture in his eyes. There were no words that would lessen the guilt that Meredith was feeling, so he said nothing as he soothingly rubbed her back in gentle circles.

"Please, Derek, I need to go see them" Meredith whispered, her request once more adamant as her voice quivered.

He knew she needed to see them, to offer them her support, and Derek feared that Meredith would never recover from her own remorse if she weren't allowed the opportunity to face this head on.

"We can go to Izzie's room," he whispered as he kissed her forehead, his promise muffled against her skin. "I'll take you there, but Mark…well, he might not be ready, Meredith."

She nodded her head. "I know, she whispered. "But I have to try."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex found Addison sitting alone on a gurney in the tunnel of the hospital, her knees pulled tightly to her chest. He walked slowly over to take a seat beside her, sighing when she didn't even glance up as the gurney shifted under his weight. He looked in her direction in an attempt to get a glimpse of her expression, but it was covered by the flaming locks as she buried her face into her hands.

"Addison?" Alex said quietly as he gently tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.

She picked up her head then, revealing a face stained with tears and running make-up. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say whatever it was that he had come to say. He remained quiet, though, watching her knowingly as he waited for her to open up to him.

She wiped the tears from her face and looked down at her knees that still rested against her chest. "I need to go check on Izzie," she sat quietly. "Mark's been shut in there for hours and no one has been able to go check her vitals."

"She'll be okay," Alex told her as he studied her intently. "Mark's a doctor, too, you know" he said lightheartedly, flashing a small smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

She didn't respond to his weak attempt at humor, instead choosing to continue to stare at her knees as she tapped her toes restlessly against the gurney. "I'm worried that they won't be able to handle this, Alex. I'm worried that this is going to be too much for them."

Alex's hand migrated to her knee, squeezing gently as she sniffed back her tears. "I know, but we're going to be there for them. We're going to help them get through it."

Addison's chin began to quiver, her shoulders slumping forward. "How am I supposed to be there for them when I don't even know how _I'm _going to get through this? Christ, Alex, it's Ben. _Ben_! I can't even picture what life's going to be like without him in it. I loved him like…like-"

"Like he was our own son," Alex finished, he eyes fluttering shut against the dull ache in his chest.

"Yeah," she nodded, sniffing as her hand covered his. Silence engulfed the tunnel, neither of the speaking as images of the tiny boy played through their minds like a filmstrip. The vivid pictures served only to increase the hurt in her heart, and she threaded her fingers through Alex's. "You know, I used to hate-"

Alex looked up at her when she trailed off just as quickly as her thought had begun, her expression almost guilty as her mouth clamped shut. "You used to hate what, Ad?"

She shook her head, biting her lip lightly in a symbolic gesture to lock the words in her mouth. "Nothing; never mind."

"You used to hate _what_, Addison?"

At the insistent tone of his voice, she let out a shuddering breath, her head turning so that she could gaze into his eyes. "Just after Ben was born, I used to get so upset watching you with him," she confessed, her voice heavy as she was hit with a fresh wave of tears. "I hated it because you were so _wonderful_ with him. You would make such a great dad, Alex, and it kills me knowing that I can't give you children." Alex closed his eyes briefly in understanding, but remained quiet so that she could continue. "And I _hate_ that I'm being so selfish right now. How can I be thinking about this when Mark and Izzie are about to go through the worst time of their lives? What's wrong with me?" She laughed witlessly, running her hand through her hair as the question hung in the air between them.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Addie. Everyone deals with grief in their own way." He pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her body. "And there's more that one way to have a baby, you know."

She sighed, tears escaping her eyes as she buried her face against his shoulder. "I know," she whispered, her hands rising so that she could run her fingers along the back of his neck. "I love you," she told him softly, and he responded by placing a light kiss on the top of her hair.

They sat silently for several minutes, relishing in the comfort of their contact before Addison forced herself to pick her head up from his shoulder. "I really _do _need to go check on Izzie," she told him wearily, removing herself from his arms and standing up from the gurney.

Alex nodded and stood up beside her. "Okay," he said quietly, taking her hand in his. "We'll go together."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mark stared at his wife with red-rimmed eyes as he heard the door of her room close from a few feet away. Alex and Addison had just left after checking Izzie and the baby's vitals, but Mark had barely acknowledged them as they'd moved about the room. They'd made an effort to talk with him, assuring him that both Izzie and the baby seemed fine for the moment, but he had quickly shut down their attempt at conversation with an unwavering glare.

It wasn't that he was trying to be cruel. He appreciated their effort, but he didn't have the energy in him to partake in their attempt at conversation. He sighed as he briefly looked away from Izzie, glancing at his watch and seeing that yet another hour had ticked by with no change in her condition. He was almost envious of her unconscious state. He knew he would give anything to co-exist with her in ignorance about the fact that their son was dead. As much as he wanted her to wake up, _needed_ her to wake up, he was dreading the moment when she opened her eyes because that would be the moment that he would have to shatter her world forever.

There was a special bond between a mother and child that could compare to no other. After carrying their baby for nine months and then obsessing over his every need, it was no surprise to Mark how attached Izzie and Ben were to one another. He wasn't bitter about their connection; in fact, there was nothing more pleasurable to him than watching his wife and son dote on one another. They were his family, and seeing them happy was what made everything worthwhile.

Had it really been just hours before that the three of them had sat happily in the kitchen as Izzie had made breakfast? This day seemed as if it were dragging on forever, but the events of that morning, which seemed so far away, were clear in Mark's mind.

_He sat at the counter, watching lazily as Izzie tied a child-sized apron around their son's neck. __"Are you sure you want to wear that, Ben?"__ Mark asked incredulously, causing Izzie to roll her eyes. __"Aprons are kind of girly, don't you think? I mean, think about it; mommies wear them," __he point, nodding toward Izzie who was already outfitted in an apron identical to Ben's._

"_He can wear it if he wants to,"__ she said immediately, smiling teasingly at Mark as she finished tying a bow behind her son's neck. "__And he wants to be like his mommy,"__ she said, bending down to kiss Ben's forehead. "__Don't you, Benny?"_

_Ben giggled as her blond hair fell over her shoulder, ticking his cheeks as her lips pressed lightly against his forehead. "__Yeah!"__ he responded, holding his arms up as indication that he wanted his mother to pick him up. Izzie acquiesced, lifting her son to rest on her hip and smirking victoriously at Mark over his shoulder._

_She rushed around the large kitchen, pouring juice for the three of them before finally coming to a standstill in front of the refrigerator. "__So, what do we want for breakfast?"__ she asked, knowing instinctively that, as always, Mark would request blueberry muffins and Ben would insist on chocolate chip pancakes. _

"_Choc' chip 'cakes! Ben squealed, grinning at his mother charmingly in a way he'd learned from his dad._

_Izzie smirked as Mark's own request fell quietly from his lips in conjunction with his son's enthusiastic shriek. "__Well then, chocolate chip pancakes it is__," she responded, smiling sweetly at Mark._

_He laughed heartily as he'd grabbed her hand when she tried to pass him, pulling her toward him so that they both fell into his lap. "__What am I going to do with the two of you?"__ he teased, bringing his fingers to Ben's stomach and tickling him until he was reduced to a fit of giggles._

_Izzie just laughed, turning to place a kiss on her husband's cheek. "__Fine, I'll make you blueberry muffins, too. You big baby."_

_He smirked at her, his hand purposefully brushing against her breast as she stood up. "__Thank you," __he pleasantly responded._

Mark frowned as the memory was cut short when the door of Izzie's room opened, Derek walking through the threshold as he pushed his wife in a wheelchair. The three of them stared at one another silently for several moments as tension filled the room. Mark eventually turned his back to them, looking down at Izzie and ignoring the fact that Meredith and Derek were still directly behind him.

Meredith looked nervously from Mark to Izzie. "I'm so sorry," she said after a moment, feeling as though she were talking to an empty room. Not surprisingly, he said nothing, not even moving as her words penetrated his mind, and she opened her mouth to continue.

"Mark, please, I don't-"

Her thoughts were interrupted as a light knock resounded from the door, it swinging open an instant later as Dr. Webber walked into the room without waiting for an invitation. He looked briefly at Meredith and Derek, frowning slightly before turning gravely to Mark.

Mark looked at him wearily, rising to his feet when he saw the Chief's solemn expression. "What is it now?" he asked guardedly.

Dr. Webber sighed as he met Mark's gaze. "Ben's body's been transferred to, um, well it's been transferred downstairs," he said quietly. Mark's face fell at his words, and the chief rushed to continue. "You don't have to, of course, but I wanted to give you the opportunity to see him if you want to," he said, trailing off as Mark's face went dangerously pale.

Derek stepped toward his friend and put his hand on Mark's shoulder, glancing diplomatically at Dr. Webber. "How about we talk about this outside," he suggested, his eyes briefly settling on Izzie's still form as concern clouded his face.

Mark looked blankly at Derek, but followed him out of the room to talk in the hall to talk to the other men, knowing this was certainly not a conversation that Izzie need to wake up to.

Meredith waited until the door shut behind them to stand up from her wheelchair, walking over to sit beside Izzie's bed. She looked at the various monitors that were hooked up to her friend, thinking how utterly unfair it was that Izzie was lying there, ignorant to the fact that she was now a childless mother. Meredith couldn't even begin to imagine how Izzie would react when found out that Ben hadn't made it through surgery. Everyone, of course, was devastated by the news, but Meredith knew that their pain wouldn't compare to loss that Izzie would feel when she learned that she would never again see her son.

She was startled from her thoughts when she detected movement from the corner of her eye, and she looked wide-eyed as Izzie's mouth moved slowly, forming incoherent murmurings.

Meredith leaned closer to the bed, putting her hand over Izzie's still fingers. "Iz?"

She was answered with a soft groan as Izzie's eyes struggled to open, and she squinted at the light of the room, disoriented by her surroundings. She stared at the ceiling as her eyes adjusted, moaning slightly as she was hit with a wave of nausea brought about by her pounding head.

"Oh my God, Izzie," Meredith said emotionally as moisture sprang to her eyes. She took Izzie's face between her hands and smiled down slightly as a tear slipped from her eye.

Izzie stared at Meredith with a confused look on her face. "Mer?" she croaked, her eyes blinking rapidly as she struggled to orient herself. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, her forehead furrowed as she wracked her brain to make sense of what was going on. Her memories failing her, she looked back to her friend. "What…what's going on?" she asked weakly as she squinted at Meredith, her question coming hoarsely from her dehydrated throat.

Meredith swallowed hard, the smile instantly falling from her face. "You don't remember…you don't remember the car?" Meredith asked dreadfully in a hushed tone.

Izzie's eyes widened as the memory of the car slamming into the passenger side of her SUV instantly entered her mind. "The accident…" she whispered as the scene played out in her mind. As she visualized the impact in her brain, she turned to Meredith, a frantic look on her face. "Oh my God…where's Ben?"


	5. Chapter 5

Mark shook his head at Derek and Richard Webber, both of whom were looking at him expectantly. "No…no, I'm sorry," he said in a quiet voice. "I can't go down there. I can't…I can't see him like that," he told them, his voice cracking at the mental image of Ben lying on a cold metal table.

They both nodded understandingly, their sympathetic looks deepening at Mark's display of emotion. "Don't worry about it, Mark," Richard said quietly. "You just go be with your wife." He placed his hand comfortingly on Mark's shoulder, squeezing gently in a show of support. "If you change your mind, let me know and I'll arrange to have the room cleared out so that you can have a few minutes alone with him."

Mark ran his hand over his face in exhaustion. "I know I should go," he admitted wearily, surprising all of them with his quiet admission. "I know that I need to see him, but I-"

His thought was cut short as muffled cries emitted from the room behind him. All three men turned toward the door, surprised by the noise from within. Mark's eyes widened as realization dawned on him. "Izzie…" he whispered, already rushing toward the door.

Turing the knob, he pushed open the wooden door and found Meredith standing over Izzie's bed, frantically trying to calm his wife down as she attempted to pull the IV out of her arm with trembling fingers.

"Izzie," Mark said from the doorway, both relieved and anxious to see her awake. She turned to look at him as he said her name, and his heart dropped when se saw the desperate look on her face.

"Mark," she whispered as her eyes filled with tears. "Where's Ben? I need to see Ben!"

He walked slowly toward the bed, his throat burning as he forced his tears away. He glanced briefly at Meredith, who looked at him apologetically, before sitting down on his wife's hospital bed and meeting her eyes.

They simply stared at one another for several moments, Izzie's face becoming pale as she recognized the misery in her husband's expression. She shook her head frantically, closing her eyes temporarily before once again meeting Mark's gaze. "Mark, where's my son?" she repeated, her voice breaking as dread filled her mind. She attempted to harden her facial features as she prepared herself for the news, but she couldn't stop the quiver in her chin or the shaking that was beginning to course through her body.

"Iz…I…I'm sorry," Mark whispered brokenly as a tear slipped down the side of his face. "Ben-"

"No," Izzie interrupted in a deadpanned whisper. "No, don't say it."

Mark opened his mouth to respond, but found the lump in his throat had suddenly made it impossible for him to speak.

Beside them, Meredith was unable to stop a sob from escaping her lips. "Izzie," she began, her tone remorseful. "I'm so sorry. I can't-"

"Stop it!" Izzie suddenly shouted, her first tear slipping from her eye. As the droplet of moisture made it's was down her cheek, disappearing from her chin onto the sterile hospital blankets, her face suddenly crumpled, a burst of tears beginning to freely flow down her cheeks as sobs wracked her body. The other occupants of the room stared frozen as they watched Mark slip closer to his wife, wrapping his arms around her shaking shoulders.

She made a weak attempt to push him away, bringing her arms up between their bodies and pushing against his chest. "Stop it," she repeatedly whispered in a shattered voice. "Just stop it…_stop_ it…" But he didn't stop, instead tightening his arms around her body until she fell limply against him, her head hitting his shoulder as she wept.

Behind them, Derek watched them miserably, guilt coursing through him. "We did everything we could," he said to no one in particular, trying in vain to block out the hysterical sobs radiating from the bed. "We did _everything_ . . ."

Meredith turned to look at her husband when she heard his voice crack behind her, and she quietly walked over to him, slipping her hand into his. "It's not your fault," Meredith whispered to him, her voice so low that he almost missed her words. She said her statement with certainty, because she knew in her heart that Ben's death was in fact, _her_ fault, not his.

The chief looked sadly at the couple on the bed, knowing that he was incapable of imagining the grief that they were currently experiencing. "We'll leave you two alone," Richard said quietly to them, though he knew the words had not been heard through their grief. He turned expectantly to Meredith and Derek, who cast one last worried look at their friends before the three of them walked into the hallway, shutting the door behind them.

Mark didn't acknowledge their words as they left the room. He remained seated on the hospital bed, his wife's trembling body tucked tightly into his arms. He rubbed her back soothingly as he heard her struggling to catch her breath, her sobs cruelly stealing the oxygen from her lungs.

"Where…where is he?" she asked dejectedly against his shoulder as she struggled to regulate her breathing.

Mark paused before answering her question, running his hand over her soft, pale locks. "He's downstairs," he told her vaguely.

Izzie closed her eyes as tears threatened to fall once again. "In the morgue," she stated in a whisper, picking her head up and meeting his stare.

Mark nodded softly before pulling her head back to his so that he could touch his cheek to her soft face. He felt Izzie stiffen against him, and he pulled back slightly to look at her expression.

Her swollen eyes were wide as she looked at him determinedly. "I want to see him," she said, her voice clearly indicating that her mind was decided.

He broke their stare, looking down at the bed as he once again pictured their son lying on the metal slab in the morgue. He shook his head slightly, unable to pull his eyes from the stark white sheets below him. "I don't think that's a good idea," he said quietly.

Another tear escaped down Izzie's face as she looked at her grieving husband, but she swept it away angrily. "Mark," she said, waiting until he looked up and met her eyes. "I _need_ to see him."

He took a deep breath when he saw the conviction on her face because he knew that this was something that his wife had to do. There was nothing that he dreaded more than seeing the lifeless body of his child, but he would do it for his wife; he would do anything for Izzie.

Nodding softly in front of her, he wiped away another tear as it fell slowly down her cheek. "Okay," he said softly.

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Meredith and Derek entered the conference room at the end of the surgical floor, finding the exhausted, worried faces of their friends. They all stood up as Meredith and Derek opened the door, looking at the couple expectantly.

"How are they?" Callie asked them when they walked inside, shifting her sleeping son to her other shoulder as George came to stand beside her, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"I just finished examining Izzie," Derek said. "I had to make sure that she's well enough to go see Ben." His voice sounded weary as he ran his hand tiredly through his hair, walking to a nearby table to pour himself a cup of coffee. Derek had examined Izzie briefly before she'd been cleared to go down to the morgue, determining that it was okay for her to get out of her hospital bed for a short period provided that she remained in a wheelchair and that she promised to submit to a precautionary MRI as soon as she returned. Izzie had listened to his requests, staring at him vacantly but not outwardly responding as she waited for an orderly to bring a wheelchair to her room so that she and Mark could go see Ben.

"Is she okay?" Addison asked.

Derek shrugged, not sure if Addison's question was more from a medical standpoint, or an emotional one. Unable to think about Izzie fragile emotional state at the moment, though, he decided to respond as her doctor. "She's seems fine, but we're going to run some tests when she gets back upstairs," he said. Looking at her cautiously, he added, "I don't think that she knows she's pregnant."

Addison sighed disconcertedly. "I know," she responded. "I don't think she does either. If she did know, she hadn't told anyone about the baby before the accident."

"Yeah, I hadn't heard anything about it," Alex confirmed next to her as she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Me neither," George sighed, blowing out a shaky breath. "I can't believe this." He then looked away from Addison and Alex, glancing at Meredith for the first time as she hovered in the doorway. "What happened, Mer?" he asked in inquisitively, his features marked with anguish as he thought about the pain that his onetime best friend was inevitably experiencing.

Everyone turned expectantly to Meredith, who simply looked at George, a panicked expression marking her features. "What?" she asked, feigning confusion. "What do you mean?"

"How did the accident happen? Was it Izzie's fault?"

Meredith's eyes widened as she realized that they hadn't yet learned that it was she who had been driving the car. She looked desperately at her husband by the coffee table, anxiously meeting his worried stare.

Derek gaze quickly broke away from hers as he turned to George, his face stern. "She doesn't remember," he said simply before looking back down at his mug, stirring his cup of coffee as he avoided their gazes. "And I don't really think that now is the time to talk about it."

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They traveled wordlessly down the hallway, both lost in their own thoughts as they slowly approached the metal doors at the end of the passageway, the doors that housed the hospital's morgue. Chill bumps laced their skin, a combination of the freezing temperature and of the task set before them, but neither commented on their discomfort.

Mark still believed that this was a bad idea, but he knew that seeing their son was something that Izzie needed, so he continued on, pushing her chair slowly to give her time to change her mind if she so chose.

She remained quiet, though, staring blankly at the doors ahead of them as Mark stopped and walked around to crouch in front of her. "Iz," he said, staring at her with pleading eyes. "Izzie, we don't need to do this. Seeing Ben isn't going to change things. Don't you…don't you just want to remember him the way he was the last time that we saw him?"

Izzie slowly brought her eyes to meet Mark's, looking intently at him but not saying a word. Mark sighed, recognizing her silent determination, so he nodded his head in submission as he stood up to open the doors.

They both unwittingly held their breaths in anticipation as they walked through the doorway. The morgue was empty of employees, just as the chief had promised them that it would be. As soon as they crossed into the room, Mark heard Izzie's sharp intake of breath, and he followed her gaze to a table in the far right corner. Though the object in their vision was a good distance away, there was no mistaking the tiny body surrounded by so many larger adults who had far outlived their little boy.

Mark resumed his pace, his anxiety building as they crossed the room. He stopped directly beside the table, looking on disbelievingly as Izzie pulled down the stark white sheet that covered his child. It didn't seem real; he'd had hours to comprehend that his son was no longer alive, but even as he stared into his lifeless face, it seemed like a dream.

Izzie tentatively reached her hand out, placing her quivering fingers on Ben's head. "His…his hair…" she said brokenly, tears slipping from her eyes. "They took his hair…"

Mark cringed when he heard the dejected tone of her voice, his hand coming to rest supportively on the side of her neck. "They had to, Iz," he told her unnecessarily. "For the surgery…"

"He had such beautiful hair," she whispered, running her hand over the smooth surface of his head and bringing it to rest on his cheek. "He looks like he's sleeping," she said quietly. "Don't you think?"

Mark nodded, closing his eyes briefly against the moisture collecting behind his lids. "Iz…let's go. We can't…we need to go," he pleaded, unable to handle the sight of his wife stoking their child's sallow cheek.

"He's beautiful, isn't he?" she whispered, ignoring his request as she smilingly gazing down at Ben's face.

Mark took a deep breath, struggling to maintain his composure. "Izzie, come on, we need to leave," he said more firmly, putting his hands on the back of her chair to wheel her out of the room.

Feeling the wheelchair move, she turned sharply to her husband, her expression fierce. "No!" she shouted, looking at him with wide, angry eyes. "I'm not leaving him! I'm not leaving him here alone."

Mark eyes widened as he worriedly watched as his wife turned back to their son, slipping her hands through his tiny fingers. "Its okay, Benny," she whispered quietly as she stroked his chubby little fingers as uncontrollable tears slipped from her eyes. "Mommy's not going to leave you…


	6. Chapter 6

Izzie remained by her son in the morgue, alternating between laughing over the sweet memories of him and crying of her loss. Mark, afraid to force her away her child, sat on the floor below her, silently watching her emotional rollercoaster. Nearly an hour passed before she fell into a fitful sleep, her head resting against her son's body.

This was the scene that Derek had walked in on when he's entered the morgue to check on the missing couple. He'd frowned at Mark, who merely shrugged at his friend. "She won't leave him," he stated simply.

Derek's frown deepened as he crossed the room, sliding down to the floor and sitting next to Mark. "We have to go upstairs," Derek told him. "You guys can't stay down here any longer."

Mark sighed, a quiet, bitter laugh escaping his mouth. "I don't have it in me," he confided, his voice hoarse with emotion. "I don't have it in me to pull her away from him."

Derek nodded understandingly at him, sitting quietly as they helplessly stared at Izzie. The minutes passed slowly, neither moving as they watched her mumble in her fitful slumber. Unable to watch the devastating scene any longer, Derek eventually turned to look at Mark. "I'll be right back," he promised, standing up and quietly leaving the room before Mark had a chance to respond.

Mark's eyes followed Derek as he walked out the door, and then his eyes returned dutifully to Izzie's form, his gaze focused as he watched her sleep. Observing her silently from his spot on the floor, he cringed as he realized that this would be the last time that he would ever see his wife and son together. "Oh, Ben," he whispered to himself, roughly rubbing the moisture from the corners of his eyes.

Derek returned minutes later, walking straight to Izzie's wheelchair. He spared Mark an apologetic glance as he saw him stand up from the floor, and then gently shook Izzie's shoulders, rousing her from her slumber.

She picked up her head slowly, squinting at the light of the room as she looked around confusedly. It took her only seconds to remember the events of the previous hours, but when she did, a hysterical sob escaped her lips and she grabbed Ben's arm. "Oh my _God_," she cried quietly, tears already spilling down her puffy face as though they were merely on standby as she'd slumbered.

Behind her, Derek squeezed her shoulders gently. "Come on, Iz," he said quietly. "It's time to leave."

"No!" she screamed at him, flinching away from his grasp as she gripped her child tighter. "Leave me alone!"

Derek frowned at Mark, his eyes remorseful as he slipped his hand into his lab coat and pulled a syringe from the pocket. He gripped the woman before him more with firm, professional hands, pulling her gently toward him and swiftly inserting the needle into her arm before she and Mark had chance to protest.

"_Derek_!" Mark said angrily, obviously startled by Derek's actions as he knelt in front of his wife.

She looked into his concerned face with surprise, her eyes already unfocused as the sedative took effect. "Please don't take me away from him," she whispered, her words slurring slightly. "He can't be alone. I don't want to leave him alone down here."

Guilt coursed through Derek as he heard her plea to her husband, but he reminded himself that, though his actions may seem harsh, they were necessary. He knew that Mark would never have the strength to take his wife away from Ben, so it was up to Derek to take the needed steps to get her back upstairs, which he did as soon as he saw her shoulders slump as the drug took its full effect.

He pulled strings that to make Izzie the top priority of the hospital, and her MRI was completely in record time. He returned with them to Izzie's room, helping Mark get her onto the bed and promising to come back with the results of the tests as soon as they were in before disappearing from the room.

For hours Mark sat beside his wife's bed, watching her unfocused eyes slowly become sharper as the sedative wore off, though the vacant look on her face didn't fade as she became more aware of her surroundings.

It was just past 7:30 the next morning when Addison knocked lightly on Izzie's door, pausing briefly before pushing it in. She found Izzie lying on her side, hugging her knees to her chest as she stared expressionlessly out the window.

Izzie didn't acknowledge her as she walked in, so Addison turned her gaze to Mark, finding him slumped in the chair next to the hospital bed. He met her gaze, sitting up straighter in his chair when he saw her standing at the door. Addison could see the exhaustion on his face, which mirrored Izzie's own fatigued features, and she knew without a doubt that neither of them had gotten any sleep the night before.

She looked questioningly at Mark, silently asking him if it was a good time to speak with Izzie about her pregnancy. Mark glanced at his wife, frowning at the empty expression on her face, but he knew that her despondency would not be short lived, and they couldn't put off telling her about the baby any longer. Turning back to Addison, he nodded his head softly and watched her approach the bed.

Addison moved to stand in front of Izzie, leaning against an extra chair waiting until the woman before her looked her way. When their eyes met, Addison smiled slightly at her friend. "How're you feeling, Iz?"

Izzie's expression didn't change, and after staring momentarily at Addison, she shifted her eyes to stare out the window once again. Addison frowned, a concerned look crossing her features as she looked worriedly at Mark.

He sighed quietly, moving to the edge of his chair so that he could lean against his wife's hospital bed. "Iz, there's something we need to talk to you about."

Hearing her husband's words, she looked questioningly at Mark, but remained silent as she stared at him with a nearly disinterested expression. He paused as she met his gaze, offering her a weak smile. "Iz, they found something while they were examining you after you were brought in," he told her.

She furrowed her brow in confusion, turning to stare at Addison who was looking at her inquisitively as she leaned forward. "Izzie," she said softly. "Did you know that you're pregnant?"

The room was jarringly silent as Mark and Addison watched Izzie's eyes widen at the unexpected news. She moved her gaze between her friend and her husband before allowing her eyes to rest on Addison's expectant face. "What did you say?" she whispered.

Addison smiled thinly as she tried to remain calm and supportive for her friend. "You're pregnant, Izzie," she told her gently. "You're about five weeks along."

Izzie stared incredulously at Addison and Mark, remaining silent as a million thoughts raced through her mind. They weren't sure what to expect as her face portrayed an array of emotions simultaneously, but they were certainly unprepared for the laughter that suddenly seemed to bubble in her throat. It was obvious that Izzie, too, was caught off guard by her reaction, but she couldn't stop it as it spilled from her mouth, the shrill sound causing Mark and Addison to stare at her nervously.

With her laughter came an onslaught of tears, and as they spilled down her face, she rolled her eyes towards the heavens. "Seriously?" she asked as a bitter laugh escaped her mouth. "Is this some sort of joke? You take my son away from me and you think replacing him will make it all better?"

"Izzie," Mark began, leaning forward to take her hand into his, but she pulled away from him, shaking her head slightly as she fought to keep the rest of her tears in check before rolling over onto her other side so that her back was to them. He sighed as he cast his eyes downward in frustration. This was not his wife lying before him. This broken woman on the bed was sad and vulnerable, and he didn't know what to do to make things better for her. The Izzie that he knew, the Izzie that he loved, was strong and funny and optimistic, and he didn't know how to approach this stranger before him. Of course he didn't expect her to be okay with everything that was happening around them – they had just lost their son and he knew that things were never going to be the same - but Mark still felt helpless as he watched powerlessly as she slowly slipping further and further away from him.

He looked up when he felt Addison place her hand lightly on Mark's shoulder. He smiled appreciatively at her support, glancing briefly at Izzie before leaning in to whisper to his friend. "Can I talk to you outside for a minute?"

Addison nodded her head lightly. "Sure," she said quietly, already standing to her feet. She paused en route to the door, turning around toward the hospital bed. "Derek told me that you're going to be discharged tomorrow, Izzie, so I'll come back in the morning so that we can talk more. I want to do another ultra sound, and we can discuss your prenatal care," she said quietly, but Izzie ignored her, staring at the wall as though she hadn't heard Addison's words.

Addison followed Mark through the door, closing it softly behind her and turning to face her friend. "How're you doing?" she asked sincerely, concern etching her features.

He smiled slightly and shrugged. "Don't ask me that right now," he requested, shifting his weight nervously before changing the subject. "Listen, I could really use a favor."

Addison nodded eagerly. "Yeah, sure….I'll do anything you need," she said instantly. "Just name it."

He smiled appreciatively, suddenly looking ten years older than he was. "I…I was hoping you could help me with…with the funeral," he said, his voice breaking as the last word slipped through his mouth. He cleared his throat in an effort to regain his composure, bringing his eyes down to meet hers. "I just don't think…I don't think I can manage planning it by myself. And Izzie…well, I don't think she can handle being involved in something like that right now."

Addison furrowed her brow in concern as she nodded her head. "Of course, Mark," she told him. "I'll do whatever you need."

"Thanks." He offered her a grateful smile, visibly relaxing as if a great weight had been taken off of his shoulders. "I…I don't really know what needs to be done," he admitted. "I never thought…I never thought I'd be planning my son's funeral. No parent should ever outlive their child."

Addison sighed, stepping closer to him so that she could wrap her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug to hide her tears from him. "Listen, if you trust my judgment, I'll just go ahead and take care of whatever I can," she offered. "You don't need to be worrying about this right now."

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Alex entered his apartment quietly, trying not to make noise in case Addison had gone to bed early. Glancing at his watch and seeing that it was already midnight, he realized that he hoped that she had; everyone was exhausted from the past couple of days, and he knew that she needed rest. When he walked through the doorway, though, he noticed a soft light illuminating from the den, so he moved toward the room, finding his fiancé seated on the couch.

Beside her sat the infamous "Wedding File," which had recently been handed down to her. When Izzie had gotten engaged to Mark, she had gone crazy with wedding plans, creating a portfolio that included everything from lists of caterers and florists to an alphabetical inventory of the best places to get married in Seattle. She had used it to create her dream wedding, and then the Wedding File had been passed down to Meredith when she and Derek had wed two years later. Just a few months ago, after Addison and Alex had decided to get married during the Christmas holdidays, Meredith had happily passed the file along to Addison.

Alex smiled down at the sight of her flipping through the stack of information that Izzie had obsessively put together so many years before. Walking to the couch, he took a seat beside her, careful not to disturb the papers that she had sprawled across the cushions.

"Hey," she said quietly, removing her glasses and rubbing her tired eyes. "You're home late," she observed.

Alex nodded, removing his shoes before propping his feet onto the coffee table in front of him. "Yeah, I had to perform an emergency C-section on the Watkins baby," he told her, glancing at the papers covering the couch. "You're looking at flower arrangements?" he asked as he snuck a peak at the booklet in her hand, finding a pamphlet for a florist. He smiled, trying to act interested in the details of the wedding that were obviously more important to Addison than they were to him. He didn't really care about the flowers or the color scheme or the design of their wedding invitations, but he knew that it was important to her, so he was making an effort to be involved. "

Addison looked up at him, pausing briefly before answering, "I'm helping Mark with some of the details for Ben's funeral. I thought…I thought the file might be helpful to find a florist and a caterer for the wake."

Alex looked startled as she said the words, the smile falling from his face as though it hadn't occurred to him that he would have to endure the painful ceremony. "Oh."

Silence ensued as Addison flipped through the pages of flower arrangements from Helen's Floral Shop. Alex shifted on the couch to sit behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and massaging gently. His eyes fell to her hands as she slowly turned the pages, watching intently as her engagement ring glistened in the dimly lit room.

"Addie?" he said lightly, breaking the silence after several minutes of sitting wordlessly.

"Hmm?"

He paused as he struggled to gather his words. "I've been thinking," he began, pressing his thumb gently against a knot at the nape of her neck as he continued his light massage. "I…I don't think we should get married next year," he said quietly, moving his thumb in slow circles to work out the tension she was carrying.

He felt her shoulders tense up beneath his fingers, and he noticed her hands still as she was turning a page of the booklet. "Why not?" she asked lightly, though he could hear the strain in her voice.

He cringed, realizing how his statement had sounded. "No…no, I just meant that I don't think we should _wait_ until next year," he amended with a sigh, feeling her relax with relief. "The accident and everything that's been happening in the past couple of days….it's made me realize how important it is to be with the people that you love. I don't want to ever take you for granted, Addison. You just never know what's going to happen."

Addison closed the book in front of her and turned around to face him. "Alex, I don't think that right now's a good time to be thinking about this," she said quietly.

He shook his head, looking at her intently. "No, no I think you're wrong," he told her determinedly. "I think right now is the _best_ time. I don't want to waste a moment with you, Addison. I don't want to be eighty years old, looking back and regretting that I waited an extra year to make you my wife."

A small smile played on Addison's lips as she tilted her head to the side. "Alex…"

"I love you, Addie," he interrupted, not giving her a chance to speak. "You know that I do, and you know that there's nothing that I want more than to be your husband. I don't see why we need to wait until next year to get married."

She nodded slightly, closing her eyes as she felt his hand tenderly cup the side of her face. "Okay," she acquiesced as his hand slipped down to her neck, pulling her head to his so that he could mold his lips over hers in a soft kiss.

She felt him smile as he pulled the straps of her tank top from her shoulders. "Okay?" he mumbled against her mouth, grinning slightly as he heard her moan with pleasure. His hands ran the length of her upper body, skimming her breasts before reaching the hem of her shirt and lifting it over her head.

"Okay," Addison confirmed with a nod, sighing as she reveled in the feel of his hands roaming freely over her body. "Let's get married," she whispered, capturing his lower lip between her teeth and sucking lightly.

Alex growled as her teeth bit into his lip gently, reaching down to put his hands on the hem of her yoga pants so that he could pull them from her body. She lifted her hips so that they would easily slide down her legs, and he lazily tossed them to the floor below as she climbed onto his lap.

"I love you," she told him as she looked down at his face, running her hands through his hair as their eyes met. A small smile played at the corners of his mouth when Alex watched her eyes flutter shut, his hands slowly skimmed the inside of her thighs, slipping beneath her silken panties.

Her breathing became more erratic as she felt his fingers gently press against her before slipping inside, and she sighed with pleasure, her head falling against his shoulder. "It feels wrong to feel happy about something," she muttered against his neck, finding it difficult to get the words out as he continued his ministrations.

"Don't think that way," he whispered quietly while shaking his head, though he couldn't stop an image of a giggling Ben from running through his mind as she uttered the words. He shut his eyes against the mental picture, angry with himself for letting his thoughts drift to the devastation surrounding their lives.

She gasped with surprise as he suddenly flipped her onto her back, climbing on top of her as he rid them of the rest of their clothes. She could see that his face was mixed with pain and desire as their eyes met in the dimly lit room, their breaths coming in anticipatory pants as he placed his hands on the inside of her thighs, parting them gently and slipping inside of her. She sighed with relief as he filled her, wrapping her hands around the edges of the couch cushions and holding on tightly as he moved above her.

It wasn't long before she felt the familiar coil of her impeding release, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, squeezing tightly as his thrusts became more fervent.

"Alex…" she whimpered, already feeling herself finding her release. "Oh…oh…god…" He reached his own peak moments later, collapsing on top of her and burying his face in the crook of her neck as he tried to control his rampant breathing. Addison turned her head to the side, lazily looking at the floor and she ran her hand over Alex's bare back. "I think we destroyed the file," she said wryly, grinning when she saw the mess of articles and lists that had scattered on the floor during their tryst.

Alex turned to follow her gaze, a small smile forming as he noticed the papers that littered the floor. "Hmm," he said with a small laugh. "Izzie's going to be devastated."

Their smiles instantly vanished the moment the words crossed his lips, and Alex closed his eyes, cursing himself for his poor word choice. Addison, still gently rubbing him back, kept her eyes trained on the floor beneath her. "Yeah," she whispered, her voice heavy with emotion. "Yeah, she is."


	7. Chapter 7

Callie glanced at the clock from across the Sloan family's gourmet kitchen as she chopped up onions and peppers, placing them into a casserole dish. She had been waiting in the house for about half an hour for Mark and Izzie to arrive from the hospital. Mark had called her the night before to see if she would stay with Izzie for a couple of hours after she was discharged while he went to the funeral home with Addison to make the final arrangements for Ben's service. He had said that he didn't want Izzie to have to be alone in the house, and Callie, of course, had readily agreed, happy for the chance to do something for her friends.

When she had arrived at the house, she had used the spare key under the doormat to let herself in, knowing that she was early and that they wouldn't be home yet. She had unloaded her car of the groceries that she had picked up on the way over, walking straight to the kitchen to deposit them on the table. Her eyes had grown misty as she surveyed the bright, cheery kitchen before her. Traces of Ben were all over the room; an art easel sat in the corner by the bay window, his tiny yellow galoshes remained by the back door, and a half eaten chocolate cake sat in a cake dish, a cake that Izzie had obviously let Ben decorate judging by the sloppy icing that carelessly covered the dessert. With a heavy sigh, she had begun unpacking the groceries, doing her best to avoid the little reminders of Ben that seemed to pop up at every turn.

She wiped her hands on a nearby dishtowel when she heard the doorbell ring, walking around the counter and heading to the front foyer to answer it. On the other side of the doorway stood Meredith and Cristina, looking at her expectantly as she greeted them.

"Are they here yet?" Meredith asked nervously as she stepped into the house.

Callie shook her head. "No, but they should be here any minute. Addison wanted to do a sonogram before Izzie was discharged, and then they're going to drop her off before they go to the funeral home." She turned to look at Meredith with concern. "How're _you_ feeling?

"Oh, I'm fine," she said quietly as she waved away Callie's worry, uncomfortable with the attention being paid to her.

Cristina and Meredith followed Callie back to the kitchen where she resumed her dinner preparation. "I thought I would make food," she said simply, anxiously gesturing toward the countertops covered in groceries. "You know, because it's what you do…"

Cristina nodded her head understandingly. "Like Shiva," she said quietly.

"Yeah, Shiva," Meredith repeated, suddenly remembering a time that they'd all sat Shiva for another person that Izzie had loved.

The three women sat silently as Callie prepared various dishes while they waited for Mark and Izzie to get home. Cristina, from her place behind the counter, grimaced as she looked intently at the refrigerator, her eyes scanning Ben's artwork where it was held up with magnets. Days before, she might have looked at the various paintings and thought that they were garbage, but today she couldn't help but smile sadly at the toddler's attempts.

They all tensed nervously as they heard the front door open, staring at one another with uncertainty. Callie was the first to react, placing the knife onto the cutting board and walking around the counter to meet Izzie and Mark at the front of the house, Cristina and Meredith trailing behind her.

At the end of the hallway, they found Mark standing behind Izzie with his hands on her shoulders as she quietly surveyed the room. Izzie didn't acknowledge their presence as her eyes landed on a photograph of her family that had been taken at her Christmas party the year before.

_Izzie threw a party every year during the holidays, but this was the first year that Ben and Samuel were old enough to understand what Christmas was, so she'd made Mark dress up as Santa Claus. Everyone had laughed when he'd walked down the stairs outfitted in the red velvet suit, and he'd smirked sarcastically at them before glaring at Izzie. _

"_Just so you know, I'll be purchasing a dominatrix costume for you to return the favor."_

_She rolled her eyes, and then smiled sweetly at him before disappearing into the kitchen to check on dinner._

_Later that night, when no one was looking, Izzie snuck over to him and sat on his lap as he rested in the arm chair by the Christmas tree. "__Do you know what I want for Christmas, Santa?" __she whispered, her voice low as she stared at him with lust eyes._

_Mark grinned at her, placing his hand on her thigh. __"What's that, Dr. Sloan?"__ he questioned innocently, his annoyance at having to wear the suit suddenly forgotten._

_His eyes went wide when she'd slipped her hand over the crotch of his pants, her eyes twinkling mischievously. __"I think you know what I want__," she responded, biting her lower lip softly as her smile widened._

_The grin fell from his face as his gaze shifted behind her, so she'd turned around, following his stare to see her son standing innocently at Mark's feet. "__Tellin' Santa what you want for Christmas, Mommy?"__ Ben had asked naïvely, oblivious to his mother's actions as she'd jerked her hand away from Mark's lap._

_Izzie had smiled at her son, her face had flushing with embarrassment. __"Uh, yeah…yeah, I am__," she'd stammered, standing up. __"But now it's your turn." She picked__ him up quickly, placing him in her abandoned seat._

_As Izzie walked away, she heard Mark call her name from behind her, his voice deepened as he played the role of Santa for his son's benefit. "__Izzie?__" he'd called, causing her to turn around and stare at him expectantly._

"_I don't know if the gift you want will fit on the sleigh, but I'll try to work something out__."_

_Izzie just laughed, rolling her eyes as she walked away to talk to Meredith and Addison._

She frowned now, as the memory faded from her mind, and she stared at the picture that Alex had taken just before everyone had left for the night.

Izzie took a shaky breath and numbly wiped away the tears that had escaped from the corners of her eyes. She walked hesitantly to the table where the photograph rested, picking up the silver frame and lightly touching a fingertip to Ben's face. Calmly, she placed the picture back on the table, turning it over so that it rested face down against the wooden surface.

"I'm going upstairs to change," she said quietly as she turned around, coming face to face with their sympathetic stares. She silently walked past them, slowly climbing the stairs to the second floor.

"We'll go with her," Callie assured Mark quietly when she saw his miserable face, noting that he was sadly watching his wife walk away. "Don't worry, we'll take care of her while you're gone."

Mark nodded and smiled at her appreciatively. "Thanks…and thanks for coming this morning."

"Of course," she told him, rubbing his shoulder lightly before turning to follow Cristina, who was already climbing the stairs behind Izzie.

Mark grabbed Meredith's elbow when she attempted to go behind Callie and Cristina, causing her to gasp in surprise. The two women on the stairs turn around and look at him uncomfortably when they saw the animosity evident on his face. "We need a few minutes," Mark told them simply, smiling thinly.

Cristina and Callie looked uncertainly between Mark and Meredith, observing the anger ingrained in his face and the nervousness on her features. Meredith glanced over to them, trying to look reassuring. "I'll be up in a minute."

Callie and Cristina were hesitant to leave, but feeling as if they were left with no choice, they turned around and headed up the stairs to check on Izzie. As they disappeared from their view, Mark tightened his grip on Meredith's arm, causing her to face him and cautiously meet his gaze. He stared at her pointedly, daring her to look away from him. "What're you doing here, Meredith?"

She could feel beads of sweat breaking out on her lower back as his gaze bore into her. She took a shaky breath, doing her best to ignore his anger. "Callie told me that you were bringing Izzie home today," she said softly, her voice quivering. "I wanted…I wanted to see if I could help with anything. Izzie needs her friends right now; you both do."

Mark narrowed his gaze as he shook his head softly from side to side. "I don't see any friends in here."

She flinched at his cruel words, looking down at the floor. "I…I'm sorry, Mark. I know that doesn't make it better, but I don't know what else to say…"

"You don't need to say anything. You shouldn't be here."

"Mark, I…"

"Damnit, Meredith!" he shouted suddenly, his raised voice causing her to cringe. "Don't you get it? Don't you understand that every time I look at you all I can think about is you telling me how it was your fault?" His hand unconsciously tightened on her arm as tears blurred his vision. "I can't even hear your name without wondering whether my son would be alive right now if you had just been paying attention! How do you think that makes me feel? How do you expect me to look at you and act like everything is okay?"

"Mark!"

Meredith and Mark both turned swiftly when they heard Izzie's voice coming from the top of the staircase. She was looking down at them, her mouth agape as Callie and Cristina came to stand behind her, equally shocked at having heard Mark's words.

From downstairs, they watched as she walked slowly down the steps, her horrified look unwavering as she stared intently at her husband's face. "What the hell are you doing?" she whispered when she was standing in front of them, her eyes narrowing as she looked pointedly at her husband's hand tightly gripping Meredith's arm.

Mark immediately relaxed his grip, appalled at himself when he realized his own actions. He turned to stare at his wife apologetically. "I…I just-"

"No, Mark was right," Meredith interrupted, her words causing everyone to look at her in surprise. "I deserved what he said."

Izzie stared at Meredith with confusion, watching as her friend pulled on her hair nervously with her free hand. Izzie shook her head slightly as she frowned. "What're you talking about?"

"The accident, Izzie! What happened to Ben!" Meredith immediately responded, her shrill voice causing Izzie to flinch. "It was my fault! We both know that it was my fault!"

Callie and Cristina watched Meredith with open mouths as her admission made its way to their ears. "Meredith…" Cristina said quietly from behind Izzie.

"No!" Meredith said sharply, glaring at Cristina. "I don't need your sympathy or your pitying stares. I don't deserve them. It was my fault, plain and simple."

"No, it wasn't."

Meredith looked at Izzie, shocked by her quiet reply. Izzie was the last person that Meredith would have expected to defend her. "But I…I was driving. I wasn't watching the road," she said despondently, tears filling her eyes.

"But I was," Izzie told her, looking at the ground to hide her own tears. "I saw what happened, Meredith. You didn't do anything wrong. The other car ran their red light at the intersection. It all happened so fast; there was nothing you could have done."

Meredith stared at her with wide eyed as a tear slowly ran down her cheek. "Are you sure?" she asked quietly, afraid to hope that Izzie's words were true.

"Oh course I'm sure," Izzie snapped. "Don't you think I've thought about this? That I've pictured it over and over again in my mind? I'll never be able to…to forget it. I'll never be able to get it out of my mind," she told her, her voice cracking with emotion. Looking up, she stared miserably at Meredith. "And I'll also never be able to stop wondering whether things would have turned out differently if you had just let me drive. So, no Meredith, it's not your fault, but that doesn't make it any easier for me to be around you," she whispered, before turning around and heading back upstairs, an echo resounding in their ears as the bedroom door shutting quietly behind her.


	8. Chapter 8

Meredith entered her house quietly, looking around but seeing no sign of her husband. It was early, almost 6:30 in the morning, and she had just gotten back from the hospital.

She had left the Sloan's house the day before, her emotions confused. A huge part of her was relieved, of course, to know that the accident hadn't technically been her fault. If she had found out otherwise, she was reasonably certain that she would never have been able to get over the guilt that she would've felt. Even knowing that she wasn't responsible for the accident, though, did little to alleviate the pain she felt from hearing Mark and Izzie's words. She wasn't sure how she was going to handle not having them as her friends, and even worse, she didn't know how she would live with herself knowing that every time they passed each other at the hospital, they were wondering how different their lives could have been had she just made a different choice that day.

Feeling miserable, she'd headed to the hospital after quickly escaping the Sloan's foyer, calling Derek on the way to let him know where she was going. She had a sneaking suspicion that going to Seattle Grace would improve her mood. She was a surgeon, after all, and making the cut was what she lived for.

She had remained at the hospital all day and night, scrubbing in on three major surgeries that would have easily made her peers scowl with jealousy, but even all of that blood and excitement hadn't had the ability to ease her aching heart.

She'd left the hospital no better than when she'd entered it, feeling exhausted but knowing that she couldn't crawl into bed and hide under the covers like she wanted to do. Instead, she had to return home and cloak herself in her best black dress; today was Ben's funeral, after all.

As she tiredly climbed the stairs to the second floor on her way to the bedroom she shared with her husband, she heard a banging sound resonating from the end of the hallway. Wrinkling her forehead in confusion, she turned toward the noise when she reached the top of the stairs, walking slowly toward the bedroom that Izzie had once inhabited many years before. "Derek?" she called out hesitantly, wondering what was going on.

He appeared at the doorway moments later, a grin spread across his face. "Hey!" he said when he saw her standing in the hallway, staring at him in confusion.

"Uh, hey," she responded, looking strangely at the hammer in his hand. "What the hell are you doing?"

He looked at her sheepishly as his smile widened, and he stepped toward her, wrapping his arms around her body so that her belly was pressed against his. "I missed you last night," he told her, ignoring her question.

She responded to his embrace by bringing her own arms around his waist and closing her eyes. She sighed contentedly as she leaned into him. "I missed you, too."

He pulled back somewhat and looked into her face, grinning ever so slightly. "Close your eyes," he told her.

"What?" she asked, slightly irritated at his mysterious behavior. "Derek…"

"Just do it, Meredith," he said, walking around to stand behind her and placing his hands on her shoulders.

She sighed, but gave in to his wishes nonetheless, feeling her body being propelled forward as her eyes fluttered shut. "What the hell are you up to?" she muttered when he brought her body to a halt several feet from where she had stood in the hall.

"Okay," he said quietly. "You can open them now."

She did as he told her, and she gasped in surprise as she surveyed the room in front of her. Tears filled her eyes as she turned to look at her husband. "Derek…" she whispered.

He smiled at her sweetly. "Do you like it?" he questioned.

She nodded her head vigorously as she turned back toward the room, which Derek had clearly spent many hours laboring over to make it into the most beautiful nursery she could have imagined.

A cherry crib sat beneath a window, a quilt hanging over the edge that was covered in ferryboats. Beside that, a rocking chair had been placed in the corner, and on that chair sat a soft, cream-colored pillow with the words _Baby Shepherd_ inscribed across the plush cover. "I wanted to put his name on the pillow," he explained, following her eyes. "But since we haven't come up with one…"

She nodded understandably as she crossed the room, running her fingers along a book shelf that was covered with books and stuffed animals. "How did you get all of this together so quickly?" she asked.

He smiled at the wonder in her voice as he watched her explore the room. "Alex and George helped me put the furniture together yesterday," he told her, secretly glad that she hadn't witnessed the awkwardness of the three men trying to unskillfully put together the nursery. "Oh, and Samuel and I went to the toy store so that he could help me pick out the books and animals."

She turned to smile at him, crossing the room and wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's perfect," she whispered, her breath warm against his ear. "God, I love you."

He smiled, relieved to see her happy for the first time in days. It made his sleepless night completely worthwhile. "I love you, too."

She sighed as she forced herself to pull away from his arms, frowning at the loss of contact. "I guess we should get ready for the service," she told him quietly, silently wondering how Mark and Izzie were doing a few miles away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The weather was beautiful; the sun was shining in the cloudless sky, and a soft breeze had cooled the eighty degree temperature to comfortable conditions. Izzie couldn't help but think how ridiculously inappropriate such weather was for today of all days. Seattle, the home of the rainy climate, had suddenly decided to break out the good weather for her son's funeral. _How fitting._

Izzie frowned as she watched the sun's rays penetrate the curtains of her bedroom, but the encroaching daylight did little to motivate her to get out of bed.

What did motivate her, though, was the feeling of her husband's arms as they wrapped carelessly around her waist from where he lay behind her. She felt him place his chin against her shoulder, his whiskers tickling the sensitive skin at the base of her neck.

Izzie went rigid beneath his touch, instantly pulling away from him and standing up from the bed. She walked toward the adjoining bathroom, knowing that he was staring disappointedly at her as she went. "I'm going to take a shower," she tossed out dully, closing the door behind her once her feet safely hit the tiles.

She turned on the shower to let the water warm up as she stripped out of her clothes. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she passed, and was startled to see the sallow reflection that stared back at her. How had she become so pale and thin in only a few, short days? Sighing, she stepped into the shower, allowing the hot spray to run over her body, but it did little to ease the tension from her aching muscles.

Everything was moving too fast, much too fast for Izzie to comprehend. She felt like she hadn't even had time to process that Ben was gone, and now she was already expected to say goodbye. How was she supposed to just bury him in the ground without a second thought? It probably would have been helpful if she could have had another day or two to deal with her grief before she had to submit her son to his grave, but that, of course, was impossible. They had been given the option of today or tomorrow for the funeral, but they couldn't wait until tomorrow. It would have been emotionally impossible to bury their son on his third birthday.

She tensed when she felt cool air hit her body as the shower door opened behind her, and she felt the presence of her husband as he stepped beneath the showerhead, invading her space. It brought back memories of a morning ritual that she had once cherished, sharing a love making session with her husband beneath the streaming water before their day had even started, but the ritual had become increasingly less frequent as Ben had gotten older, and Izzie had often found herself missing the lusty routine.

Now, though, his presence seemed intrusive, and she suddenly felt as if she were suffocating in the tiny space. She moved quickly to put her hand on the door so that she could make a quick exit, but he stepped to the side, blocking her path. "Why won't you talk to me, Iz?" he demanded quietly, his eyes begging for an answer.

She looked down at the floor briefly to avoid his gaze before turning away, her back to him as a tear spilled down her cheek, easily mixing with the spray of the shower.

He sighed frustratingly at her lack of response, closing his eyes against the jets of water. He tentatively brought his index finger to her skin, tracing lightly down the curve of her spine to the small of her back. He felt her shiver in response to his touch, and he lovingly brought his head to her shoulder, resting his forehead against the wet surface. "I don't understand why you're so angry with me," he told her dismally.

He was caught off guard by her sudden movements, unprepared as she sharply turned to meet his stare. "You don't understand?" she cried. "How can you not understand?"

Mark gaped at her blankly, confusion written on his face. "Because I just _don't_!" he answered in frustration, his eyes flashing with impatience. "I don't understand, Izzie, so why don't you just tell me what I've done that's made you so pissed off!"

Her face turned red with resentment as she stared at him keenly through the spray. "You don't care, Mark," she said bitterly, biting her bottom lip as her chin began to quiver. "You haven't even cried, and you….you didn't even want to see him at the hospital! You walk around here like Ben's death is some kind of business deal that you have to take care of – making arrangements and just getting through all of the _details_, but he's our _son, _Mark! Our _son_! What's wrong with you? Why can't be upset about this?"

Mark stared at her intently as the words spilled from her mouth, bile forming in his throat as he listened. "Why can't I be upset?" he yelled suddenly, slamming his hand against the shower wall, causing Izzie to flinch at the violent action. "Because of you, Izzie! I don't have time to be upset because you can't deal with a _fucking_ thing! You just lay there, not speaking to anyone, barely even responding to the news that we're going to have another baby! So I _have_ to deal with all the details! You left me no choice!"

She closed her eyes as tears spilled freely down her face, her breath coming out in angry pants. "I hate you," she whispered venomously, stepping once again toward the shower door. This time Mark let her pass, swearing under his breath when he heard the bathroom door slam shut behind her.

He stayed in the shower for several more minutes, feeling as though the water was washing away his anger, leaving nothing but a hallow feeling in the pit of his stomach. How had things gotten to this point?

He shut off the hot stream, stepping out of the shower as he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the continuation of their conversation, before turning the doorknob and entering the bedroom.

He walked in and found the bedroom empty, though, and he couldn't stop the tears that sprang to his eyes as he wondered if this vacant room was foreshadowing the rest of his life. Shaking the thought from his head, he headed over to the walk-in closet that he shared with Izzie, stepping in and searching for a suit to wear to his son's funeral.

When he was fully dressed, he walked out of the room in search of his wife. He frowned as he heard the faint sounds of laughter coming from downstairs, and he headed in that direction.

He followed the sound into the den, where he found Izzie curled up on the couch outfitted in her robe, her curly hair dripping from the shower. She was facing the television, a small smile on her face as she watched a video of her son from the previous Halloween. She and Callie had found tiny scrubs in the hospital's gift shop, and they had excitedly purchased them, dressing their sons as surgeons for their first real Halloween experience.

Mark sighed as he took a seat next to his wife on the couch, a smile appearing on his own face as he watched the screen, seeing Ben walk up to Alex and place a stethoscope over his stomach. Alex laughed and raised the stethoscope over his heart. _"What do you hear, Ben," _his voice questioned from the television.

Ben giggled. _"Bump, bump, bump!"_

The camera had then turned sharply, and Izzie and Mark appeared on the screen. Izzie's smile faltered as she saw herself on the television, laughing happily as she sat in her husband's lap while they stared adoringly at one another. She watched as Mark captured her lips on the screen, and George's voice could be heard from behind the camera. "_Hey you two, get a room. There're kids in here!_" he told them jokingly.

Mark lifted his head and glared playfully at George. "_Shut it, O'Malley_," he told him, before covering his wife's laughing lips with another kiss.

Mark turned away from the television to look at his wife. "I don't want to lose that, Iz," he told her softly, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling to stop the threatening tears, before looking back at Izzie. "I'm sorry about what I said upstairs, I really am, but you were wrong when you said that I'm not affected by this. How can you think that I'm not upset about…about Ben?" he asked, his voice breaking as he said his son's name.

Tears sprang to Izzie's eyes as she watched her husband's face crumble before her as he allowed himself, for the first time, to truly break down. She carefully straddled his lap as he wept, pulling his face to her shoulder as she ran her fingers soothingly through his hair. "I'm sorry, too," she whispered against him as her own tears began to fall. She hated to see her husband grieving, but a part of her was relieved by the display of emotion. "I love you, Mark," she said softly.

She let him cry against her for several minutes, both of them holding on to one another tightly as they listened to their son's laughter emitting from the television behind them.

His eyes were red and swollen when he picked up his head, and they fluttered shut as she placed light kisses on his face.

Mark sighed contentedly as her arms tightened around him, but he looked at her regretfully. "We should probably go upstairs," he told her. "You need to get ready so we're not late."


	9. Chapter 9

The funeral was beautiful. Izzie admitted that she couldn't have imagined anything better as she sat through Mass from her seat on the first row of the church, but that didn't stop her from tuning out the words of the priest as he said the Eternal Rest prayer, and the eulogy that Miranda Bailey gave from behind the pulpit. It was too painful for her to listen to them refer to her son in the past tense, so she refused to listen at all.

She sat numbly through the entire service, closing her eyes when Alex, Richard, George, and Derek walked toward the alter, lifting her child's casket and slowly descending down the aisle. She was vaguely aware of Mark's hand slipping into hers, tugging on her gently to signal for her to rise with him so that they could follow them out of the church.

Meredith and Cristina watched them pass their pew, remaining in their seats for several more moments until they were able to stand up and exit the church, as well. On the steps outside, they congregated with Addison, the three women forming a semi-circle as they spoke.

"Are you sure you don't mind meeting the caterers at the house?" Addison asked Meredith for the third time that morning.

Meredith gave Addison a long stare before replying. "I'm sure, Addison," she told her. She had gladly volunteered for the job, knowing that she was the last person that Izzie and Mark would want to see at their son's burial.

Beside her, Cristina spoke up. "I'll go with you," she offered. "I'm not a big fan of funerals." Meredith nodded understandingly, knowing Cristina was thinking of the funeral she attended for her father more than two decades before.

They arrived at Mark and Izzie's house just as the catering company's van was pulling up. Cristina parked her car in the driveway and the two women walked up to the front porch, unlocking the door.

Several workers appeared moments later, a couple of them carrying a folded table and several others carrying trays of covered dishes in their hands.

Meredith looked around nervously. "Uh…I'm not really sure where we're going to put everything," she told him, realizing that she hadn't thought it through.

"It's fine," one of them said. "We actually have instructions from Addison Montgomery. Just point us in the direction of the den," he told her.

Meredith smiled at Addison's predictable organization. "It's through here," she replied, leading them through the French doors into the den. She frowned when her eyes met the television screen, landing on a paused image of Ben from last year's Halloween.

"Jesus," Cristina whispered from behind her, staring at the image of the grinning boy. "Do you think they were watching that before the funeral? Why would they torture themselves?"

Meredith shook her head, stepping around the caterers to go turn off the television. "I don't know," she said quietly, turning back toward her friend.

They both stared at one another curiously when they heard the doorbell ring. "Who could that be?" Meredith questioned.

Cristina simply shrugged, and they both turned to exit the den, walking into the foyer and opening the door to find a middle-aged woman standing in the threshold. "Oh, hi," she told them, smiling politely. "Is this the Sloan household? I have a delivery from Maggie's Bakery," she said, holding up a large white box in her hands.

"Oh, yeah, this is it," Meredith told her, taking the box from the woman. Looking at Cristina, she said, "I guess I'll just put it in the den with the rest of the food," and she, turning in that direction.

Cristina signed a form indicating that the delivery had been made, thanking the woman and closing the door behind her before rotating around to follow Meredith into the den. After depositing the box onto the table, Meredith turned to her expectantly. "What should we do now?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I could use a drink. Where does Izzie keep the booze around here?" Cristina asked.

Meredith rolled her eyes and walked out of the den in the direction of the kitchen, Cristina trailing behind her. "You know, it _is_ still morning," she commented as she walked around the kitchen's island, retrieving a glass and setting it down in front of Cristina.

"So?" Cristina asked before her eyes went wide with dread. "Oh, please don't tell me the fetus has already turned you against me," she implored dryly, picking up the empty glass and holding it out to Meredith.

She laughed lightly and turned to a cabinet behind her, removing the tonic water and vodka. "Don't worry," she assured her, setting the bottles in front of her friend. "I would be joining you if I could."

"That's the spirit."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, remaining in the kitchen as they waited for the visitors to arrive for the wake. They didn't have to wait to long, they realized, when they heard the front door open and Addison call out their names. They left the kitchen, finding her in the den surrounded by Alex, Derek and the O'Malley's. "How was it?" Meredith asked them quietly as she walked up to Derek, threading her arms around his waist.

"It was sad," Callie said quietly, her mind instantly replaying the image of Izzie sobbing as they lowered her son into the ground. "I don't know how they're going to get through this."

Addison sighed sadly in agreement as she stepped toward the table of food, removing the covers of the dishes. "I'm sure everyone else will be arriving soon," she told them softly. "We left the gravesite as soon as-"

They turned to look at her when she stopped mid-sentence, finding her standing frozen over the table. "Oh my God," they heard her whisper. "What the hell is this?"

Alex went to her side, his brow furrowed in confusion. His eyes widened when he followed her gaze, staring down at the table in front of them. "Oh _shit_."

"What's wrong?" George asked as the others walked toward the table, peering over Addison and Alex's shoulders.

They all gasped when they saw the cake sitting in the white cardboard box. In blue icing, the words _Happy Birthday, Ben _were written across the center of the cake, images of a circus surrounding the scribe. It was adorable, something that Izzie had obviously picked out long before she knew what she would actually be doing the week her son was to turn three years old.

"It was for his party tomorrow," Callie said unnecessarily, blinking back tears as George wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"It was delivered separately from the catering company, but I thought you'd ordered it," Meredith explained, her voice shaky as she stared at the cake in front of her. "I didn't look to see what was in the box. I…I'm sorry…"

Addison shook her head at the apology. "It's not you're fault; no one knew that this was being delivered today," she said understandingly, closing the box and picking it up. "I guess I'll just put this in my car. It can't stay in here; Izzie would lose it if she saw this."

"If she saw what?" Mark asked from behind them, and they all turned toward him in surprise, finding him standing alone in the doorway.

"Oh, we didn't hear you come in," Meredith said, her voice high pitched with nervousness.

Mark looked briefly toward her before glancing away, training his eyes to stare at Addison. "Izzie would lose it if she saw _what_?" he asked more forcefully, causing the others to look at the floor uneasily.

"The catering company just made a mistake," she answered lamely, avoiding his gaze.

He narrowed his eyes as he watched her fidget anxiously before him, and he quickly advanced toward her, snatching the box from her hands and lifting the top.

His face paled as her stared at its contents, transfixed by the sight before him. "What the hell is this doing here?" he asked in a whisper, but his question was met by nervous silence. His eyes lifted, his gaze studying each person in the room. "Why is this here?" he yelled suddenly as the silence stretched on, causing the others to jolt with the surprise of his attack.

"It was a mistake," Derek told him, walking toward his friend and putting his hand on Mark's arm sympathetically. "It was delivered this morning at the same time the caterers were setting up, but we're going to get rid of it."

Mark looked up, meeting Derek's stare with fresh tears in his eyes. Nodding his head, he turned back to Addison, clearing his throat as he pushed the box toward her. "Izzie can't see this," he said hoarsely, agreeing with her earlier statement. The others remained silent, giving him a much needed moment to compose himself.

"Where is she?" George asked him eventually, worriedly glancing toward the empty doorway.

"She went upstairs to lay down for awhile. She said she's not feeling well."

"Oh," George replied quietly, his arm tightening around his wife.

They all stared at one another when the doorbell rang seconds later, signifying the arrival of the first visitors. "I'll answer it," Addison volunteered softly. "I have to take this to my car anyway."

Mark nodded lightly, rubbing his hand tiredly across his forehead as he watched her leave the room. "I'm going to make a drink," he said suddenly, turning toward the doorway.

"I'll come with you," Derek offered, moving to follow his friend.

A great number of people showed up at the house to pay their respects to Mark and Izzie, most of whom Mark recognized. He watched many of them gather in small groups, whispering to one another and pointing sadly toward the photographs of Ben and his family that lined the bookcases and the mantel over the fireplace. Mark had to stop himself from fleeing the room when he saw their sad faces, his chest tightening as his eyes, too, gazed at the innocent happiness of Ben in the pictures around the room.

He jolted slightly when a soft voice came from behind him "We're so sorry, Mark." He turned around to find Adele and Richard Webber looking at him with pity marking their features.

"Thank you," he said with a small, empty smile, his words virtually devoid of meaning after having repeated them so often.

"Where's Izzie?" the chief asked with concern, glancing around the room with curiously.

"She's laying down upstairs. She's feeling a little under the weather," he explained quietly

Addison walked up beside them, furrowing her brow at Mark's words. "She still up there?" she questioned worriedly.

"Yeah, I was about to go check on her."

"I'll go for you," Addison offered, watching as one of Seattle Grace's surgical oncologists approached them to give Mark his condolences. "You should stay down here." Mark smiled appreciatively at her and watched her walk out of the den.

She climbed the stairs to the second floor, stopping outside of Mark and Izzie's master bedroom and knocking lightly. She received no answer, though, so she tentatively opened the door, peaking into the room. She opened it wider when she didn't immediately see her friend, stepping into the bedroom and looking around, but she found it to be empty.

"Izzie?" she called out, walking toward the adjoining bathroom and tapping on the cracked door. "Are you in there, Iz?"

She heard what could only be described as a moan emit from the room before her, so she opened the door quickly in concern.

"Oh, Izzie," she whispered sympathetically, walking to where her friend sat on the cold tiles, her elbows leaning against the toilet seat and head resting against her arm.

Addison walked to the sink and moistened a washcloth with cold water, placing it against Izzie's forehead as she squatted down beside her. With her free hand, she gathered Izzie's long blonde locks, pulling them away from her face.

Izzie laughed a little, the shrill noise sounding forced. "What a great time to get morning sickness," she said with sarcastic blitheness.

Addison smiled slightly, raising the hair higher off Izzie's neck and moving the washcloth to rest against her sweaty skin. "Well, it _can_ be brought on by stress," she commented, running the wet cloth just below the back neckline of Izzie's dress. "Is there anything you need? Anything I can get you?"

Izzie closed her eyes as she was hit with another wave of nausea. "Can you get Mark?" she asked weakly, rising to her knees and bracing herself against her queasiness.

"Of course," she said quietly, standing quickly and disappearing through the doorway.

Mark appeared moments later, just as Izzie began to empty the rest of her stomach contents into the bowl before her. Wordlessly, he sat behind her, holding the hair from her face just as Addison had minutes before. He waited quietly, rubbing her back soothingly with his other hand.

When her stomach settled, she fell exhaustedly against her husband, her head fitting just below his chin. He wrapped his arms around her as he listened to her struggle to catch her breath, his hand coming to rest against her flat abdomen. "Don't give your mom such a hard time," he said quietly to his unborn child before nuzzling the top of Izzie's hair with his cheek.

Izzie smiled slightly at his comment and snuggled closer against him, her hand coming to rest over her husband's as they sat wordlessly together on the bathroom floor.


	10. Chapter 10

Mark woke up alone on Saturday morning. He'd rolled over lazily to curl up against his wife, but he'd found her side of the bed empty, the sheets where she'd laid the night before cold from her absence. He'd been startled awake when he hadn't felt her soft body beside him, and stretching tiredly, he'd slowly sat up and looked around the empty room.

He frowned when he saw that it was only four in the morning; the sun had yet to rise, and the room was still engulfed by darkness. Climbing out of bed, he walked across the hardwood floors of his bedroom to go search for Izzie.

His first instinct was to go the kitchen. Izzie was a creature of habit, and when she was upset or anxious about something, she tended to break out the mixing bowls and bake her blues away. He found the kitchen dark, though, and the counters clean, indicating that she hadn't been in there.

The rest of the first floor was dark as well, and Mark was growing worried by the eerily quiet house.

He closed his eyes when realization hit him, though, and he quickly climbed the steps back up to the second floor, stopping just outside of Ben's room and pressing his ear against the door to listen for any sound. Hearing none, he quietly turned the knob, pressing the door open gently and peaking inside.

He hadn't entered the room since he'd brought Izzie home from the hospital, and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of the space that his little boy had once inhabited. The room was painted a light blue, and had been since the middle of Izzie's pregnancy. He and Izzie gone out to buy the paint as soon as Addison had told them that they were having a boy, and they'd rushed home, excited to begin their son's nursery. After only half an hour, though, Izzie had wound up sitting Indian style on the floor, leaning against the wall as she'd eaten an apple, laughing while pointing out all the spots that Mark had missed with the rolling brush.

The walls were now illuminated by the soft glow of the nightlight in the corner of the room, a light which allowed him to see his wife lying in Ben's twin bed, clutching his teddy bear between her fists. She was on her side, her back pressed against the railing that they'd put on the bed when Izzie had finally given in and admitted that her little boy was too old for a crib.

He walked into the room cautiously, stepping over a small pile of blocks that littered the floor. He was careful to remain quiet in case his wife was asleep, but he saw that she wasn't when she looked up at him as walked toward her. He slowly climbed into the bed, his back against the other railing as he stared into her face, their eyes meeting as they rested their heads on a pillow.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"Hi."

They remained quiet for several moments, their breaths sounding loud in the otherwise silent room as they watched one another in the dimness.

A small smile suddenly spread across Izzie's features as she pushed the teddy bear toward her husband's face. "Smell this," she requested gently. He looked at her briefly before inhaling the scent of the stuffed animal, smiling slightly when he recognized the sweet smells of baby powder and apple juice. "It smells like him, doesn't it?"

Mark nodded softly, closing his eyes as he inhaled the scent again. "Yeah, it does," he acknowledged quietly, meeting his wife's gaze once again.

They fell back into silence as they stared at each other wordlessly while lounging in their son's bed, lost in their own thoughts as memories of him filled their minds.

Izzie suddenly looked past Mark, her eyes landing on the clock that rested on the nightstand by the bed. "This is it," she murmured vaguely.

"What?"

"It's 4:22. Ben was born three years ago at this moment," she told him quietly, smiling wistfully as she conjured up a memory of Addison placing her wailing infant in her outstretched arms.

"It doesn't seem like that long ago," he remarked softly, pulling her toward him so that she was lying against his chest, her head buried in the crook of his shoulder.

"Really?" she asked in a whisper. "Because I think it seems like a lifetime ago."

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Meredith, from her place at the nurse's station, caught sight of Derek as he left an OR. They had both returned to work that day, trying to make up for the many hours that they'd taken off earlier in the week. She frowned in concern when she saw the scowl on his face and, closing the chart that she'd been working on, she walked hurriedly to catch up to him. "Derek!" she called, trying to get his attention. He didn't slow down, though, continuing to stalk down the hallway. "Derek, wait a second."

He stopped abruptly, almost causing her to run into him, and turned around to face her. Her frown deepened when she saw the troubled look on his face. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head, carelessly running his hand through his hair. "Nothing," he told her quietly. "Don't worry about it."

She shook her head slightly, irritation clearly marking her face. "No…no, don't do that. You're always telling me that I'm not allowed to shut you out. Well you aren't allowed to shut _me_ out, either. Our marriage doesn't have double standards, Derek."

He sighed when she placed her tiny hands on his forearm, dragging him with surprising strength to the on call room located at the end of the hall. She shut and locked the door after checking to make sure that the room was empty, and then turned to face her husband. "Okay, now tell me what's wrong."

He walked over to the beds, sitting on the bottom bunk and burying his face in his hands. "I'm off my game," he admitted quietly, rotating his head to look at her when he felt her sit next to him.

Meredith furrowed her forehead in confusion, staring intently at Derek. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged his shoulders tiredly, closing his eyes against the sting on tears. "I just froze in my own O.R." he confessed, keeping his eyes closed to avoid her gaze. "Every time I looked at the woman in front of me, all I could picture was Ben flat-lining on my table. My patient probably would've died if it hadn't been for a fucking intern."

She put her hand on his arm, causing him to glance her way. "Derek…"

"God, Meredith," he said, his voice coming out in a hoarse whisper. "I can't even begin to tell you how I felt when I realized that I wasn't going to be able to save him. I've never…" He stopped talking when his voice began to quiver, taking a deep breath to steady his emotions.

"Derek, why do you do this to yourself? Why do you doubt yourself when things happen beyond your control?" she asked softly, shaking her head in wonderment. "You doubted yourself after Burke's surgery when he developed the tremors, and that wasn't anymore your fault than this is. You're human just like everyone else, and you can't blame yourself for Ben's death. Doctors can't save everyone…you taught me that."

He stared at her silently as she spoke, wondering why she couldn't take her own advice and stop blaming herself for the accident.

He leisurely brought his hand up, gently tucking a piece of hair that had escaped her messy ponytail behind her ear, and smiled at her gently. "I love you," he whispered as he laid his head to rest against her shoulder.

She smiled easily, running her fingers through his thick mop of hair. "I love you, too," she told him as she pulled his head up, her lips meeting his softly.

She'd meant it to be a simple kiss, but Derek's emotions took control of their embrace, and he deepened the kiss as he gently laid her against the mattress. Her legs parted easily so that he could move to rest between them, and his hands lazily ran beneath her scrub top, gently caressing her beautifully enlarged belly before moving up to her breasts.

Meredith closed her eyes as desire overtook her, and a moan of pleasure escaped her lips. She brought her hands up to his waist, quickly undoing the tie to his scrub bottoms and pushing them down to his ankles with her feet. Without hesitation, she plunged her hands into his boxers, hearing him groan in response when her long fingers wrapped tightly around him.

Within seconds, he had their clothes off and was braced above her, but he paused before entering her, smiling mischievously as he watched her squirm. He knew that his hesitation was driving her crazy, but his smile only grew wider when he felt her hips gently arch toward him. "Please, Derek…" she whispered, her eyes pleading.

That was all it took; one quiet request from her, and his willpower was reduced to nothing. An instant after the words left her mouth, he thrust into her wanting body, reveling in the sensation of being buried inside of his wife.

Their breaths became labored as he continued to drive into her. Soon, his desire started to push him over the edge, and he began to propel himself into her with more urgency, both of them clinging to one another with desperation.

He forced himself to hold out until Meredith found her own satisfaction, but as soon as felt her begin to tremble beneath him, he allowed himself his own release, collapsing beside her, completely sated.

They laid together silently, waiting sluggishly for their heartbeats to return to normal. When Meredith found the strength, she turned her head to the side, slowly opening her eyes and gazing at her husband. She smiled at him, sighing in content.

"I don't want to move," she complained moments later, suddenly remembering that they were at work and that she still had patients to see.

Derek laughed, pulling her tighter against his chest. "Maybe if we're really quiet, they won't know we're in here," he whispered. Meredith laughed in return, snuggling against her husband.

They both groaned in frustration when Derek's pager went off. He looked at the screen, swearing quietly when he saw that his intern was paging him from the nurse's station. "Damnit," he said, removing Meredith from his arms and standing up to get dressed.

She sighed lazily, watching Derek pull his scrub bottoms over his hips, tying a knot at the waist. "Are you just going to lie there all day?" he questioned teasingly, smiling slightly at the sight of her lounging confidently before him, unconcerned with her nudity.

She shrugged slowly, her eyes not leaving his. "Maybe."

He snorted in amusement as he finished dressing, reaching to the floor to pick up her clothes and throwing them on the bed. Meredith rolled her eyes, but stood up nonetheless, replacing her scrubs while Derek watched her from where he stood by the doorway. "Happy now?" she asked him as she sauntered to his side, leaning toward him to place a kiss on lips.

"I'll be much happier when I can take you home," he told her, smiling as he brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "Where we can be alone, and I can take to our bed for _hours_."

Meredith laughed slightly as she placed her hand on the door knob, gazing into his face as she tried to. "Promises, promises…"

As she unlocked the door and swung it open, she came face to face with Addison and Alex, who were about to enter the on call room for a little rendezvous of their own. They jumped back in surprise when the door flew open abruptly just as Addison was about to place her hand on the knob. The lusty expressions fell from their faces, both couples looked at one another guilty.

Addison's face reddened as she dropped Alex's hand from hers, looking awkwardly between Meredith and Derek. "Um…"

She was saved from her speechless plight when Cristina walked up to them, no longer in the scrubs that she had worn during her night shift. "Didn't we establish at one time that sex was a form of denial, and that it doesn't actually help with grief?"

An awkward silence ensured as the five adults stared at one another. In an attempt to break the tension, Meredith looked innocently at Cristina. "So you're off?"

Cristina sighed, nodding her head. "Yeah, I have an errand to run," she said vaguely.

Meredith raised her eyebrows. "Want some company? I'm off in an hour."

"No, that's okay. I'm actually going to talk to Izzie."

"Oh," Meredith said in surprise. "About what?"

Cristina stared at her for a moment before waving her hand absently. "Just stuff," she told her unclearly, before disappearing down the hallway, leaving her friends looking at in bewilderment.


	11. Chapter 11

Mark, carrying a tray of food in his hands, was walking toward the second floor to try to make Izzie eat breakfast for the third time that morning. He groaned in irritation when the doorbell rang, turning away from the steps to walk to the front entrance. Holding the tray against his chest, he used his free hand to turn the knob.

He was surprised to see Cristina Yang standing in the threshold, and he narrowed his eyes in curiosity. "Uh, hi."

"Hi," she answered simply. They stared at each other awkwardly for several moments, neither knowing exactly what to say, before Cristina finally broke the silence. "So…can I come in?"

"Oh, sure….yeah, of course," Mark said, opening the door wider so that she could enter the foyer.

"So…how are you?" she asked uncomfortably once she was inside the house, watching as Mark closed the door behind her.

Mark shrugged his shoulders, finding the normally emotionless doctor's display of concern somewhat unnerving. "You know," he said. "Just taking it one day at a time, I guess."

She nodded understandingly, staring at the floor. "Um, I would hug you, but I'd not really…an affectionate person."

Mark's face twisted in mock-horror as he pictured Cristina Yang pulling him into a friendly embrace. "Don't worry about it," he told her readily. "I'm not a big hugger, myself."

She smiled slightly as they reached common ground, finally meeting his gaze. "Where's Izzie?"

Mark frowned at her question, his eyes momentarily looking toward the ceiling. "She's still in bed," he told her quietly. "I was actually on my way up there to try to get her to eat something. She hasn't eaten anything today; she keeps telling me that she's not hungry."

"Oh, well why don't you let me try?" Cristina offered, reaching her hands out to take the tray from Mark. "I came over to talk to her anyway."

Mark nodded, placing the food in her outstretched hands. "Alright, I'll be down here if you need me."

Cristina began climbing the stairs, carefully keeping the tray steady as she walked. She paused when she was halfway up, turning back to Mark, who had called her name. "Yeah?" she asked, meeting his anxious stare.

He looked at her uneasily before shifting his gaze from her face. "She's in Ben's room," he told her quietly before quickly escaping into the kitchen.

Cristina frowned at the news, suddenly second guessing her decision to come over. She wanted to talk to Izzie, needed to talk to her, but she didn't know if she could handle an emotional basket case.

She sighed, shaking herself of the thoughts as she continued to climb to the second floor. She was already here, and it would be ridiculous for her to cower away now. She was Cristina Yang; she was a doer, and there was nothing she couldn't handle. Certainly a few tears were no match for a woman with a M.D. _and_ a Ph.D.

She opened the door to Ben's room without bothering to knock, and found Izzie curled up on his bed, a blue and grey patchwork quilt pulled up to her chin. Izzie looked up when she heard the door open, a surprised expression falling across her features as she saw Cristina walk in, carrying a tray of food. She set the tray on the night stand by the bed and turned to the pale woman lying before her. "Move over," she demanded, motioning with her hands for Izzie to make room.

Izzie looked at her curiously but did as she was told, moving backward so that Cristina could join her on the bed. She watched her friend climb over the railing and settle comfortably on her back, staring at the ceiling in an obvious effort to avoid Izzie's gaze.

Without looking away from the ceiling, Cristina began speaking. "I'm sorry about Ben," she told her quietly.

Izzie inhaled sharply as the words crossed Cristina's lips. For some reason, the words, which had been spoken so often to her in the past few days, sounded different coming from Cristina. "Thank you," she whispered sincerely, trying to control the quiver in her voice.

Silence fell upon them as Cristina continued to stare at the ceiling. Beneath the covers, Izzie clutched Ben's teddy bear tighter, bringing it to her chest.

"It's weird," Cristina said softly, her eyes dropping to an enlarged black and white photograph of Mark and Izzie holding their smiling baby, which hung on the wall across the room. "Right after I had my miscarriage, sometimes Burke and I would be alone in our apartment and I would look around and feel like someone was missing."

Izzie looked up in surprise by Cristina's comment, but she remained silent, allowing her friend to continue.

"I never wanted children; when I was a kid, I used to rip off the heads of the dolls that my mother tried to make me play with. I've never been the nurturing type," she told her dryly. "But when I lost that baby, when it was taken away from me without my permission, I couldn't help but wonder what it might have been like to have a child; to be a mother."

Izzie looked at her inquisitively, shaking her head. "I thought that you…that you were getting…"

"An abortion? Yeah, yeah I was…and I'm sure I would have gone through with it if I'd had the chance," she admitted. "But when I _lost_ my baby, when the choice was taken away from me, knowing that I probably wouldn't have had the baby didn't stop it from hurting."

Izzie swallowed a lump in her throat as she stared at her friend, nodding empathetically as a tear rolled down her face, disappearing in the pillowcase beneath her head.

Cristina turned her gaze toward her as Izzie's eyes moved to stare at the ragged teddy bear in her hands, and she sighed at the miserable expression on Izzie's face. "I know it's not the same thing; I know that what I went through doesn't even compare to what you're experiencing now," she said slowly. "I think about how I felt back then, and knowing how much _that_ hurt…well, I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. But I do know what it's like to feel like someone is missing in your life; in your heart. And I just…I guess I want you to know that it gets better."

Izzie looked up sharply when she heard the words, prepared to scream at Cristina for assuming that she would ever get over her pain. She paused, though, when she saw uncharacteristic tears slowly streaming down Cristina's face. It reminded her of the temporary breakdown that Cristina had suffered while still in the hospital following her miscarriage, and Izzie realized that her friend, though on a much different scale, had also experienced the loss of a child.

Her face softened at she recognized the common bond that she had with Cristina. "When does it get better?" she whispered, her voice shaking as the words left her mouth. "Because I feel this horrible ache in my chest, and it feels like it's getting worse everyday."

Cristina sniffed softly, wiping her tears away with embarrassment. "I don't know," she told her softly, shaking her head. "I don't know when it'll get better for you. But one day, you'll be sitting around, and you'll realize that life _does_ go on, and that you can move on with it," she promised, continuing her thoughts despite Izzie's silent look of protest. "That doesn't mean that you'll forget him, that you won't think about Ben all the time. You'll probably wonder what he would've looked like when he was older, if he would've gotten married and had his own kids. You'll wonder if he would've been a surgeon like his parents, or if he would've become a lawyer or, heaven forbid, a psychiatrist."

She smiled when she saw Izzie's own smile, and she paused as Izzie rolled her eyes toward the ceiling to control the tears that were now freely falling down her cheeks. "I think about that already," she admitted quietly, closing her eyes as she brought the teddy bear to her nose, inhaling deeply. "I think about everything that he never had the chance to do, about how unfair it is…"

"It _is_ unfair," Cristina agreed with a nod, before they both became silent once again, their thoughts filled with the idea of what could have been.

Eventually Izzie turned to Cristina, staring intently at her profile as she, once again, focused on the ceiling above her. "I'm sorry that I didn't see how much you were hurting," Izzie told her quietly. "If I'd known…"

Cristina shook her head at Izzie's words. "I didn't want anyone to know," she told her. "I've never talked about it, not even with Meredith." Izzie smiled slightly at her admission, grateful that Cristina had trusted her enough to let her in.

Seeing Izzie's expression, Cristina rolled her eyes. "Don't think this means that we're going to be best friends or anything ridiculous like that," she told her sardonically, shaking her head. She then looked at Izzie sternly, narrowing her eyes. "And if you tell _anyone_ that I cried, I'll seriously kick your ass."

A laugh escaped Izzie's lips as Cristina's dry humor returned. "Your secret's safe with me," she promised, watching as Cristina sat up in the bed.

She leaned over toward the nightstand, grabbing the tray that Mark had handed her downstairs and turning toward Izzie. "Mark says that you need to eat breakfast."

Izzie scrunched up her face as she looked at the cold, soggy waffles of the plate before her. "Oh, I'm not really hungry," she said. Her determination softened, though, when she saw the unwavering resolution on her friend's face that meant that Cristina's mind was made up. "Fine…but I'm not eating that crap," she said quickly, staring at the food in disgust.

"Really?" Cristina asked, picking up the fork and shoving a mushy bite of waffle into her mouth. "I think it's pretty good," she told her through her full mouth.

"Gross," Izzie commented, rolling her eyes as she got off of the bed.

Cristina shrugged, shoving another bite into her mouth before climbing off the bed as well, following Izzie out of the room.

They went downstairs, walking straight into the kitchen where Mark was staring at a countertop covered with Tupperware dishes. "What's all this," Izzie asked curiously her eyes narrowing as she looked at the display before her.

Mark looked up in surprise, a smile forming as he saw his wife standing in the doorway. This was the first time that she'd been downstairs since coming home from the funeral the day before, and he smiled appreciatively at Cristina, who simply shrugged as she took a bite of the waffle in her hands.

"People have been delivering food all morning," Mark said as he turned back to the array of dishes before him, staring at the food in wonder. "It's mostly nurses from the hospital; I guess this makes people feel useful," he commented.

Izzie raised her eyebrows as she and Cristina walked toward the counter, taking seats on the stools and lifting the lids of several of the dishes. "Ooh, cobbler," Izzie remarked as she discovered the food, grabbing the fork from Cristina's hand a taking a bite. "It's good," she said through a mouth-full of the dessert, nodding her head eagerly as she scooped up another bite and fed it to her unprepared husband.

He laughed as he licked his lips, but then rolled his eyes when he heard the doorbell ring. "I swear, we don't have room in this kitchen for anymore _food,_" he said, walking around the counter to go answer the door.

Beside Izzie, Cristina stood up from her stool. "I should probably go," she told her. "But remember, if you tell _anyone _about the crying..."

Izzie laughed as she rolled her eyes. "I promise, Cristina," she said, watching as her friend walked out of the kitchen.

She was about to turn back toward the counter to take another bite of cobbler when her eyes caught sight of something that made her heart skip a beat in her chest. She could feel the blood literally drain from her face, and she had to grip the countertop to keep from falling from the stool. _Was she going crazy?_ She must be, she thought, because she could swear that she just saw her son run past the kitchen into the neighboring playroom.


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks so much to everyone for their reviews of the last chapter! Just a side note, I've included the last paragraph of the previous chapter because this one begins right where chapter eleven left off.

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She was about to turn back toward the counter to take another bite of cobbler when her eyes caught sight of something that made her heart skip a beat in her chest. She could feel the blood literally drain from her face, and she had to grip the countertop to keep from falling from the stool. _Was she going crazy?_ She must be, she thought, because she could swear that she just saw her son run past the kitchen into the neighboring playroom.

She took a deep, unsteady breath as she slipped slowly from her seat, her shaky knees barely supporting her weight as she stood up. It briefly occurred to her that her heart might explode inside of her chest from the rate at which it was beating. _Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God._

Izzie tentatively placed one foot in front of the other, taking slow steps toward the entrance of the playroom. She stopped just outside the door, straining her ears for any sounds inside the room._ Had this entire debacle just been a long, terrible nightmare?_ she wondered optimistically._ Was her son actually in that room?_

A sob escaped her lips when she heard the sound of a child's laughter coming through the doorway, and she had to lean against the wall for support. "Ben…" she whispered hopefully, anticipation filling her heart. She suddenly had an overwhelming urge to take her son into her arms, and she quickly turned the corner, coming face to face with the three year old little boy.

Tears clouded her eyes as he looked up at her and grinned, jumping to his feet and running at her with full speed, wrapping his chubby arms around her legs. She stood ridged, unmoving as he babbled happily, telling her how much he'd missed her.

Izzie suddenly heard a ringing in her ears, and she took a step backwards, gripping the wall out of fear that she might faint.

"What's the matter?" he asked her, his tiny voice breaking through the haze as he stared at her with wide, curious eyes.

She plastered a smile on her face as she looked down at him, doing her best to grin reassuringly at the little boy despite the tears in her eyes. "Nothing's wrong, sweetie," she told him with a trembling tone. "I'm fine."

"Oh, well do you want to play with me?" he asked innocently, not waiting for her to answer before walking over to the child-sized table and sitting down. "We can color!"

Izzie felt paralyzed as she watched his movements, his tiny hands picking up the container of crayons and dumping the entire box onto the table, sending them flying over the edge. He giggled as the bright colors landed on the floor, turning to look at her and giving her a sheepish grin, one that Izzie had seen on his father's face many times over the years.

"I made a mess!" he told her delightfully, another laugh escaping his lips as he turned around and opened a coloring book.

Izzie let out a breath as she stepped away from the wall, hesitantly walking over to the table and stopping behind his chair. She peaked over his shoulder, her face twisting as she saw the colorful chaos of his scribbling as he made no attempt to stay inside the lines.

She felt another sob bubbling in her throat, and she covered her mouth with her hand, masking the sound as it escaped her lips. Despite her attempt to muffle the noise, he looked up at her questioningly, and she offered him a feeble smile. "That looks great," she told him sweetly, trying to sound enthusiastic as she eyed his picture.

He smiled at her widely before looking proudly at his artwork. "Thanks!" he told her.

Her eyes shifted to the doorway when she heard movement behind her, and she saw Callie and George appear, looking worriedly at Izzie before their eyes shifted to their son. "Samuel," Callie said in an admonishing voice. "I told you to stay with us by the front door."

Samuel looked shamefully at his feet before shifting his gaze back to his parents, his expression rueful. "Sorry, Mommy," he said quietly.

Izzie flinched as he said the simple words, watching despairingly as he crossed the room and took Callie's hand in his own. The disappointment that she had felt when she had found Samuel O'Malley in her son's playroom had been overwhelming, and her pain only intensified as she saw Callie pick up her child lovingly, balancing him on her hip. Izzie suddenly felt an intense bitterness wash over her as she watched the mother and son, silently wondering why _their _family got to be happy while she felt so miserable.

She sighed as she wondered how in the hell she'd mistaken Samuel for her son. The two boys looked nothing alike; Sammy had his mother's dark coloring, his chocolate colored hair cut short like George's. Ben, on the other hand, was fair skinned, and his blonde curls were certainly distinctly different from Samuel's straight locks. The only similarity between the boys was their small size, but any sighted person could easily tell them a part.

Sure, she had only seen Samuel's fleeing image from the corner of her eye, but she could have sworn that he'd looked just like her child. Shouldn't a mother be able to recognize whether a person was actually her child? She sighed, running her hand tiredly over her eyes. Was she so desperate to see Ben that her mind had somehow convinced itself that it had been him running down the hallway?

Her eyes focused on Samuel when she heard his voice break through her thoughts. "My Mommy said that Ben went to Heaven," he told her matter-of-factly. "And that's why he's not having his birthday party today."

Izzie paled, a fresh wave of tears instantly springing to her eyes at his innocent comment. "Um, yeah that's true."

Samuel frowned, his head cocking to the side as he studied her face. "Are you sad?"

She couldn't stop the sob the flew from her throat as she tried to smile at Samuel. "Yeah, baby. I'm sad."

A look of embarrassment crossed Callie's face as she looked apologetically at Izzie, muttering that they had just stopped by to drop off dinner for them and that she was going to take Samuel to the car. "Do you need anything before we go?" At the shake of Izzie's head, Callie quickly disappearing through the doorway, trying to get Samuel out of the room before he could say anything further.

George's eyes followed his wife as she left the room, and then he turned back to look at his Izzie, a brief silence falling over them. "Iz, I'm so sorry," he told her eventually, tears welling in his eyes as he took a step toward her. "I'm sorry about Ben…and I'm sorry that I haven't been here for you like I should have. I just don't know what to say…I don't know how act around you."

Izzie wiped at the moisture welling in the corners of her eyes, her gaze falling to the abandoned coloring book on the table. "It's fine," she told him expressionlessly as she stared resentfully at the picture before her.

His frowned at her deadpanned tone, and he took another step toward her, his hand outstretched. "Izzie…"

"I said it's fine!" she snapped, startling him with her biting remark. George's hand fell to his side limply and he stared at her nervously, watching as a tear slipped from her eye.

Mark appeared at the door moments later, having put the meal the O'Malley's brought into the kitchen with the other dishes. "What's going on?" he asked, looking worriedly between George and his wife when he saw Izzie's pained expression.

She looked up at Mark just before her hand flew to her stomach, her other hand coming to rest atop her mouth.

"Iz?" Mark said questioningly, stepping toward her with a concerned expression on his face.

"Move," she murmured, flying past him into the guest bathroom across the hall and slamming the door behind her. The barrier did little to muffle the laborious sounds of her retching, though, and Mark and George looked awkwardly at one another.

"I'll let myself out," George uttered quietly.

Mark watched him exit the room, and then quickly made his way across the hallway, opening the door just as Izzie was standing up from the floor. She looked at him momentarily before turning to the sink to wash her mouth out, splashing some of the cool water onto her face.

After a moment, she lifted up her head, staring at her pale reflection in the mirror as she patted it dry with a hand towel. "I hate this," she whispered to her husband.

He nodded his head as he stepped forward, knowing instinctively that she was talking about something much deeper than her morning sickness. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he pulled her toward him, his eyes meeting hers through the reflection of the mirror. "I know," he told her quietly, his voice cracking. "I do, too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek stood on the skywalk at the hospital, looking at the rain that had just begun to pour outside of the massive windows of Seattle Grace with his cell phone pressed to his ear. "That's perfect," he said into the phone, a smile spreading across his face. "Thank you so much…my wife's going to love that." With a grin, he closed his phone and put it back into the lab coat of his pocket, sighing in satisfaction.

"Your wife's going to love what?" Meredith asked curiously from behind him, stepping forward to stand beside her husband.

Derek smiled slyly at her as she looked at him inquisitively, not at all surprised to see her standing before him. "Eaves dropping, Meredith?" he asked, his tone mocking. "I'm shocked at you."

Her eyes narrowed at his sarcasm, and she teasingly hit him in the shoulder. "Tell me who you were talking to," she demanded, doing her best to sound tough.

He pursed his lips together, pretending to think intently before shaking his head. "No…no, I don't think so," he told her, thoroughly enjoying watching the irritation that was quickly spreading across her face.

She pouted, sticking out her lower lip. "_Derek_," she whined, bringing her hand up to his arm and caressing him through his layers of clothing.

He laughed, staring at her disbelievingly. "Nope, sorry, you won't get a word out of me," he said, amused at her expense. "It's a surprise."

He turned around and began to walk away, but she followed him, matching him step for step as she sulked beside him. "I hate surprises," she told him as she struggled to keep up, unwilling to drop the subject.

"You do not," he told her, his smile growing.

"Just tell me what you're up to," she said with exasperation, huffing breathlessly next to him. "And slow down! I can't walk that fast because I'm carrying _your _child."

He stopped abruptly, and she halted beside him gratefully. He smiled at her sweetly, bringing his hand up to gently caress her face as he looked at her, his face apologetic for walking so quickly. "I _love_ you, but you're not getting any information out of me," he told her, kissing her cheek lightly. "Come on, Mer. You need this; you need a happy surprise right now, okay?"

Meredith groaned in frustration as he hurried away from her, watching as he disappeared down the corridor. Just before he turned the corner, she huffed irritably. "You can be _so_ annoying!" she yelled to his disappearing figure, frowning as she heard his hearty laugh in response.

In reality, though, she was appreciative of Derek's gesture. She smiled as she turned to walk in the opposite direction, the wheels of her mind turning as she though of the possibilities of Derek's surprise, her only hope being that he was planning something that would help her get over the nearly constant ache in her heart.


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith approached Addison as she walked out of a patient's room. "Hey, are you busy right now?"

Addison glanced up from the chart in her hands, removing her glasses as she smiled at her friend. "Not really. I have an appointment in about forty-five minutes, but I have a little time to spare. What's up?"

"Well, I know that my next sonogram isn't until next week, but I haven't been feeling well lately," she said quietly as she ushered Addison toward an empty exam room. "I've been having a lot of lower back pain, and I've had some spotting."

Addison nodded as she watched Meredith with concern. "The back pain could be normal symptoms of pregnancy," she told her, entering the room and closing the door behind her. "But I'm concerned about the spotting. I'd like to do an ultrasound to measure your cervix. I want to make sure that you're not at risk for preterm labor."

Meredith nodded, quickly changing into a gown while Addison got her equipment ready. "Thanks. I just feel like something's a little off," she admitted as reclined on the exam table, resting her feet in the stirrups and waiting nervously.

Addison smiled reassuringly as she turned on the ultrasound equipment and pulled it toward the bed. "Well if there is, we'll figure out what it is," she said quietly. "Do you want me to page Derek?"

Meredith shook her head. "He's in surgery," she said simply, hoping that there was no reason that she would need her husband with her. "I'll be fine."

Addison readied the machine, squeezing gel onto the probe and positioning herself between Meredith's legs. "Just relax," she told her soothingly as she began the scan. Meredith stiffened as the cold gel made contact with her skin, but she quickly forced herself to relax, staring at the ceiling as she waited uncomfortably for Addison to finish the procedure.

Addison frowned as she looked carefully at the monitor. "It looks like your cervix has changed slightly since your last ultrasound," she informed her, removing the probe so that Meredith could take her feet out of the stirrups.

Meredith sat up slightly, resting her weight onto her elbows so that she had a better view of Addison. "Well, what does _that_ mean?" she asked, furrowing her brow. "That I'm at risk for preterm labor?"

Addison nodded her head, removing the latex gloves from her hand and throwing them in a nearby trashcan. "I really don't think it's anything to worry about," she told her soothingly. "There wasn't a big change, and you can reduce your risks by making small changes in your lifestyle."

"Oh," Meredith said slowly. "Like what?"

"Well for starters, you need to seriously cut back on your hours at work," she warned, coming back toward Meredith and sitting on a stool next to her. "You only have five weeks until your due date. I should have made you cut back on your hours a few weeks ago."

"So what am I supposed to do? Just sit at home all day?" she asked with frustration.

"That's exactly what you should do. You need to relax. Make sure that you have everything ready, and just enjoy the time you have now before the baby comes."

Meredith sighed, closing her eyes briefly before turning back to Addison. "Okay, I'll go talk to the chief when I leave here," she relented.

"Good," Addison said with a small smile. "And one more thing; I have to recommend no sex until you deliver. It's important that your cervix not change anymore until you're ready to have the baby."

Meredith's eyes went wide, and she turned to look at her friend with a look of dismay. "Seriously?" she asked disbelievingly. "But it's _five_ weeks."

Addison laughed despite herself, unable to contain her amusement as she looked at the horror on Meredith's face. "I think you'll survive," she said teasingly. She laughed again as she stood up, going to stand beside Meredith. "Okay, let's go ahead and do your abdominal ultrasound while you're here."

Meredith sighed, still reeling over the news that she had to go the next five weeks with almost no surgeries _and_ no sex. Guilt washed over her as she felt a twinge of resentment toward her baby. How was it that he wasn't even born and he was already drastically changing her life?

Addison handed her a blanket, which she placed over her lower body as she lifted her gown, exposing her enormous belly. She turned toward the screen as Addison placed the wand on her stomach, watching with interest as an image of the baby appeared on the screen.

"There he is," Addison said with a smile as the baby's heartbeat began echoing from the machine. She observed the image for a moment before turning to face Meredith. "Everything looks normal," she said. "He's exactly where he should be in terms of size and development. Your baby looks perfect," she assured her, printing out an image of the sonogram.

Meredith sighed, smiling slightly with relief. "That's good," she said, accepting several paper towels from Addison and wiping the gel from her stomach. "So cut back on work and sex, and everything should be fine, huh?"

Addison tilted her head toward the side, looking at Meredith with concern. "You know, stress can be another cause of preterm labor," she commented, watching Meredith as she cleaned herself off. "How _are_ you doing, anyway? I haven't gotten to talk with you a lot since Ben's funeral," she said quietly.

Meredith looked up slowly, hesitantly meeting her eyes. "I'm fine."

Addison frowned, though she was not surprised by the vague response. "Mark and Izzie are coming back to work today," she told her carefully.

Meredith looked up quickly, her eyes widening at the news. "Oh? I hadn't heard that," she said quietly, doing her best to act as though the news didn't make her chest ache with nervousness.

It had been three weeks since Ben's funeral, and Meredith hadn't seen or talked to either of her friends since. She'd heard tidbits of news about them from the O'Malley's and from Addison and Alex, but she hadn't had any contact with them personally since that terrible week. She knew the last thing that Mark and Izzie would do was seek her out for comfort or help, and though it was painful, she gave them their space.

"How've they been?" she asked gingerly, avoiding Addison's eyes as she pulled her shirt back over her shoulders.

Addison shrugged slightly, watching Meredith intently. "They're having a hard time, obviously, but they're trying to get through it, trying to move on. I know that they packed up a lot of Ben's clothes and toys and put them in the attic a few days ago," she said quietly, pausing when she saw Meredith's face contort with sadness. "It's good that they're coming back to work, though. I think they were feeling stuck in limbo just sitting at home. They just want to try to get things back to normal, or at least as normal as they can be."

Meredith nodded, fidgeting with her fingers as she fought back tears. "I can understand that," she said shakily, silently thinking that she wanted things to get back to normal, as well. Addison watched Meredith struggle to sit up as she fought to get her emotions back under control. She swung her legs over the table and stood to her feet. "I need to get back to work," she told her. "Thanks for squeezing me in."

Addison placed her hand on Meredith's arm. "If there's anything I can do for you, Meredith, just let me know. I realize that there's some tension between you and Izzie and Mark, but no one is taking sides, okay? You didn't do anything wrong, and they know that. It's just going to take time for them to let go of what happened."

Meredith plastered a smile on her face for Addison's benefit. "Thanks," she said quietly. "I'm sure you're right."

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Izzie and Mark stared at Seattle Grace through the windshield of Mark's car. "Are you ready?" Mark asked his wife, squeezing her hand gently over the console.

Izzie turned to look at him, nervousness in her eyes. "I don't know," she answered truthfully.

Mark smiled at her supportively, turning his body so that he was facing her. "We don't have to do this today," he said. "If you're not ready to go back to work, we can go home. We'll try another day."

She gave him an appreciative look, smiling through the tears welling in her eyes. "No, we should just do this; we have to get it over with," she said quietly, turning back to look at the hospital. "I'm just a little nervous, but it'll be fine, right?"

Mark squeezed her hand again, taking a deep breath as he struggled with his own apprehension. "Oh course it will," he assured her, hoping his voice sounded stronger than he felt.

They unclasped their hands, opening the doors and stepping outside of the car. They walked around to the front of the vehicle, and Izzie threaded her arm through Mark's, leaning against him slightly. "Let's go," she said quietly, ignoring the fast beat of her heart.

They walked slowly toward the doors of Seattle Grace, and Mark paused just outside the entrance, looking at Izzie questioningly. "You're sure you're ready?"

She looked at him through the glare of the sun, wondering how she'd been so lucky to find someone so loving and considerate. He'd always been a great husband, a thoughtful partner, but in the past weeks, he'd shown her how truly selfless he could be, always putting her feelings before his. Izzie knew that he was just as nervous about returning to work as she was, and yet all he thought about was making sure that _she _was ready. She suddenly had an overwhelming urge to feel his lips on hers and, standing on her toes so that they were eye to eye, she leaned forward, placing her mouth to his as her eyes fluttered shut.

Mark was surprised by the impromptu kiss, but he quickly recovered, bringing his hand to rest on the back on her neck. He rubbed her skin through the wisps of hair that had escaped her high ponytail, reveling in the feel of her soft body pressed against his. There hadn't been a lot of intimate contact between them in the past weeks, and having her in his arms again made him recognize just how much he'd missed her; how much he needed her.

Izzie smiled at him when they broke apart, her eyes meeting his and she, again, coiled her hand around his. "I love you," she told him softly, suddenly realizing that she could do anything if he was standing next to her.

He returned her smile, taking an unsteady breath. "Alright, let's go in," he said quietly, and they walked forward, entering the lobby of the hospital.

They were keenly aware of the curious, sympathetic stares that they received from the hospital staff as they made their way through the lobby. They arrived at the elevators just as one was closing, and Mark ran forward, pressing the button before it had a chance to shut completely. The doors slid back open, allowing them entrance, and Mark and Izzie stepped on.

It was impossible for them not to notice that the other occupants grew silent as they walked into the elevator, aside from two nurses in the back whose whispers seemed to echo in the otherwise silent lift. Izzie did her best to shut out their conversation, but the harder she tried to ignore them, the more conscious of their words she became. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes as she caught pieces of their exchange, listening as they discussed the personal details of Ben's death, gossiping over how she had to be sedated to leave his body in the morgue.

From the corner of his eye, Mark could see a tear trailing down Izzie's face, and his body went rigid with anger. He quickly turned around, glaring furiously at the women standing at the back of the elevator. They both tensed with nervousness as they caught his fierce look, and they looked at their feet with shame.

Izzie immediately stepped forward when the doors parted on the surgical floor, pulling Mark out of the suffocating elevator. When she was free of the tiny space, she discreetly wiped the tear from her face, taking a breath. She laughed slightly when she saw Mark's worried look, shaking her head at him. "I'm fine," she told him, waving her hand dismissively at his silent concern. "Let's just forget about them. We need to change into our scrubs."

Mark nodded agreeably, and they headed toward the locker room to get ready for their shift. When they entered the room, they found Miranda Bailey resting on the bench in the center of the room as she looked down at her pager. She glanced up when she heard the door opening, smiling when she saw them walk in. "Hey, you two, I heard that you were coming back today."

She surprised them when she stood to her feet, walking forward and bringing them both into her arms, hugging them tightly. "How're you doing?" she asked them when she stepped back.

"We're okay," Mark immediately answered, wrapping his arms around Izzie's shoulder as if to demonstrate their solidarity.

"Good," Bailey said with a smile. "Listen, I have to go; I was paged just before you came in about a trauma coming into the pit."

"Oh good," Izzie said, walking around Bailey toward her locker. "I was hoping to keep busy today. I'll meet you down there after I get dressed."

Bailey nodded before disappearing through the door, and Izzie opened her locker to remove a pair of scrubs. Her movements faltered, though, when she came face to face with several photographs that she had taped inside the door, almost all of which contained Ben's grinning face.

She smiled when she felt Mark's arms wrap around her waist, leaning into his embrace as his arms curled around her. "We're going to be fine," he told her against her ear, smiling as he looked at a picture of them of them sitting on the swing on Meredith and Derek's front porch. They were all bundled in coats and scarves, and Ben sat happily in Izzie's lap, his cheeks rosy from the cold. None of them were looking at the lens; Izzie was smiling as she watched her husband and son, the camera catching them just as they both burst into laughter.

"I know we are," she responded quietly, turning around and placing a quick kiss on her husband's lips.

He smiled at her lovingly, realizing that coming back to work hadn't been a mistake. They needed to be away from their house, away from the constant reminders of their son, and they needed to stay busy so that they wouldn't have to think about him _all_ the time. Mark could already see a bit of the sparkle returning to Izzie's eyes as she watched him with a smile.

"I'm going to find out what I've been missing around here," he told her, his eyes brightening as she turned around and removed her shirt, folding it and placing it into her locker. "Unless, of course, you need me for…something," he whispered suggestively, his hands slipping beneath the straps of her bra, resting on her shoulders.

She rolled her eyes as she removed her scrub top from her locker. "Mark! We're in the locker room!" she told him, feigning surprise that he would suggest a tryst in such a public place.

"That's never stopped you before," he whispered, placing a kiss against the back of her neck.

She giggled as his facial hair rubbed against her skin, and she quickly stepped away from him, pulling her top over her head. "Just go," she said with a laugh, rolling her eyes again.

He laughed, as well, holding up his hands in defeat. "Fine, I'm going. But I'm finding you during lunch. There's an on call room with our name on it," he promised, before slipping from the door.

Izzie was smiling when she walked down to the emergency room, disregarding the stares from the employees as she found Bailey and two interns waiting in the ambulance bay.

"Welcome back, Dr. Sloan," one of the interns said tentatively.

Izzie smiled at her. "Thanks," she said, turning toward the street as two ambulances pulled up.

Izzie could feel the rush of adrenaline as the doors to the rigs swung open, EMT's appearing at their entrances. She fleetingly thought about how much she'd missed that excitement, but the thought disappeared as she stepped forward to stand beside Bailey.

An EMT jumped from the back of the vehicle. "Allison Tucker, age 31, involved in a drive by shooting outside of a convenience store. Bullet pierced her right thigh," he said as he pulled a gurney out, setting it on the ground to reveal a minimally injured woman.

"Where's Katie?" Allison yelled frantically, trying to sit up as her eyes scanned the area. "Is she okay?"

"You need to calm down Ms. Baker," Izzie said evenly, laying her hand against the woman's arm. "Who's Katie?"

The woman looked frantically at Izzie, her eyes wide with fear. "My daughter!" she yelled. "Where's my daughter?"

Izzie faltered as she saw movement coming from the second ambulance, her gaze falling to the gurney that was being rolled past them with great speed, a tiny, motionless girl on the lying on her back. She felt as though the oxygen had literally been sucked from her lungs as she listened to Allison Tucker scream for her daughter as they wheeled her through the doors of the hospital.

Bailey looked worriedly at Izzie, approaching her despite her need to be with the young girl. "Izzie, are you okay?"

Bailey's voice jolted Izzie from her shock, and she turned to look at her superior. "I'm fine," she assured her, but Bailey's eyes narrowed at the tremble that she heard in her voice.

"Are you sure? I can page someone else," she offered.

Izzie shook her head fervently. "No, I'm fine," she repeated, raising her chin defiantly.

Bailey watched her for another moment before nodding her head in consent. "Alright, you stay with Allison," she said. "I've got the kid."

Izzie nodded slightly, suddenly feeling nauseous as she turned back to her patient. _I can do this_, she thought as she began walking into the hospital with the gurney, silently trying to convince herself of the words. _I can do this._


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith left the chief's office, walking toward the elevators with an annoyed look on her face. To say that she was irritated by the conversation that she had just had with him was an understatement.

After Addison's news that she needed to cut down on her work hours, she'd grudgingly gone to talk with Dr. Webber about working less until the baby was born. Much to her dismay, Richard had taken her risk for preterm birth far more seriously than she thought he would. As soon as Addison's diagnosis had left her mouth, his face had grown stern, and he'd insisted that she begin her maternity leave as soon as her shift was over for the day.

"_But Chief-"_

"_No 'buts,' Meredith. I won't have your water breaking on my clean O.R. floors."_

"_But Addison said that I only needed to cut back-"_

"_I said no 'buts!'" he told her firmly, although his face softened an instant later, and he rested his hands on his desk as he leaned towards her. "Meredith, as much as you don't like to acknowledge it, you're like a daughter to me," he told her quietly. "That makes your baby like my grandchild. I'm not taking any chances here."_

She had scowled at him when she realized that his mind had been made up, but his kind words had prevented her from protesting further. She'd reluctantly agreed to his conditions as she strained to stand up, and she'd left his office, mumbling about how everyone was suddenly trying to control her life.

She knew the scowl was still on her face as she waited at the elevators, and it didn't change when the doors opened and she saw her husband leaning against the back wall. He smiled when he saw her, but his grin faltered a bit when he noticed her expression. Standing up straighter, he watched her with concern. "What's wrong?"

A sigh of frustration left her mouth as she stepped onto the elevator. "Everything," she told him broodingly as she pressed the button for the third floor.

He furrowed his brow, stepping forward so that could wrap his arms around her shoulders. "Tell me what's going on," he said quietly as she rested her head against his chest.

"I have to go on maternity leave after today," she told him irritably, quickly explaining the results of her ultrasound and the Chief's decision about her mandatory leave.

Derek held his breath as she revealed that she was at risk for preterm labor, but he couldn't stop a small smile that came to his face when he heard about Richard's overprotective response. He was glad that Meredith's face was pressed against his chest so that she couldn't see his amusement. "I'm sure he means well," he told her, trying to be sympathetic. "And it'll be good for you to rest until the baby comes."

She pulled away from him when she heard his words, annoyed that he didn't understand how miserable she would be sitting at home all day until her due date. She rolled her eyes when she saw the small smile that was playing on his lips, and she suddenly had the urge to make him suffer, as well. "Oh, I almost forgot," she said as the elevator doors slipped open. "We can't have sex."

She couldn't stop the feeling of triumph she felt when she saw the smile instantly fall from his lips, and she quickly exited the elevator, leaving him standing there dumbfounded.

As the doors slid closed behind his wife, Derek slowly walked to the side of the elevator, leaning against the wall as he waited for his own stop. No sex for five weeks? That sounded like torture, and he couldn't prevent the annoyance that he suddenly felt regarding his ex-wife's diagnosis.

He straightened as he heard the ding of the elevator, and he strode off the lift in a huff, walking determinedly down the hallway. He walked toward the nurses' station, eyeing a young woman behind the counter. "Where's Dr. Montgomery?"

The girl glanced up nervously at his aggravated tone. "Uh...she said something about needing a nap after her last appointment," the girl told him hesitantly. "I think she's probably in the on call room."

Derek's frown deepened as he turned on his heel, heading toward the end of the hall. "Nap, my ass," he muttered, knowing instantly what Addison was doing in that on call room. He didn't hesitate as when he came to the door, putting his hand on the knob and turning it roughly.

He walked through the door easily, watching with amusement as Alex jumped back from his fiancé. Derek couldn't help but feel lucky that they were both still clothed; he didn't think he could handle having to look at Alex's naked ass right now.

"You two should learn to lock the door," he casually threw out, walking toward them as Addison sat up, glaring at him with annoyance.

"Derek, get out of here!" she insisted, crossing her arms angrily.

"You really are Satan, you know that?" he said lightly, ignoring their exasperated expressions as he sat in a seat across from them, unfazed by the fact that he had just interrupted their rendezvous. "Leave it to you to use my unborn child to get back at me."

"What are you talking about? Derek, can't we discuss this later?" Addison asked disbelievingly.

"You just told Meredith that we can't have sex for five weeks, and you can't give me five _minutes_?"

Addison sighed, briefly glancing at Alex with an apologetic look on her face before staring back at Derek. "I did an ultrasound earlier, and it showed that her-"

"I know what the results were, Addison. That's why I'm sitting across from you, freaking out because I can't have sex with my wife for five damn weeks."

"Actually it's more like eleven weeks. You know, since you can't have sex for about six weeks after giving birth," Alex supplied, entertained by the look of horror that crossed Derek's features. Daggers abruptly seemed to be shooting from his eyes as he stared at them, and Alex felt the need to angle his shoulder so the he was half shielding Addison from his glare. "Dude, what do you want her to do? She's just doing her job. She's trying to protect your kid."

Derek's feature softened as Alex's words sank in, and his shoulders slumped as he looked at them, oblivious to the fact that people in the hallway were giving them odd looks as they passed doorway of the room. "I know," he relented. "It's just…it's just that now you've ruined my surprise for her."

Addison and Alex glanced at each other for a moment before looking at him strangely as he pouted before them. "What're you talking about, Derek?" Addison asked him.

He sighed. "I was going to take Meredith to Mt. Rainier this weekend," he revealed, slumping further in his chair. "I've had it planned for weeks. I called a travel agent and he suggested a romantic cabin a couple hours outside the city. Mer needs to get away from everything, and I thought it'd be nice to spend some _time_ together before the baby's born." He sighed, his shoulders slumping as he stood to his feet. "Never mind, it's not a big deal; I'll just cancel it."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Derek, you're such an idiot," she told him, climbing to her feet so that their eyes were more level.

He gave her a wounded look as she placed her hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look at her. "Has it even occurred to you that Meredith might enjoy a weekend getaway that _doesn't _involve sex?"

A laugh escaped Derek's mouth, and he looked at her incredulously. "Have you met my wife?" he asked.

Addison rolled her eyes. "Just because a person enjoys sex doesn't mean that they don't appreciate romance. Meredith would love a weekend to just _be_ with you," she told him softly.

He stared at her for a moment, and then another small laugh bubbled from his throat as he rubbed a hand lazily through his hair. "You're right…I _am _an idiot," he told them, wishing that he had realized the truth behind Addison's words earlier. He turned around and walked toward the door. "Uh…sorry for…um…interrupting," he told them lamely before locking the door and shutting it behind him.

Addison rolled her eyes as she watched him walk out of the room, and then she gasped as she felt Alex's arms wrap around her body, pulling her back down on the bed. "Now, where were we?" he asked huskily, nuzzling his face against the side of his neck.

She smiled beneath him, angling her head so that she could give him better access to her skin. "Well, actually…" she began slowly.

He groaned, sitting up slightly so that he could look at her face. "Actually, what?"

She looked at him remorsefully, trying to supply him with a sweet smile. "I've just been _really_ tired today," she told him. "Maybe we could just…I don't know, take a nap?"

A pout crossed his face as he watched her disbelievingly. "Seriously? I thought you paged me for a booty call, and you want me to take a nap with you?" he said playfully.

She laughed, lightly hitting his shoulder. "Alex!"

Alex couldn't help but smile as he collapsed on the bed beside her. "Fine, we can take a nap. But don't be surprised if I give you the shut down the next time you try to use me for my body," he told her mockingly, pulling her toward him so that her back was pressed against his chest.

She laughed again, rolling her eyes before allowing them to flutter shut with exhaustion. "Right..." she whispered disbelievingly.

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Izzie walked down the hallway toward Allison Tucker's room, lab results clasped tightly in her hands. She was doing her best to get through the day, trying to ignore the cries of despair occasionally emitting from the waiting room and the smell of death that only a doctor could recognize. _Just act keep it together_, she reminded herself, pasting a smile on her face as she knocked lightly on the woman's door, waiting momentarily before pushing it open.

"Ms. Tucker, I have the results of your-"

She paused mid-sentence when her eyes saw her patient's devastated face, sobs wracking Allison's body as she lied in her bed. Dread filled Izzie as she walked hesitantly toward the sorrowful woman. "Ms. Tucker, are you…are you okay?"

Allison shook her head, gasping for breath as her weeping stole the oxygen from her body. Izzie walked quickly toward her, placing her hands on her shoulders and looking her in the eye. "Just breathe, Ms. Tucker," she said, inhaling deeply so that Allison could imitate her breathing. When Allison began to settle down, Izzie nodded encouraging. "That's good, just keep taking deep breaths," she told her, briefly glancing at the monitors beside the bed.

"I don't want to breathe," the woman whispered below her, shutting her eyes as more tears escaped through her lids.

Izzie swallowed hard as she watched the woman crying before her. "Is it…is it Katie?" she asked quietly. Allison's face crumbled as Izzie said her daughter's name, more sobs beginning to wrack her body.

Tears filled Izzie's own eyes as she stared down helplessly. "I'm so sorry, Allison," she said softly, knowing fully how little comfort her words were supplying. "I'm sure the doctors did everything they could..."

Allison shook her head frantically. "No! You don't understand!" she said hysterically, her eyes moving to look at Izzie.

"Allison-"

"Katie's not dead!" she suddenly interrupted as her body began to tremble with emotion. "But she will be soon."

Izzie was taken aback by Allison Tucker's words. "Why…why would you say that?" she asked her disbelievingly as she sat in the chair beside the bed, not understanding how a parent could so easily give up on their child. "Has a doctor come in here to talk with you? Did…did Dr. Bailey talk to you about Katie?" Izzie shook her head as she waited for an explanation; she just couldn't believe that Miranda Bailey would be so cruel as to tell a parent that there was no hope for their child, even if the hope was small.

"She lost a lot of blood," Allison revealed in a small voice, her hand coming up to wipe the tears from her face. "Dr. Bailey said that they need to do an emergency surgery, and that she would need a blood transfusion. She came in here half an hour ago to get my consent."

"Oh," Izzie said softly, looking at the floor as she fought to keep her own tears from falling from her eyes. Taking a steadying breath, she looked up and met Allison's stare. "Well you have some of the best doctors in the country working on your daughter," she revealed soothingly, doing her best to smile for Allison's benefit. "They're going to do everything they can to save her."

Allison shook her head, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. "She's not having the surgery, Dr. Sloan," she said quietly. "My husband's with Katie in intensive care, and I'm waiting for someone to bring me a wheelchair so that I can go be with them. We don't want her to be alone when-" She trailed off, her voice breaking.

Izzie went rigid in her seat, looking disbelievingly at the woman in front of her. "Why isn't she having the surgery?" she asked, her voice sounding rougher than she had intended.

Allison's eyes looked wildly at Izzie, silently pleading for her to understand. "She can't have a blood transfusion," she divulged in a whisper. "It's…it's…God wouldn't want her to have someone else's blood."

Izzie's eyes went wide; she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "_God_ wouldn't want Katie to have someone else's blood? Allison, what're you talking about?"

Allison took a shuddering breath, gripping her blanket tightly between her fingers. "It's against our religion," she whispered, shifting her eyes away from Izzie's disbelieving stare. "We believe that blood is sacred, and we reject the idea of transfusions."

Izzie bolted from her seat, staring incredulously at Allison Tucker. "You can't be serious! You have a chance to _save_ your daughter! How can you even think twice about that?"

Allison continued to stare straight ahead. "There's nothing I can do," she said helplessly, her voice breaking as tears continued to fall from her eyes. "If Katie dies, it's God's will."

Izzie squeezed her fists, her fingernails biting into the flesh of her palms. "Allison, think about what you're doing," she pleaded, her chest suddenly feeling tight. "You can still save Katie. All you have to do is give your consent for the surgery."

"I can't…" she whispered brokenly.

"But you're letting your daughter _die!_" she suddenly yelled, surprising herself by her own outburst. "You can't do this, Allison. Think about Katie! Just think about everything that she'll never get a chance to do if you don't let-"

"Izzie!"

Izzie stopped in the middle of her tirade, twirling around and seeing Meredith standing at the door with a wheelchair, a shocked expression on her face. "What're you doing here?" Izzie asked her, her voice raw with emotion.

"Dr. Bailey asked me to take Ms. Tucker up to the ICU," she said. "What're _you_ doing," she asked, still astonished by what she'd heard Izzie saying when she walked into the room.

Izzie ignored her, turning back toward Allison. "Please…_please_ rethink this. You don't know what it's like…you can't let Katie die. You have to-"

"Izzie, stop it," Meredith said quietly as she walked toward her, wrapping her hand around Izzie's arm and pulling her back gently into the hallway.

Izzie yanked her arm free from her grasp, looking at her sharply. "Stay out of this, Meredith."

"No, Izzie," she said softly, though her expression was pleading for Izzie to understand. "It's not your place to tell Ms. Tucker what decisions to make. Dr. Bailey and the chief-"

Izzie's face turned cold as she watched Meredith, shaking head slightly. "You're unbelievable," she whispered bitterly, glancing quickly behind her at Allison's crying figure before striding angrily down the hall.


	15. Chapter 15

Izzie's face was unsmiling when she opened the door of Chief Webber's office. Her eyes looked fleetingly at Meredith and Dr. Bailey, who were sitting in the chairs across his desk. Her face remained hard as their eyes met, but she soon turned away, her gaze settling on the Chief's dismal face. "You paged me?" she asked, her voice sounding aloof.

"Yes." He motioned her into the room with his hand. "Close the door behind you."

She did as she was told, and then walked further into the room, making sure to keep her distance from Meredith and Dr. Bailey. She noticed the stern look on Richard's face, but she realized that she wasn't nervous as he crossed his hands on his desk, leaning towards her; she was livid.

"I asked the three of you to come here because I've had some disturbing reports from several nurses and orderlies about a scuffle between two of my best surgeons. I'm sure that I don't need to tell you all what I'm talking about."

Meredith looked to the floor nervously, her hands coming to rest on her swollen belly. "It wasn't a big a deal, Chief," Meredith began, trying to downplay the full extent of their argument. From the corner of her eye, she could see Izzie folding her arms across her chest angrily.

Izzie fumed, her eyes widening at Meredith's words. "Not a big deal?" she repeated, turning to look at her, her voice rising with each word. "It's a _huge_ deal, Meredith! You're willing to let Katie Tucker _die_!"

"Izzie, that's enough," Bailey admonished, though her voice was soft with sympathy. She couldn't help but think that this was her fault. She should have known better than to let Izzie continue with a case that was so similar to what she and Mark were going through. "You know that's not true."

"You weren't there," Izzie said, her voice angry as she glanced at Bailey. "I was trying to get Mrs. Tucker to reconsider-"

"_Yelling_ at the patient is not the way to go about doing that, Dr. Sloan," the chief interrupted, the sound of his somber voice drawing the stares of the three women. "We're going to do everything we can to convince the Tucker's to reconsider their decision. In fact, Dr. Bailey and I were talking with _Mr_. Tucker in the ICU about rethinking their choice when I was informed about your inappropriate conversation with the patient," he informed Izzie, staring at her unhappily. "Getting emotionally involved is not an option here, and _you_ should know that."

His words instantly caused tears to fill her eyes, and she shifted her gaze to the floor shamefully. Seeing her solemn expression, Richard sighed regretfully, knowing that he was treading on shaky ground. "Izzie," he began softly. "I understand what you're going through-"

Her gaze sharpened when she heard the words coming from his mouth, and she brought her angry eyes up to meet his stare. "No you don't," she interrupted immediately, her tone icy despite her tears. "You have _no _idea."

Silence filled the room as her words sank in, and Izzie angrily wiped a tear from her face. They _didn't_ understand; they never would.

Meredith looked up, watching sadly as another tear spilled over Izzie's eyelid. "Iz, I'm sorry if I seemed insensitive, but the way you were talking to Mrs. Tucker was-"

"I get it, okay?" Izzie interrupted bitterly, glaring at her. "I get that I was _inappropriate_ with the patient. I'm sorry if I let my dead son get in the way of acting like a proper surgeon."

Meredith gasped lightly at Izzie's harsh words, and she stared down at her hands, fidgeting nervously with her fingers as silence filled the room once again.

"Izzie," Mark said quietly from the doorway, his expression pained from having heard her comment. All eyes turned to watch him as he entered the room, but he only looked at his wife, concern covering his features as he shut the door quietly behind him.

Earlier, Richard had gone into Mark's O.R. to let him know what had happened between Meredith and Izzie, and he'd asked Mark to join them in his office as soon as he could. Mark's chest had ached when he'd heard the details of Izzie's encounter with Allison Tucker, and he'd raced through his surgery. For the first time in his career, he'd neglected to give his patient his complete attention, but he couldn't even bring himself to feel guilt over that fact because all he cared about has getting Izzie the hell out of Richard's office.

Her face paled slightly when she saw him standing there, her anger seemingly dissolving as her chin began to quiver. "Mark…" His name sounded desperate as it crossed her lips, and he started walking toward her. "That little girl…" she began, frantic for him to understand.

"I know," he told her quietly, stopping in front of her as his arms wrapped around her shoulders.

"She could die," Izzie whispered as her face began to crumble with emotion.

"I know." He brought his hand up to the nape of her neck, pulling her head to his shoulder.

"She deserves a _chance_, Mark," Izzie continued, her words almost inaudible against his shoulder as sobs began to wrack her body. "I just want…I want her to have…have a…a chance..."

The rest of the room was silent as they watched helplessly while Mark held his sobbing wife, his chin resting on top of her hair as his hand soothingly stroked her back. Over the top of her head, Mark stared expressionlessly at Richard. "Get someone to cover the rest of our shifts," he told him, his tone leaving no room for argument.

Richard nodded lightly. "Already done."

Mark waited patiently for Izzie to settle down, but as soon as her weeping quieted, he pulled back slightly, looking intently into her red, swollen eyes. "Let's go home, okay?"

She nodded softly as she wiped the moisture from her cheeks, leaning in to him so that he could support her weight as they silently crossed the office, leaving without any further comments. Mark led her down the hallway, guiding her toward the stairwell so they could avoid the curious stares of the hospital gossips. They were out of Seattle Grace within minutes, and they crossed the parking lot to Mark's SUV. He opened the door for her and waited until she climbed in before going to his side of the vehicle.

The ride was quiet, the only noise being the soft hum of the radio. When they arrived at the house, Mark parked the car in the garage and quickly climbed out, meeting Izzie on the other side. She leaned into him once again, and they walked through the door, Mark leading her up the stairs to the second floor. They went straight to the master bedroom, and Mark sat Izzie on the edge of the bed before walking over to the window to close the curtains so that the room was engulfed with darkness.

Within seconds he was sitting beside her, and she gave him a small, teary smile. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice quivering.

"Iz, there's nothing for you to be sorry about."

She bit her bottom lip gently to stop it from trembling, and then took a deep, steadying breath. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did," she admitted with a shake of her head. "I know Richard's right; I even know that _Meredith's_ right, but when…when that woman told me that she wasn't going to let her daughter have that surgery…" Her voice broke, and she momentarily closed her eyes. Mark lifted his hand, gently brushing away a tear that escaped through her lid, catching it with his thumb as it rolled down the side of her face. "It's not fair," she whispered, opening her eyes again and meeting his gaze. "I would've done _anything_ to have had a chance to save Ben. _Anything._ And she's just letting her daughter…she'd just letter her child die."

Mark swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat as he watched his wife speak, and he gently lifted his hand, cupping the side of her face. He watched her close her eyes when his hand touched her skin, leaning her head into his palm. "You don't need to think about it anymore," he said quietly. "It would be a hard case for anybody, but for you…" He trailed off, shaking his head lightly. "Just try not to think about it."

Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled slightly at him as she nodded her head. "I love you," she whispered.

He returned her smile. "I know," he told her playfully, his smile widening when she laughed softly.

His face grew serious moments later, and he tilted his head to the side, staring at Izzie devotedly. "I love you, too," he told her, his eyes closing as he leaned forward to lightly brush her lips with his own.

The instant his mouth touched hers, Izzie wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him toward her, suddenly craving the touch of his skin. Mark moaned against her, gently tugged her hair free of its ponytail so that her blonde locks fell freely around her face. His hands were buried in her hair moments later, his fingers running through the soft tresses as she gently sucked on his lower lip.

Between the loving whispers and moans of pleasure, their clothes seemed to melt away, and Mark was soon lying above her, his body trembling with the urge to be buried inside of her body. He hesitated though, enjoying the fire that came into her eyes when he dared to make her wait for that first satisfying thrust. "Mark…" she said, his name sounding like a mixture of a plea and a warning. He smiled, crushing his lips against hers as he acquiesced to her wishes.

His kiss muffled her gasp of pleasure when he filled her, and she immediately wrapped her legs around his waist, resting the heels of her feet against his lower back. Their breaths quickened as they moved together in perfect rhythm, both of them arching their hips further in an effort to bring their bodies even closer together. Izzie's eyes fluttered opened briefly, as she watched intently as Mark strained above her. "I missed this," she whispered, her voice quaking from her desire.

He faltered momentarily, looking down at her with a seemingly relieved expression on his face. "I did, too," he told her quietly with a smile, and then he began to move once again, wrapping his hands around hers, their fingers curling together against the sheets.

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When Addison entered her apartment, she immediately noticed an interesting aroma of spices coming from the kitchen. She followed the scent, an amused smile appearing on her face when she walked in on Alex, his back to her as he stirred the contents of a skillet heating on the stove. The granite countertops were covered with dirty, abandoned dishes and splashed with various ingredients, all of which were a product of Alex's current attempts. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing when he began quietly swearing, pulling the skillet off the burner as a thin trail of smoke began to emit from the cooking dish.

She set her keys on the kitchen table, creating a loud thump to announce her arrival. She smiled at him when he turned around quickly, looking at her sheepishly over the counter. "Hey," she said, laughter in her eyes.

"Uh…hey," he responded, watching her as she walked up behind him.

"What're you making?"

He frowned, turning back to the skillet in front of him. "Nothing apparently," he grumbled. "It burned. I don't know how it happened; I've been watching it the whole time."

Laughter escaped from her lips when she peered over his shoulder, seeing the pitifully charred food. He narrowed his eyes at her, not amused. "It's not funny," he said, obviously offended. "I was trying to cook you dinner."

She pressed her lips together to stifle her laughter, though her eyes still gleamed with enjoyment. "I'm sorry," she said, trying to sound serious. "You're right; it's not funny."

He rolled his eyes, a grin suddenly appearing on his face. "Like you could do any better," he said, pulling her into his arms.

She laughed again as his lips found the ticklish spot beneath her earlobe, and she leaned back against the counter, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"So…should we order in?" he asked her, bringing his head up so that his cheek could leisurely brush against hers.

"I'm not really hungry," she told him, her eyes closing as his hand ran slowly along the side of her ribcage.

"Oh, you're not, huh?" he asked, smiling suggestively as he placed his leg between hers.

"No, I'm not," she confirmed with a laugh, pushing against his shoulders gently. "And I'm actually kind of tired, so I think I'm just going to take a bath and go to bed."

He pouted at her words. "Tired?" he asked, sounding like a whining child. "Addie, I took a freaking _nap_ with you today. You're supposed to be _energized_."

She rolled her eyes, sliding away from him as a smile crept to her face. "I'm sorry," she said with a laugh, entering their bedroom with him trailing behind her. "But I had a long day. I need sleep, Alex."

With an irritated expression, he sat on the bed as she entered their adjoining bathroom. "Sleep's overrated, Addison," he called out to her, hearing the water as it began pouring into the tub.

She appeared at the doorway of the bathroom moments later, removing her earrings and placing them on the dresser. "Alex, I'll make it up to you tomorrow," she promised, a smile appearing on her face as she began to strip away her clothes.

He watched her every move as she slowly slid her clinging wrap dress above her head, tossing it carelessly into a laundry basket that she'd left by the door, having had the intention of washing clothes the day before. She stood now in only her undergarments, her long, flat abdomen extending as she stretched her arms lazily above her head, apparently unaware of the affect that her movements were having on him. "Addison, are you _trying_ to make me suffer?" he asked her, attempting to sound lighthearted, though he was completely serious. Watching her and knowing that he couldn't have her was proving to be pure torture.

"Sorry, I didn't realize I was being so cruel," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes and turning around so that she could walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for Derek. _That poor guy has weeks of torment, _he thought with a shake of his head.

He looked up sharply when he heard the bathroom door open moments later, hope filling his eyes. He inhaled sharply when he saw Addison standing in the doorway naked, smiling at him as she held up her lacy bra and panties. "I forgot to put these in the laundry," she told him, her eyes filled with mischief as she threw the undergarments atop her dress in the basket. She then turned around lazily, sauntering back into the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

Alex groaned, throwing himself back onto the mattress. It was going to be a long night.


	16. Chapter 16

The sound of the alarm clock was intrusive, and it jarred Meredith and Derek from their slumber at an ungodly hour. Meredith groaned in protest as Derek gently eased his arms from around her body, trying unsuccessfully not to wake her further as he climbed out of their bed. She heard the soft echo of his feet as he walked into the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind him. A moment later, the sound of the shower running emitted through the door.

She cracked her eyes open, stealing a glance at the alarm clock and noticing that it was only four o'clock. With a tired sigh, she closed her eyes again, trying to go back to sleep as she snuggled beneath the comforter. She remained motionless, waiting for her exhausted body to lull itself to sleep.

By the time Derek emerged from the bathroom fifteen minutes later, Meredith was lying on her back, staring up at the clock with a scowl on her face. Derek frowned when he saw his wife's expression. "Why are you awake? You should go back to sleep," to advised, walking over to their dresser and pulling out a clean shirt.

She turned to look at him, narrowing her eyes with irritation. "Well obviously I _would_ if I could actually _go _back to sleep," she told him with a roll of her eyes. "But I can't, because I'm so freaking _huge_ that I can't get comfortable."

Derek smiled sympathetically at her, walking over to the bed and climbing on top of the comforter so that he could lie down beside her. "You're not huge," he told her adoringly, his hand coming up to push her hair gently away from her face. "You're absolutely stunning. There's nothing more beautiful than watching you carry my child."

She stared at him momentarily, silence hanging between them before she rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding me?" she asked him with annoyance. "Don't even try to suck up to me now. This is all _your _fault. You and your stupid _boy_ penis," she grumbled, letting out an impatient sigh as she struggled to roll onto her side, her back facing him.

Derek stared at her momentarily, confusion evident on his face. He was trying to be supportive, really he was, but her mood swings were growing steadily worse with each day of her maternity leave. It was only the fourth day of her forced leave of absence, and her heightened grumpiness was making Derek nervous about the next four weeks.

With a sigh, he climbed off the bed, walking over to the closet across the room. He emerged moments later, looking down at his brooding wife as he pulled on a pair of slacks. "I'll probably be leaving the hospital around eight," he said casually, his eyes meeting hers as she watched him get dressed from beneath the covers. "I just need to check on a couple of patients and finish up some paperwork, and then I'm taking the rest of the day off."

"Why?"

"Because we're going out of town for the weekend," he told her simply, disappearing into the bathroom.

She furrowed her brow in confusion, frowning as she pushed herself off the bed and followed her husband into the bathroom. "What are you talking about?" she asked him, staring at his face through the reflection of the mirror while he brushed his teeth.

Silence hung between them while she waited for him to rinse out his mouth, and then he turned to her, smiling. "I'm taking you away for a few days," he told her. "I thought we could use a weekend together before the baby comes."

She felt ridiculous as she sensed the tears filling her eyes, and she briefly cursed her raging hormones. "Really?" she asked him, the tone of her shaky voice clearly indicating that she was touched by his gesture.

He laughed lightly, relieved that her sour mood had changed so abruptly, and he walked over and kissed her gently. "Really," he confirmed, telling her about the cabin the he'd booked for them the month before.

As he filled her in on the details of the weekend, he watched her face change from excitement to pain, her hand coming to rest on the side of her belly as she winced. "What is it?" he asked immediately, the palm of his hand covering hers.

"He's kicking me," Meredith explained with pretend indignation, grimacing as she felt her baby kicking again and again, as though he suddenly wanted out of the cramped space of her belly. She bit her lip, waiting for the baby to stop striking against her ribs. "I think he's offended that you think we need a weekend together before he gets here," she told Derek playfully, leaning against him as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Sighing, she rested her cheek against his chest. "I'm not ready for this," she admitted in a whisper, as though she was trying to keep her child from hearing her words. With only four weeks to go, Meredith was suddenly feeling overwhelming nervous about the birth of her son. "Are you sure that we're even _old enough_ to have a baby?"

Derek laughed at her once again, his hands gently stroking her hair. "I'm sure, Mer," he assured her, knowing that his words were doing little to comfort his wife. "Don't worry, you're going to be a great mother."

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Addison woke up as Alex rolled on top of her, her eyes squinting open to look at him as she felt his lips mold to the side of her neck.

"Good morning," he said quietly, grinning at her when he saw her open eyes. "Did you sleep well?"

She nodded her head as she gently pushed against his shoulder, silently forcing him to roll off her body. When he was lying next to her once again, she turned over onto her side, her back facing him as she let her eyes flutter shut.

Alex frowned at her back, chewing on his bottom lip. "Addie, what's the matter?" he asked, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice.

She ignored his question, merely groaning in response as she pressed her face deeper into the soft pillow below her head.

"Are you mad at me or something?"

She rolled her eyes at his persistence, refusing to turn around. "I'm not mad at you, Alex," she said with an aggravated sigh. "I just don't feel good, and I want to go back to sleep."

"Okay," he answered quietly, nodding his head agreeably and turning onto his back so that he could stare at the ceiling. He didn't know what was wrong with her, but she had been acting strangely for days. With a sigh, he sat up, sparing a glance at her still form. "I'm going to hop in the shower," he told her.

"Fine," she muttered, attempting to burrow deeper below the duvet.

Alex bit his lip, throwing his legs over the side of the bed and walking into the bathroom, feeling overcome with frustration. He turned on the shower, placing his hand beneath the spray to test the temperature of the water, all the while wondering what the hell was making his fiancée so irritable.

An instant later, he turned around at the sound of running feet, watching Addison as she ran into the bathroom.

His face contorted with worry as she threw open the lid of the toilet just in time to heave into the bowl. "Christ, Addison," he muttered, frowning with concern as he quickly walked over to the sink so that he could wet a washcloth. He handed in to her just as she was flushing the toilet, and he suddenly felt guilty for feeling annoyed that she'd brushed off his advances. "Are you okay?" he asked her, taking her hand so that he could help her to her feet.

She took the washcloth from him gratefully, but she couldn't stop the impatience that she felt when he asked his question. "Do I look okay to you?" she asked sarcastically, wiping the corners of her mouth.

"I was just asking-"

"Well stop asking," she interrupted. "Obviously I'm not okay, so if it's okay with you, it would be great if you could just _stop_ with the questions, Alex," she snapped, turning around and exiting the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

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Mark opened the front door of his house, wiping the sweat from his forehead with the side of his arm as he gently kicked the door closed with his foot. The instant he was in the foyer, he was overcome by the sweet smell of baking breakfast, a smell that he hadn't experienced in his house since the morning that his son had been killed.

He followed the aroma into the kitchen, a small smile coming to his mouth when he saw his wife standing over the stove in her apron, humming as she turned pancakes over in a skillet. "Hey you," he called, instantly grabbing her attention.

She jumped lightly when she heard his voice, but a grin appeared on her face when she looked up, watching her shirtless husband walk into the kitchen. "Hey yourself," she called. "How was your run?"

"It was great, but it's hot as hell outside," he told her, walking around the counter to stand behind her.

"Obviously," she said, her eyebrows rising as she noted the perspiration drenching his body. Warily, she watched him approach her, and she gasped when he wrapped his arms around her waist, scrunching up her face in mock-disgust. "Gross, you're all sweaty," she told him, but she couldn't help but giggle when he leaned his head toward hers, nuzzling his face against the side of her neck. "Mark," she whined, laughing as she tried unsuccessfully to wiggle away from him. "You're going to make me burn the pancakes."

He laughed at her playfully, glancing down into the skillet on the stove. "You're making chocolate chip pancakes?" he asked, smiling when he saw the golden batter littered with chocolate morsels.

She nodded, using her spatula to flip the flapjack on its other side. "Yeah," she told him with a grin. "I thought it would be a nice change from the Eggo waffles you keep trying to force down my throat."

He laughed again, kissing her on the cheek as he turned toward the refrigerator, removing a bottle of orange juice. "So, today's the day," he said lightly, glancing up at her as he pulled two small cups from the cupboard.

Izzie kept her back to him, her eyes trained on the skillet in front of her. "Yep, today's the day," she echoed, knowing that he was referring to the first day that she would return to work since the incident with the Tuckers.

After her emotional meeting in Richard's office, the chief had requested that Izzie see the hospital's leading psychiatrist to ensure that she was truly ready to return to work. Izzie had succumbed the request much easier that Mark had anticipated, going to see Dr. Masterson the following day. Mark hadn't asked Izzie for the particulars of their session, wanting to give her privacy if she so chose, and she hadn't offered him many details.

Whatever they had discussed, though, had clearly had an impact on his wife. Although Dr. Masterson had reported to Richard that Izzie was able to return to work when she was ready, Izzie had insisted on taking a couple more days off. In that time, she'd spent hours sifting through the rest of Ben's belongings, boxing up his remaining clothes and toys, most of which were put in the attic.

When Mark had gotten home from work the day before, he'd found her sitting on the floor in Ben's room, her back to the door as she looked through a stack of artwork that Ben had made in Preschool. He'd chewed on his lip nervously as he'd quietly entered the room, walking over to sit beside her on the floor. He'd expected to find her in tears, just as she had been when they'd tried to go through some of his things the week before, but instead, he's been relieved to see a smile on her face as she'd flipped through the papers.

She'd turned to look at him when he'd sat down beside her, her smile widening as she held up a picture splashed with different color paints. "This is really good, isn't it? Ben was such a great artist."

He'd nodded in agreement as he returned her smile, unbelievably relieved to find her in such spirits. For weeks, tears had inevitably sprung to her eyes whenever something had merely reminded her of Ben. The smallest of things could trigger a meltdown; she'd broken down in the grocery store two weeks earlier as they'd passed a display of Sesame Street fruit snacks, for instance, and one afternoon Mark had found her sitting on the bathroom floor, tears streaming down her face as she'd clutched a box of Blue's Clues Band-Aids that had fallen from the cabinet.

To say that Mark had felt relieved to find Izzie smiling in Ben's room was an understatement. Her newfound behavior was such a miraculous turnaround, that he couldn't help but think that they really _were_ going to make it. Ever since Ben had died, Mark had constantly assured Izzie that they were going to be alright, that they were going to get through it together, but there had always been a small part of him that had doubted his own promises. As he'd watched her in Ben's room that day, though, Mark had realized that instead of merely being sad over the fact that they'd _lost_ their son, they could be happy that they'd been lucky enough to have him for almost three years.

And now, watching his wife take the stack of pancakes to the kitchen table, Mark couldn't help but think that she'd had the same realization. He smiled as he carried their cups of orange juice over to the table, sitting down beside Izzie as she placed a pancake on her plate.

"I'm going to see if Addison can squeeze me in for a check up tomorrow," Izzie said before taking a bite of her breakfast.

Mark looked up at her quickly, concern covering his face. "What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

She couldn't help but laugh at him; he looked so adorably anxious. "Nothing's wrong," she assured him. "It's just time for a check up, and I don't have an appointment scheduled yet."

Mark suddenly grinned at her. "Maybe we can find out if it's a boy or a girl," he told her, excitement lacing his voice.

She shook her head, swallowing a mouthful of orange juice before speaking. "It's too soon for that, and besides, we're not going to find out the sex of the baby. I want it to be a surprise this time."

Mark burst out laughing at her comment, earning a scowl from his wife. "I'm sorry," he told her, trying to get his laughing under control. "I don't mean to laugh at you, but there's no _way_ you're going to make it this entire pregnancy without find out."

Izzie pouted. "Excuse me, I have _extreme_ willpower."

Mark cocked an eyebrow at her skeptically. "Izzie…"

"I do, Mark," she insisted, smiling as she leaned toward him. "For instance, right now, all I want to do is take you upstairs to our bed, and make love with you for _hours_," she told him in a seductive voice, her hand climbing slowly up the length of his thigh, coming to rest on top of his already stirring arousal. She smiled at him when she saw him looking at her lustfully, his breath becoming irregular as she moved her hand slowly across his lap. Just as quickly, though, she snatched her hand away, grinning at him playfully. "But I won't, because I have _willpower_."

And with that, she stood up and exited the room victoriously.


	17. Chapter 17

With their muscles cramped from a nearly two hour drive, Meredith and Derek walked into their vacation cabin, looking around the massive, rustically ornamented interior. "This is beautiful, Derek," she commented, walking further into the room as he shut the door behind them.

He nodded in agreement, smiling as he watched Meredith walk over to the floor-to-ceiling windows that provided breathtaking mountain-top views. "Yeah, it is," he said. "It makes me miss the trailer."

She turned away from the window, looking incredulously at him. "Seriously? _This_ reminds you of the trailer?" she asked disbelievingly, gesturing around the immaculately decorated two-story living room.

He laughed, shrugging his shoulders. "The _wilderness_, Meredith. The _wilderness_ reminds me of the trailer." He walked across the hardwood floors of the living room, finding a staircase that led to the second floor at the end of a small hall. "I think the bedroom's upstairs. I'm going to put our suitcases up," he called, already climbing up the steps.

At the top of the stairs, he found himself at the beginning of another hallway. He opened the first two doors, finding a linen closet and a small laundry room, before discovering the bedroom at the end of the corridor.

He smiled when he walked through the doorway, taken aback by the beauty of the room. The king-sized bed, which stood tall in the center of the master suite, was constructed of solid mahogany wood, and sat in front of an ornate stone fireplace. Beside it was a wall which, like the wall in the living room, was composed of soaring windows, leaving him feeling as though the room was actually built _into_ the mountain.

"Wow, this is incredible, Derek," Meredith said from behind him, walking into the room and looking around admiringly. "I can't believe you did all of this for me," she remarked quietly.

He grinned at her, setting the suitcases onto the floor and walking over to stand in front of his wife. "I'd do anything for you, Mer," he said lightly, brushing his lips across hers.

She glanced wistfully at the bed before bringing her gaze back to her husband's face. "This weekend's going to be tortuous," she told him, only half teasing. "What in the world are we going to do with all of our free time?"

He laughed at her. "I don't know. Maybe we could finally decide on a name," he suggested, his hand coming to rest on her belly. "We've thrown some ideas out there, but we only have a few more weeks before we have to know for certain."

"Yeah, I suppose we should do that," she said playfully. "And while we think about it, you could cook me great meals, and give me relaxing massages in front of the fireplace," she added, wiggling her eyebrows.

He grinned, snorting at her humorously. "Or _you _could cook _me_ great meals and give _me_ relaxing massages in front of the fireplace," he told her, mimicking her expression. "Wait, scratch that, I'll settle for the massages, I think." She rolled her eyes at him, hitting him lightly on the shoulder as his grin grew wider. He looked at her mischievously, saying, "Fine, I _guess_ we can do it your way."

She returned his smile, suddenly feeling giddy with happiness. "I'm going to go check out the bathroom," she told him excitedly, turning around and disappearing into the adjoining master bath.

He smiled when he heard her quiet gasp as she looked around the bathroom, and he turned back toward the bed, his eyes falling on a small basket sitting on the neighboring nightstand. He strode over, peering into the basket with interest, grinning when he saw the massage oils, scented candles, and various erotic items that were obviously complimentary for guests of the couple's cabin.

When Meredith walked out of the bathroom moments later, she found Derek leaning over the bed, exploring the basket with fascination. "What's that?" she inquired, walking over to the bed.

He looked up sheepishly, and then grinned, holding up the basket for her to see. "Look what came with the cabin," he remarked suggestively.

Meredith shook her head, rolling her eyes at his eager expression. "Oh, you're _so_ sleeping on the couch tonight."

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Mark had a satisfied grin on his face when he and Izzie walked into Seattle Grace Hospital. He couldn't stop himself from looking sideways at his wife as they walked through the lobby, and his eyes met her exasperated stare when he did so.

"Would you wipe that smirk off your face, please?"

He bit his bottom lip, trying to stifle the laughter that was bubbling inside of his throat. "Sorry," he mumbled, but his grin only grew wider, and he shrugged his shoulders as she scowled at him.

"Mark…" she said warningly, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Izzie, I'm sorry, but I _told you_ that you didn't have any willpower."

Her scowl deepened as they entered the elevator, and she was relieved to find that they had the small lift to themselves. "Fine, you win. I'm a big dirty whore who can't get enough of you," she said sarcastically, folding her arms across her chest with a huff. "Let it go, already."

Because their shift hadn't started until five, they'd had the entire day to spend together, and Izzie had been determined to demonstrate her _extreme willpower_ by refusing Mark's multiple attempts to lure her into the bedroom. For hours, she'd been successful, and she hadn't been able to prevent the feeling of pride that she'd felt as she'd smirked at her husband's pouty expression.

At three o'clock, Izzie had gotten into the shower to begin getting ready for work, and much to her dismay, she'd felt the cool rush of air when Mark had opened the shower door, stepping in and immediately invading her space. _"What're you doing?"_ she'd asked him with annoyance.

He'd merely grinned at her, looking at her with an innocent expression. _"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm taking a shower."_

Her eyes had narrowed as she'd looked at him through the heavy spray of water. _"You took a shower this morning after your run."_

"_So, I decided to take another one,"_ he'd said with a shrug. _"I'm feeling particularly dirty today."_

She'd scoffed at his pun, turning back around and doing her best to ignore him as she'd began lathering her hair with shampoo. She'd had to bite her lip to keep from yelping when, just moments later, he'd promptly stepped forward, pressing his body against hers as he'd leaned over her shoulder to pick up the soap that rested on the shelf below the shower head. "_Sorry_," he said lightly when he felt her body go rigid. "_This shower's just so tight_."

Her senses had suddenly seemed heightened, and she could've sworn that she could _hear_ the sound of him moving the soap over the contours of his body. She hadn't been able prevent her mind from conjuring up a mental picture of him doing just that, and her breathing soon became uneven as she'd begun to imagine her body replacing the soap, so that it was _she_ who was moving over the slippery contours of his body.

She'd turned around in the shower then, glaring at her smirking husband. "_You don't play by the rules_," she'd observed, stepping forward to eliminate the space between them.

"_I wasn't aware that there were rules_," he'd managed to say, just before she'd quickly ceased his speech by crushing her lips against his.

She'd expected him to gloat. She knew the minute she had given in, she was destined to be teased about her lack of willpower. What she hadn't expected, though, was that he would still be wallowing in glory two hours after her forfeit. "Mark Bennett Sloan, I swear to God, if you don't wipe that smirk off your face, my panties will be staying on for a month," she snapped, wishing the elevator would hurry up and arrive at her floor so that she could be released from the claustrophobic atmosphere of his obnoxious pride.

He snorted, looking at her incredulously from the corner of his eye. "Oh please, you didn't even last the day," he said smugly, grinning widely at her as she sulked next to him.

She groaned, relieved when the doors of the elevator parted open. "You suck," she retorted lamely as she walked off the lift, scowling when she heard his jovial laugh as the doors closed once again.

Addison was standing at the nurses' station finishing the last chart of her shift when the elevator doors had initially opened, and she grinned as she witnessed the scene unfold before her. Her eyes sparkled as she watched Izzie stride over to where she was standing and lean against the counter with a pout on her face. "What was that all about?" Addison asked her, peering over her glasses at her friend.

Izzie huffed dramatically. "Mark _coerced_ me into having sex with him," she said, frowning when she saw Addison's smile.

"Wow, what an _ass_."

"Addison!" she complained.

She laughed in response, closing the completed chart and placing it on the counter. "No seriously, I used to _hate _it when Mark would _coerce _me into having sex with him," Addison told her, amusement lacing her voice.

Izzie frowned. "Could you _not_ make references to your past sex life with my husband?"

"Sorry," Addison mumbled, laughing again as she leaned against the counter. Sobering up, she looked at Izzie and shrugged. "Hey, just be thankful that you're _having _sex."

Izzie tilted her head to the side, her annoyance suddenly forgotten as she frowned at Addison with concern. "Oh no," she said in a hushed voice. "Are you and Alex having problems?"

Addison smiled at her worry, shaking her head. "No, not at all. If anything, _I'm _having problems. I haven't felt that great this week, and I guess I've been taking it out on him. I don't mean to, it's just that he's…"

"It's just that he's there, and it's easy to do," Izzie concluded knowingly when Addison trailed off, smiling at her friend supportively when she nodded in confirmation. "Well, are you okay? Why haven't you felt well this week?"

Addison shrugged her shoulders. "It's nothing serious. I've just been a little nauseous and had some back pain. I'm not really worried about it," she told her dismissively.

"Oh," Izzie said, looking at her with worry despite Addison's unconcerned attitude. "Well, if you don't start feeling better in the next couple of days, promise me that you'll let me check you out."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Izzie, I'm fine."

"I mean it, Addison. Promise me."

"Fine, whatever," she acquiesced with annoyance.

Izzie smiled triumphantly. "Good, thank you. And before I forget, do you think you can fit me in for a check up tomorrow?"

Addison nodded, her face brightening slightly. "Of course; I actually don't have a lot going on tomorrow. Can you come by around one?" When Izzie nodded, Addison smiled at her. "Okay, well I'm going home, but I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Alright." Izzie smiled, watching Addison as she started to walk away. "Hey Addison, have sex with your fiancée tonight," she called, talking a little louder than necessary.

Addison stopped abruptly, turning to glare at her friend. "Izzie!" she said through her teeth, her face turning crimson with embarrassment. She rolled her eyes when Izzie merely laughed at her, turning away from the nurses' station and bouncing cheerfully down the hallway.

Despite her embarrassment, Addison couldn't help but smile as she watched her friend stride toward the locker room, thinking that it was good to see Izzie happy again. With a shake of her head, Addison turned the opposite way, eager to get home.

When Addison pulled out of the parking lot fifteen minutes later, she smiled again at Izzie's suggestion, thinking that she _should_ do something to repay Alex for her moody behavior over the past week. She felt guilty; she knew that she'd hurt his feelings time and again in the previous days, but like Izzie had said, it was only because it was convenient to take things out on him because he was _there_ and she knew he would love her despite her irritability.

Addison didn't know what her problem was, but she suspected that it was most likely approaching that time of the month again. As she braked for a stop light, her fingers lightly tapped against the leather steering wheel as she mentally checked off how many weeks it had been since her last period. _One, two, three, four, five, six…_

_Wait, that can't be right_, she thought, her brow furrowing. _No, that's definitely not right._

She jumped slightly from her reverie when she heard the blare of a horn behind her, and she glanced in her rearview mirror, catching the reflection of an annoyed driver in the car at her rear. Looking out her windshield, she saw that the light was green, and waving apologetically toward the driver behind her, she started to accelerate.

Seconds later, though, her mind was back on the problem at hand. Surely, it hadn't been six weeks since her last period. She definitely would have noticed that. Of course, a lot of things had happened in the past six weeks, but Addison's periods were like clock work, and there was no way that a missed period would have escaped her notice.

With a frown, she began counting off the weeks once again. _One, two, three, four, five, six…seven_. _Oh crap_. _Seven? What the hell's going on? Seven weeks late and I haven't even noticed? _

She turned right at an intersection, her brain flying at warped speed. If she had been one of her own patients, Addison knew what she would do; without a second thought, she would immediately administer a pregnancy test. But she wasn't one of her patients, and she _knew_ she couldn't be pregnant. Right?

She'd long since given up hope that she would ever have any children of her own. She knew her own diagnosis. There wasn't any hope that she would ever get pregnant. But then why hadn't she had her period in _seven_ weeks? Not to mention the nausea…

And the fatigue and the back pain…

_Oh my god_.

A huge grin broke out on Addison's face, and without thinking, she made a hard right, steering her car into the parking lot of a drug store and walking determinedly toward the aisle filled with pregnancy tests. _Okay, this will definitely make up for my moodiness toward Alex_.


	18. Chapter 18

As Izzie exited a patient's room halfway through her shift, she immediately saw the chief waiting outside the elevators at the end of the hallway. "Dr. Webber!" she called, placing the chart on the patient's door and hurrying to catch up with him. "Dr. Webber, hold on a minute." 

He paused, angling his head to see who was calling his name. He smiled when he saw Izzie rushing toward him, ignoring the opening elevator as he turned to speak with her. "Welcome back _again_, Dr. Sloan; how're you doing?"

Izzie smiled, shrugging slightly. "I'm okay, thanks. I just…I just wanted to apologize for the way I reacted during the Tucker case. I was completely out of line, but I promise it won't happen again."

Dr. Webber's face softened with sympathy as he shook his head. "Don't worry about," he told her, his hand rising to rest lightly on her shoulder in a show of sympathy. "It's understandable, Izzie, but next time if you feel overwhelmed by a case, make sure that you get some help, okay?"

Izzie nodded, trying to smile. "Yes sir."

"Now about the Tucker case, Dr. Sloan. Katie Tucker was-"

Izzie held up her hand, her eyes wide as she silenced him with her gesture. "You know what, Chief? I think I'd rather not know what happened with that case if it's okay with you."

He smiled at her, offering her a brief nod. "Of course." With a soft pat on her shoulder, he turned around, pressing the button to summon the elevator he'd missed. "Oh, and one more thing, Dr. Sloan," he added, stopping Izzie as she moved to walk away.

"Yes sir?"

He flashed her a grin and he stepped into the lift. "Try to stay out of trouble."

"Uh, yes sir, of course," she mumbled, the elevator doors promptly closing around him.

When she rotated back around, her smile widened as she noticed her husband staring at her curiously at the nurse's station. She approached him, offering him a quick kiss as she leaned against the counter next to him. "Hey you."

"Hey," he responded, studying her face. "What was that all about?"

Izzie shrugged. "Apparently the chief wants me to try to stay out of trouble from now on."

Mark couldn't stop the laugh that escaped his lips. "Well, clearly he doesn't _know_ you very well."

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Alex was overcome by the sweet smell of vanilla sandalwood the moment he walked into his apartment. Tossing his keys on the table by the doorway, he smiled at the familiar scent of Addison's favorite candle, the familiarity of the fragrance having an almost tranquilizing effect on him. With a sudden strong desire to have Addison in his arms, he headed down the narrow hallway, following the sound of the stereo playing softly in the den.

He frowned when he arrived in the empty room, finding the candles burned down to nearly an inch of their life, the cream colored wax dripping slowly beyond the candleholders onto the coffee table. He knew that the carelessness in which the room was left was very unlike his fiancé, and his frown deepened as he called out to her, slightly worried. "_Addison_?"

He surveyed the apartment for any sounds or clues as to where she might be, moving from room to room but finding each one as empty as the one before it. "Addison, where are you?"

He was met with silence as he continued his journey, traveling next into the bedroom and pausing in the doorway. He could see that Addison had certainly been in there since arriving home, her clothes left haphazardly on the bed and the lights on the nightstand left burning. "Addie? You in here?"

Again, there was no answer, but he entered the room anyway, scanning the space until his eyes landed on the connecting bathroom. He could see that the light had been left on, so he walked toward the door, knocking gently as he peaking through the threshold. With a sigh, he discovered that his fiancé was, yet again, strangely absent. Pursing his lips together, Alex lifted his hand to the wall to shut of the light switch, but his fingers froze in place when something caught his eye.

His breath caught in his throat as he started at two shocking boxes resting on top of the bathroom counter, his eyes going wide as his mind confirmed what his eyes were seeing. He suddenly felt like something was crushing his lungs, like he could barely breathe as he stared at two pregnancy test boxes sitting in plain view on Addison's side of the counter.

_Holy shit!_

Taking a deep breath, he walked slowly into the room, picking up the boxes one by one. _Addison was pregnant_? It seemed an impossibility, but as his mind replayed the last few days, he grew irritated with himself as he realized that he'd missed all the signs; the nausea, the fatigue, the back aches, all of which were obvious signs of pregnancy, had been plaguing Addison for over a week.

With a humored smirk, he couldn't help but wonder what their patients think if they learned that two of Seattle Grace's finest obstetricians had missed the most obvious symptoms of pregnancy. Probably not very comforted, he wryly thought.

With a deep breath, he forced himself to focus on the actual issue at hand. He wasn't surprised when realized that he felt a twinge of fear at the prospect of becoming a father, but he was surprised by the force of his sudden overwhelming excitement. In all honesty, he'd never thought fatherhood was going to happen for him, believing that Addison's supposed infertility would prevent them from ever having children of their own. He'd come to terms with that, though, genuinely feeling as though his life would be complete as long as he was with Addison. She was enough for him, and though he would have loved to have a child with her, he knew he would be happy as long as they were merely together.

Now, though, he couldn't help but realize how excited he was at the prospect of having a kid with the woman he loved. He'd always been at the other end of childbirth, delivering these tiny new babies and handing them off to their thrilled, yet overwhelmed parents, but the idea of standing by Addison's side as she delivered their child, the idea of someone else handing _him_ his squirming baby, left him absolutely breathless.

He had a sudden insatiable urge to find his fiancé and pull her into his arms, his need to feel her skin on his overwhelming. With a wide grin plastered on his face, he exited the bathroom, heading straight for the middle of the apartment. He suddenly knew undoubtedly where she was, and his suspicions were confirmed when he saw her back through French doors leading out onto the terrace, her head bowed as she looked down at the illuminated city below.

The terrace had been the selling point of the apartment for Alex and Addison. They'd scene a countless amount of residences, many of them blending together, but when Addison had walked out onto the terrace of that very apartment, the view had simply stolen her breath. She claimed that it reminded her of being in New York, that the height and the beauty of the view was something that everyone should experience if they had the opportunity, and by the end of the day, they'd signed the papers of the apartment, legally binding themselves to their first home together.

Their first night in the apartment had been spent devoid of furniture, but they'd made due as they'd laid together on a plush pile of blankets, playfully feeding one another chopsticks full of Chinese low mien as they sat together on the terrace. They'd laughed and teased on another as they talked about their future, owning a house together somehow allowing them to acknowledge the intended permanence of their relationship.

It was because their first memory in their apartment had been made on that terrace that Alex wasn't surprised when he found Addison standing in the very spot that she'd been resting in when they'd decided where they would live. He threw the doors open excitedly, unable to control the smile on his face as he walked out onto the terrace. "Hey!" She didn't say anything as he edged closer, so he added with a grin, "I found the pregnancy test boxes in the bathroom."

His smile faltered, though, as he moved to stand beside her, for the first time seeing the miserable look on her face, a dry trail of tears on her cheeks as she nursed a glass of scotch. Alex frowned, his heart suddenly racing. "What're you doing?"

Addison didn't respond, a fresh wave of tears filling her eyes. Alex sighed, realizing his mistake. "Oh, so…so you're not pregnant then? The tests were negative?"

She laughed bitterly, meeting his eyes disdainfully. "Well _obviously_, Alex. I'm not trying to nourish my child with liquor."

"I'm sorry, Ad," he replied, trying not to flinch at the sound of her uncharacteristically angry tone. "I just saw the tests and I thought-"

"Well you thought wrong. We both did, actually. Apparently we're equally capable of forgetting the defectiveness of my reproductive system. Don't worry, though; I certainly won't make that mistake again."

He frowned as she turned around, walking back into the apartment without so much as a glance in his direction. He followed closely behind her, staring sadly at her back as he watched her body shaking with emotion that he could see she was trying to suppress. "Addison, I'm sorry that you got your hopes up, but it's going to be fine. We've talked about this before. We have options; we can look into adoption."

"I don't want to look into _adoption_, Alex!" she uttered, surprising him with the degree of her sadness as she turned toward him with a devastated expression. "I'm not having a child with you. I…we're not getting married."

Alex frowned. "Wait, what? What did you say?"

"You heard me. I'm sorry, but I can't marry you. I won't."

In shock, he watched her remove the engagement ring he'd given her the previous Christmas, placing it carefully onto the dining room table as she walked toward the front entrance of the apartment.

Alex swore, shaking his head in disbelief. He knew she was upset, but he wouldn't let her throw their relationship away over a minor mistake. They were each other's future, and he had to make sure that she understood that. Running through the apartment and throwing open the front door, he moved quickly to catch up with her, ignoring the ringing telephone as he slammed the door behind him.

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A sob escaped Meredith's lips as she closed her cell phone, her frustration peaking as she failed to reach Alex and Addison in their apartment. A tear slipped down her cheek, her fear intensifying as another aching pang shot through her abdomen. Her hand covered her belly as she tried to somehow communicate with her son that it was too soon for him to come. She wasn't _ready_ for this yet.

Grimacing, she gingerly sat up in the bed as the pain subsided, throwing her legs over the side of the mattress and rising to her feet while trying not to panic. She had a sudden overwhelming desire to call Izzie, but she suppressed that desire, instead opening her phone and dialing Addison's cell phone number for the third time that night.

With a groan, she threw the phone on the bed in disappointment when the voicemail clicked on once again, sighing as she wracked her brain for what she should do next. She silently cursed herself for actually following through with her promise to make Derek sleep on the couch. What on earth had she been thinking?

Well, obviously she hadn't been thinking that she would go into labor in the middle of the night.

She nearly cried out when another wave over pain plagued her body, causing her to lean against the bed, her fingers wrapping tightly around the comforter as she struggled to breathe through the pain. This was not how she expected to begin the birth of her child, she thought, her face scrunching as wave after wave of agony shot through her belly.

As the spell passed, she straightened her body, wiping a tear from her face that had fallen more out of fear than out of pain. She inhaled deeply, looking toward the open doorway. She had wanted to be able to tell Derek that things were going to be fine when she finally summoned him upstairs; she had wanted to be able to tell him that she'd already contacted Addison and had been told that it was probably only Braxton Hicks contractions or something equally common and inconsequential. Her panic was growing with each second, though, and in the absence of Addison's professional assurances, she knew that she needed her husband by her side.

"_Derek_!" she finally yelled, hoping beyond hope that her voice would travel through the cabin and wake her husband as he slumbered on the couch downstairs.


	19. Chapter 19

Derek shot up instantly when he heard Meredith's voice, his heart pounding with fear. He quickly raced from the living room, darting up the stairs as fast as his legs would carry him. "Meredith?" he called, running down the hallway toward the master bedroom. "Mer?"

He appeared in the doorway moments later, his breath catching in the back of his throat when he saw Meredith doubled over against the mattress, one hand covering her belly and the other gripping the comforter tightly between her fingers. "Christ, Meredith, what is it? What's going on?" he asked, his words rushing together as he moved quickly to stand behind her.

She closed her eyes in relief when she felt his hands slip over hers, his body molding against her back as he moved to help her support her weight. "I don't know," she whispered shakily. "I think…I think I'm in labor."

She heard his sharp intake of breath at her admission. "You think? You're not sure?"

"Well, I've never been in labor before, Derek," she snapped, allowing her body to stand up straighter as the contraction passed. Her annoyance dissipated, though, when she saw his panicked expression. "I'm thinking…I'm thinking it could be Braxton Hicks contractions," she told him, desperate for her theory to be true as she rubbed her hand through her hair. "It's just too early for me to be having this baby. I've done everything Addison said to prevent preterm labor; I don't understand how this could be happening," she admitted, tears filling her eyes once again.

He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves. "Okay, we don't need to panic. Let's just call Addison and ask her what she thinks."

Meredith shook her head at his idea. "I already called her, but she didn't answer," she told him, a tear spilling down her cheek.

A fresh wave of panic filled him, but he did his best to cover his anxiety. "Alright, well, we'll page her. She'll call us back as soon as she sees it," he promised, wiping the tear from her face with his thumb. "It's going to be fine, Meredith, alright? Just calm down."

Her face crumbled with emotion, but she nodded her head, pressing her lips together to suppress a sob. "Okay," she whispered meekly.

He gently helped her to the bed, guiding her so the she was lying down on her side. He kissed her forehead softly and then picked up Meredith's cell phone from the bedside table, quickly dialing Addison's number. He cursed silently when her voicemail picked up, suddenly feeling angry at his ex-wife for not picking up her phone. _Where the hell is she?_ He left a quick message explaining what was going on, and then hung up the phone, dialing her pager for good measure.

When he looked back at Meredith's face, he saw that more tears had slipped from her eyes. "I'm going to call the hospital to see which OB is on call tonight," he told her, already dialing the number.

Meredith shook her head furiously as he held the phone to his ear. "No! I want Addison, Derek. Please just find Addison."

He sighed, hating the fear that he could hear in his wife's voice. "I need to get an obstetrician's opinion, Mer. We might have to go to the hospital, and we're going to have to work with another doctor if we can't find Addison," he told her, turning slightly away as a voice on the other end of the line answered. "This is Dr. Derek Shepherd, and I need to speak with the OB on call tonight," he said into the phone, looking apologetically at Meredith.

As he waited for the call to be transferred, he sat on the bed next to her, gently rubbing her back. "It's going to be okay," he said quietly, repeating his earlier sentiment despite that knowledge that his words were having little effect on her.

He turned his attention back to the phone when a man finally responded on the other end. He introduced himself as Dr. Reed Armstrong, and Derek couldn't help but roll his eyes. He didn't know Reed Armstrong very well, but from what he'd heard, the guy was obnoxious and rude, and Derek cursed their luck that he was the OB on call. "Dr. Armstrong, this is Dr. Shepherd from Neuro," he said, watching Meredith anxiously shake her heard when she heard him say the obstetrician's name. Knowing that Dr. Armstrong was their best bet, though, he ignored her, turning away slightly to continue the conversation. "My wife and I are away for the weekend, and she thinks she's having contractions," he told him. "She's about thirty-six weeks along, and we're wondering if we should come back to Seattle, or if it could be a false alarm."

He listened briefly as the doctor talked to him about the possibilities, and then turned back to Meredith, repeating a question that Dr. Armstrong asked him. "How far apart are your contractions, Mer?"

She shook her head lightly. "I don't…I don't know. Maybe five minutes or so. I'm not really sure…I haven't been timing them," she said weakly.

Derek repeated her response through the phone, growing angry when Dr. Armstrong made a sarcastic comment about how they should have called the hospital earlier. He kept his mouth shut, though, trying to stay focused on doing what was best for Meredith and the baby. "Should we come in? Do we have time to get back to Seattle from Mt. Rainier?" he asked, panic once again starting to take over.

He turned to Meredith after listening to the other doctor's response. "I need to see how dilated you are, Mer," he told her softly, trying to smile reassuringly at her when she nodded her head meekly. He put the cell on speakerphone and placed it on the bed, and then turned back to his wife, gently helping her onto her back and lifting her hips slightly so that he could remove her pajama bottoms.

As he removed the pants, he could feel himself become lightheaded at the sight before him. He swallowed hard, glancing up at Meredith to see that she was looking at him expectantly. She frowned at his expression, growing increasingly worried. "What's wrong?" she asked with alarm. He said nothing for a moment, and she repeated her question, her voice sounding shrill with fear.

He glanced up, shaking his head lightly. "There's blood," he said quietly, answering Meredith's question, but also directing his response towards the phone so that Dr. Armstrong could hear them. "It's not a lot, but there _is_ some. And I can't…I can't really tell how dilated she is. It's been twenty years since my OB rotation, but if I had to guess, I'd say maybe five or six centimeters."

"Oh my god," Meredith whispered, covering her face with her hands as she leaned her upper body back against the pillow. She felt Derek reassuringly rub her calf, but it didn't help calm her nerves, and a sob easily escaped through her closed lips.

Dr. Armstrong's voice came through the speakerphone after a moment. "Okay, well you obviously _are _labor, Meredith. As for the blood, it could be nothing," he said. "It could very well be nothing more than a sign of preterm labor, but you need to get to a hospital as soon as you can. There's probably another one closer to you, so I'd recommend you go there."

"No! No, I want to go to Seattle Grace," Meredith said immediately, but her thought was cut short as a contraction hit her hard. She took a quick intake of breath as pain shot through her abdomen, ignoring her knowledge of breathing techniques as she waited for the contraction to pass. It briefly registered in her mind that Derek had moved up beside her, slipping his hand into hers, and that Dr. Armstrong was rambling over the speaker about needing to get off the phone and return to his patients. She ignored all of this, however, her mind unable to focus on anything but the feeling of her abdomen cramping in a way that she had never experienced in her life. Seconds later, though, she felt an incredible release from the pain as the contraction passed, and she took a deep, relieved breath of oxygen.

"Meredith, I realize that you're scared, but your labor seems to be progressing very quickly and you really need to get to a hospital," Dr. Armstrong said through the speakerphone. "The beginning stages of preterm labor could be relatively painless, so it's difficult to know exactly how rapidly you've progressed. Unless you want to chance having your baby on the side of the road, I wouldn't recommend trying to make it back to Seattle."

A tear rolled down Meredith's cheek, and she felt her face grow red with irritation. "No, I have time. I know I can make it back," she snapped, not caring about Dr. Armstrong's opinion. "I'm not going to have my baby in a hospital in the fucking woods. I need to be at Seattle Grace, and I want Addison to deliver my son. She's been with me through my entire pregnancy, and I want the best doctor I can have," she said quickly, looking up at Derek and praying that he would understand her request.

The phone was silent for a moment, and Derek held his breath, wondering if Dr. Armstrong had hung up after Meredith's indirect insult implying that he was not the best obstetrician at the hospital. Finally, Armstrong spoke after several seconds. "Dr. Montgomery isn't here, but I'll be on call for the rest of the night _if_ you can make it to Seattle on time," he said, his voice chipped with irritation.

Derek sighed as he heard the click of Reed Armstrong hanging up the phone, and he turned back to his wife, offering her a small smile. "Mer, maybe we should find a hospital close by. I think-"

"No! I've made up my mind, Derek. I want to go back to Seattle," she told him, her voice unwavering with determination. "We have to at least try."

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As Alex slammed the door of the apartment behind him, he instantly caught sight of Addison, who was waiting impatiently for the elevator at the other in of the hall. "Addison!" he called, jogging to catch up with her.

She turned to look at him when she heard his voice, her hand flying to her face to wipe away the tears that were running down her cheeks. "Alex, please…_please_ stop this," she pleaded, her voice cracking with emotion. She immediately turned away from him and walked quickly toward the door that led to the apartment building's stairwell, pushing through the heavy, silver entrance.

His face contorted with confusion, but he followed her without hesitation, unwilling to let her run away without explaining herself. "Stop _what_? I don't understand why you're being like this," he said with frustration, flying down the stairs to keep up with her. "Before tonight, we _knew_ that we weren't going to have a baby, and it was fine; we were happy. We haven't lost _anything_, Addie. We're exactly where we were before you took those tests, so I don't get why you suddenly feel as though we can't get married."

She immediately halted, turning around to face him. "Because I heard how excited you were," she said, her thought coming out barely above a whisper. She suddenly desperately needed for him to understand why she was stopping their impending marriage. "I heard how excited it made you to think that you were going to be a dad and…and you deserve that, Alex. You're going to be such a great father one day, and I love you too much to keep you in a relationship where that can't happen for you."

He closed his eyes momentarily, the pain in her voice echoing in his ears. "If you love me, then you'll marry me, Addison. I want to be in this relationship, and it's not because I've ever thought that were going to have kids; it's because I want to be with _you_," he told her, his voice lowering as he watched her face soften with surrender. "_Yes_, I was excited at the thought of you being pregnant, but I was excited to have a child with the woman I love. Can't you understand that I wouldn't want a kid with anyone else?"

She could feel her resolve slipping away, and she silently cursed herself for being so powerless when it came to Alex. "But-"

His hands flew up to gently grip her shoulders as he looked into her eyes. "No, just stop being crazy," he told her quietly, tilting his head to the side and smiling down at her.

She bit the corner of her lip lightly, sniffing to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over. "You think I'm crazy?" she asked, her voice sounding slightly humored.

He laughed, feeling overwhelming relieved at her playful attempt. "Are you kidding? You were damn near certifiable back there," he told her teasingly, bringing her into his arms as he kissed her on the forehead. "I love you Addison, but if you ever do anything like that again, I'll be forced to have you committed."

A small laugh escaped from her mouth, and she buried her face just beneath his neck, wiping her tears on the fabric of his shirt. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry for the way I've acted recently. I've just been a little off, I guess, and then today…"

"Just stop," he whispered, lightheartedly echoing her earlier command. He nuzzled his cheek against the side of her face, unable to resist the temptation to place light kisses just below her earlobe.

She smiled, sighing at the wonderful feel of being in his arms. "I love you, Alex," she whispered.

His grin widened, and he pulled her tighter against his body. "And don't you forget it."

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Derek sighed with relief as Seattle Grace came into his line of vision, and he glanced worriedly at Meredith, his hand flying over the console to cover hers as she squeezed her thighs through the pain of a contraction. "We're almost there, Meredith," he said quietly, feeling utterly helpless after the agonizingly long drive.

It had been nearly four hours since they'd initially spoken to Reed Armstrong. They'd taken almost forty-five minutes to get themselves together and get in the car, and the normally two hour drive had been greatly extended because Derek repeatedly pulled to the side of the road, unable to handle watching Meredith go through her contractions alone. Her labor seemed to be growing steadily stronger as the time passed, and Derek didn't think he'd ever felt a relief like the one he did whilst pulling into the emergency entrance of the hospital.

He'd called Dr. Armstrong to let him know that they were in Seattle the second that they arrived inside the city's limits, and as Dr. Armstrong had promised, there was an intern waiting outside the entrance with a wheelchair when they pulled up. "We're here, Mer," he said, quickly undoing his seatbelt as he shifted the gears into park. "See, everything's going to be fine."

Meredith ignored his assurances, bringing her hand up to her forehead to wipe away the beads of sweat that wouldn't seem to stop leaking from her pores. She waited impatiently as Derek jumped out of the car, running to her side of the vehicle and flinging her door open. He gently placed his hands beneath her arms, awkwardly helping her out of the car. As she stood up, another contraction hit her, and she sagged into her husband, letting him support her weight as she tightly gripped the corner of his shirtsleeve. She bit her lip, waiting almost a full minute for the contraction to pass. "I hate this," she whispered, her voice shaky as moisture filled her eyes.

Derek gripped her tighter, helping her walk slowly toward the wheelchair. "I know," he said softly while he helped her into the seat, his hand gently stroking her face as he knelt down beside her. "I know you do. But it'll be over soon, okay? I promise it will."

He watched her nod weakly, and then he straightened, turning to the intern before him. "I need you to park my car," he told the younger man.

The intern looked at him incredulously. "Are you serious? But I-"

"_Please_ don't argue with me right now," he said sternly, the tone of his voice sounding somewhere between a plea and an impending threat. "If you don't do this, you won't see the inside of an OR for a month." The statement seemed to have the desired effect, and the intern, looking fearfully at Derek, silently took the keys from his outstretched hand and moved out of the way so that Derek could wheel Meredith into the hospital.

Derek moved quickly up to the OB floor, and they were settled into a delivery room far quicker than a non-employee of Seattle Grace would have been. Meredith was immediately hooked up to several monitors, and a nurse, after glancing at the reading of the fetal monitor, informed them that the baby's heart rate was normal and that the doctor would be in the room as soon as he could.

Derek leaned against the bed after she left, gently pushing several stray curls behind Meredith's ear. He frowned as her face contorted with pain, watching helpless as she was hit with an excruciating wave of pain. "I love you," he told her after she finally seemed to relax, feeling helpless as she stared at him warily. He suddenly felt a great loss for words as he realized that nothing he could say at the moment would be adequate.

She smiled at him slightly, but her gaze soon flew to the door as Reed Armstrong entered her room. She frowned at the man, glancing quickly at Derek who stood up to shake Dr. Armstrong's hand. "I'm glad you made it," Armstrong said, a twinge of sarcasm evident his voice.

He turned his attention to Meredith, walking to the foot of her bed and sitting on a stool. "Let me just take a quick look."

Meredith's frown deepened, but she shifted so that she was positioned fully onto her back, bending her knees so that Dr, Armstrong could check to see how far along she was in her labor. "You're already at nine centimeters, so it shouldn't be long now," he observed, standing up and walking to her side. He glanced momentarily at the fetal monitor readings that the nurse had read, nodding reassuringly. "Everything seems fine, so I'll come back to check on you in a bit. Do you have any questions?"

"Is it too late for an epidural?" Meredith asked weakly.

"I doubt the anesthesiologist will be able to get here in time, so it would probably be useless to page him at this point," he said.

Derek's jaw clenched at Dr. Armstrong's lack of sympathy, and he suddenly had a crushing desire the shove the man against the wall. The OB noticed Derek's irritation, though, and he quickly excused himself, promising to be back to check on Meredith within the hour if he wasn't paged to return sooner.

When the door closed behind him, Derek turned to his wife, pasting a smile on his face. "I'll page the anesthesiologist if you want me to," he offered, trying to distract her from Armstrong's rudeness.

She didn't respond to his offer, instead wrapping her fingers tightly around the bedrails as another contraction hit her. A moan escaped through her lips, and she gripped the rail tighter, her knuckles turning white with effort. The cramping in her abdomen seemed to last for an eternity, and Meredith briefly wondered if this would ever be over.

She left out a breath of relief as the waves of pain dissolved, and a shudder wracked her small form. She suddenly had the devastating sense that she wasn't going to be able to get through this labor; that she wasn't strong enough to make it through the end.

"Mer, do you want me to try to find the anesthesiologist?" Derek repeated, interrupting her thoughts.

She shook her head as a tear escaped over her eyelid, and she turned to meet his stare. "No, no I just want you to find Addison," she quietly pleaded, her voice trembling. "Please, Derek. I don't want Dr. Armstrong to deliver this baby."

He frowned at her request, not because he didn't agree with her, but because finding Addison at this point seemed to be an impossible feat. He'd attempted to call her _and_ Alex several times from the car, but neither one had returned his calls or pages. Despite this, though, he could never refuse Meredith's request. "I'll try, but I don't know if-"

"Please, Derek," she interrupted. "Just...just _please_."

He nodded his head, bending down to kiss his wife gently on the forehead. "Okay," he whispered. "I'll be right back."

He watched her for a moment more, and then quietly slipped out of the room, pulling out his cell phone as he shut the door behind him. He immediately dialed Addison's apartment, leaving an irritated message when Alex's voice cheerfully announced that he and Addison couldn't get to the phone. Ending the call, he dialed both of their cell phones with similar results.

He suddenly had an overwhelming urge to throw his cell phone against the wall, but he suppressed it, quickly walking to the nurses' station to inquire as to whether anyone knew of Addison's whereabouts. He faltered slightly when he saw Mark and Izzie laughing, Izzie pressed against the counter as Mark tried to push a cone of frozen yogurt towards her.

He pushed any feelings they all had toward each other to the side, though, as he was suddenly bombarded with the mental image of Meredith's pained expression during her latest contraction. He continued forward, watching the smile fall from Izzie's face as she saw him approach.

Mark, too, sobered up when he saw his wife grow serious, and he turned around, watching Derek walk towards them.

Izzie was the first to speak as Derek drew near, offering him a slight smile. "Hi, Derek," she said quietly.

"Uh, hi," he responded, his distraction obvious from his tone. "Have you guys seen Addison?"

Mark shook his head, but Izzie nodded, telling him, "She left hours ago. Her shift ended at five, and I'm pretty sure she went straight home." She narrowed her eyes with concern as Derek frowned, suddenly taking a step toward him. "Is everything okay?"

He shook his head helplessly, running his hand tiredly over his face as his exhaustion began to catch up with him. "Meredith's in labor and we can't get a hold of Addie. The labor's progressing really fast, and to make it worse, the OB on call is prick and I doubt that we're going to be able to find Addison in time," he told them somberly.

Mark and Izzie simply stared at him momentarily, watching him with sympathy. Seconds passed by, and nothing was said between the three of them.

Finally Izzie straightened, turning to Mark. "Go to Addison's apartment," she told him.

He furrowed his brow in confusion, watching her strangely. "Seriously? You want me to-"

"Mark, just _go_!" she told him, her tone leaving no room for debate. "Go find Addison and Alex and bring them to the hospital. Someone will page you if you need to be here, but you have to go find them right now."

He stared at her for another moment, but her determined expression never relented and he realized that she wasn't going to change her mind. "Okay," he conceded quietly, leaning in to kiss her gently on the cheek. "I'm going to go tell the plastic's resident what's going on, and then I'll leave. I'll call you if I can't find them," he told her. He turned quickly to Derek, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder and looking him in the eye. "Good luck," he told him sincerely, offering him a smile.

Not for the first time that night, the weight of the situation struck Derek and tears filled his eyes. "Thanks," he said.

Izzie watched Mark as he walked down the hallway and disappeared from their view, and then she turned back to Derek, offering him a reassuring smile. "Okay, let's go help Meredith."


	20. Chapter 20

Derek pushed open the door of the delivery room, eager to get back to his wife. As he walked through the threshold, he swallowed hard at the image of Meredith lying on the bed, her head thrown back against her pillow and her eyes squeezed tightly closed as her face contorted with pain. "Meredith," he said with concern, moving quickly to stand beside her.

She didn't respond when he slipped his hand over hers, entwining their fingers as she pressed her hand over the pain shooting through her abdomen. She tried to recall the breathing exercises that she'd seen her patients use during her obstetrics rotation, but her mind went blank as her body continued to throb, and she ended up taking in uneven gulps of air rather than the strategic breaths that she'd been hoping for. As she struggled to fill her lungs with oxygen, her pain seemed to multiply as she became increasingly more distressed.

She opened her eyes when she sensed another presence on the other side of her bed, and tears suddenly blurred her vision when she saw Izzie standing above her, leaning forward over her bedrail. "Meredith, you need to take deep breaths," she told her calmly, demonstrating the common Lamaze techniques for Meredith to imitate.

Meredith began to copy Izzie, and she immediately felt more in control as she continued to inhale evenly. The two women breathed in perfect unison for several more seconds until Meredith's body began to relax as the pain of the contraction subsided.

"You're doing great, Meredith," Derek said when her shoulders slumped with relief, and she turned to look at him, a small smile coming to her face.

"I'm glad you're back," she whispered, gripping his fingers tightly so that their hands were clasped over her belly.

Feeling the need to give them a bit of space, Izzie moved toward a table a few feet away, grabbing a washcloth from a bowl filled with cool water. She smiled slightly as she watched them from where she stood, and then she walked quietly back over to the bed.

Meredith looked up at her as she approached, and her expression knotted with remorse. "Iz, I'm so sorry-"

"Meredith, just stop. We don't need to do this right now. We just…" She trailed off, shaking her head as she plastered a small smile to her face. "So how far apart are your contractions?" she asked her in an effort to change the subject, pushing the hair from Meredith's face and running the cool wash cloth across her forehead and down the sides of her neck.

"About two minutes," Meredith said, her eyes slightly wide with disbelief that Izzie was in the room with her.

Izzie placed the wash cloth on the corner of the bed, bringing her hand up to her own head and removing the elastic ponytail holder from her hair. She then began to gather up Meredith's long locks in her hand, smoothing the flyaway pieces with her fingertips. "I remember my contractions being two minutes apart when I was in labor with Ben," she said with a smile, bringing her elastic band to Meredith's hair and securing it in a high ponytail on top of her head. She then picked up the washcloth once again, dabbing the wet cloth behind Meredith's neck. "I felt like I was never going to get through it. I just wanted to give up, and Addison kept telling me 'It won't be long now' and 'He's on his way,'" she told her with a shake of her head. "God, I really wanted to kill her then, but she was right. It seemed to go really fast after that."

Meredith nodded, but her face immediately twisted as her body was wracked with another bout of pain. Derek leaned toward her, frowning with worthless sympathy as she whimpered, her body reflexively inclining in his direction. "Do you want to turn onto your side?" he asked her instantly, his hands flying to her shoulders.

"I…I don't know," she gasped, biting her lower lip as her body was assaulted with wave after wave of agony.

"Well…let me help you turn over," he said, needing to stop feeling so helpless. He gently slipped his hand beneath her shoulder blades, propelling her body onto her side as she ruthlessly squeezed his forearm through her pain. "Is that better?" he asked hopefully. She didn't immediately respond as she pressed her eyes tightly together, and he wondered if she'd heard him. "Mer-"

"No, it's not _better_!" she snapped, letting go of his arm and clenching the bedrail between her fists.

He frowned, glancing up at Izzie with uncertainty. She offered him a small smile, and shook her head slightly as if to silently communicate that he hadn't done anything wrong.

He sighed quietly, looking back down at Meredith. "Do you want me to get you anything? I just want to-"

"Stop talking!" she barked while she continued to struggle to breathe as Izzie had taught her, her hands going slightly numb as she continued her death grip on the bedrail.

The pain dissipated moments later, and she opened her eyes slowly, taking in a deep breath. Meredith immediately felt guilty when she saw Derek watching her, looking slightly nervous and significantly bothered by her painful contraction. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to snap at you," she said, swallowing hard against the nausea that began to plague her body.

He smiled, seemingly relieved by her change of attitude. "You don't need to apologize," he told her. "It's fine."

She nodded, a tear spilling from her eye as she was suddenly struck by her hormones. "Okay," she said softly, wiping at the moisture making its way down her cheek. She sniffed, pushing back the bangs that were already escaping her ponytail. "Did you find Addison?" she suddenly asked, surprised that she hadn't thought to ask the question earlier.

"Uh, well not exactly," he told her. Her face immediately fell with disappointment, and he rushed to explain further. "Mark went to look for her. He's probably already at her and Alex's apartment right now."

Again she nodded silently as another tear rolled down her face. Izzie leaned toward her, placing her hand against Meredith's back and massaging gently. "Try not to worry, Mer. Mark will find her."

Meredith took a shaky breath. "I'm sure he will, but they might not get here in time," she said, her voice filling with anxiety.

"Mer, even if they don't, Seattle Grace has a team full of great obstetricians. I'm sure that the OB on call-"

She shook her head adamantly at Izzie. "I don't want Reed Armstrong in here. He's an ass, and _Addison's_ the best OB-GYN in the country. I don't want anyone else to deliver my baby."

Izzie nodded understandingly. "Okay, I'll go call Mark and tell him to hurry."

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Mark sighed, staring at the door of Addison and Alex's apartment expectantly when his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket, reading his wife's name on the caller ID. "Hey," he said when he opened it and pressed it against his ear.

"Did you find her?" she asked, not bothering with a greeting.

"I've been banging on the door for ten minutes, but nobody's answering. They're not home, Iz."

She groaned with frustration. "Well go inside and see what you can find."

Mark rolled his eyes at her suggestion. "I don't think so, Nancy Drew."

"Mark, what if something's wrong? They're not answering their phones or their door. Something could've happened, and even if it hasn't, Meredith needs Addison to get to the hospital, so we have to find out where they are."

"That may be true, Izzie, but the door's locked so there's not a lot I can do."

"Use the key. It's in the key box over the threshold."

He rolled his eyes again, letting out an exasperated sigh. "I'm not breaking into their apartment."

"You're not breaking in if you use a key, Mark."

"Izzie-"

"Mark, just go in there! You know you're going to give in to me eventually, so in the interest of time, can you please just get to it."

The line was relatively silent for a moment, the only noise coming through their phones being the sound of their breathing. Finally Mark chuckled, shaking his head lightly. "You're so damn bossy," he said teasingly, stepping toward the door and easily finding the key box over the entry way. "How's Meredith doing?" he asked as he inserted the key into the lock and turning it with a click.

"She's hanging in there, but it probably won't be too long before she's fully dilated, and she's really worried that Addison won't get here before it's time for her to deliver."

He nodded, putting the key back in the tiny box and placing it above the door. "And what about Derek? How's he doing?"

Izzie smirked. "Better that you did."

Mark pursed his lips in offense as he pushed open the front door of the apartment, silently scoffing at her suggestion. "This feels very wrong," he commented, quietly walking into the darkened hallway. He flipped the light switch on, filling the foyer with light. "Everything looks normal," he told her, walking toward the den. He moved the mouthpiece of the phone away from his lips so that he could call out to the missing couple. "Addison? Karev?"

He walked further into the apartment, finding the kitchen and dining room vacant and heading toward the bedroom, knocking lightly on the open door. "Addie? Are you guys in there?" he called, peering cautiously into the doorway and frowning when he got a glimpse of the room. "It's empty; there's really no one here," he told Izzie through the phone.

She sighed, placing her hand on her hip as she leaned against the wall outside of Meredith's room. "Where could they be?" she wondered aloud. "I'm starting to get worried."

Mark shook his head despite the fact that Izzie couldn't see him, walking quickly through the bedroom. "I don't know, Iz, but I'm sure they're fine," he told her, peering into the masterbath. He paused, entering the bathroom when he saw the pregnancy test boxes on the counter. "Oh my god," he said.

Izzie immediately straightened, her eyes going wide. "What? What's wrong?"

"Is Addison's pregnant?"

She laughed at the idea, easily dismissing it. "Of course not; she would've told me something like that."

"Well there're two pregnancy tests in her bathroom," he revealed, a grin coming his face when he heard Izzie gasp through the phone. "I think _somebody_ got knocked up before the wedding."

"Seriously?" she asked, her eyes going wide with disbelief.

Mark laughed, shutting off the light of the bathroom and walking out, backtracking toward the front of the apartment. "Seriously," he told her. "Maybe they just found out tonight."

"Oh my god, this is so exciting!" Izzie said through the phone, suddenly thrilled with the idea that she, Meredith and Addison would all have children of similar ages. "I'm so happy for them."

Mark laughed quietly at her enthusiasm. "Yeah, it's-"

He stopped in the middle of the dining room, his thought cut short as his eyes were drawn to the balcony beyond the French doors along the wall. It was illuminated slightly by the lights of the city below, and Mark couldn't help but grin at the sight before him.

"Mark?" Izzie asked through the phone, breaking the silence.

He walked toward the doors, pressing his face closer to the glass. "I found them," he said simply, smirking as he looked down at the slumbering forms of Addison and Alex, curled up together beneath a blanket on the ground of the terrace.

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Izzie went back into the delivery room with a smile of her face. "Mark found Addison," she told Meredith and Derek. "They should be on their way in a few minutes."

Relief washed over Meredith, but she was prevented from expressing her gratitude when a tremendous pressure suddenly assailed her pelvis. She gritted her teeth as she pressed her chin against her chest, an overwhelming need to push coming over her body. "Oh my god," she moaned.

Derek quickly picked up the washcloth from the bedside table, wiping away the beads of sweat forming at her hairline. "It's almost over, Mer," he told her, trying to breathe with her through the contraction.

"It hurts…" she mumbled weakly, gripping his hand. "I feel like I need to push."

Derek swallowed hard, looking at Izzie with alarm. She pressed her lips tightly together with apprehension, walking towards Meredith's bed. She lifted up the thin blanket covering Meredith's lower body, bending down slightly and checking her dilation. When she straightened, she looked gravely at Meredith. "We need to get Dr. Armstrong."

Meredith looked up, her mouth slightly agape as the pain refused to fade. "What? No! No, you just said that Addison's on her way!"

Izzie shook her head adamantly, her hand coming to rest on Meredith's knee. "Mer, it looks like you're at ten centimeters," she told her softly. "We need an OB in here right now."

Meredith's face fell, and she looked away from Izzie, focusing on her husband. "Please, Derek. We have to wait for Addison. Please," she begged, tears of exhaustion forming behind her eyes.

He looked down at her sympathetically. He knew that she was scared and he could see that she was starting to panic, but he couldn't help but think that she was being a bit unreasonable. He wanted Addison in there, too, but if their baby was coming now, they would simply have to make due with Reed Armstrong. The guy irked Derek like no other, but Seattle Grace wouldn't employ him if he wasn't a great doctor.

"Mer, we need to page Dr. Armstrong," he told her determinedly.

A tear spilled over her eyelid, and she gripped the sheets of the bed tightly between her fingertips, suddenly feeling outnumbered. "I'm not ready," she said stubbornly, her words coming out laboriously. "I'm not going to push until Addison gets here."

Izzie frowned at the foot of the bed, leaning forward towards Meredith and covering her hand with her own, tightly squeezing Meredith's trembling fingers. "Mer, you _are _ready for this, okay?" she told her, her stare holding Meredith's gaze. "It's time for you to deliver; you can't resist what your body's telling you. It's dangerous for you, and it's dangerous for your baby. You're not going to…" she broke off momentarily when her voice cracked, closing her eyes briefly and swallowing a lump that was forming in her throat. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes, looking at Meredith once again. "I'm not going to let you find out what it's like to lose a child."

Meredith's resolve seemed to crack at Izzie's words. She lightly bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling, and she nodded submissively. Izzie looked up at Derek, who smiled gratefully at her before paging Dr. Armstrong.

The room was flooded with people moments later, Reed Armstrong coming in through the door with two nurses trailing behind him. He glanced quickly at the readings on the monitors before positioning himself between Meredith's legs, smiling slightly. "It's definitely time, Meredith. Are you ready to push?"

Armstrong frowned at her when she didn't respond to his question, and he looked at the two nurses at his side, nodding slightly. They moved quickly to either side of the bed, lifting up the footrests and spreading Meredith's legs widely so that her feet were against them. "Alright Meredith, when I tell you to push, I want you to place your chin on your chest and bear down as hard as you can, alright?"

Again Meredith didn't respond to him. Derek and Izzie simultaneously slipped their hands into hers on either side of her, squeezing gently. Meredith moaned as she felt another wave of pressure flooding her pelvis, and she tensed up, her feet instinctively pressing hard against the footrests.

"Okay, Meredith, push," Dr. Armstrong commanded as the two nurses held on tightly to her legs, one of them beginning to count backwards from ten as Meredith bore down, her hands shaking with effort as she squeezed Derek and Izzie's hands tightly.

She stopped pushing the instant the nurse completed the countdown, gasping for breath as she relaxed her abdomen. "I can't do this," she said immediately. "This is too hard."

Derek pushed her bangs away from her eyes as her head fell down against the pillow. "Yes you can, Meredith. You're doing great," he assured her, feeling like a broken record, yet not knowing what else to say to comfort her.

"Mer, think about everything you've been through over the past few years. _This_ is a piece of cake," Izzie told her with a small smile, causing Meredith to glare at her.

At the foot of the bed, Dr. Armstrong placed his hand on the inside of Meredith's thigh. "Alright, are you almost ready to push again?"

Meredith looked at him with wide eyes. "No," she told him. She had _just _used all of her energy, and he thought she was already prepared for round two? "I'm too tired."

He shook his head. "Well you're going to have to get over it, because I need to you push on the count of three."

Meredith waited for the signal, and then took a deep breath as her uterus began to contract, squeezing her muscles in an effort to help her baby move down the birth canal. "That's great, Mer," Izzie told her. Meredith said nothing as her body began to shake with exertion, suddenly feeling as though the annoying nurse counting down her contractions was purposely dragging the numbers out longer than necessary.

"Alright, Meredith, that's enough," Dr. Armstrong said, and Meredith relaxed, taking in a deep breath.

They all turned toward the door when it was thrown open, and a thankful expression immediately crossed Meredith's face. "Addison," she said with a breath of relief. "You made it."

Addison walked into the room, smiling reassuringly at Meredith. "Of course I did. You'd have to pay me to miss seeing the two of you become parents," she told them with a grin. She walked over to the bed, standing in front of Dr. Armstrong. "I can take it from here, Reed," she told him calmly.

He scowled a bit, but quickly stood up. "Be my guest," he said, walking toward the door and exiting without another word.

Addison took his seat between Meredith's legs, smiling. "Good thing Mark got to me when he did," she observed. "I'm sorry that it was so hard to get up with me. It was…well, it's just been a crazy night," she told them.

Derek and Meredith nodded dismissively, but Izzie grinned at her words. _I bet it has been a crazy night_, she thought excitedly, her mind considering the pregnancy tests that Mark had found in her bathroom. She was dying to bring it up, but she knew that it wasn't the time nor place, so she said nothing, turning her attention back to Meredith.

For another forty minutes, Meredith heaved and pushed her way through the seemingly never subsiding contractions. Her face was red and damp with sweat, and with every passing second, she began to feel that she was laboring through an impossible feat.

"How long is this going to last?" she asked when her uterus relaxed momentarily between contractions, her question aimed at no one in particular.

Izzie rubbed her arm comfortingly, and then angled her body toward the end of the bed, peaking between Meredith's legs. "It's not going to be long. I can already see his head a little bit," she told her with an excited smile.

Meredith's face lit up slightly. "Seriously?" she asked.

Izzie laughed. "Yeah, he's definitely ready to get out of there," she told her, straightening up and smiling at Derek.

Meredith began to feel a strong burning sensation as her tissue started to stretch under the pressure. "Oh my god, here comes another one," she moaned, the urge to bear down suddenly compelling her to tense up her abdominal muscles.

"Meredith, I need you to relax. Stop pushing," Addison told her gently, wanting to give the baby a chance to stretch her skin. "You'll have less tearing if you give yourself a moment to adjust to the baby's body."

A sob of frustration escaped Meredith's lips, and she gripped Derek's hand tighter. "This is hard," she said, the simplicity of her statement bringing tears to his eyes.

"I know," he whispered, running his fingers across the top of her hand and looking between Addison and Izzie, desperate for them to help his wife in some way.

Izzie leaned over the bedrail, placing her hand on Meredith's shoulder. "Mer, breathe with me," Izzie told her, trying to get her mind off her desire to bear down. She began blowing and panting, coaching Meredith until Addison finally told Meredith that it was okay to push.

And she did. She moaned and squeezed and grunted her way through contraction after contraction, her face scrunched up as she helped propel her baby into the world. "His head's crowning," Addison announced with a grin, and Izzie and Derek immediately angled their bodies so that they could look at the top of the baby's head.

"He's got my hair," Derek proudly announced, smiling at Meredith.

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Just what the world needs; a miniature McDreamy."

Derek scowled at her, but ignored her comment as he looked back at Meredith. "You're so close," he told her with a smile, grabbing the washcloth from the bedside table and wiping her forehead.

The exhilaration in the room grew when Addison announced that his forehead was out, and then his eyes, his nose, his mouth, and lastly his chin. "Oh, he's beautiful, Meredith," Addison declared, suctioning his mouth and nose. "Hold on," she told her. "Don't push yet; the umbilical cord's around his neck."

Meredith's eyes went wide, but Addison easily slipped it over his head. "Okay, Meredith, whenever you're ready," she told her, turning the baby's head to the side and rotating his shoulders. "_Big_ push this time."

Meredith groaned, panting heavily against the pillow as she rested a moment more, but then she brought her chest up, squeezing her muscles when the contraction hit her. One by one, the baby's shoulders emerged, and before long, his body was free so that Addison could hold up the squawking infant.

She suctioned his mouth and nasal passage one last time, and then dried his body with a towel. "Meet your baby," she told them as a nurse placed the small blanket on Meredith's chest, and Addison placed the tiny child on top, quickly wrapping him in the material to keep him warm.

"Oh, hi," Meredith whispered tearfully to the screaming infant, laughing happily and marveling at him as he grew increasingly pink with each shriek. "You sure did put me through a lot," she told him, running her thumb lightly over the smooth skin of his cheek. She felt an incredible burst of energy as she looked down at her little boy, her exhaustion over the delivery completely forgotten for the time being.

"He's incredible," Derek said, leaning onto the bed and rubbing his hand lightly over the baby's dark brown hair.

Izzie and Addison smiled as they watched Meredith and Derek look down at his little body with pride and disbelief. "You did amazing, Mer," Izzie told her from beside the bed, wiping at the tears that were welling in to corners of her eyes.

Addison nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you did," she told her. A nurse walked over to Meredith, plucking the baby from her arms apologetically and taking him away to be examined. "She'll bring him back in a minute," Addison assured her, sitting back down between Meredith's legs to deliver the placenta.

Addison was right, and the baby was returned within minutes of the placenta being expelled from Meredith's body. He was swaddled tightly inside of a blanket as the nurse handed him to Derek, announcing that he was healthy and surprisingly alert considering his early delivery. The baby nestled contentedly inside his father's arms, and Addison smiled at the sight of her ex-husband holding his child. "So what's this little guy's name?" she asked.

Derek smiled as the baby sighed peacefully. "We decided to name him Jack, after my dad," Derek told, his eyes never moving from Jack's tiny face.

Meredith smiled as she looked up at Derek, suddenly intensely relieved that he'd compelled her to discuss baby names over dinner just hours before. "Yeah," she said quietly, turning to look at Izzie. "Jack Bennett Shepherd…if that's okay with you."

The tears that Izzie had just suppressed welled up once again. "I…of course that's okay," she said with a small smile, her voice quivering as a tear made it's way down her face.

Meredith smiled back at her, and then turned to Derek, who placed the baby in her arms. She was overcome with a wide range of emotions, but she simply grinned down at the little boy. "Welcome to the world, Jack."


	21. Chapter 21

Mark and Izzie had arrived home at five in the morning to get some much needed rest after the longevity of the previous evening. They'd both fallen into bed, completely exhausted by the night's events, and were asleep within minutes, Mark's arm curled around Izzie's waist as her head rested against his bare chest.

It was ten o'clock when Mark was awakened by the shrilling of the phone on Izzie's nightstand. He ignored it, hoping that she would pick up the receiver since it was resting on her side of the bed. She stubbornly groaned, though, pulling the comforter up and over her head to muffle the intruding noise. Mark sighed, his eyes squinting open to peer at his sleeping wife. "Iz, get the phone."

"Mph," Izzie mumbled incoherently, adding a pillow on top of her head and nestling deeper beneath the duvet.

Mark rolled his eyes as the ringing continued, grudgingly turning over so that his body was stretching over Izzie's as he picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

As Mark chatted with the unknown caller, Izzie moaned irritably, realizing that she wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep as long her husband continued to speak in an obnoxious proximity to her ear. She tried to stretch her tired muscles but was only able to move slightly because Mark's body remained spread out across hers as he talked quietly on the phone.

She knew that he was talking to someone from the hospital from the one-sided conversation she was forced to listen to. Eventually he instructed the caller to rearrange his schedule for the day, agreeing to reschedule a surgery for one o'clock before hanging up the phone. Izzie sighed dramatically, settling beneath the duvet cover and closing her eyes, relaxing her body as she tried to lull herself back to sleep.

Moments later, though, Mark yanked the comforter from Izzie's grasp, pulling it from her body and wrapping his arms around her waist. She couldn't stop the small smile from spreading across her face as she slowly opened her eyes, biting her lower lip lightly as her gaze connected with his.

"Morning," Mark said with a grin, bringing his lips down to her shoulder as he nipped at the soft flesh, pushing aside one of the thin straps of her tank top as his mouth sought her clavicle.

She tilted her head to the side to give him better access to her skin as his lips trailed further down her body. "We're seeing Addison at one," she said softly, trying not to giggle as his beard ticked the top of her chest.

"Hmm?"

"I have a checkup with Addison at one o'clock."

"Oh, okay," he said distractedly. "I'll reschedule my surgery for one thirty."

As Mark's lips trailed lower, Izzie smiled blissfully, but she reached over to the nightstand and took the phone in her hand. "Do it now," she told him, pushing the receiver in front of his face.

He pushed her hand away, trying to ignore her as his mouth continued to caress her body. "I'll do it later."

Izzie squirmed beneath him, pushing the phone towards him again. "Mark," she said warningly.

Mark looked at her disbelievingly, his eyes filled with humor. "Iz, I'm trying to feel you up. What's your problem?"

She grinned sheepishly, placing her hands on his cheeks and pulling him upwards so she could kiss him. "I have a lot to do before I go to the hospital," she told him apologetically as they broke apart, and then she easily slipped out from under him, standing up beside the bed.

He rolled over onto his back, watching her walk across the room and pick up her robe that was hanging on the inside of their closet door. "Like what?" he asked curiously, placing a pillow behind his head so that he could sit up.

"I'm going to make breakfast first, and then I'm going to go through some of the boxes with Ben's old baby stuff to see if there's anything Meredith can use for Jack." Mark simply smiled at her from his position on the bed, suddenly looking more like a proud parent than a lustful husband. Izzie furrowed her brow at the change in his expression. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Mark shrugged a bit. "I'm just glad that you're trying to fix your friendship with Meredith," he told her casually.

She stared at him for a moment, and then nodded in agreement. "It felt good to be with her in the delivery room yesterday. I didn't realize it before, but I've really missed her."

Mark smiled. "I know you have."

She returned his smile, and then turned toward the door. "I'm going to go through the baby things in the attic and throw what I need in the wash, and then we can go ahead and go to the hospital. I want to go see Jack and Meredith before my appointment, and I want to make sure I have enough time to talk to Addison about the baby."

"About our baby, or about Jack?"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "About _Addison's _baby."

Mark sighed. "Iz, I think you should let Addison tell you about her pregnancy when she's ready."

"Mark, she's one of my best friends. She's going to want to talk to me about it."

Mark shook his head. "She and Alex might not want people to know yet; a lot of people decided to wait to tell their friends about a pregnancy. I think that you should wait for _her_ to talk to _you_ about it."

Izzie stared at him for a moment, seemingly contemplating his suggestion. Eventually she nodded. "Okay."

He narrowed her eyes in her direction. "'Okay, I'm not going to ask her about it,' or 'Okay, shut up Mark, I'm still going to do what I want'?"

Izzie glared at him. "Okay, I'm not going to ask her about it," she replied with a huff. "I do have self control, you know."

An amused laugh escaped through Mark's lips. "If you say so."

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Alex walked up to the window of the nursery, standing beside Derek as he gazed proudly at Jack. "Hey," Alex greeted, staring at the slumbering infant through the glass.

"Hey," Derek replied, though he didn't take his eyes off of his son.

Alex stared at him from the corner of his eye for a moment, suddenly envious of the man as he watched in awe as his son slept. Alex sighed, forcing a smile as he tried to push the twinge of jealously to the back of his mind.

"He's got your hair," he observed with a bit of humor.

"I know," Derek gloated.

Alex laughed. "He really is a great looking kid, Derek. You and Meredith did great."

"It was all Meredith. God, you should've seen her, Alex. I hated what she was going through, but she was incredible. The whole thing was just…well, let's just say that it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen."

Alex smiled knowingly. "Yeah, Addison said both of you held your own in the delivery room."

Derek shook his head. "I don't know about that. I was scared out of my mind."

"Well, you'd be surprised at what I've seen. All first-time dads are scared, but some of them just can't handle the pressure," he said with a grin. "When Izzie was delivering Ben, they had to call me into the room to help coach her because Mark couldn't even stand up half of the time. Dude, you should've seen him. He was as white as a sheet."

As Derek stared at Alex with amusement, Izzie and Mark walked over to where they stood. "You know, Karev, I think that information is supposed to be protected under doctor-patient confidentiality," Mark said grudgingly as they approached the window.

Izzie rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure that you were _not_ the patient that day," she said sarcastically, and then grinned at Derek as she placed her arm around his shoulder. "Hey Daddy, how're you feeling?"

Derek beamed proudly at her, once again shifting his gaze to Jack, who was beginning to wake up. "Incredible…amazing…elated. I've never felt so happy in my life."

Mark smiled at him as he stood on his other side, sandwiching Derek between himself and Izzie. "He does kind of look like you, but I have to say that his face definitely has more of Meredith's features," he observed with a serious nod. "Lucky boy . . . he really dodged a bullet there."

Derek laughed at Mark's teasing, but nodded agreeably. "Yeah, I'd say he got the best of both of us."

They all turned around when they heard mumbling behind them, and they found Cristina and George walking toward them. "So it's true then?" Cristina questioned as they approached. "She finally exploded?"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Yes, Cristina, Meredith had her baby."

George grinned, seemingly giddy at the new addition. "I want to see," he said excitedly, pushing his way between Alex and Izzie. "Aw, he's cute," he cooed, tapping his finger on the glass in an effort to gain Jack's attention.

Cristina, too, walked over, feigning disinterest, but the sparkle in her eyes and her slight smile when she saw Jack easily betrayed her attempt to look indifferent. "Yeah, he's alright," she admitted.

George's grin suddenly widened as the six of them stood in a line, peering through the window of the nursery as Jack began to squirm beneath the blanket. He put his hand beneath his lab coat, pulling out cigars and holding them up proudly. "I bought them from the gift shop," he told them. He then looked at Izzie and Cristina regretfully. "Sorry, but I only have four," he revealed. "I only got them for the men. You know, because they're…manly," he said, suddenly sticking out his chest. "Cigars are for _manly _men."

Izzie shrugged, trying to suppress a smirk. "Its okay, George, besides the fact that I'm _pregnant_, I'm going to see Meredith anyway," she told him, turning to Cristina. "Do you want to come with me?"

She nodded, sparing one last glance at the infant on the other side of the glass. "I didn't want one of your stupid cigars anyway, Bambi. I mean, you got them from the _gift shop_," she told him with a laugh, and then turned away to walk towards Meredith's room.

Izzie patted George on the shoulder, trying to nurse his wounded pride. "Its okay, George, I'm sure they're great cigars," she assured him before rotating around to follow Cristina. She paused, though, spinning back toward Mark. "Remember, one o'clock!"

"I'll be there," he said, rolling his eyes as she reminded him about her appointment for the fourth time that morning. When she was out of earshot, he turned back to the other men. "Women," he muttered under his breath.

"Yeah, _women_," George said, shaking his head.

"They can be crazy," Alex interjected, briefly thinking of Addison's emotional rollercoaster from the night before.

"Yep," George agreed.

"But for some reason, you just can't live without them," Mark said, shaking his head in bewilderment.

Derek smiled, looking back at Jack. "You can say that again."

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**So I realize that was pretty short, but I didn't want to get into the next scenes until chapter 22. All I can say is enjoy the fluff while you can. **


	22. Chapter 22

Meredith looked toward the entrance of her hospital room when she heard the doorknob turn. She smiled gratefully when she saw Addison and Callie walk through the threshold, sitting up slightly in her bed and turning off the television talk show that she'd been mindlessly sitting through for the past hour.

"Oh thank God," Meredith said. "I've been going out of my mind sitting in here by myself."

Addison smiled sympathetically, sitting on the edge of her bed while Callie immediately rushed forward, wrapping her arms around Meredith's shoulders and pulling her into a hug. "I couldn't believe it when George told me the news! Congratulations," she said with a giant grin.

"Thanks, I can't really believe it myself," she revealed with a small laugh. "Have you seen him?"

Callie shook her head. "Not yet. I came to see you first, but George and Cristina were on their way to the nursery before I came here."

"I saw Jack about an hour ago," Addison interjected, smiling warmly as Meredith looked at her enthusiastically. "He's doing great. I was a little worried that his lungs would be underdeveloped, but he's breathing on his own just fine."

Meredith smiled proudly. "So we can take him home tomorrow?"

"Maybe," Addison said. "Let's just see how he does today. I want to make sure that he's eating well and that he remains alert, but you can probably take him home if he continues to progress through the night."

"Oh, okay," Meredith agreed, nodding her head. "I'm just ready to be in my own house. I'm ready to take Jack home."

Callie laughed a little. "You should enjoy this while you can. When you go home, you have to do _everything_ by yourself. There's no one standing around to help you out or to tell you how to do things. I mean, sometimes the baby will just cry and cry, and you can do everything you can think of to make him stop, but he just keeps _screaming_ and-"

Meredith frowned as Callie spoke. "Why are you telling me this?"

The smile on Callie's face suddenly disappeared. "Um, I have no idea."

Addison laughed at Meredith's alarmed expression. "Don't worry about it, Meredith. Thousands of women take their babies home everyday, and most of them don't have a clue about how to take care of an infant. You'll be fine."

"Yes, but those thousands of women didn't inherit Ellis Grey's bad mommy genes," she muttered, glancing at the doorway as more visitors entered.

"Meredith, you did _not_ inherit the bad mommy gene," Izzie interjected as she and Cristina walked into the room. "Stop saying things like that. You're going to freak yourself out."

Meredith didn't immediately respond to Izzie's comment as they approached the bed. After weeks of feeling only animosity from her, Izzie's newfound attempt to rebuild their friendship was slightly unnerving to Meredith. It wasn't that she didn't want things to be back to normal between them; there was nothing that she wanted more. She simply wasn't sure how to behave around her friend. Was she supposed to act like nothing had happened? Were they simply going to pick up their friendship where they had left off, or was Meredith supposed to let Izzie know how truly remorseful she still felt about the accident?

Her thoughts were interrupted when Cristina plopped down on the bed, her weight causing the mattress to shift slightly. "I just saw the kid," she told Meredith. "He's pretty cute, but he's kind of squirmy and wrinkly. Oh, and I got these for you." She produced a handful of gossip tabloids, a medical journal, and a parenting magazine. "Izzie made me get you the one with the baby on the front. I told her to find you a magazine with a naked guy on the cover, and she came back with one who's bald and drooling."

Izzie rolled her eyes, walking to the foot of the bed and leaning down against the mattress. "It'll be much more helpful than that tabloid crap that you bought her," Izzie muttered defensively.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Oh _please_, Barbie. Like she wants to read about the normal colors of diarrhea and how to prevent diaper rash. Get _real_," she muttered, lifting her hand to her head and bringing the mass of curls into her hand so that she could clip them back.

Izzie pursed her lips with displeasure. "Well, she _might_."

Meredith smirked at them both, shaking her head with amusement as she quickly thumbed through the magazines. "They're all great. Seriously, thanks, guys; I'm sure that I'll read _all_ of them," she commented, casually bringing the parenting magazine to the top of the pile and skimming the cover.

"Oh Christ," Cristina muttered, shaking her head with disapproval as she picked up one of the tabloids and began flipping through the pages.

Izzie smiled with satisfaction, and then she reached into her bag, pulling out a package wrapped in tinfoil. "I made blueberry muffins for breakfast this morning. They're a lot better than the hospital food," she said proudly, stretching across the bed and handing them to Meredith.

She smiled as she took the muffins. "Thanks Iz," she said sincerely. Meredith immediately began unwrapping the tinfoil, slapping away Cristina's hand as she reached for a bite. "Stop trying to eat my food," she told her, tearing off a piece of the sugary muffin top.

She grinned through her mouthful of muffin when Derek walked in, closely followed by Mark, Alex, and George. She brightened at the sudden fullness of the room, feeling immensely grateful for the company.

Alex strode over to stand beside Addison. "So I heard you had an interesting night," he said playfully, shaking his head. "You always have to be so damn dramatic."

Meredith laughed, shrugging her shoulders as Derek came to sit bedside her on the bed, using his hip to nudge Cristina off the mattress. Cristina scowled at him, but said nothing as she quickly stole a piece of Meredith's muffin before escaping across the room to stand beside George.

Meredith rolled her eyes, but then shifted her gaze to meet Mark's stare as he moved toward his wife, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning his chin on Izzie's shoulder as he met Meredith's eyes. He grinned at her, shaking his head in mock disbelief. "I can't believe my favorite dirty mistress just became a mother," he teased.

She grinned back at him. "Thanks for finding Addison last night."

"It was no problem at all. I mean, if I'd walked in on them _doing it_ on the balcony, well, we might be having some words right now, but luckily they were asleep _and _covered with blankets, so my vision was spared."

Izzie closed her eyes, resisting the urge to chuckle as Addison huffed with annoyance. "That's nice, Mark. Really nice."

They were all saved when a light knock resounded from the door, and they turned toward the entrance, smiling when a nurse walked in wheeling a crib into the room. "It's feeding time," she announced with a smile, her eyes widening when she saw the room full of doctors.

Mark was the first to speak up. "We should go anyway," he said, directing his comment toward Addison and Izzie. "I have a surgery scheduled in half an hour, so we have to hurry if we're going to do that ultrasound."

"Yeah, and I should go, too," George rushed to say as Derek placed Jack into Meredith's open arms. "I mean, I don't want to…you know, you should…you probably need some privacy. I don't want…I wouldn't want to be in the way."

Callie raised her eyebrows, entertained as her husband stuttered nervously.

Beside him, Cristina smirked, watching with amusement as George slowly backed toward the door. He jumped slightly when his back came in contact with the knob, and Cristina shook her head, a cackle escaping her mouth. "Don't get your panties in a bunch, Bambi," she muttered. "It's not like you haven't seen her boobs before."

A horrified expression crossed George's face. "_What_? I have _not_! I…I don't know what you're talking about!"

Alex laughed, watching Cristina's smile widen as George's cheeks reddened.

"Sure you do," Cristina continued, enjoying his discomfort. "You remember; you…Meredith…the whole crying thing…ringing any bells?"

Meredith shook her head, biting her lower lip as George gaped nervously by the doorway. "Cristina, leave him alone," she said was a laugh.

Then she looked down at the baby in her arms, and everyone else in the room seemed to disappear as she met his bright blue eyes. "Don't listen to them, Jack. Your mommy never did things like that."

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Addison quickly checked Izzie's weight and blood pressure, and then measured her abdomen while Mark chatted with an intern in the hallway, giving him pre-op instructions for his patient before walking into Izzie's exam room. By the time he entered, she was dressed in a hospital gown and was lying down on the exam table, chatting with Addison about the excitement of Jack's delivery while they waited for him to join them.

"Sorry," he muttered. "Interns are so damn incompetent."

"Mark," Izzie began to admonish.

"No, they're just _useless_," he interrupted. "I have to spell out _everything_. I may as well do that pre-op myself."

Addison raised her eyebrows as she lifted Izzie's gown. "This is a _teaching_ hospital, Mark," she commented, squeezing the cool gel onto Izzie's belly and moving the ultrasound wand across her abdomen. "You have to have patience with them. They don't know how-"

She stopped speaking as a whooshing sound suddenly filled the room "_Oh_, there's the heartbeat," she said, cutting her lecture short as the sound of the baby's heartbeat emitted from the ultrasound machine.

Izzie's smile stretched across her face, and she turned to look at the monitor as a faint image of her baby appeared on the screen. "Wow, I'd forgotten how amazing this is," she whispered, squeezing Mark's fingertips as his hand slipped into hers.

"Yeah," Mark uttered with an euphoric grin, equally as transfixed by the image as Izzie.

Addison ignored both of them, her eyes studying the screen intently. Izzie's smile faltered a bit when she saw Addison's serious expression, her heart beginning to beat wildly as Addison remained silent.

"Ad? What is it?" she questioned, pushing the words through the lump in her throat as she sat up a bit, resting her weight on her elbows. "Is…is something wrong?"

Addison stared at the screen for a moment more before she turned to her friends, Izzie's words finally penetrating her mind. "Wrong? Oh no, there's nothing wrong," she told them with a smile. "Sorry, I was just…uh…"

Izzie and Mark stared at her wide eyed, waiting for her to explain. "What, Addison?" Mark asked when she trailed off.

Her smile broadened as she turned back toward the monitor, her finger flying to the screen as she moved the wand slowly over Izzie's stomach. "There's your baby," she told them, her fingertip pointing to a tiny image on the screen. She then moved her finger to the right of the image, rotating the wand over Izzie's skin. "And here," she said, pointing to another image, "is your other baby."

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**Surprise! I'll be updating again soon...probably tomorrow, actually. This scene is not remotely finished, but I felt the need to end the chapter here :-)**


	23. Chapter 23

**I put the last bit from the previous chapter at the beginning…just in case you forgot what happened ;)**

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Addison stared at the screen for a moment more before she turned to her friends, Izzie's words finally penetrating her mind. "Wrong? Oh no, there's nothing wrong," she told them with a smile. "Sorry, I was just…uh…"

Izzie and Mark stared at her wide eyed, waiting for her to explain. "What, Addison?" Mark asked when she trailed off.

Her smile broadened as she turned back toward the monitor, her finger flying to the screen as she moved the wand slowly over Izzie's stomach. "There's your baby," she told them, her fingertip pointing to a tiny image on the screen. She then moved her finger to the right of the image, rotating the wand over Izzie's skin. "And here," she said, pointing to another image, "is your other baby."

Mark and Izzie narrowed their eyes as they studied the screen. Finally, Mark, whose face seemed to magically drain of all color, shook his head lightly as he looked down at Izzie. "How'd you do _that_?" He asked numbly, feeling as though he'd lost all ability for rational thought.

Izzie lifted a brow. "How'd I do _what_?"

"How'd you…I mean, how did you make two babies?" he asked. "I mean one is…but…but _two_?"

"Seriously, Mark? Did you _seriously_ just ask me that?"

He took a deep breath, feeling blindly behind him until his hand connected with a chair. "I think I need to sit down," he said, allowing himself to fall into the chair.

Izzie shook her head disbelievingly as she watched him drop into the seat, and then she turned back to look at Addison. "So you're sure? It's…it's really twins?"

Addison smiled at her, nodding a bit as she glanced at the monitor. "Oh, I'm definitely sure," she told her, watching the screen. "Just listen closely."

Izzie held her breath, trying to make the room as silent as possible as she listened to the heartbeat coming from the machine.

And then she heard it.

It was faint; their individual heartbeats were almost completely in synch, but when she concentrated, she could hear a tiny inconsistency as the second baby's pulse radiated from the machine for a fraction of a second longer than the first. Izzie's eyes filled with tears, and she wiped at the moisture that was slowly seeping from beneath her eyelid. "Wow," she whispered. "I mean…just…_wow_."

She and Addison both turned to look at Mark as his pager began to vibrate at the waistband of his pants. He scowled, looking down at the screen. "Fucking interns," he muttered, shaking his head irritably. He slowly stood up, walking hesitantly over to Izzie's exam table. "I think…I think I'm going to go reschedule my surgery for tomorrow. I doubt Mrs. Bowden is going to want me cutting her nose open right now," he admitted, holding up his trembling hands as evidence.

Izzie's mouth twisted sympathetically at him. "Are you okay?"

He let out a breath, smiling at her and Addison. "Of course. I just…uh…I need to go reschedule my surgery," he told her, bending down and kissing her forehead. "But I'm fine. This is good. I mean, you know, there's going to be _two_ people to take care of now. Twice the diapers, twice the midnight feedings, twice the _everything_, but it'll be fine. I'm fine. Everything's just fine."

Izzie watched with amusement as he walked dazedly to the doorway and let himself out of the room. She then turned to Addison, a huge grin breaking out on her face as she burst into ecstatic giggles. "Oh my _god_! I can't believe I'm having _twins_! This is so surreal."

Addison returned her smile, quickly printing out a copy of the sonogram for Izzie and grabbing a pile of paper towels to hand to her. "I know," she said, waiting patiently as Izzie began wiping the gel from her skin. "It's amazing."

Another euphoric laugh escaped Izzie's lips when Addison handed her the photograph, and she sat up and tossed the paper towels in a nearby trash bin as she looked at the picture. "First Jack, and now this! I just can't believe that we're going to have _four_ babies that are almost the same age and-"

"Four?"

Izzie froze, looking at Addison guiltily. "Uh, what?"

"You said there were going to be four babies. Jack, your two, and who else?" Addison asked, her forehead furrowing with confusion. A smile broke out on her face as she studied Izzie. "Oh my god! Is Callie pregnant?"

Izzie tilted her head to the side, looking at her with confusion. "Callie? No, I don't think-"

"It's not Cristina, is it? That would be kind of scary," Addison said with a laugh.

"No, Addison. I wasn't talking about Cristina," she said, trying to suppress a smile as she wondered why Addison was trying so hard to play ignorant.

Izzie knew that she was supposed to keep her mouth shut. She'd virtually _promised_ Mark that morning that she would wait for Addison to bring up her pregnancy, but it wasn't as though _she _was hounding _Addison_ for information. Addison was the one who wouldn't let the subject go, so what was Izzie supposed to do?

She fleetingly wondered why she hadn't been blessed with a filter to keep herself from blurting out inappropriate comments, but she ignored that thought as she exclaimed, "I know that you're pregnant!"

It was now Addison's turn to freeze, and the smile fell from her face as Izzie studied her expectantly. "Why would you say that?"

Izzie's excited grin faltered, and she stood up from the exam table. "Well…well because Mark found the pregnancy tests last night…"

"He _what_?"

Izzie suddenly bit her lip nervously as Addison's voice grew irritable. "When he was looking for you last night to bring you to the hospital, he said that he found pregnancy tests in your bathroom."

Addison crossed her arms over her chest. "He found the _boxes_. There were boxes from the tests sitting on the counter, but I had already thrown the tests away."

"Oh," Izzie said, her voice quiet with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, he just said-"

"Well, he was mistaken."

Izzie swallowed uneasily, her expression turning remorseful as she suddenly began to pray for the ability to take back her words. _Why the hell didn't I just listen to Mark?_

As Izzie wracked her brain for something to say, Addison's shoulders suddenly slumped, and she walked over to the exam table, sitting down on the thin paper sanitation sheet.

Izzie glanced at her with concern. "I'm sorry, Addie. I shouldn't have said anything. I was just so excited, and-"

"No, it's fine," Addison said, cutting off Izzie's apology as Izzie sat down beside her. "I'm not pregnant, and…and I should've known that I wasn't to begin with." Addison sighed, thinking for a moment before she turned to look at Izzie. "Do you remember that trip I took to LA a few years ago? It was right before you and Mark started dating."

"Yeah, I remember."

Addison bit her lip apprehensively, turning her gaze to her lap. "I have a friend who's a fertility specialist, and she has a private practice there. I, um, I went to Los Angeles to meet with her so that I could have a baby."

Izzie inhaled sharply, watching her friend with surprise. "Oh."

"My life was just…well, it felt like it was falling apart. At the time, I thought that a baby would fill some kind of void or something." A bitter smile crossed Addison's features. "But after a few tests, Naomi told me that I actually can't have children."

Izzie's face twisted in confusion. "Wait, I don't understand. I thought…uh…"

"You thought what?"

Izzie looked as her hands nervously, twisting them anxiously in her lap. "Before Mark and I got married, we were talking about having children and, well, he told me that you…" She swallowed, meeting Addison's curious gaze. "He said that you got pregnant in New York. He said that you had an abortion."

Addison took a breath, nodding as a light film of tears covered her eyes. "Yeah, that's true," she whispered. She wanted to feel angry at Mark for sharing their secret with Izzie, but she couldn't blame him for telling his future wife about one of the biggest disappointments of his life. "At the time, it didn't feel right to…to go through with the pregnancy. I was still hoping to save my marriage with Derek, and I knew that having a baby with Mark wouldn't help me do that." She brought her hand up, wiping at a tear that was running down her cheek. "It's weird; I put off having children for so long because it was never the right time, and now I'm suddenly infertile and all I can _think _about is having a baby with Alex. You know, I try not to have regrets. It's useless, and it's a waste of energy, but there's _nothing_ I regret more than having that abortion. That was my only chance to have a child, and I was so _selfish_…"

Izzie covered Addison's hand with her own, offering her friend a small smile. "Addison, there're so many ways to have children these days. You and Alex have more options that you might think."

Addison laughed, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "You sound like Alex."

"Well then, he's smarter than I thought," Izzie told her with a smile.

Addison returned her smile, squeezing Izzie's hand lightly. "I'm sorry that I snapped at you. I think I'm just reeling from the drama of last night. I was _so_ sure that I was pregnant, and when those tests came back negative…" She trailed off, shaking her head with disappointment.

"So…what exactly made you think that you were pregnant in the first place? Was it just because you haven't been feeling well?"

"Well, yeah, that and the fact that my period's more than seven weeks late."

Izzie frowned. "Oh." She thought for a minute, her brow furrowed as she looked at her Addison. "Are you sure that you read the tests right?"

Addison looked at her incredulously. "Izzie, I'm an obstetrician. I know how to read a pregnancy test."

"Well, maybe they were wrong. They're not one hundred percent infallible, you know."

Addison shook her head. "No, let's just forget about this, okay. They weren't wrong."

"Well then what's going on with you?"

Addison shrugged. "Knowing how much my body hates me, I'm probably going through early menopause."

Izzie's face twisted into a smile, and she suddenly stood up from the exam table. "Lie down."

Addison lifted an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Lie down," Izzie told her more firmly. "Addison, I know you're convinced that you're not pregnant, but I have a feeling." Izzie's smile grew as she walked to a chair across the room, slipping off her hospital gown and quickly dressing in the clothes that she had left folded on the cushion. "I mean, just think about everything that…that we've been through," she continued, her smile faltering a bit. "We all deserve some happiness right now, and look at everything that's happened in the last couple of days. Meredith had her baby, and now Mark and I find out that we're having _two_ babies. So, yeah, I believe that…I believe that maybe there's a chance. Medicine's not an exact science, Addison. Things happen all the time that doctors can't explain."

Addison frowned as Izzie walked back to the exam table. "Izzie, I appreciate your optimism but-"

"The worst thing that can happen is that you'll be exactly where you started. If you're not pregnant, big deal," Izzie stated, grinning at her. "But if you are…" Her smile widened as she sat down on the stool that Addison had previously used.

Addison watched her with slight annoyance, but she couldn't help but smile a little at Izzie's good intentions. "Well, I can promise you that I'm not," she told her, kicking off her high heals. "But I can see that you're not going to let this go, so you can do the ultrasound. Seriously, though, I'm _not_ pregnant, so stop grinning like that."

Izzie's smile only widened as Addison swung her legs up onto the exam table. "You're going to be so happy that you let me do this. I mean, people aren't seven weeks late for no reason."

Addison rolled her eyes. "No, they're seven weeks late when they go through early menopause."

Izzie scowled at her. "That is _not_ a good attitude, Addison Montgomery."

Addison raised her eyebrows at her as Izzie pulled the ultrasound machine toward her stool. "And that is _not_ the machine that you need to use, Isobel Sloan."

Izzie looked up with confusion. "Huh?"

"Didn't you learn anything from me when you were under my service?" Izzie looked perplexed, causing Addison to shake her head with mock disappointment. "_If_ I was pregnant, which I'm not, by the way, you probably wouldn't be able to detect anything with a Doppler ultrasound. It would be too early, so you're going to have to use a vaginal probe," Addison told her with a smirk.

"Oh. Well maybe I should get another gynecologist to do this. I don't remember a lot from my obstetrics rotation. You kind of ruined it for me," Izzie said, returning her smirk.

Addison scoffed. "I did _not_."

"Ad, you made me think I killed a baby."

"I was trying to make you a better doctor. And you only thought that it was your fault for a few minutes."

"It might've only been for a few minutes, but it totally ruined the profession for me. I pretty much stopped listening to everything you said after that," Izzie told her with a smile.

Addison laughed a little. "Well I'm sorry you didn't make use of my immense wisdom when you had the chance. Lucky for you, you're going to get to learn a little bit today," she told her, lying back against the exam table. "If you're so adamant about me having the ultrasound, you're going to have to do it yourself. There's no way that I'm getting someone else involved in this."

Izzie exhaled anxiously, but stood up and crossed the room, getting the proper equipment while Addison adjusted herself on the table. By the time Izzie turned around, Addison was lying on her back, her feet in stirrups. Izzie walked to the bed, moving the stool to the end and sitting between Addison's legs as she put on a pair of gloves. "Are you ready?"

Addison nodded, trying to look at the monitor as Izzie inserted the transducer. "Can you turn the screen towards me a little? I can't see it."

Izzie adjusted the screen so that Addison had a better view, and then continued to move the probe through her pelvic organs until she reached her uterus.

They both unconsciously held their breaths as the picture appeared on the monitor. Addison swallowed hard as she studied the image, eventually letting out a breath. She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice as she gripped the exam table with her hands. "See, I told you; there's no baby."

Izzie looked at her regretfully. "I'm sorry, Addison. I really thought that maybe-"

"Wait, go back," Addison interrupted, sitting up a bit as she looked at the monitor sharply.

"What?"

"Move the transducer to the right a little. I thought I saw…I swear there was a…" She trailed off as Izzie moved the probe, both women staring at the screen, their mouth's agape.

"Addison…" Izzie said, her voice fading as she stared at the image with surprise. "Is that a…?"

Addison nodded her head, her eyes not leaving the screen as her heart began to race. "Yeah, it's…it looks like an ovarian tumor."


	24. Chapter 24

**Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! You guys are amazing :-)**

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Mark knocked gently on the hospital room door, waiting for an invitation before turning the knob. He smiled charmingly when he walked in and saw the couple inside lounging on the hospital bed. "How's it going?"

Meredith grinned at him, and then glanced at the baby who was lying against her folded knees. "Jack just ate, and now he's asleep again. That's all he does; eat and sleep, eat and sleep. This parenting thing isn't as hard as I thought it would be."

Mark cocked an eyebrow at Meredith's comment. "Well, I'll give you a few weeks and see what you think then."

Derek laughed, but didn't respond to Mark's sarcasm, running his hand lightly over Jack's wisps of brown hair. "Weren't you supposed to have a surgery after Izzie's sonogram?"

Mark walked closer to the bed, sitting down in the seat next to them and lounging comfortably. "I did, but I had to reschedule."

"Are the OR's backed up?" Derek asked, though his eyes didn't move from Jack's face.

"No, I just…I didn't feel up to surgeries today."

They both looked up at his comment. "Mark Sloan not up for surgeries? Something must be up," Meredith commented.

He met her gaze, and then shifted his eyes to look at Derek. They were both looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain his uncharacteristic reluctance to perform in the OR. Mark sighed, knowing that he should wait to say anything about the surprising results of their sonogram; Izzie would probably kill him if she found out that he told someone the news without her there. The way that they were looking at him, though, the way that they were inviting him to open up to them, caused Mark to push that thought into the back of his mind. "Izzie's having twins," he blurted out.

Meredith and Derek's mouths simultaneously dropped, but they quickly recovered, smiles spreading across their faces. "Seriously?"

Mark nodded at Meredith. "I couldn't believe it. I actually didn't react all that well, to be honest."

Derek smirked. "Couldn't handle the pressure, could ya?"

Meredith elbowed him playfully in the ribs, and then smiled at Mark. "Well I wouldn't worry about it. It's not every day that a reformed manwhore finds out he's going to be a daddy to twins."

Mark took a shuddering breath. "Yeah…"

She looked at him sympathetically, biting her lower lip lightly to keep from smiling. "How'd Izzie take the news?"

Mark rolled his eyes. "Perfectly, of course, which makes it worse that I reacted like such a jackass. She had the whole tears-in-her-eyes thing, and she was completely ecstatic."

Meredith grinned. "Sounds like Izzie."

Derek nodded in agreement. "Where is she, anyway?"

"I don't know. I'm waiting on her so that we can go home. I called her after I rescheduled my surgery, but she was doing something for Addison. I told her I was going to wait for her in here, and she said she would meet me when she was done."

"What's she doing for Addison?"

He shrugged, smiling at her lap as Jack began to squirm his way into consciousness. "Looks like somebody's waking up."

Meredith looked down at the baby, forgetting about her question as Jack's eyes squinted open. "Well hey there. That was a short nap."

Jack stared at her blankly for several seconds, and then his face twisted, turning red as he began letting out high-pitched screeches. Derek and Meredith both stared at him with alarm. "Um, what'd I do?" Meredith asked, picking up the baby from her lap and bringing him against her chest.

Derek looked on anxiously, bringing his hand up to rest against Jack's back, but the movement did little to comfort the screaming infant. Mark smiled at them with amusement, a laugh escaping his lips as he watched their panicking expressions.

Meredith looked up sharply, glaring at him. "This isn't funny. What if something's wrong with him? He just ate; what could he want?"

Mark's smile broadened, and he stood up from the chair, taking a couple of steps closer to the bed. "There's nothing wrong with him," he assured her, holding out his hands.

Meredith and Derek both looked at him skeptically, but Meredith held up Jack nonetheless, passing him the squawking infant. Mark rested his tiny head on his forearm, cradling the baby against his chest as he began to pace back and forth across the room. Despite his efforts, Jack continued the scream, and Mark glanced at Meredith. "Geez, Mer, the kid's as whiny as you are."

Meredith shot him another glare but Mark ignored her, continuing to walk as he began to bounce the baby lightly in his arms. After a few moments, Jack's cries quieted, and then they stopped all together as the baby's eyes reluctantly fluttered shut. "Much better, Jack," Mark said quietly, continuing to bounce him lightly to ensure that he was asleep.

Derek grinned at Mark. "Well look at you."

"Mark, I think you're going to have to move in with us. How'd you learn how to do that?"

Mark shrugged. "I used to watch Izzie do it with Ben, and I just picked it up, I guess. Sometimes it seemed like I would walk with him for hours…I used to think that I was going to wear a hole in our floor. I don't know why this calms them down; babies just like the movement, I suppose." He looked down at Jack and smiled, but his eyes quickly moved to the door as a light knock resounded, and it was pushed open seconds later. "Hey," he greeted when he saw his wife, grinning at her as she walked into the room.

She followed the sound of his voice, smiling slightly when her eyes landed on him standing at the foot of Meredith's bed. She hadn't seen her husband holding an infant since Ben was a baby, and the image of him cradling Jack as he bounced the little boy lightly against his chest brought a light cover of tears over her eyes. "Hey," she said quietly. "Sorry I took so long."

Mark noticed her tears from across the room, and the smile immediately fell from his face. "Don't worry about it," he told her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded as she forced out a laugh, waving away his concerns as she briefly thought about her promise to keep the result of Addison's sonogram a secret for the time being. "Of course; I'm just feeling a little emotional right now."

Meredith looked down at Jack as Mark handed her the sleeping baby. "Yeah, I'm sure you _are_ a little emotional, Iz. We just heard the news."

Izzie looked at her sharply. "You did?" _How had they already found out?_

"Yeah, don't look so surprised. Everyone at the hospital will know by the end of the day. You know how things are around here."

Izzie frowned. "_Damn it_," she said softly, her voice trembling with emotion. "Addison wanted to keep it quiet for as long as she could."

Mark's forehead furrowed with confusion. "Why does Addison care who knows?"

Izzie looked at him incredulously. "Because it's _personal_," she snapped. "And she probably wants to wait until they have more information before she starts telling people."

Derek pursed his lips, frowning as Izzie glared at Mark irritably. "Um, I don't think we're all talking about the same thing here."

Izzie paused, glancing at him before shifting her eyes between Mark and Meredith. "What are _you _talking about?"

Meredith watched her curiously. "I was talking about the news that you and Mark are having twins," she told her with a confused smile. "What are _you_ talking about?"

Izzie blew out a shuddering breath, trying to force out a smile, but her face crumbled with emotion as a sob escaped her lips. "Nothing," she managed to say, covering her mouth with her hand as another sob leaked out.

Mark frowned, immediately taking several steps so that he was standing beside her. "Iz, what's wrong? What's the matter?" He wrapped his arms around her body, trying to calm her as her shoulders began to shake as she tried to suppress the need to cry.

She closed her eyes, leaning her weight against his chest as she struggled to maintain her composure. "It's just been a crazy couple of days, but I'm fine," she told him, her breathing becoming ragged.

Derek glanced at Meredith uncomfortably, who in turn, looked at Izzie. "You're probably just tired, Iz. First coaching me through the delivery, and now finding out about your own pregnancy; it's all just catching up with you."

Izzie nodded against Mark's chest, and then picked up her head, wiping her face as she smiled slightly at her friend. "Exactly. I think that's exactly what it is."

Meredith returned her smile, but Mark shook his head, looking at her disbelievingly. "No, you're lying. I can see that you're lying. What were you talking about before? Something about Addison not wanting people to know yet…"

"Mark…"

Derek frowned, standing up from the bed. "Is something wrong with Addison?"

Izzie looked at him wide eyed, panic evident on her face as a nervous film of sweat began to seep from pores. "What? No, no of course not."

Meredith sat up straighter in her bed, watching Izzie suspiciously. "Izzie, what's going on?"

Izzie's eyes darted between the people in the room, and she let out a jagged breath. "I…I'm not supposed to say anything."

Mark's hand slipped into Izzie's, and he waited for a moment until she met his eyes. "Is Addie okay?"

The question was simple, but the difficulty of the answer caused Izzie's eyes to instantly fill with moisture once again. "I don't…I don't know," she managed as a tear slipped down her cheek.

Mark pulled her against his chest as she began to quietly cry, tucking her head beneath his chin as he exchanged worried glances with Meredith and Derek. "Izzie, you're scaring us." His soft tone made her weep harder against his shoulder, and he frowned, trying to pull her closer to his body. "Sweetie, just tell me what's wrong."

"I can't han…handle this," she stammered, her body trembling as she gripped his shoulders tightly between her fingertips.

"You can't handle what?"

"I can't handle losing a…another person I love."

His already troubled expression darkened at her words, and he looked up to meet Derek's worried eyes. "Izzie, what're you talking about?" he asked, his tone grim.

"First Ben and now Ad…Addison," she sobbed. "I can't do it again. I can't Mark!"

"Izzie-"

"She has a tumor," she uttered despairingly, her voice breaking. "It's on one of her ovaries.

As her words sunk in, Derek felt like someone had knocked the wind out of his chest, and he sat back onto the hospital bed, needing to feel Meredith's presence. "Are you sure?" he asked. "She told you that?"

Izzie pulled back from Mark's chest, her hand slipping into his as he stared at her with shocked silence. Then she turned to the hospital bed, meeting Derek's gaze. "I saw it, actually. We did an ultrasound on her after Mark left the room, and I saw the tumor on the monitor."

"You're sure that's what it was?" Meredith asked, her voice coming out as a shocked whisper.

Izzie nodded. "Pretty sure."

A wordless tension engulfed the room for several moments, and Mark and Izzie walked closer to the hospital bed. Mark sat in the seat that he'd previously occupied, pulling Izzie down onto his lap. "Where's Addie now?" he asked, finally breaking the silence.

Izzie took a deep breath, laying her head onto Mark's shoulder. "She's with Alex. That's what I was doing for her earlier. She asked me to page him and take him to the exam room."

Meredith nodded, continuing to stare at her with shock. "How was she doing when you left her?"

Izzie shrugged, wiping at the corner of her eye as another tear threatened to spill over. "I don't know. Not great, I guess. I mean, how would _you_ be?"

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Alex sat on the leather stool, staring wordlessly at the ultrasound picture in his hand. He narrowed his eyes, his stare boring into the image, expecting the mass on the glossy paper to somehow morph or disappear altogether.

It didn't. No matter how long he stared, no matter which way he turned the picture, the tumor covering Addison's ovary remained visible. He took a quivering breath, raising his eyes so that he could look at Addison.

She was sitting above him, perched on the exam table. Her long legs were crossed, the heel of her black stiletto tapping against the bottom of the metal bed anxiously. When he looked up, she met his eyes, her gaze unwavering. "I'll give you one more chance to run away."

He looked at her questioningly. "What?"

"I told you last night that we shouldn't get married, and you said that you wanted to be with me no matter what, but I don't think you could've imagined exactly what that entailed. So I'll give you one more chance to-"

"Are you trying to get rid of me or something?"

She cracked a smile, taking in a deep breath to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. "Of course not."

"We're going to be together until death do us part, Addie, so stop trying to call off our engagement. You're going to give me a complex."

She tilted her head to the side, swallowing the lump in her throat. "We haven't actually taken the vows yet."

"Well, we would have if it were up to me. If it were up to me, I'd say lets call a priest and get married today." He chewed on his bottom lip, allowing himself one last peak at the picture before placing it on the table next to him. "So what're we going to do?"

She smiled slightly, his use of the word 'we' not lost on her. "I've already called Nancy. She's going to be on the next flight to Seattle."

"Who's Nancy?"

"Derek's sister. She's a gynecologist in Connecticut."

Alex frowned, nodding his head slowly. "Oh," he mumbled quietly. "Why didn't you want to use someone here?"

Addison shrugged. "Nancy's one of the best. I respect her as a colleague, and she's also one of my greatest friends. I want someone that I can trust in every way possible."

Alex swallowed hard, resisting the urge to pick up the picture again. _It won't look any different. Stop obsessing over the damn picture._ "So, she's coming all this way just to biopsy a tumor?"

Addison's gaze shifted away from his, and she stared at a pregnancy growth chart nailed to the wall, her eyes unfocused so that she couldn't actually see the image. "Well I'm sure that she wants to see Jack, too. It'll be nice for her to spend some time with Derek and the baby."

Alex nodded. "Oh, right. Of course."

She took a deep breath, meeting Alex's eyes once again. "But I'm not having her biopsy the tumor. I'm going to have her remove the entire ovary."

His face remained blank, and Addison began tearing at the sanitation sheet covering the exam table nervously, creating small tears in the white paper as she waited for his response. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

He took a deep breath, standing up from the stool and walking over to the exam table. He sat down beside her, stilling her fidgeting fingers with his hand. "Addison, I'll support you no matter what you want to do."

She let out a breath that she wasn't aware she'd been holding, a nervous laugh escaping her lips. "I just…I obviously don't need the ovary for reproductive purposes, and if the tumor's cancerous-"

"Don't say that."

"_If it's cancerous_, Alex, I want it out of my body as soon as possible."

He nodded, running his fingertip lightly over her palm. "I understand." He looked up from their hands, meeting her eyes as he gazed at her earnestly. "Whatever you want, Addie…whatever you need, I'm here for you. I promise you that I'm not going anywhere."


	25. Chapter 25

Derek carefully placed Jack into the infant carrier, smiling when the baby didn't even stir as he was transferred into the new seat. "Jack, you're going to miss your first trip outside of the maternity ward," he warned quietly, turning his body and grinning at Meredith when she walked out of the bathroom, traveling across the room to stand in front of the baby.

"This is weird," she said, her eyes shining with happiness.

"What?"

"_This_. Him. Us _with_ him. It's weird."

Derek laughed, but nodded in agreement.

"Are we ready for this?" she wondered aloud. "Because I feel like I've been cheated. You know, like I was denied the last few weeks to prepare for this, and now that we get to take him home, I feel like…like I might not be ready."

He smiled comfortingly, lacing his fingers through hers. "We're ready," he told her confidently, his voice surprisingly empty of uncertainty.

His eyes flew to the door when it was opened abruptly, a grin breaking out on his face when he saw his sister smirking in the doorway. "Hey stranger," she greeted with a smile.

"Nancy!" he said with a laugh, dropping Meredith's hand and walking around the bed, pulling his sister into a hug. "I'm so glad that you're here."

"Me, too. My flight came in this morning," she said with a smile, pulling away from him and staring intently at his face. She pursed her lips in displeasure. "You look tired…tired and kind of old," she said bluntly.

The smile immediately turned into a scowl. "Well thank you, Nancy," he responded dryly. "It's been a long couple of days, you know."

Her own smile faltered, and she stared momentarily at the floor. "I know," she confirmed quietly, unable to ignore her reason for being in Seattle. "I actually just left Addie's room. We're going into surgery in an hour."

Derek nodded. "I know; I went to see her for a little while this morning before I came up here to be with Meredith and the baby."

Nancy smiled a little, looking over Derek's shoulder to where the baby carrier still rested on the bed. "Well, I've just been dying to meet this little boy." She side stepped her brother, walking over to stand in front of the carrier and gazing down at the sleeping infant.

Meredith exchanged a brief look with Derek, and then plastered a smile on her face, trying to look enthusiastic to see her sister-in-law. "Hi, Nancy."

She glanced quickly at Meredith, offering her a false smile. "Hello, Meredith." She then looked back down at Jack, her face brightening as she watched him sleep. "Wow, Derek, he's beautiful. He looks a bit like Dad, I think."

"Really?" Derek joined his wife and sister, the three of them looming over the baby and studying him intently. "Yeah, I guess he does," he said quietly, smiling proudly at Meredith as his hand slipped into hers.

Nancy noticed the exchange, grimacing slightly as she looked away from their joined hands. "Well, I guess I should go. I need to talk to Addison one more time before I scrub in for surgery, but I wanted to say hi and meet Jack before we went in."

Derek nodded. "I'm glad you did. Meredith and I are going to go sit with Alex in the waiting room while you're in the OR, so I'm sure we'll see you when you're through."

"Okay," she said, walking toward the door. She paused, turning around and eyeing her brother. "My luggage is in Chief Webber's office, so if you go home for some reason, would you mind taking it with you and sticking it in your guest room?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, I didn't realize you were staying with us."

"Well, of course I am. You wouldn't make your sister stay in a _hotel_, would you?"

He swallowed, looking uncomfortable. "Um, no…no, of course not."

Meredith bit her lip, struggling to keep the look of panic from forming on her face. "How…how long do you plan on staying in Seattle?"

Nancy smirked at her, lifting her shoulder casually. "Oh, I don't know. A week, two at the most."

Meredith's eyes widened, but she quickly forced a smile. "Oh, great!" she said with a nervous laugh. "Good, this is going to be, uh…this will be great."

Nancy's eyes twinkled as she watched Meredith struggle to remain calm. "Yes, I think it'll be fun," she said with a smile, walking out the door and pulling it closed behind her.

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Alex opened his eyes, searching her expression as their gazes connected. "Are you scared?"

She looked away from his face, glancing down at the sheets where their hands lay entwined. "Yeah."

They were lying together on her hospital bed, facing one another as they counted down the minutes until she would be taken into the OR. He shifted, careful of the IV hanging from her arm as he moved closer to her body. "I am, too," he admitted quietly.

She took a shuddering breath, the tips of her fingers running over the rough skin covering his knuckles. "I think we should set a date for the wedding."

Grateful for the distracting topic of conversation, his gaze met hers, a small smile playing on his lips. "Well I've only been saying that for weeks now."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Whatever," she replied lamely, chuckling at his smug look. Still smiling, she told him, "I was thinking some time in December would be nice."

"You don't want to have it sooner?"

She shook her head, rolling her eyes at his ignorance. "I still have a lot of planning to do, Alex, and a December wedding will give me a little over three months." She frowned, looking away from his face. "Plus, if I need to have chemo, I'll probably still be strong enough-"

"Stop talking like that, Addison."

She sighed, gripping his hand tighter inside of hers. "Look, I know you don't want to think about it, Alex, but I might have cancer. You can't fix it, and you certainly can't change it, but I need you to at least face it. If the tumor turns out to be malignant, I might be able to handle it by myself, but I don't _want_ to. I want you with me, but if you're going to be with me, I need you to stop living in denial."

Silence engulfed the room, the only audible noise being the sound of their breathing. Alex swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "Okay," he finally whispered.

"Okay, good," she told him, her voice strong. "Now back to the wedding."

He smiled a little, nodding his head slightly. "Back to the wedding," he confirmed. "So you want to set the date in December?"

"Yeah, I was thinking the eighth. It's halfway between Thanksgiving and Christmas, so hopefully people won't be too concerned with the holidays."

He nodded again. "We can do whatever you want, Addie."

She grinned. "I'll remember you said that," she told him mischievously. She bit her lip lightly, sighing with annoyance. "I guess I'll have plenty to do while I'm stuck at home after this damn surgery."

He smiled sympathetically at her sardonic tone. "That you will."

"I'll make Izzie come help me, and maybe Meredith, since she's going to be stuck at home, too."

Alex nodded, and they fell into silence once again, staring at one another as they waited for someone to come take Addison to the OR. They both sat up when the door opened, glancing at the entryway nervously.

Nancy, donned in dark blue scrubs, looked reassuringly at them as she walked into the room. "How're you guys holding up?"

Addison shrugged. "I'm just ready to get this over with."

Nancy walked over to the bed, taking a seat in an armchair as Alex stood up from the mattress. "Do you have any questions before we go in? I know that you two understand the procedure, but if there's anything that you're worried about, now's the time to speak up."

Addison frowned, looking hesitantly at Nancy. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

A look of confusion crossed her face. "About what?"

"Removing the ovary; do you think that I should wait until we get the biopsy results back first?"

Nancy smiled reassuringly at her. "No, I don't, actually. I might think that it would drastic for someone wanting to conceive a child, but given your reproductive history, I think you're doing the right thing. If you're unsure, though, I want you to tell me."

Addison shook her head. "No, no, I just wanted to make sure that you agreed."

Nancy nodded at her. "Okay then. Are you ready to go?"

Addison took a deep breath, glancing over to Alex. He smiled down at her, his hand brushing a fiery strand of hair from her forehead. "You're going to be fine, Addie."

Addison returned his smile, and then looked over to Nancy. "I'm ready."

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Izzie's fingers were tapping impatiently against the wooden arm of her chair, her anxious eyes darting around the empty room as she struggled to sit still. When Mark's hand covered hers, stilling her drumming fingers, Izzie's foot began to beat restlessly against the linoleum floor.

Mark rolled his eyes, his hand covering Izzie's knee to stop the incessant movement. "Iz, you've got to sit still. You're already driving me crazy, and we just got here."

She looked at him sharply, irritation flashing in her eyes. "Well excuse me for being scared for my friend. I didn't realize this waiting room was only for people devoid of emotions. You stay here; I'll go find my own room to wait in."

Mark groaned, grabbing her hand as she moved to get up, pulling her onto his lap. "I'm sorry," he muttered, his hand rising to rest on the back of her neck. "Go ahead, tap away if you want to." Her shoulders slumped and she leaned forward, sighing as she pressed her cheek against his, breathing in his musky scent as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

Meredith smiled when she and Derek walked into the waiting room moments later, finding Mark and Izzie still leaning into one another. Derek cleared his throat as they moved across the room, setting Jack's baby carrier on the chair beside them. "Hey," he said quietly.

Mark and Izzie smiled at them, and Izzie immediately leaned toward Jack, fussing over the baby as Meredith sat in the seat on the other side of the carrier. "How're you guys doing?" Mark asked, smiling as his wife softly stroked the bottom of one of Jack's feet.

"We're okay," Derek admitted, remaining standing above Meredith, his hand coming to rest on her shoulder as he squeezed it gently. "What about you? Have you two been here long?"

Mark shook his head. "Only a few minutes. We wanted to go see Addison before she went into surgery, but they'd already started prepping her, so we came in here."

Meredith chewed anxiously on her lip. "Do you think that they've already started?"

Izzie shrugged. "I don't know; maybe." Not wanting to think about Addison going under the knife, she looked down at Jack, smiling slightly as her arms unconsciously wrapped around her already changing belly. "He really is a beautiful baby."

Meredith looked at her son proudly, and then exchanged a quick glance with Derek. He grinned at her, giving her a small nod, and Meredith turned back to look at Izzie. "I hope this doesn't seem inappropriate right now, but we were wondering…well, hoping, actually…that the two of you would consider being Jack's godparents."

Derek nodded. "You've been my friend for years, Mark," he told him, staring at him earnestly when Meredith stopped speaking. "I know we've had, uh, _problems_ in the past, but I'd like to think that we've moved past that. I couldn't have imagined you being a father a few years ago, let alone an _amazing_ father, but watching you with Ben…watching you _both_ with Ben…well, Meredith and I couldn't imagine any two people that we would rather have raising our son if something were to happen to us."

Izzie, still seated on Mark's lap, tilted her head to the side, a smile forming on her face as she listened to their request. She rotated her body so that she could look at Mark, who was grinning happily at Derek. "We'd love to," Mark commented, squeezing Izzie's thigh.

Izzie nodded in agreement. "We'd be honored."

Derek and Meredith grinned, relieved by their answer. "That's great," Meredith responded sincerely. "Thank you."

Derek looked pointedly at Mark, his grin never lessening. "Now if we die, you better not raise my son to be a manwhore."

Mark chuckled, but Izzie scowled at Derek. "You're not going to die. Stop making jokes like that."

They all grew somber, silence filling the room until Alex walked in moments later. He smiled at them when he saw them already in the waiting room, blowing out a breath as he walked toward them. "She just went into the OR. They'll probably be starting any minute."

"How was she doing?" Derek questioned.

Alex smiled, shaking his head lightly. "Great; better than me, I think."

Izzie frowned sympathetically, reaching out and grabbing Alex's hand. She squeezed it lightly, her eyes meeting his as she stood up to his level. "She's going to be okay, Alex," she told him, feeling compelled to reassure him.

Alex shook his head. "You don't know that, Iz," he said quietly, his voice quivering.

She smiled slightly, wrapping her arms around his neck as she leaned her chin against his shoulder. "I know, but it's just what you say, right?"

He sighed, resting his hands against her back as he fought to keep the moisture behind his eyelids. "Yeah, that's right," he whispered.


	26. Chapter 26

Alex sat down in a seat between Mark and Derek, scowling down at his tray of cafeteria food. He picked up his fork, pushing his food around on his plate absentmindedly. "I'm not really hungry, you know. You guys didn't have to bring me down here."

Derek shrugged. "Meredith told me I had to."

Beside him, Mark nodded in agreement, sipping on his cappuccino. "Yeah, Izzie said you needed a distraction."

Alex smirked at them, pushing around a lump of potato salad with his fork. "So you just do whatever they tell you to do?"

A humorous expression was exchanged between Mark and Derek, as though they were amused by his lack understanding. They both turned to look at him, their eyebrows raised. "Pretty much," Mark confirmed with a slight nod of his head.

Alex laughed, but the smile quickly fell from his face when he realized they were serious. "Wait a minute. You're kidding, right?"

"Not really," Derek responded, smiling as he shook his head. "It's just…_easier_ to do whatever they ask. When you don't make a big deal about the little things, you have room to negotiate the more important issues later on."

"Plus, sometimes it's better to do something that you don't really want to do than to be forced to sleep in the guestroom," Mark added, smirking at Alex's incredulous expression.

Alex shook his head adamantly. "No way; Addison would never kick me out of the bedroom. She's…she's not like that."

Uproarious laugher escaped Derek and Mark's mouths. "Is that what you think?" Derek asked, his eyes watering as his shoulders shook with amusement. Alex merely scowled at him. "Trust me, Alex, Addison is _exactly_ like that. _All_ women are a little like that."

Mark shook his head in agreement. "One time Addie forced me to sleep on my couch just because she said I had a flirty _tone_ when I was ordering Chinese food over the phone," he revealed with a knowing grin. "Well, actually it wasn't _my_ couch so much as _Derek's_ couch, since…well….they were still married at the time and we were-"

Derek scowled at him. "That's kind of beside the point."

"Right…" Mark confirmed, looking at him sheepishly. He turned back to Alex, shrugging at the younger man. "Just remember this, Karev; women hold most of the power in a marriage. They usually don't realize it for awhile…Izzie didn't realize it for a couple of months, actually…but you can't forget Addison's already been married. Derek's totally blown it for you; she already knows the secret."

Alex frowned. "You guys are full of shit."

Derek chuckled. "Yeah, you keep thinking that."

He rolled his eyes, glancing at the clock on the cafeteria wall and noting with dismay that Addison had only been in surgery for forty-five minutes. He wryly wondered if time had suddenly slowed down for the purpose of driving him insane.

With a sigh, he turned back to Derek and Mark, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "So uh, speaking of marriage, Addison and I decided that we're getting married in December."

They both grinned at him. "Congratulations," Derek offered.

Alex nodded. "Thanks." He shifted, looking at them with a somewhat humored expression. "I have this little problem, though. I, uh, I have to have groomsmen, and . . . well, I really like your wives better than I like you assholes, but Addison's already claimed them for her bridesmaids or whatever."

Mark smirked at him. "See, she already holds the power."

Alex glared at him. "_Anyway_, I guess you guys would make a decent second choice, so I was thinking that you could…you know, be my groomsmen. I'm going to ask O'Malley, too, but, well I haven't gotten around to it yet…"

Derek grinned, exchanging an amused glance with Mark as he covered his heart with his hand. "Wow, Karev, I'm touched."

Mark laughed. "Yes, that was _seriously_ poignant."

"See, I knew you guys were assholes," Alex muttered. With a scowl, he turned his eyes to meet their amused stares. "Will you do it or not?"

Their faces turned serious as they stared at him. "Of course," Derek told him.

Mark nodded. "Definitely."

A relieved look crossed Alex's features. "Great," he said with a sigh. He trained his eyes on the clock once again, groaning when saw that the minute hand had advanced only three minutes since he'd last checked. "Well, I guess we should go back upstairs. I don't want to miss Nancy if she comes out to the waiting room to give us an update."

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Meredith frowned at the baby in her arms, readjusting his head as she attempted to get him to nurse. She groaned as Jack continued to squirm, emitting small cries as he fought his mother's attempts. She sighed, trying to ignore the growing feeling of frustration as he refused to latch on to her breast. "I don't understand why this is so hard! Shouldn't this be instinctive for him?"

Izzie smiled sympathetically. "Not all babies take to nursing right away. It's just going to take practice."

Meredith looked at her skeptically. "Did you have problems nursing Ben?"

Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Izzie frowned at her. "Well, not exactly, but-"

"Then shut up."

Izzie bit her lip, trying to suppress the smile that was slowly creeping to her mouth. "Sorry, I'm just trying to help."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "It's just…I already have this gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm going to screw up my child like Ellis screwed up me, but I thought I'd have a little time before I really started to do damage. I figured I'd at _least_ be able to make it a month before my dark and twistiness got in the way of me being a good mother."

"Seriously, Mer, you've got to stop being so negative. Ellis Grey did _not_ screw you up. You grew up to be an amazing person despite the crap that she put you through, and if you can turn out normal despite your father's abandonment and your mother's neglect, not to mention your slutty teenage years, I'm pretty sure that Jack will survive-"

Meredith looked at her incredulously. "Are you trying to make me feel better? Because bringing up all my issues right now really isn't helping."

Izzie looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry."

A smile of relief came to Meredith's face when her baby finally began to cooperate. "That's more like it," she muttered, lightly fingering Jack's fine coat of dark brown hair. As she leaned back in the chair, trying to get more comfortable in the waiting room's poor excuse for furniture, she glanced up at Izzie, who was grinning as she watched Meredith with Jack. "So you really think that _I'm_ normal?"

Izzie looked at her awkwardly, shrugging her shoulders as she turned her attention back to an abandoned magazine sitting in her lap. "Well…you know…normal is such a _relative_ term…"

Meredith laughed, shaking her head lightly as she propped her elbow on the armrest of the chair. She sighed, looking back down at Jack who continued to feed hungrily.

An easy silence fell between them. Occasionally Meredith would look away from where Jack remained nestled in her arms, glancing at the year-old issue of _People_ magazine that Izzie was slowly thumbing through, seemingly enthralled by the stale celebrity gossip. It wasn't long, though, before Meredith realized that Izzie _wasn't_ enthralled by the magazine spreads, that she actually wasn't _seeing_ them as she stared at the pages.

Although her eyes were glued to the flashy pictures and juicy news articles, they were unfocused as Izzie's mind began to wander with thoughts of Ben's death, which soon snowballed into thoughts regarding the tragic possibilities regarding Addison's surgery and her subsequent biopsy results.

Meredith's eyes narrowed with concern as she watched Izzie's foot begin to tap anxiously against the leg of her chair. "Iz?"

Izzie looked up sharply, her face surprised as though she'd somehow managed to forget that Meredith was sitting beside her. "Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I'm fine. It's just…" She trailed off, a humorless laugh escaping her lips. "I need you to distract me."

"Distract you?"

"I'm trying not to think about it, about Addison and about…about Ben, but when we're not talking, my thoughts keep wandering off, so I really need for you to keep me focused on something else."

Meredith nodded, thinking for a moment before leaning toward her, glancing at the doorway to ensure that Derek didn't choose that moment to return to the waiting room. "So you know how McBitchy came to Seattle for Addison's surgery?" Izzie nodded, and Meredith pursed her lips. "Well just _guess_ who she invited herself to stay with."

Izzie cringed, her mouth falling open sympathetically as she turned her full attention to Meredith. "Well that sucks, though it's not all that surprising since she _is_ Derek's sister. What does he have to say about it?"

"Nothing," she pouted, though she was glad that the bit of gossip seemed to have its desired diverting affect. "He likes to act like there isn't a problem in the hopes that we'll one day get along. He barely even acknowledges that she still treats me like crap. He usually just makes excuses for her."

Izzie frowned. "Well maybe now that you guys have a baby, Nancy will-"

"Trust me, Izzie, nothing's going to change just because Jack was born. You should've seen the way she looked at me when she came into my hospital room this morning. I may as well have been an inner city hooker whoring myself out to the highest bidder."

Izzie looked at her disbelievingly. "I'm sure it wasn't that bad."

"Come on, you've seen that way she is," Meredith exclaimed, looking at her incredulously. "She's never gotten over that fact that Derek and I began our relationship when he and Addison were still married."

"Well, maybe you can use this trip to win her over. Maybe you guys can bond over-"

"Okay, what'd I do to piss you off?" Meredith interrupted with a scowl.

Izzie looked at her with confusion. "What?"

"Why are you taking _her_ side?"

"Meredith, I'm not taking her side. I just think that now that you and Derek and married with a child, it's time to put all of this crap behind you. I'm sure that Nancy is a very nice person underneath-"

"Underneath her ten billion layers of hateful sadism?"

Izzie glared at her. "_No_, that's actually _not_ what I was going to say. Stop interrupting me."

Meredith pouted. "You know, now would be a great time for you to abandon your optimism in favor of joining my new I-hate-Nancy-Club."

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The first hour of waiting soon turned into two, and then just as easily, it morphed into three. When Nancy finally entered the waiting room following Addison's surgery, she couldn't stop herself from grinning at the sight before her.

Izzie Sloan's body was lying across three chairs, her knees folded and her head resting in Mark's lap as she slumbered quietly. Mark was staring at her intently, his head bowed as his fingers ran over the length of her long hair, which had spilled across his thighs. As she watched them with interest, Nancy couldn't help but think that she'd never seen Mark look happier. She'd known him for the majority of her life, and it still shocked her that a woman had actually had the power to tame the once feral Mark Sloan.

Her gaze turned to her brother and his wife, who, like Izzie, were sleeping in a couple of chairs across the room. Their bodies were leaning towards one another, their heads resting against each other's as they succumbed to their obvious exhaustion. Nancy frowned as her eyes landed on Meredith's face. She knew that she should give the woman a chance; Meredith and Derek had been married for years, and now they even had a child together, but despite her realization that she needed to move past her childish resentment toward the woman, Nancy didn't think she could ever move past the fact that Meredith had broken up Addison and Derek's marriage. To her, Meredith would always be the slutty intern.

The only person who was alert enough to notice Nancy enter the room was Alex, who was pacing the length of the room as he cuddled baby Jack to his chest. Alex looked up sharply when she walked through the door, quickly advancing toward her. "You're done? You're finished with the surgery?"

The others jolted to awareness when they heard Alex's harsh questioning tone. They all immediately stood up from their seats, looking at her expectantly. She sighed at their worried expressions, nodding her head lightly as Miranda Bailey came to stand beside her. "We just finished," Bailey told them. "They're transferring her to a room now."

"And everything went okay?" Derek asked.

Nancy nodded, glancing momentarily at her brother before turning her attention back to Alex. "Everything went fine. We removed the ovary with no complications, and we're sending it off to the lab for testing."

"The chief put a rush on the order," Bailey added. "We're hoping to have the results back within twenty-four hours."

Alex sighed, leaning momentarily against Izzie as she walked behind him, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Can I see her?"

Bailey nodded, extending her hand and resting it on his forearm comfortingly. "Of course. I'll walk with you to her room."

Alex handed Jack to Derek and disappeared with Bailey down the hallway. When they were out of sight, Nancy smiled at Mark, walking toward him and wrapping him in a hug. "Hey, I didn't get to see you before the surgery."

Mark grinned at her. "How are you, Nancy-Pants? It's been awhile."

"Yeah," she confirmed. "Since Meredith and Derek's wedding." She stepped away from him, surprising Izzie by walking toward her with open arms. "It's good to see you too, Izzie."

Izzie lifted her eyebrows, giving Meredith a confused grin over Nancy's shoulder as she wrapped her arms around the woman's small frame awkwardly. "Yeah, I'm glad that you were able to make it to Seattle."

Nancy nodded, pulling away from Izzie and staring at the four people before her with a grin on her face. "You know what? I think that the five of us should catch up. It's been too long. Why don't we all have dinner?"

Meredith frowned at her suggestion. "Oh, well that's a nice thought, but I'm really tired. Plus, this is Jack's first night home, and I just think-"

"Well how about tomorrow then? We can even have it at your house, Meredith, so you won't have to go anywhere."

Meredith's eyes widened. "Oh...well…" she stammered, looking desperately toward Izzie who merely shrugged at her.

"Unless, of course, you _still_ can't cook," Nancy continued, grinning at Meredith with twinkling eyes.

"I can _cook_," Meredith immediately answered defensively, resisting the urge to glare at Nancy as she recognized the challenge for what it was.

Nancy smiled with satisfaction. "Great, well then it's settled." She turned toward Izzie and Mark, smiling warmly. "I'll see the two of you tomorrow night."

When she walked out of the waiting area in the direction of Addison's room, Izzie turned to Meredith with an incredulous expression on her face. "Are you out of your mind? You can't even boil water."

"I know that, Izzie," Meredith snapped, running her hands over her hair with frustration.

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	27. Chapter 27

Alex pushed his way into Addison's room, juggling a chart underneath his arm and two cups of ice cream in his hands. "Sorry it took so long; they were out of mint chocolate chip in the cafeteria, so I had to go to that ice cream shop around the corner from the hospital."

She grinned at him, her eyes narrowing with exhaustion. "That's okay," she murmured. "But you didn't have to go so far; I would've been fine with whatever you got me."

He shrugged, perching on the side of her bed as he placed the cups on her bedside table. "Well, I wanted to get you what you wanted," he told her, pushing her hair behind her ears. "How's the pain?"

"Not too bad until the drugs wear off." She smiled at him, eyeing the chart underneath his arm. "That's mine?"

He nodded, rolling his eyes as she held out her hand. "Ad, you're not supposed to be reviewing your own chart. You're supposed to be resting," he admonished.

She glared at him, her hand unwavering. With a sigh, he relented, handing her the chart and watching her eyes quickly scan the pages. She pursed her lips, saying nothing as she returned it to him once she'd finished reviewing it. "Have you talked to Nancy today?"

Alex nodded, grabbing her cup of ice cream and placing it in her hands. "Yeah, I just got off the phone with her. She's making Derek take her around Seattle right now, but she said she's going to come back to the hospital as soon as the test results come in. They're supposed to be back by tonight."

Addison nodded tiredly, her eyes fluttering shut briefly and then opening again, coming to rest on Alex. "Why don't you take a nap?" he suggested. "You look exhausted."

She laughed, shaking her head lightly. "You mean I look like crap."

"_No_, I mean you look _exhausted_."

Her face twisted into a smile as she shook her head. "I don't want to go to sleep right now. I've been sleeping all day. What I want is to take a shower."

"Well, Addison, you know you can't. You just had major surgery"

She glared at him again. "Obviously, Alex," she muttered, allowing her eyes to close once again.

He grinned at the site of her, taking the cup of ice cream from her hand before it could fall to the sheets as she momentarily dosed off. The movement of him removing the cup jolted her awake, though, and her eyes flew open. She stared at him blankly, blinking several times. "Have you talked to Nancy?" she asked him, her eyes beginning to focus on his face.

He grinned at her unintentional repetition, but nodded his head. "Yeah, she's going to come back to the hospital when the test results are back."

Addison nodded. "Oh, okay." Her eyes momentarily glazed over, but then she focused on Alex again, looking at him clearly. "Will you get my cosmetic bag?"

He looked at her incredulously. "Why?"

"I want to put on a little makeup. I look terrible."

"Addison-"

"Please, Alex? People keep coming in to see me, and I just want to look _presentable_."

Alex sighed, but stood up from the bed and walked to the adjoining bathroom, finding her cosmetic bag in the midst of her toiletries. He half expected her to be asleep when he returned, but her eyes were wide open, and she was staring at him as he walked back into the room.

She gladly accepted the bag from him, unzipping it and pulling out her press powder. As she applied a thin layer, her hands shook lightly, her eyes closing a bit as she struggled to stay awake.

"Okay, Ad, I think that's enough," he told her, pulling the compact from her hand.

"But I'm not finished."

He rolled his eyes as he listened to her complaint, shaking his head gently. "Addison, you look beautiful. You don't need anymore makeup."

She huffed, her eyes fluttering shut. "But I didn't put on any blush…"

Alex sighed, taking the bag from her drooping hand and digging through the contents. He'd watched her morning routine many times, and he knew exactly what Addison wanted. Pulling out the medium sized compact and a long wooden make up brush, he held them out to her, but his hand dropped back to the bed when he saw that she had already fallen asleep.

He chuckeled, pushing a stray piece of hair away from her face, and then he opened the compact, running the brush over the rose colored powder before brushing it lightly across her cheeks.

His hand stilled by her face when the door opened behind him, and he turned quickly, finding a smirking Callie O'Malley standing in the doorway holding a vase full of flowers.

She grinned at him as his face reddened, his hand immediately falling to his side. "Oh no, Karev, don't stop on my account. I think you just may have found your calling."

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A couple of hours before the inevitably disastrous dinner was to occur, Meredith sighed as she looked around the spotless kitchen, placing Jack's baby carrier on the breakfast table. She pursed her lips as she looked at the sleeping infant, shaking her lightly in disbelief. "Well that's nice," she muttered sarcastically, rubbing her tired eyes with the back of her hand. "I'm glad that you've decided to sleep _now_, in the middle of the freaking day. You couldn't have done that last night when everyone _else_ wanted to sleep?"

Her eyes shifted back to the kitchen, and she groaned as she thought about the task ahead of her. Before they'd left the hospital the day before, she'd pleaded with Izzie to come help her with the meal, actually resorting to begging as she'd gripped her hand desperately, but Izzie had regretfully informed her that she was on the schedule at work, and that her shift wouldn't end until it was time for her and Mark to come over for dinner. That, of course, left Meredith having to make the dinner alone, forced to prepare the meal while Derek showed his sister around Seattle.

Despite her exhaustion, she couldn't help but giggle as Jack's face twisted in his sleep, his lips curling into a smile as though he was silently laughing at his mother's turmoil. "Hmm, you think this is funny, do you? Well join the club. I'm pretty sure that _everyone_ is laughing at me right now."

She turned away from him, walking to a cupboard in the corner of the kitchen where she knew that Izzie had abandoned a couple of retired cookbooks. She reached into the cabinet, pulling down the first book that her hand came in contact with. Her face scrunched up in disgust as she noted the thin layer of dust covering the book, but she ignored it, flipping it open and thumbing to the table of contents.

Her eyes widened as she read through the complex sounding dishes, and she briefly cursed the heavens for plaguing her with her inability to put together a meal. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself as she flipped to the first recipe that sounded reasonably uncomplicated. As her eyes skimmed the directions of a ziti dish mixed with vegetables, she nodded to herself, trying to give herself silent encouragement.

Her finger ran the length of the page as she studied the directions. "Oh, I can _totally_ do this," she whispered, looking up at Jack with a proud smile. She frowned when he didn't answer, instead remaining asleep in his carrier. "_Fine_, that's okay…you don't _have_ to be excited. But you have no idea what a big moment this is for me."

She took note of the listed ingredients, turning to the pantry and skimming the shelves. She huffed when she saw that they had the wrong kind of tomato sauce, but knowing there was nothing she could do about that, she shrugged, pulling out the jar and tucking it underneath her arm. Her eyes then fell to a box of ziti, a box that she couldn't help but realize had been sitting on the shelf for quite some time. She briefly wondered if it had been purchased by Izzie before she had moved out. Meredith nervously picked up the box, her eyes roaming the words for an expiration date, but seeing none, she tucked the box beside the jar of tomato sauce and exited the pantry.

She placed the two ingredients on the counter, and then turned to the refrigerator, digging through the shelves until she found enough vegetables to meet the quota for her meal. After carefully inspecting them to ensure they were still usable, she washed them in the sink and placed them on the cutting board.

Meredith concentrated her attention on the task at hand, her eyes never wavering from the vegetables as she awkwardly sliced and diced and chopped. For a moment she wondered if it would be easier if she had a scalpel, if using a scalpel to cut through the juicy flesh would somehow seem less awkward than holding the bulky kitchen knife. She quickly laughed away the thought, though, banishing away the ridiculous image of herself cutting open a plump tomato with a surgical tool.

She was so focused on chopping an onion that she didn't notice Jack squirming into consciousness in his seat on the kitchen table. When the baby eventually let out a loud squawk, informing his mother that he was now awake, Meredith jumped in surprise, her hand knocking into the edge of the cutting board and sending tiny pieces of vegetables flying in the air. Her eyes widened as she watched the colorful array float across the kitchen, staring helplessly as they fell to the floor like a torrent of colorful rain. "_Fuck,_" she cried, looking helplessly at the mess now scattered across the kitchen. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck_!"

She sighed, running her hand through her hair as her eyes roamed the length of the room. When her gaze fell upon the baby, she grimaced, silently reprimanding herself for using such harsh language. "Sorry, Jack. Your mommy has a bit of a potty mouth. I'll try to work on that," she muttered, frowning slightly as the baby stared at her with boredom.

With a groan of frustration, she went into the pantry, grabbing a broom and dustpan and getting to work on cleaning the mess. Fifteen minutes later, the room was once again uncontaminated with the remnants of her carelessness, but Meredith had to hold back tears of frustration as she realized that her vegetables were now ruined. She took in a shaky breath, turning to look at Jack as he opened his lips, his jaw dropping open as his mouth stretched into a yawn. "Okay...it's not the end of the world. I'll just…I'll just make ziti with…with tomato sauce," she muttered, groaning as she imagined the snide comments that Nancy would make as she observed the simple dish.

Meredith skimmed the cooking directions on the back of the pasta's box, filling a pot with water in accordance with the instructions. As the water started to boil, she slid the noodles into the steaming water, covering the pot with a lid. "This won't be so bad," she quietly told herself.

With the pasta cooking, she turned on the oven and placed a loaf of French bread inside to bake before setting the timer over the stove. She turned back to Jack, who was still staring at her blankly as she hurried around the kitchen. She grinned at him, shrugging her shoulders. "See, I told you this would be a piece of cake."

Meredith walked over to the kitchen table, picking up Jack carefully and placing his head against her shoulder. "Alright, let's go get you a new diaper while we're waiting for dinner to finish. Can you believe this Jack?" she asked with a giggle. "How amazing is your mother at juggling domestic life?"

As Meredith stood in front of her son's changing table, she realized that perhaps she'd spoken too soon. While the actual act of changing Jack's diaper occurred without a problem for Meredith, for Jack it seemed to be the most torturous event in history. The instant she unbuttoned his pale blue onesie, her son let out a wail loud enough to cause Meredith to cringe. "Jack, shhh, come on, baby…it's just going to take a second," she mumbled, her fingers beginning to shake anxiously as she struggled to outfit her son in a clean diaper.

Within minutes, Jack had been cleaned and changed, and Meredith brought the screaming infant to her chest, bouncing him lightly as Mark had shown her in the hospital. His screaming continued as he stretched out his legs, seemingly using his entire body to produce the deafening squeals as Meredith paced the length of the nursery. "Jack, what's the matter with you?" she asked pleadingly, walking back to the changing table and frantically searching the shelves for a basket filled with pacifiers. Finding one, she plucked it into his open mouth, stilling the baby's cries momentarily. Seconds later, though, the baby thrust the rubber pacifier out with his tongue, resuming his cries much to Meredith's dismay. She sighed, her own eyes filling with tears as she helplessly continued her pacing.

Her face brightened a bit when Jack's face turned toward her breast, his mouth opening and clamping around the thin material of her blouse. "Oh, you're hungry," Meredith said with a shaky laugh, wiping away her own tears as she walked to the rocking chair by the crib.

The moment she was seated, the timer on the kitchen stove blared, announcing the completion of the baking bread. "_Shit_," she muttered, and then looked sheepishly at Jack, who was still fussing as he waited for his meal. "Sorry Jack, hold on for _one_ more minute," she told him, rising from the chair and rushing down the stairs as she cradled the baby to her shoulder.

Meredith groaned when she walked into the kitchen, her eyes immediately flying to the stove the moment she entered the room. "Damnit!" she cried, quickly placing Jack in the infant carrier still sitting on the kitchen table and running toward the stove, staring in horror as the steaming pot of pasta boiled over, spewing hot water onto the floor. "Oh my god…"

She was turning off the stove's heat, trying to ignore the ear piercing shrill of Jack's screams mixed with the blare of the kitchen timer, when the back door opened abruptly. Izzie's eyes widened at the site before her, and she quickly walked into the room, dropping a box of Ben's clothes on the kitchen table next to Jack before picking up the screaming baby. "Meredith! Holy crap!" she uttered, hurrying over to her friend and thrusting the infant into her arms.

Meredith bounced Jack lightly as Izzie picked up a couple of pot holders, pulling the pot off the burner and placing it into the sink. She then turned off the ringing timer and turned to stare at Meredith, her eyes wide as she looked at her with amusement. "So I take it you're not going to become a homemaker anytime soon?"

Meredith glared at her, walking toward the kitchen table and taking a seat as she began to unbutton her blouse. "Shut up," she growled as Jack greedily sought out her breast. She sighed in relief as his cries finally died down, her gaze rising back up to meet Izzie's humored stare. "I seriously don't know how it got this bad. I mean, what kind of person can't even make pasta and heat up a loaf of…oh _shit_! The bread!"

Izzie's eyes widened and she quickly rotated, throwing open the door of the oven. She hurriedly pulled out the pan with an ovenmit, grimacing as she caught a whiff of the charred bread. "Well, I'd say this is D.O.A.," she muttered, dropping the burned bread onto the stove.

Meredith sighed, leaning back in her seat as her eyes filled with a fresh wave of tears. "This is a disaster, and McBitchy isn't even back yet."

Izzie smiled sympathetically, walking to the table. "Don't worry about it, Mer. It's going to be fine. I-"

"Thanks for the thought, Iz," Meredith muttered irritably. "But I would've been _more_ thankful if you would've uttered those words _two hours ago_ as you helped me cook this freaking dinner!"

Izzie rolled her eyes, her gaze lifting to the back door of the house as Mark walked in holding four plastic bags. He grinned at them, kicking the door closed behind him and walking to stand beside his wife. "Dinner's served."

Meredith immediately sat up straighter, looking at him with a shocked expression. "What'd you say?"

He smirked at her expression, glancing quickly at Izzie before setting the plastic bags on the counter. "Izzie said you'd screw up the dinner, so she made me stop at the market to pick up some takeout after we left the hospital."

Izzie scowled at him. "_Probably_. I said she'd _probably _screw up the dinner. The takeout was just a precaution."

A laugh escaped Meredith's mouth. "Well thank _god_ you have so little faith in me."

Izzie grinned, picking up the bags and walking around the counter so that she could place the food into dishes. "Don't worry, Mer, Nancy will never know the difference between this and a homemade meal. Well, except this one, unlike anything you could make, will actually be edible."

For the next thirty minutes, Izzie reheated the meal while giving Mark orders on how to set the table. He kept his complaints quiet, merely mumbling objections to Meredith as he walked back and forth between the kitchen and dining room. By the time the meal was ready and the table was set, Meredith had finished feeding Jack, and she brought him against her shoulder as she began to pat his back gently.

She cringed when she heard the sound of spit up coming from her baby's tiny mouth, slowly moving Jack away from her shoulder as she looked at Izzie nervously. "Did he get me?"

Izzie tried to suppress the smirk that was quickly creeping to her face as she stared at the massive white stain covering the shoulder of Meredith's blouse. "Um…just a little bit," she told her, grinning as Meredith rolled her eyes.

"_Crap_." She stood up, placing the baby in the carrier as she turned to leave the kitchen. "Can you watch him for a second? I'll be right back."

Izzie nodded, glancing at Meredith as she disappeared out the door. When she was out of site, Izzie slowly walked around the counter, standing in front of the baby carrier and gazing down at Jack with a small smile on her face. She ran her finger lightly down the length of his arm, placing the tip of her finger in his tiny palm and laughing softly as he reflexively gripped it with his own fingers.

She sighed, gently removing the infant from the seat and pulling him to her chest. Her eyes didn't leave his face as he slowly breathed in and out, his breaths becoming even as he slowly fell asleep. "You know, I used to have a son, too, Jack," she confided quietly, rocking him rhythmically as his eyes fluttered shut. "His name was Ben; William Bennett Sloan. You're named after him, you know…your middle name's Bennett…and I bet you guys would have been great friends when you were older. I'll have to tell you all about him when you get a little bigger, when you can understand…" Her breath hitched in her throat, her voice trailing off as her eyes filled with tears.

From the doorway of the kitchen, Mark frowned as he listened to his wife's voice break. He'd halted as he'd walked into the kitchen, stopping in the threshold as he observed his unsuspecting wife cuddling the newborn with an expert touch. He couldn't stop himself from smiling sadly as she started telling Jack about Ben, but the second her voice cracked with emotion, he immediately advanced toward her, his hands finding their way to her shoulders as he pulled her body against his. "Izzie…" he whispered, her head falling against his shoulder as her back molded to his chest.

She sniffed, a humorless laugh escaping her mouth as she looked down at the baby. "I didn't know you were standing there," she admitted, swallowing through the painful lump in her throat. He nodded, and she laughed again, the noise sounding forced. "I'm just feeling a little emotional today, I guess. You know, the hormones," she told him, turning in his arms and offering him a smile.

He studied her momentarily, watching her with a skeptical look. "Iz, you don't have to pretend to be okay. It's okay for you to get upset."

The smile fell from her lips, and she glanced to the floor, shaking her head lightly. "I'm not pretending, I just…" Her shoulders slumped, and she let out a tired breath. "I know you want me to move past this, to be happy again, and I'm trying to, but sometimes I just…sometimes I feel like I can't _breathe_ because it hurts so much. I really don't think that it's ever going to go away, Mark…this empty feeling."

Mark nodded knowingly, taking Jack from her arms and placing him back into the carrier. He turned back to his wife, pulling her into his arms so that her head fell to his shoulder. "I know, Iz. I have that feeling sometimes, too," he confided.

Her eyes closed as she brought her arms out, wrapping them around his waist. "Why don't we talk about him more?" she whispered, her voice muffled as she pressed her face into the cotton of his shirt. "I feel like we never talk about our baby, Mark."

He took in a shuddering breath, nodding as he pressed his cheek against the top of her head. "I know. We'll…we'll start. We'll start talking about him more."

"Okay," she whispered weakly, pulling away from him and smiling sadly.

He smiled back, leaning forward and kissing her forehead. "I love you, Iz," he told her quietly.

"I love you, too." Her gaze flew to his, her eyes staring into his intently for several seconds, but the moment was soon broken as the front door slammed, the sound of Derek's voice announcing his and Nancy's arrival echoing through the house.

Mark grinned, his arm swinging around her shoulder and pulling her to him as he lifted Jack's baby carrier off the table. "Let's get this dinner over with," he suggested, his eyes twinkling playfully. "I suddenly realized that I have somewhere much more important to be."

She smirked at him, her eyebrows rising. "Hot date?"

He laughed, his shoulder shrugging causally. "I sure hope so," he told her with a grin, guiding her through the kitchen doorway as they walked to the foyer of the house to greet the others.

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**Obviously this scene's not over, but it was running much longer than I anticipated, and I wanted to get a chapter up by tonight. I'll complete the rest soon, though…**


	28. Chapter 28

**A special thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. You're words made me smile! **

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Mark and Izzie walked through the doorway of the kitchen, entering the foyer just as Meredith was walking down the stairs. The three of them immediately stopped in surprise, staring at the vast array of bags covering the hardwood floors around Derek and Nancy's feet. Meredith narrowed her eyes, skimming the logos of various baby boutiques around Seattle. "What's all this?"

Nancy pursed her lips, lifting her gaze to watch Meredith descend the stairs. "I poked around Jack's room last night and I noticed that you were a little…unprepared, so I had Derek take me to a few baby stores," she told her with a smile.

Meredith forced herself not to glare, trying her best to ignore the insult to her mothering capabilities as she reached the bottom of the staircase. Her eyes flew to Derek, who was looking at his sister with annoyance. "Nancy, I already told you we weren't exactly ready for this; we had no idea that Jack was going to come so early," he muttered with annoyance.

Nancy's mouth fell open, and she turned to look at Meredith with mock-surprise. "Oh, so Addison didn't realize there was a risk for preterm birth?"

Meredith huffed, not answering Nancy's question as she turned to look at Mark and Izzie. "Are you guys ready to eat? I'm starving."

Mark slowly nodded. "Yeah, I could eat," he commented awkwardly, raising his eyebrows at his wife before turning to look at Meredith.

Izzie gaped as Meredith pushed past them, already heading into the dining room. "Mer, what about these bags? Do you want me to-"

"Leave them!" she snapped, disappearing through the doorway.

They were soon seated around the table, Nancy sitting at the head while the two couples sat on either side. "This looks delicious," Derek commented with surprise, his eyes roaming the table before coming to rest on his wife. He smiled at her, trying his best to lessen her anger. "I'm impressed."

"It does look very good, Meredith," Nancy admitted, studying her sister-in-law. "It must have taken hours."

Meredith sighed nervously, trying to avoid Mark's amused expression from across the table. "It really wasn't that much trouble."

Nancy narrowed her eyes, a satisfied grin coming to her face as she watched Meredith fidget. "Oh, don't be so modest. You should accept a compliment if you spent your day slaving away in the kitchen."

Izzie's eyes darted between Meredith and Nancy. "Um, well _I'm_ starving," she commented, trying to divert Nancy's attention. "I'm pretty sure that I could eat everything in sight."

Mark turned to look at her, not bothering with subtlety as his eyes ran the length of her upper body. "So could I," he admitted, his voice low as a smirk came to his face.

"God, Mark, why don't you just mount her right here on the table?" Nancy teased, beaming innocently when Mark glared at her. Izzie lowered her gaze to the table, briefly wondering if her face was the same shade as the burgundy colored tablecloth as she felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment.

Meredith rolled her eyes at Nancy's comment, but let it pass as she attempted to change the subject. "Does anyone know if Addison's test results are back yet?"

"No," Nancy commented. "I called the hospital just before Derek and I came back to the house, but the lab still hadn't gotten the results. They're supposed to page me when they come in, though."

As Meredith nodded solemnly, Izzie smiled. "I ate in her room during my lunch break today, and I think it's pretty safe to say that there will never be a patient in Seattle Grace as annoying as her. Every time a nurse would come into the room, she'd order them around or question whatever they were doing. I heard that some of the nurses were starting to offer each other bribes just to pass her off to someone else."

Mark laughed heartily, shaking his head as he reached for his glass of scotch sitting adjacent to his plate. "Christ, she can be such a pain in the ass," he muttered, but his voice was full of such fond adoration that everyone couldn't help but grin.

The grin soon faded from Derek's face, replaced with a frown as lines of worry marred his forehead. "If those test results come back…" he paused as his voice grew thick with emotion, clearing his throat. "If we find out that she has cancer-"

"Derek!" Izzie immediately snapped, cutting of his thought. "She doesn't, okay? She's going to be fine."

"I'm just saying that if she _does-_"

"She doesn't! So just shut up about it!"

They sat silently for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts until Meredith finally spoke up, trying to break the tension. "Um, well I think our dinner's getting cold. Who wants some vegetables?"

Instead of answering her question, Nancy frowned as she looked at the baby slumbering soundly in the infant carrier placed between Derek and Meredith's seats. "You could put him in his crib, you know. I'm sure he'll sleep for awhile."

Meredith scowled at her sister-in-law, silently wondering why she couldn't leave well-enough alone. "I like him ­_right here­, _actually." She picked up a serving dish, taking a spoonful of sautéed vegetables and slamming them onto her plate before shoving the dish in Derek's direction.

Nancy's eyebrows rose at Meredith's tone. "I'm sorry; I hope I didn't offend you, but I know it's a little daunting being a first-time parent. I'm just trying to help."

She looked up sharply. "That's what I have Izzie for," she snapped, picking up a basket of croissants.

Nancy's eyes narrowed as she observed Meredith's jerky movements. "Well, then you're in great hands," she commented smoothly, nodding her head as she turned to look at Izzie and Mark. "By the way, I haven't gotten the chance to tell you two how sorry I was to hear about Ben. I can't even imagine…"

Izzie stiffened, still feeling raw from her conversation with Mark in the kitchen. She quietly sniffed, clearing her throat as she felt Mark's hand grip hers underneath the table. "Thank you," she murmured, her voice sounding a bit too shaky for her own liking. "We got your flowers after the funeral. They were beautiful; that was very thoughtful of you."

Nancy smiled sympathetically as she placed a croissant on her plate, passing the basket to Mark. "Well it was the least I could do. When Derek told me about the accident, I…_god_, I was just horrified for you," she remarked quietly, her eyes flickering to Meredith's face.

Mark noticed the exchange, growing irritated at Derek's sister as he watched her continue to bait Meredith. "Well I think that's enough of that. I'm pretty sure that there're happier things we can talk about."

Izzie nodded, ignoring the ache in her chest as she forced a smile to her face. "Yes, there definitely are. Like, um, we actually found out a few weeks ago that we're pregnant," she proclaimed with a smile, urging Nancy onto another topic of conversation.

Nancy's eyes widened, a grin coming to her face. "Oh, that's great, you guys; congratulations! You know, ever since seeing the two of you at your wedding, I couldn't help but picture you with a _houseful_ of children, especially after watching Mark dance with Kathleen's daughter standing on his feet on the dance floor. How adorable was that?"

Meredith rolled her eyes as Nancy continued gush. "_Unbelievable_," she muttered beneath her breath.

Nancy paused, shifting her eyes to Meredith. "Excuse me?"

Meredith took in a deep breath to lessen her irritation, but her anger was quickly flying to the surface at an uncontrollable rate, every confrontation she'd ever had with Nancy spewing forth as she glared at her sister-in-law. "I just can't _believe_ you!" she said with a shake of her head. "Why is it that you can be that excited over _their_ pregnancy news, but when Derek told you that _we_ were expecting, you barely had two words to say? My god, Nancy, he's your _brother_! You should've been happy for him…for _us_!"

"I know he's my brother, Meredith," Nancy said icily, no longer bothering with a false smile as she stared at her defiantly. "And of course I'm happy for him; I know he loves Jack, as do I. But pardon me for being concerned for Derek when I first heard about the pregnancy. It's hard for a sister to imagine her brother getting trapped in a relationship by a baby!"

Derek's face sharpened, turning to stare at her with astonishment as the words left her mouth. "Nancy!"

Meredith shot up, standing on shaky legs as she glared at her sister-in-law. "_Trapped_? You think I trapped him? We've been married for over three years!"

Nancy laughed sardonically, shaking her head lightly as Jack stirred awake at the sound of all the yelling, beginning to fuss in his seat on the floor. "You think that I care how long you've been married? Marriage doesn't seem all that important to you, Meredith. For god's sake, Derek was married to Addison for eleven _years_ when you managed to break them up!"

Meredith's mouth fell open, a tear escaping her eye as she leaned forward, picking up her now crying baby from his carrier.

Derek glared at Nancy angrily. "I can't _believe_ you," he murmured, turning to his wife as she pushed her seat away from the table. "Mer-"

"I'm fine!" she snapped, stalking quickly out of the dining room toward the staircase.

Derek rose from his seat, shaking his head irritably at his sister. "You better get it together, or you're going to have to find another place to stay while you're in Seattle," he warned, his voice low and threatening as he followed in Meredith's trail.

When they were out of sight, Izzie and Mark stared awkwardly at the table, trying not to listen as Meredith's yelling voice echoed down the stairs. Izzie finally glanced up, offering Nancy a forced smile. "So, uh, how long are you going to be in the city?"

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"How could she say those things to me?" Meredith screamed disbelievingly, turning the corner of Jack's nursery and flipping on a lamp. "How can she still _hate_ me after all these years? I've never done _anything_ to her!"

Derek followed her into the room, rubbing his eyes wearily as he closed the door behind him. "I know," he quietly responded, his expression apologetic.

"She's _hateful_, Derek! _Hateful_!"

"I know, Mer, I'm sorry."

"We're never going to get along," she told him with conviction, bouncing the baby lightly as he continued to fuss in her arms. "She's a terrible person…she's never going to accept me! Why the _hell_ does she like _Alex_? I mean, he's with _Addison_, and she's fine with that, but _me_, her god damn _sister-in-law_, she can't stand? And _Mark_! What about _him_? She loves him like crazy, and _he's_ the one who _really _screwed up your first marriage."

Derek shrugged, trying to think as his forehead began to pound. "I think that in her mind, it's just easier to blame you because-"

"Because she's _hateful_!" Meredith snapped.

He sighed, closing his eyes momentarily. "Mer, I really don't think she means it to come across that way. Nancy thinks she doing something honorable; she thinks she's protecting her brother."

She glared at him, wishing she was holding something other than her son so that she could hurl it at his head. "Don't you dare defend her, Derek! I'm your _wife_. _I'm_ the one you should be defending."

"I know that, Meredith, and I will…I _did_. But she's my _sister_. You have to realize that I'm in an awkward position right now. I love both of you, and I don't want to be forced to take sides here," he told her, his voice barley loud enough for her to hear him over Jack's cries. "But if it comes down to that, _of course_ I'm going to be defending you. And it's not because I love you more, or out of some since of duty, it's because _you're right_. Her behavior is inexcusable, and I'm sorry she said those things. She was completely out of line down there."

Meredith stared at him blankly for several moments, and then her face crumbled, tear after tear spilling down her cheeks. "Well _fine_, but I'm still _mad_," she told him weakly, hating herself for sounding so childish.

Derek nodded, smiling slightly as he considered how adorable she looked. Her messy ponytail was unraveling, wavy tresses spilling around her face as she bounced their son gently despite the tears pouring from her eyes. "That's okay; you have a right to be mad," he told her simply.

She quietly huffed, silently cursing him for being so supportive when she was itching for a fight. "I know that I do," she sulked, but the rage had already seeped from her voice.

He smiled, slowly walking toward her and stopping in front of her body as he stared down at her arms. "Look at what you did."

Meredith's eyes followed his gaze, and she couldn't help but smile with relief when she saw Jack's eyes fluttering closed. "I got him to stop crying," she proclaimed, her voice a mixture of disbelief and wonderment.

Derek chuckled, gently easing the baby from her arms and placing him into the crib. When he turned back to her, he pulled her against his chest, breathing in her lavender scented hair as she laid her head against his shoulder. "Do you want to go back downstairs? You don't have to if you don't want to."

Meredith sighed, shaking her head gently. "No, I'll go." She pulled away from him, staring at his face fixedly. "But Derek, you can't just sit there, okay? You're not allowed to just sit there if she starts insulting me. You have to stand up for me."

Derek nodded, leaning forward and capturing her lips in a gentle kiss. "Trust me, Meredith, if she insults you again, I won't be sitting there silently; I'll be kicking her out on her ass, sister be damned."

She grinned at him. "Okay, well then I guess we're on the same page."

Meredith's heart pounded nervously as they walked down the stairs, but she was pleasantly surprised when she turned the corner of the dining room and found only Mark and Izzie sitting at the table, talking quietly as they faced one another.

Meredith smiled, unable to prevent the twinge of satisfaction she felt as she glanced at Nancy's empty seat. "So she left? Is she staying at the Archfield? Because that's what she should have done to begin with. I still can't believe that she thought she could into _my_ house, into my freaking _mother's _house, and-"

"She was paged, Meredith," Mark interrupted, his grim voice echoing through the room. "She had to go to the hospital because Addison's test results came back."

As Derek's hand came to rest on her shoulder, Meredith inhaled sharply, noticing the lines of worry on Mark and Izzie's faces for the first time since coming down the stairs. "Oh," she whispered.

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Addison stared into the florescent light on the ceiling of her room, her vision becoming blurry as her eyes burned from the strength of the illumination. Beneath the thin hospital blanket, her feet moved from side to side against the cool sheets, noting the roughness of the cotton as it tickled the softness of her well-manicured feet. She couldn't help but wonder how many times the sheets had been washed throughout the years, how many patients had slept in them before she had; how many patients had died in them.

She swallowed at the thought as her eyes closed briefly. The room was silent with the exception of the humming air conditioner, which kept the room far too cool for Addison's comfort. For what had to be the millionth time that hour, she shivered, nesting deeper beneath the blanket. She'd never noticed the uncomfortable temperature of the hospital as she'd worked the maternity floor day after day. Perhaps, she thought, it was because her constant movement afforded her body extra warmth. On the other hand, though, she couldn't dismiss the possibility that the terror of her possible death sentence had simply left her feeling cold and empty.

She smiled sardonically at her own thoughts, noting the irony of her negativity. If she had been the doctor rather than the patient, if she had been treating a woman awaiting the results of a potentially life-altering tumor biopsy, Addison knew without a doubt that she would scowl at a patient for such pessimism, for getting wrapped up in thoughts of death before the results had even arrived. She'd learned over the years that it was never a good idea to assume the worst before the worst had earned the right to be assumed.

Her usual rationality, of course, was worthless at this point because she was, in fact, _not _a renowned neo-natal surgeon, but rather, she was a woman lying in a hospital bed lacking an ovary. She was the patient who felt as though her lungs were being crushed by her own anxiety, the patient who was beginning to feel like she couldn't breathe simply because the labs were running behind schedule, thus leaving her in the dark about her diagnosis for yet another minute too long.

As time ticked by slowly, Addison found herself submerged in the idea of cancer and its consequences. She couldn't help but wonder if she would be walking down the aisle three months from now wearing a wig rather than her own natural hair. Her eyes narrowed at the thought, her mind filling with images of how she would look as a blonde or a brunette, or maybe with long curly locks rather than her normal straightened hairstyle.

She giggled at her own thoughts as she pictured herself wearing a wig of curly blonde ringlets, her laugh sounding shockingly hysterical to her own ears. Beside her bed, Alex looked up from his book, his eyes narrowed with concern as he studied her face. "Are you okay?"

The blissful giggles immediately ceased as Addison came crashing back to reality, once again remembering _why_ she was picturing herself with a head full of Shirley Temple curls. Her mouth clamped shut, her eyes darting the clock of the wall, the clock she knew was used to call the time of death should a doctor forget to wear a watch. She sighed when she saw that only two minutes had passed. _Two minutes_? She wondered briefly if the clock needed a change of batteries, because _surely_ more than two minutes had passed since she'd last glanced at the timepiece.

"Addie, are you alright?" Alex asked again.

Her head turned back to look at him, her eyes settling on his face. "It's getting late."

His own eyes flickered to the clock, and he sighed wearily before turning back to his fiancé. "I know."

"The test results should have been in by now."

He closed his book, placing it on her bedside table as he scooted his chair closer to the bed. "I know, but the labs are backed up," he told her unnecessarily. He covered her hands with his, frowning as he came into contact with her icy skin. "Are you cold? I can get you another blanket," he offered.

"I'm fine," she whispered.

She wasn't sure why she'd said the words because, of course, she _actually_ wasn't fine; she was terrified, and on top of that, she didn't think she'd ever felt so cold in her life. She had a hunch, though, that the idea of Alex leaving her side, even if it was only for a few minutes for him to hurry to the linen closet, was worse than the idea of her body turning into an icicle as she huddled beneath the thin blanket spread out across the bed.

She sighed, her fingers looping through his as she looked up at the ceiling, her vision becoming hazy as she stared back into the light. "When you proposed to me, I thought that our marriage would be the beginning of a new life for me; like, our wedding day would be beginning of the rest of my life. Now all I can think is _today_ might be the beginning of the end."

Alex looked at her grimly, not used to the pessimistic attitude of the woman lying before him. "Addison, stop it."

She continued to stare at the ceiling, trying to ignore the pain that had slowly been creeping back into her body. She refused to press to button for the morphine drip, unwilling to get her body high on drugs when Nancy could be arriving any minute with her lab results.

She sighed as Alex massaged her hand gently between his. "Did you know that there's only a fifty percent five-year survival rate for women diagnosed with ovarian cancer?" she asked quietly, her voice sounding shrill in the otherwise quiet room.

Alex frowned, shaking his head gently. "That's a general statistic; the survival rate is much better when the cancer is caught early."

"And much worse if it's caught later."

Alex closed his eyes, hating the dejected tone of her voice. "Addison, you can't think about things like that right now. You're going to drive yourself crazy. You just need to wait until Nancy comes in with the test results."

She didn't respond to him, instead shivering again as she slipped her hand from his, pushing it under the covers so that she could bury the whole of her arm beneath the blanket. Alex sighed, nodding his head as he watched her teeth begin to chatter lightly. "That's it; I'm going to go get you another blanket."

She looked away from the light, her eyes meeting his in a flash of panic. "Alex-"

"I'm just going right down the hall, Ad. I'll be gone for two minutes, okay?"

He watched her nod weakly, offering her a reassuring smile as he walked across her room on shaky legs, pushing through the doorway. The second the door closed behind him, he was leaning against the wall, his hand flying to his cover his face as he lost control of his emotions. His face crumbled, a quiet sob escaping his lips as he rushed to cover his mouth with his hand.

He stood there for another minute, oblivious to the curious observers as his hands continued to cover his face. Finally, he took in a deep, jagged breath, his hands dropping to his sides as he wiped his cheeks with the edge of his shirtsleeve.

When Alex opened his eyes, he forced himself to ignore the gawking nurses, who were failing to use subtlety as they watched him from behind the nurses' station. He sighed, turning down the hall in the direction of the linen closet.

He felt guilty for exceeding his promised two minute absence, but his guilt intensified when he pushed through the doorway of Addison's room ten minutes later, his mouth falling open when he found her sitting up, staring intently at Nancy who was perched in front of her on the edge of the bed.

The blankets that Alex was holding fell limply from his hands the moment he saw the tears spilling down Addison's cheeks. His breath hitched in his throat, his own eyes filling with a fresh wave of tears as she looked up at him, her cloudy eyes connecting with his.

Alex ignored the burning panic in the pit of his stomach as he stepped over the abandoned blankets, walking straight to Addison's bed. He sat across from Nancy, ignoring the other woman as he pulled Addison into his arms, his hand flying to the back of her head as he propelled her face gently against his shoulder. "Ad, it's going to be okay. We're going to get through this together, alright? We're going to get through this…"

His whispers of assurance were soon drowned out by the sound of Addison's gentle laughter. He pulled back, looking sympathetically into her face as tear after tear continued to stream from beneath her eyelids. "Addie, please-"

She cut him off, surprising him as she leaned forward, wincing slightly as her body punished her for moving far to quickly for a post-surgical patient. Her lips connected with his, both of them registering the salty taste of her tears as they molded their mouths together in a gentle caress.

The laughter was gone when she pulled away from him, but it had been replaced with the most beautiful smile Alex had ever seen. "It's benign, Alex," she whispered, her voice sounding breathy as her lips stretched into a grin.

He could feel his heart flutter inside of his chest, and he stared at her in astonishment. "Say it again."

Her smile broadened as more relieved laughter escaped her lips. "It's benign," she repeated.

Alex briefly looked away from her, his eyes landing on Nancy as she stood up from the bed. "You're sure?" he asked her, wanting to believe Addison's words, but needing to hear them coming from her doctor.

She smiled, offering him a small nod. "I'm sure," she told them. "The lab concluded that the cells weren't cancerous." Her smile widened as she noted the relieved look on Alex's face, and she couldn't help but feel appreciation for the man who loved her friend so unconditionally. "I'm going to leave you two alone, but I'll be back in the morning, okay?"

They both nodded, not paying attention to her as she quietly exited the room. When she was gone, Alex pulled Addison back to his chest, burying his face into the side of her neck. She laughed again, sounding nearly giddy as the piercing sound of her giggles echoed in her ears.

Much to Alex's surprise, Addison's laughter soon turned into sobs. Her shoulders began to shake, her breathing becoming labored as she choked on her hiccupping cries, her face reddening as emotion welled within her. Alex closed his eyes, letting her weep against his shoulder as his hand flew to her back, rubbing rhythmic circles between her shoulder blades.

"Please don't cry, Ad," he urged, his own voice shaking as he struggled to hold back his own need to cry.

But she ignored him, her shoulders continuing to tremble as she wept against him, her sobs releasing a barrel of emotions as his shirt was saturated with her tears.


	29. Chapter 29

**Thanks for all the reviews! They really mean a lot!**

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One week after Addison's surgery, Nancy was still in Seattle, and much to Meredith's displeasure, still inhabiting the guest room. On several occasions, Meredith had casually asked her how much longer she would be staying in Washington, but Nancy had just shrugged, claiming she was enjoying spending time with her brother and his new baby, and that she wasn't entirely sure when she would be returning home. This irked Meredith because, although she certainly wanted Nancy to get the hell out of her house, she and her sister-in-law had avoided any further confrontation, leaving Meredith to feel as though she didn't have reasonable grounds to kick her out. And worse still, although they hadn't had any outward tiffs after the brutal attack over dinner the week before, Meredith felt as though Nancy was doing minor things with the intention of getting under her skin.

Every morning, Nancy would appear in the kitchen, fully dressed and outfitted in makeup before she'd even had her coffee. This annoyed Meredith, as she was far too exhausted from nearly a week of no sleep to dress herself in decent clothing, much less to try to hide the circles beneath her eyes with globs of makeup. It was Meredith's personal belief that Nancy was putting such an effort into her appearance merely to make her feel self conscious. Derek, of course, told his wife that she was being paranoid when she'd quietly voiced her opinion while they were lying in bed one night. Needless to say, he had been demoted to the couch by the end of that conversation, despite the fact the Meredith silently acknowledged that she might have been a _bit_ paranoid.

What infuriated her the most, however, was the way Nancy was being overly helpful with Jack. She'd not only aided Meredith is giving the baby his first bath, but she'd also shown her sister-in-law how to clip his tiny fingernails and how to properly use a breast pump. It wasn't the actual acts of helpfulness that irritated Meredith. Normally, of course, she would have been grateful for any help that she could get. What irritated her, though, were the sly looks of disapproval and the condescending glances that Nancy made sure that Meredith saw as she supplied her with said help. Meredith knew without a doubt that Nancy was trying to belittle her skills as a parent, trying to make Meredith feel like an inadequate mother as she corrected each and every thing that she did with her child. It was slowly and effectively driving her insane.

On Sunday morning after Derek left for the market to buy a newspaper and diapers, she sat down to the computer desk in her living room with Jack nestled in her arms. She was uploading the newest pictures of the baby to email to Derek's mother when Nancy came walking into the room. She smiled sweetly at Meredith, sauntering over to the couch and sitting down, her eyes studying her sister-in-law intently.

"You know, Meredith, you really hold Jack far too often for his own good."

Meredith rolled her eyes, not moving her gaze away from the computer screen as she attached several photographs to an email addressed to Eliza Shepherd. "Oh really? And why is that, Nancy?" she asked dryly.

Nancy smirked. "You're just not letting him develop any independence. If you hold him all the time now, he'll inevitably want to be held all the time when he's older."

"He's not even two weeks old; he has plenty of time to develop independence. Besides, I like holding him."

Nancy scowled. "Well that's nice, Meredith, but being a parent is about doing what's best for your _child_, not about what makes _you_ happy. You should know that you have to give up your selfish tendencies when you have a baby."

Meredith quietly huffed. She was tempted to write a quick note in the email to her mother-in-law, saying something to the effect of _Dear Eliza, Your daughter is a heinous bitch, and if I wasn't so sore from just having your grandchild, I'd kick her ass straight to hell_. Thankfully, she realized just in the nick of time that such communication might not win her any points with the Shepherd clan, so she regretfully eliminated that idea. Instead, she typed a quick, _Hope you enjoy the pictures_, and sent the message into cyberspace. She then turned around, facing Nancy as she forced a smile to her face. "Well, I appreciate your advice. I'll take it under advisement."

Nancy merely pursed her lips, standing up from her seat on the couch and walking out of the room without another word. Meredith smiled, feeling somewhat victorious despite not having really gained any leverage, but the smile quickly faded from her face when she heard Nancy's voice emit loudly from the kitchen. "Oh my god! This place is a wreck!"

Scowling, Meredith silently stood up, grabbing her purse and Jack's baby carrier from the foyer, and walking out the door without as much as a goodbye to her sister-in-law.

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Mark walked through the front door of his home, throwing his keys on the foyer table. He was about to call out to Izzie when he heard soothing music wafting from the den, so he paused, following the sound into the nearby room. He halted in the doorway, his arms folding across his chest as he grinned at the sight before him.

Izzie had pushed all the furniture around, moving the large pieces out of the way so that the majority of the room now existed as an open space. In the center, she was situated on top of a bright pink mat, imitating a woman on the television screen as she stood with one leg stretched out in front of her and both arms raised straight above her head.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.

She startled, nearly falling over as she jumped at the sound of his voice. She turned around only long enough to glare at him, and then resumed her position, facing the television once again. "Prenatal Pilates."

He smirked, walking further into the room and settling on the armrest of the couch as he watched her change positions. "Prenatal Pilates, huh? Sounds _awesome_," he mumbled sarcastically.

She groaned irritably, bringing her leg back to the ground and turning to face him once again. "Is there something you need?"

"Nope," he said, grinning wider when he saw her increasing exasperation.

"Well then why are you still sitting there?"

He shrugged, pursing his lips as his gaze scanned the form-hugging yoga attire. "I guess I just can't resist a girl in spandex."

Izzie rolled her eyes, her hands flying up to rest on her hips as she glared at him with annoyance. "Well, I need you to leave. I have to get through this video, and I can't do it with you watching me."

He stood up, walking to stand in front of her, his chest brushing her thinly covered breasts just enough to make her nipples pucker, much to her own dismay. "How about you just forgo the Pilates, Iz? I'm quite sure that I can provide you with a much more satisfying workout."

Her eyes narrowed. "Are you saying that I _need _to workout?"

His lips twitched as he stared at her defiantly. "No, I'm pretty sure those words never came out of my mouth."

Izzie huffed, rotating on her heel so that she could see the television screen. "I need to finish this."

"Okaaaay," he said, frowning as he walked back to the couch. "Are you pissed at me or something?"

"Yes, I am," she answered immediately, rolling her eyes as if the answer were obvious.

"Why?"

She sighed, her face displaying her obvious vexation that he didn't already know the answer. "Because it's _your_ fault that I have to work out, Mark, and I _hate_ exercising! And even worse, _you_ don't have to work out if you don't want to because you're _you_. You're hot…you're _freaking_ McSteamy. You could just lie in bed all day and hotness would _ooze_ off of you. No, it's just _me_ that has to work out because _I'm_ the one who can't fit into any of my freaking clothes except for these stupid elastic yoga outfits, and it's all because of _your_ crazy sex drive and your _super_ resilient sperm that laughed in the face of my birth control!"

He tried, quite unsuccessfully, to keep himself from grinning as she panted in anger. "Oh. Well, um, you were wearing clothes _yesterday_," he lamely replied, scratching his head as he attempted to think of something more comforting to say.

She groaned, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration. "Well that was _yesterday_. Apparently, I got fat _last night_ because I couldn't button _any_ of my jeans when I tried to get dressed this morning."

"Izzie," he began in a soothing tone. "It's just apart of the pregnancy. It's not that big of a deal to have to start wearing maternity clo-"

His mouth clamped shut when her expression turned stony, her eyes narrowing as she shot imaginary daggers into his face. "_What_ did you say?"

He stared at her blankly, truly confused. "Uh…what?"

She huffed, her arms folding across her chest. "You're _such _an asshole."

"What's wrong with what I said?"

"You're supposed to say that I'm not _fat_, Mark! You're supposed to tell me that I look beautiful!"

"Oh, well…well, you _do_ look beautiful. And of course you're not fa-""

"No!" she immediately responded, holding her hand up to silence him. "It's too late. You lost your chance."

"Izzie-"

She groaned again, pushing away his outstretched hand. "I can't look at you right now," she seethed, stomping out of the room. From the foyer, he could hear her grabbing the keys off of the table. "I'm taking your car," she angrily told him, opening the front door.

"Hey Iz, you're not wearing any shoes," he called, smiling with amusement when she appeared in the doorway moments later, barefoot and appearing more furious than she had before.

She looked at him fiercely, shoving her feet into a pair of pale pink flip flops and grabbing her purse that sat abandoned by the couch. "Shut up!" she snapped when she saw his grinning expression.

Izzie turned around, stalking furiously out of the den. When she was out of sight, Mark laughed, unable to hold back his amusement any longer. "I can hear you, you jerk!" she yelled from the hallway, slamming the front door behind her.

Mark kept laughing despite her annoyance, though in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wryly hope that she didn't return his car with key marks embedded in the shiny black paint.

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Alex scowled when he walked into the kitchen, finding Addison leaning against the counter as she waited for a tea kettle to whistle. "What do you think you're doing?"

She had been home for four days, and in the time, Alex had devoted every ounce of energy into taking care of her. He had served meals to her in bed, run a warm washcloth over her body when she was still too weak to take a shower, and had even gone out to buy every bridal magazine in publication when she decided that she wanted to do a little wedding planning. Addison appreciated everything he was doing for her, but with each passing day, she was feeling a bit stronger and a lot more antsy. Because of this, Alex's constant need to play caretaker made Addison want to scream.

When she quickly glanced up, though, finding him staring at her with a look of disapproval as she stood over the stove, she fought the urge to lash out. "I can handle making a cup of tea, Alex. Calm down."

He shook his head, walking into the room and placing his hands on her shoulders. "Addie, you're supposed to relax; you're supposed to rest. Go sit back on the couch and I'll finish your tea."

"Alex," she whined.

"Addison, go," he said sternly, not giving her any room for disagreement.

She sighed in defeat, turning around cautiously and taking careful, precise steps back to the living room, trying not to jolt her lower body as she walked across the apartment. She gingerly sank onto the couch cushions, her back propped up against an extra set of pillows as she sat herself in the midst of the chaotic mound of bridal spreads.

Alex walked into the room a few minutes later, holding a ceramic green mug filled to the top with chamomile tea. He placed the steaming cup into her outstretched hand and sat down beside her, picking up a bridal magazine and staring at a photograph of a young woman modeling a bridesmaid's dress. "This is a nice one, Ad," he commented, trying to be helpful.

Addison looked up from the magazine situated on her lap, peering over her glasses at the photograph he was pointing to. Her face scrunched up, and she shook her head negatively. "Seriously? That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen."

He pouted, looking back at the photograph. In all honestly, Alex didn't actually _have_ an opinion about the dress, but because the magazine had been left open on that spread, he'd assumed Addison had liked it. Apparently, his assumption had been a bit off the mark.

She raised her eyebrows, shaking her head gently as she watched him stare at the picture. "You know, it's kind of a miracle that I fell in love with someone of such little taste."

He laughed, tossing the magazine onto the coffee table and lying against the arm of the couch so that only their feet were touching, smirking at her with teasing eyes. "I'm well aware that you don't love me for my fashion sense, Addison Montgomery. You love me because I'm sexy as hell and I'm a _beast_ in the sack."

She laughed, rolling her eyes as she lightly kicked his feet. "You keep thinking that, buddy."

He scoffed playfully, grabbing the remote from the table and turning on the television, quickly flipping to a wrestling match. Addison sighed when she heard the cheering of the crowd, shaking her head as she raised her eyes to see the combating contestants. Alex ignored her, continuing to watch the match with interest, so Addison sighed again, exhaling more loudly.

When she huffed for a third time less than a minute later, Alex turned to her, his eyebrows raised. "Is this your passive aggressive way of telling me that you don't want to watch the wresting match?"

She shrugged. "No, we can watch whatever you want. I don't care."

"Okay then," Alex said slowly, settling back against the cushions as his gaze returned to the screen.

Addison pursed her lips in annoyance, turning back to her magazine, but she couldn't seem to block out the grunting and cheering of the crowd. As the sports announcer's voice boomed from the screen, Addison sighed once more, causing Alex to roll his eyes. He sat up, grudgingly handing her the remote. "Why don't _you_ pick something?"

She smiled sweetly, aiming the controller at the television. "Okay, if you're sure you don't want to watch this," she told him, not waiting for an answer as she began surfing through the channels. She ignored his soft groan of irritation, her eyes lighting up when she settled on a classic movie channel airing _Casablanca_. "Oh, I love this movie!" she told him, setting down the remote.

When Alex glanced at her a few minutes later, he scowled when he saw her staring back into her magazine. "You're not even _watching_ it."

"But I'm _listening_, Alex."

"Oh, _okay_," he muttered sarcastically.

They sat silently on the couch, neither of them fully watching the movie as it played on the screen. When a knock resounded from the front door half an hour later, Alex sighed in relief, happy for the distraction as he jumped off the couch and disappeared down the hallway toward the entrance of the apartment.

Addison smiled in surprised when she saw Meredith appear in the doorway, holding Jack's baby carrier as Alex trailed in behind her. "Hey, Meredith," Addison greeted, but the smile fell from her face when she noticed Meredith's scowling expression.

"I hate her!" she proclaimed loudly, setting the carrier on the coffee table and falling to the couch. "She's_ horrible_!"

"Who? Nancy?"

"Oh course Nancy!" Meredith answered, frowning at Addison. "She's making me miserable! I'm about to drive myself to the freaking Betty Ford Clinic!"

A laugh escaped Alex's mouth, and Addison glared at him. "Alex, why don't you go fix Meredith a cup of tea?" she suggested, though Alex knew that it wasn't so much a suggestion as a command. When he escaped into the kitchen, Addison looked back at Meredith, smiling at her sympathetically. "I realize that Nancy can be a little brash-"

"Brash?" Meredith interrupted, laughing incredulously. "The woman insults me every chance she gets, and she's being so sneaky about it, I can't even call her on it. She hates me just because I'm not you!"

"I'm sure that's not true," she said soothingly, although she couldn't help but think that perhaps she should have a little chat with her ex-sister-in-law.

Meredith rolled her eyes, but paused as they heard the front door open and then immediately slam shut. "Did Alex just leave?" Meredith asked with surprise.

Addison shrugged, but her face brightened when Izzie stormed in moments later, looking slightly ridiculous in a pink spandex yoga outfit, with her hair piled high in a messy bun and a large grocery bag tucked in her arms. "I hate him!"

Addison frowned, having a weird sense of déjà vu. "Who? Mark?"

"_Yes_, Mark."

"What'd he do?" Meredith asked, already prepared to be angry at Izzie's husband.

"He told me I was fat!"

Both women's eyes widened in shock at her words, and Izzie nodded as she plopped down between them, dropping the bag to the ground and pulling out a box of bakery-style chocolate chip cookies. They each reached over when the box was open, pulling out a cookie for themselves. "He really said that? That bastard!" Meredith seethed through a mouthful of cookie.

"I can't believe Mark would say that to you! And you're _not_ fat!" Addison said with authority.

Alex walked in just as the words were crossing Addison's lips, and he glanced at Izzie, surprised to see her sitting on the couch. "Hey, I didn't know you were here," he commented, handing a cup of tea to Meredith. "Somebody called you fat?"

"Yes, my jackass of a husband!"

Alex laughed. "Dude, that guy's so in the doghouse now. What an idiot." Addison glared at him again, but before she could say anything, he held up his hands in surrender. "How about I fix Izzie some tea?"

Addison rolled her eyes as Alex disappeared. "Now why would Mark say something like that?"

Izzie sighed, folding her arms across her chest irritably. "Well he actually didn't say those words exactly…but he was _thinking_ it."

"He was thinking it?" Meredith asked skeptically.

Izzie pouted, picking up another cookie. "Yes he was; you just had to be there," she sulked. "Why are you here, anyway?"

It was Meredith's turn to sulk. "Nancy's a bitch," she commented, wincing as she recognized her own bad language. She turned to Jack, staring at his blank face apologetically. "Sorry, baby. I'm still working on it."

Izzie swallowed the rest of her cookie, and then leaned forward, unlocking the straps of the baby carrier and pulling Jack to her chest. "What's Derek have to say about it?" she asked distractedly, staring adoringly at the peaceful infant.

"He doesn't even _notice_. He thinks I'm being paranoid about everything."

Izzie rolled her eyes, gently stroking the baby's cheek. "See, that's why our husbands are such good friends. They're both hopelessly clueless."

Addison laughed, holding out her arms for Jack in a silent request to hold the child. "They're not totally hopeless. I actually think they've grown a lot since..."

Meredith smirked when Addison trailed off. "Since _you_ were with them?" she finished for her.

Izzie tilted her head to the side, grinning at Addison. "You whore, you've slept with _both_ of our husbands. God, why are we friends with you?"

Addison laughed, rolling her eyes as she lifted Jack to her shoulder, inhaling his baby fresh scent. "I guess I'm just irresistible," she said playfully as Alex walked in with Izzie's tea. He handed it to her, and then promptly turned around, leaving the living room without a word.

Izzie grinned as she watched him leave, and then looked down at the couch, lifting one of the bridal magazines and putting in her lap. "Oooh, weddings!" she said, her foul mood instantly forgotten. "I want to help!"

Meredith laughed at Izzie's overexcitement, lifting one of the other magazines and flipping through the pages. For twenty minutes, the women ogled dress after dress, as well as wedding cakes, engagement rings, and the handsome men strategically modeling the tuxedos. Meredith paused over a photo, holding it up for her friends to see. "I think I'm going to marry this guy after I divorce Derek and his psycho family."

Izzie giggled. "What a coincidence that he looks strikingly similar to McDreamy himself," she commented teasingly, grabbing her bag as her cell phone alerted her of a text message.

_You know I think you're gorgeous, so stop being crazy. Meet me in the bed in 15 minutes. _

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop herself from grinning as she stood to her feet, imagining Mark's smirking face on the other end of the phone. "Sorry guys, I have to go."

Addison and Meredith looked at her suspiciously. "I thought you were going to help me plan this wedding," Addison complained.

"I'll come back later; I just have an errand that I have to...um...do."

Meredith nodded knowingly as Izzie walked out of the apartment, her mood completely changed from when she'd walked in. "Mark is such a pervert."

Addison giggled, lifting the grocery bag that Izzie had left behind and rifling through the junk food. "That's _so_ true."


	30. Chapter 30

Izzie returned to Addison's apartment late Sunday afternoon, grinning happily as she used the key over the door to let herself into the apartment. She was in a great mood following her makeup romp with Mark, and on top of that, she'd created a brilliant scheme regarding Meredith's problem with Nancy while lying on the crumpled sheets next to her husband.

The apartment was quiet as she walked down the hallway, except for the low hum of the television coming from the den. "Helloooo," she called, following the sound of the TV. When she entered the room, Izzie found Addison lying in the same spot she'd been in when she'd left hours before, only she was now _alone_ on the couch, shaking her head disapprovingly as she watched a talk show.

She smiled when Izzie walked in, moving her feet so that she could sit down beside her. "Feel better?"

Izzie looked at her innocently. "What do you mean?"

She lifted her eyebrows, not hiding her skeptical expression. "Izzie, come on. I won't be having sex for quite awhile, so you can at least let me live vicariously through you."

Izzie smirked, shrugging her shoulders as she picked up the bridal magazines from the coffee table. "Where _is_ Alex, anyway?"

She rolled her eyes, annoyed with Izzie's lack of detail. "He left about an hour ago. He said something about going to get a drink with Derek."

"Seriously? I thought he couldn't stand leaving your side," she smirked.

"Yeah, it feels like that sometimes," Addison told her with a laugh. "But I think Alex is starting to feel a little claustrophobic being trapped in the apartment all the time. I'm sure he just needed to get out and have some male bonding."

Izzie nodded understandingly. "So they can talk about cars and sports and grunt while they try to top each other with the sizes of their penises."

Addison pursed her lips. "For some reason, I _doubt_ that's what they're doing."

Izzie laughed, and then looked up quickly, her eyes excited. "Okay, so I think I figured out a way to help Meredith and Nancy. I came up with a plan."

Addison rolled her eyes, looking at Izzie wearily as she grabbed a bottle of Tylenol from the coffee table and popped two tiny pills into her mouth. "What kind of _plan_?"

Izzie beamed excitedly, ignoring Addison's suspicious expression. "Well, what are you doing on Tuesday?"

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Derek walked into Joe's, easily spotting Alex sitting at the bar. He walked over, taking the seat next to him and ordering a single malt scotch from the bartender. "How's it going?"

Alex shrugged nonchalantly, taking a sip of his beer. "Pretty good."

"How's Addison feeling?"

"She's doing alright. I think I'm driving her a little crazy with all of my hovering, but she's feeling a lot better…she's starting to move around more."

Derek gladly accepted a glass of scotch from Joe, smiling his thanks. "Great, that's good to hear."

Alex took another sip of his beer as he leaned back into his seat. "Yeah, Meredith actually came by to see her this morning. The baby's already getting really big, Derek."

Derek grinned proudly, smiling foolishly as he thought about Jack. "He's a great baby."

Alex nodded, studying his friend from the corner of his eye. "So listen, normally I wouldn't interfere with other people's business, but since you were nice enough to offer me marriage advice the other day, I thought I'd return the favor. Though, just so you know, I doubt I'll be taking advice from you again, since you're clearly such an idiot."

Derek's eyes widened at the insult, his shoulders tensing as he looked at Alex disbelievingly. "Now _wait_ a minute…"

Alex shook his head. "No, I was stuck in the kitchen all morning listening to your wife bitch to my fiancé, so _you_ wait a minute." Derek shoulders slumped at the mention of his wife, and he leaned against the bar, staring fixedly at Alex. Alex nodded approvingly. "Okay, so I think we need to have a little chat about your sister..."

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Derek's face was unfriendly as he walked through his front door. He went immediately into the living room, finding Nancy sitting on the couch with a novel in her hands and Jack resting in a bassinet a few feet away. "Where's Meredith?"

Nancy looked up quickly, surprised by his biting tone. "Um, she's…she's taking a nap."

He walked further into the room, glaring at his sister as he loomed above her. "Get up."

Her brow furrowed with confusion. "_What_?"

"Get. Up."

She hesitantly stood to her feet, self consciously taking a step away from him. "What's…what's wrong with you?"

"You, Nancy. _You're_ what's wrong with me. I warned you about the way you were treating Meredith, but you _had_ to keep going, didn't you? You can never leave well enough alone; you can never let anyone be happy."

"Derek-"

"Shut up! I'm serious! I've heard enough of your excuses, and I've had enough of your fucking attitude. I don't know what your problem is, but if you insist on disliking my wife, you can do it from somewhere else. You're not welcome here anymore."

Nancy swallowed nervously, her eyes darting anxiously around the room. "Derek…"

He shook his head, turning away from her as tears filled her eyes. He sighed loudly, running his hands through his hair with frustration. "She…she makes me happy, Nancy. You should love her just for that."

Nancy bit her trembling lip, lowering herself slowly to the couch. "You…you're right," she whispered.

Derek turned around quickly, surprised by her relinquishment. He walked toward her, sitting next to his sister and watching her as she struggled to keep her tears at bay. "I'm sorry I've been a bitch. I know that Meredith isn't the one who broke up your marriage with Addison, but it's always been easier to blame her rather than to accept that Addison and Mark had something to do with it. And _you_, of course. I never wanted to admit that the three of you were at fault because you're my family. Meredith isn't…well, she _wasn't_, and I didn't know her, so it was easy for me to place the blame on her."

Derek sighed, covering her hand with his. "It had nothing to do with her, though. Addison and I weren't right for each other, Nancy. You have to see that now."

She closed her eyes, clasping her fingers around his. "I do; I do see it. But you have to understand, Derek, you're my brother…my _only_ brother. You've been protecting Mom and me and our sisters your entire life, and I just…I feel like there's no one left to protect you. I guess I was just trying to return the favor."

Derek laughed. "Trust me, Nance; I don't need to be protected from Meredith. Now _you_, on the other hand, are a _vicious_ bitch, and I might need to shield myself when you're around," he teased.

She laughed, punching his shoulder. "I hate you."

Derek raised his eyebrows. "I'm telling Mom you said that."

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Izzie walked out of her bathroom on Tuesday morning, her body wrapped in a towel and her long hair dripping down her back. She grinned when she saw Mark's slumbering form stretched out across the bed, his mouth hanging slightly open as he slept peacefully. "Maaaark," she called softly, walking over to the closet and pulling out a loose fitting dress.

He was still asleep when she exited the closet, not reacting to her quiet call. "You have to get up," she insisted a little louder, tossing the dress on the bed as she went to get undergarments from her dresser. She sighed when he remained limp against the mattress, and she walked back over to the bed, moving so that she was standing over him. "Mark?" she called again, her voice gentle as she attempted to ease him from his slumber.

She nearly yelped with surprise when his hand quickly snaked out, grabbing the edge of her towel and yanking it from her body. "_Mark Sloan_!" she complained, though her voice was full of laugher as he tugged on her hand, dragging her down until she landed on top of him, her naked body stretched across his. "Well aren't _you_ tricky," she commented, her amused expression quickly morphing into desire as his hands ran down the length of her back.

"That I am," he replied with a smirk, his head coming off the pillow as he captured her lips in a kiss.

She giggled against his mouth as his feather-light fingers inched down her sides, tickling the sensitive skin at her waist, but her giggles soon turned into moans when his hands found their way between her legs. She sighed with pleasure, her forehead falling against his. "I wish I could stay in bed with you all day," she whispered, her voice sounding wistful.

"You can." His lips moved along the delicate line of her jaw, nibbling and suckling gently.

"No, I can't," she told him, though her words sounded particularly unenthusiastic as her voice trembled with lust.

His brow furrowed as he only half-listened to what she was saying. "And why not?"

She rolled her eyes, picking her head up so the she could stare into his face. "I have Meredith's baby shower, Mark. I told you about it yesterday. Remember, that's why I'm kicking you out of the house for the afternoon."

"Oooh, I see. I thought you just wanted me out of the way so that you could have a rendezvous with your secret lover," he teased, his hands momentarily abandoning their location so that he could grip her hips, flipping her over onto her back.

She laughed as he loomed above her, her eyes darkening with pleasure as his hands massaged her breasts. "No, we only meet up on Mondays and Fridays."

Mark smirked at her playfully as his hands continued to travel downward, pausing momentarily on the tiny bulge on her belly. "Did you hear that, guys? Can you believe how you mother treats me?"

Izzie smiled as she gazed down at her husband, a goofy grin on his face as he playfully talked to their unborn children. She sighed contentedly, her hand coming to lay over his as it rested on her belly. "I love you," she whispered.

Within seconds, he had crawled above her, his face hovering just inches from hers. "Oh yeah? Do you love me more than your secret lover?"

She pursed her lips, pretending to silently consider his question. "A _little_ bit more," she finally mocked.

He grinned, dipping his head so that he could plant soft kisses on the side of her neck. "How about surgeries? Do you love me more than you love surgeries?"

She shrugged, threading her fingers through his hair. "I guess I do."

"And cupcakes? Do you love me more that you love cupcakes?"

Her fingers stilled, her eyes laughing as she looked at him seriously. "No, I don't love _anything_ more than I love cupcakes."

He smirked at her words, studying her reaction as he entered her body with a slow, sensual thrust. Her eyes widened, and then closed as he leisurely moved inside of her. "Okay, maybe I love _some _things more than cupcakes," she relented, her toes curling against the mattress.

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"_Why_ are we doing this again?" Cristina asked, scowling as she looked down at a light blue cake adorned with a buttercream baby rattle.

Izzie rolled her eyes, continuing to slice a sandwich into tiny squares. "Because our friend just had a _baby_, Cristina, and you can't have a baby without a baby _shower_."

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that you can."

Addison smirked as she filled several plastic cups with ice. "It's the nice thing to do, Cristina. _Friends_ do this kind of thing for each other. They throw a party and give presents and at least _pretend_ to be happy about the new baby."

Izzie looked up sharply, panic evident on her features. "You did get her a present, didn't you? You have to have a present."

"Chill out; I got her a gift; I'm not a complete barbarian." From her place on the kitchen stool, Callie snorted. Cristina ignored this, though, her eyes remaining focused on Izzie. "Aren't you supposed to do this _before_ a baby is born?"

Izzie shrugged, placing the small sandwiches on a plate. "Better late than never." She then smiled in satisfaction at her handiwork, glancing up at the other three women in the kitchen. "_Yay_, this is going to be _so_ much fun! I can't wait until she gets here!"

Cristina rolled her eyes at her enthusiasm, suddenly wishing she had stopped at the liquor store as Izzie walked around the island with the sandwich tray in her hands, stopping in front of her. "It's _not_ going to be fun. Meredith's going to be pissed; she hates surprises."

"She does _not_," Izzie argued. "She just _says _that she does, but she really loves them. This is going to be _great_, so stop being so damn crabby and make yourself useful." She then shoved the sandwich tray in Cristina's hands, smiling sweetly when Cristina glared at her before stomping out of the kitchen. When Izzie turned back around, Callie and Addison were grinning at her, but she just shrugged and went back to work on the food.

Twenty minutes later, they were all seated in the den, sipping on punch that Cristina insisted would be far tastier if they'd simply let her add a liter of rum. "How much longer until she gets here?"

"They were supposed to be here a few minutes ago. We told Nancy to bring Meredith over here at noon," Addison answered.

Cristina's eyes shot open. "_Nancy_? You invited Nancy?" When Addison and Izzie said nothing, Cristina's eyes narrowed. "_Ooooh_, I see what this is. You two just created this little get-together so you can butt into their problems. Callie and I, and of these godforsaken paper storks strung from the ceiling, are just here for props."

Izzie and Addison immediately looked defensive. "_No_, we want to throw our friend a _baby shower_. It has nothing to do with Nancy or whatever issues she and Meredith are having," Izzie insisted.

Cristina's skeptical expression remained unwavering, boring into their faces as she scrutinized Izzie's claim. Finally, Addison's resolve broke under the glare, her shoulders slumping. "Well don't look at me. It was _Izzie's_ idea. She pressured me into it when I was under the influence of heavy narcotics."

Izzie looked at her incredulously from the corner of her eye. "Oh _please_! You were taking _Tylenol_. And where the _hell _is your loyalty?"

Callie stood up, peering through the window along the front of the house. "I think someone just pulled into the driveway."

Cristina's sighed with relief, forgetting about Izzie and Addison as she strode to the window. "Thank god; it's time to get this show on the road." She walked to the front door, throwing it open before there was even a knock, scowling when she saw Miranda Bailey standing in the threshold with a gift tucked beneath her arm. "Oh, it's just _you_."

Bailey's eyebrows lifted. "Excuse me, Yang?"

Cristina pouted, turning around and heading back into the den with a scowl on her face. "It's just _Bailey_," she told the other women, falling back onto the couch with her arms folded across her chest.

Cristina sulked on the couch while the other women chatted happily, occasionally muttering snide remarks about what a stupid tradition baby showers were. She really didn't understand why someone would want to celebrate a person who couldn't even walk or talk or use the bathroom in a toilet. Now getting your PhD _and_ your medical degree? That was something to commemorate. Graduating at the top of your class from Stanford? Yes, that deserved a party. Sliding down a birth canal? Not so much, in her opinion. Obviously, though, no one cared about what she thought.

Thankfully, she didn't have too long to brood. When the doorbell rang a few minutes later, she jumped up with excitement, knowing that once the shower began, it was that much closer to being over. "Oh, thank god."

She rushed to the door, flinging it open and sighing with relief when she saw Meredith and Nancy standing in the threshold. "Get in here," she said, grabbing Meredith's wrist and pulling her through the doorway.

Meredith laughed, gripping Jack's baby carrier tighter as she let herself be pulled into the house by Cristina. "Cristina, what're you doing here?" Her eyes widened when she walked through the French doors of Izzie's den, surprised to see the room full of her friends and ornamented with cheesy pastel decorations. "What's going on?"

Izzie grinned, jumping up when they walked into the room. "It's your baby shower!"

Meredith's mouth fell open as she amusedly observed her surrounds. "Oh…this is…this is great," she said kindly, grinning as saw Cristina roll her eyes.

With Nancy and Meredith's arrival, the shower officially began. They all snacked and laughed and oohed and ahhed over Jack, passing him around the room happily. Though Cristina tolerated the happiness the entire time, her face turned stony when Izzie announced that there were games to be played, and she stood up, placing her hands on her hips. "We will _not_ play games."

Izzie scowled at her. "_Cristina_-"

Bailey shook her head. "I'm with Yang on this one."

"But-"

Meredith laughed at Izzie's crestfallen expression. "Sorry, Izzie, I think you're going to lose this one."

She sighed in defeat, but her face brightened moments later. "Then let's open presents."

Meredith tore into the gifts enthusiastically, appreciating her friends' gestures as she held up tiny outfits and blankets and various necessities for Jack. When Cristina stood up, handing her a gift half-heartedly wrapped, she looked up in surprise. "Thanks," she said, wondering what in the world her friend could have gotten her child.

Cristina shrugged carelessly, heading back to her seat as Meredith ripped the paper from the small box. She opened the lid, her hand reaching into the tissue paper and holding up the gift, her face reddening. "_Cristina_!"

The other women looked on with amusement, except for Izzie who's hands were placed on her hips. "You got her a _vibrator_? You're _so _inappropriate."

Cristina glared at her. "Oh, I think this is _very _appropriate. Everyone knows your sex life dies when you have a kid. I'm just looking out for Meredith. That's what _friends_ do."

The room was silent, everyone looking around quietly as Meredith dropped the gift back into the box with a sigh. "Well, uh, _thanks_."

Much to everyone's surprise, it was Nancy who broke the tension, bursting out laughing. Everyone looked at her incredulously as they slowly began to smile, watching her with amusement as tears formed in the corners of her eyes. Eventually, Callie joined in the laughter, and then Addison and Bailey, and before long, everyone had been reduced to a fit of giggles.

With a smile on her face, Nancy took a breath, calming herself as she stood up and handed her sister-in-law a gift that she pulled from her tote bag. Meredith smiled, accepting the gift as she studied Nancy's face. Her hands carefully peeled back the silver wrapping paper, her heart beat increasing in anticipation.

For the last day and a half, Nancy had been noticeably nicer to Meredith, helping her with Jack out of consideration rather than spite and eliminating the snide remarks from their conversations. Meredith didn't know what had gotten into Derek's sister, but she appreciated the change in attitude nonetheless. Still, the kindness that she had shown her in the last thirty-six hours hadn't prepared her for the thoughtfulness of the gift sitting on her lap.

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked down at the book in her hand, and she glanced up at Nancy, smiling genuinely. "Thank you," she whispered, flipping open the front cover.

Nancy returned her smile, squatting down next to Meredith and peering at the pages. "My mom made it. It has everything in it, starting with the day Derek was born. There're lots of great photographs, some that even have my dad in them. I thought you could show this to Jack when he gets older."

Meredith laughed, fingering a picture of a three-year-old Derek standing next to his father, wearing only a pair of underwear his mother's red leather pumps. She grinned, realizing that though it wasn't an outward apology, this was Nancy's way of asking for forgiveness, and her way of finally inviting Meredith to join their family.

She sighed, wiping a tear away from the corner of her eye as she stood up, surprising Nancy by pulling her into a hug. "It's a great gift; _thank you_.

Across the room, Izzie nudged Addison. "Did we do this? Did we already fix it?"

Addison looked at her incredulously from the corner of her eye. "I don't think we had that much to do with it. We haven't even gotten the chance to talk to them yet."

Izzie chose to ignore her, though, turning around and grinning as she observed Meredith and Nancy. "Gosh, we're _incredible,_" she whispered.

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	31. Chapter 31

**Thanks for the reviews, everyone. Yes, I know…it's been a while. Sorry about that. **

**We're jumping ahead a bit in this chapter. It'll be obvious as you read, but I felt the need to warn you anyway.**

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The time following Meredith's baby shower passed by at a snail's pace for Addison, who was forced to take things slowly as her body continued to recover from her surgery. Even as Nancy had boarded her plane on her way back to Connecticut, she had warned Addison over her cell phone that she had spies all over Seattle, and that had she better not hear of Addison over-exerting herself or trying to return to work before she was physically ready. It turns out that this was a useless threat, however; Addison couldn't have pushed herself if she'd wanted to because Alex continued to insist on driving her crazy with his constant need to fret over her well being.

As the weeks pushed forth, though, her pain lessened as her body healed itself, and she began edging her way back into her routine. Chief Webber was cautious about letting her return to the hospital, initially insisting that she restrict her hours to half her normal workload, but she quickly proved herself capable of resuming the responsibilities of her job and had recommenced her schedule by the summer's end.

For the most part, things returned to normal, which was a relief to Addison since she was far more content being elbow deep in a uterus than being confined to her apartment sifting through daytime television as she waited for Alex to return home from the hospital. Resuming her schedule at Seattle Grace had been like a breath of fresh air; as each new baby had taken his or her first gasp of oxygen while squirming in her careful hands, she began to feel more and more like her self.

What hadn't receded with the diminishment of her pain, though, was Alex's exceedingly cautious treatment of her. His over-protectiveness immediately following the removal of her ovary had irritated her to no end, often leaving her rolling her eyes and locking herself in the bathroom just to have a few minutes away from his nonstop worrying. In the midst of her recovery, she'd longed for the way Alex had used to tease her while luring her into an impromptu lovemaking session when she least expected it. Instead, though, he continued to treat her like he would a scalpel, handling her as though one wrong move could leave her in a poorer condition than she'd been in before.

Eight weeks had passed before Addison was able to convince Alex that she was ready to resume their physical relationship, and even then, she could see the worry lines marring his forehead as he forced himself to remain slow and careful whilst moving above her. It had seemed slightly endearing to her at first, but now, at the beginning of November, she couldn't help but feel unbearably irritated as his vigilance stretched on.

It was this unbearable irritation that currently had Addison whipping through the water of the indoor pool on the ground level of her apartment building. Her muscles burned, her arms and legs straining to take her one stroke further, and then another and another. The ache of her muscles and the heaving of her lungs seemed to take the edge off of her frustration, and Addison found herself unable to stop after her normal ten laps across the pool, suddenly needing to continue her physical torture in an effort to rid her mind of the animosity that she was beginning to feel for her fiancé.

If she wasn't so sure of his devotion to her, Alex's hesitation in the bedroom would have left her feeling self-conscious. Knowing how much he loved her, though, only made his newfound qualms more difficult to bear. If he'd _stopped_ loving her, she would have simply told him to go screw himself and kicked him out of the apartment; at least that's what she _assumed_ she'd do as she considered it while her body sliced through the tepid water. She wasn't entirely sure how to handle the _given_ scenario, however. She knew she still _wanted_ to tell him to go screw himself, but she couldn't move past the fact that such a move seemed unjust in light of the fact that his over-protectiveness was a product of his adoration for her.

When she turned her head to the side while traveling across the pool, lifting her face from the water and inhaling a deep breath, she startled as her eyes caught sight of Alex sitting on the edge, his pants rolled up to his knees as his feet dangled in the water. Her momentary jolt of surprise caused her to lose her concentration, and her body momentarily submerged. She resurfaced just as quickly, glaring at Alex as she choked on mouthful of water, and she swam quickly to the edge of the pool, gripping the concrete next to his thighs. "You scared the crap out of me," she commented, relishing the sensation of her exhausted muscles receiving a momentary rest.

"Sorry," he sheepishly replied, his feet moving in slow circles beneath the surface.

"What're you doing down here?"

"I just came to check on you; I figured you were here when I realized you weren't in the apartment."

She nodded absently, staring at the water as it lapped against the edge of the pool. "How was work?"

He shrugged. "It was fine. Alice Lanier finally had her baby."

She smiled distractedly as her heart rate began to decrease. "That's great." She knew she was making small talk, and she hated herself for it, for not directly broaching the topic plaguing her mind. With a deep breath, she courageously met his eyes. "Can I ask you a question?"

His face wrinkled with confusion at her sudden change of tone. "Yeah, of course."

Addison's lips twitched as she considered how to raise her concerns. "When we go on our honeymoon, am I going to have to _force_ you to have sex with me?"

"What?" he asked with a nervous laugh.

She sighed, anxiously picking at her softened cuticles. "I'm tired of you treating me like I'm going to break, Alex. It's been weeks since my surgery, and I'm fine now; I wish you'd start treating me like I am."

For a moment, she thought he would answer defensively, but then he bit his lip apprehensively, slowly nodding his head. "I'm sorry, Addie. You should've said something sooner."

She rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to explain that he should've _figured it out_ sooner. "Well, now you know."

He grinned, lightening the mood as he raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Maybe I can redeem myself _tonight_."

She chuckled softly as she returned his grin, her own eyes beaming as she placed her hands tightly around his ankles and yanked, bracing her feet against the wall of the pool to give her added strength. The surprise of her attack of the deftness of her movements prevented Alex from protecting himself, and within a fraction of a second, he was in the water, sputtering for breath as he resurfaced.

He looked at her with shock as he wiped the water from his face, but he was unable to be angry as she pressed her slick body against his, her long legs wrapping around his waist as she pressed him against the wall of the pool. "How about you try to redeem yourself right _now_?"

His eyes widened briefly as he glanced around the empty room. "Here?"

She shrugged casually. "Unless you're not up to the challenge."

His eyes narrowed as his hands disappeared beneath the surface of the water. As he watched her eyes darken with pleasure, he grinned jubilantly. "Oh, I'm _up_ for it."

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"I like Nathaniel."

Mark glanced up from his _Men's Health _magazine, studying his wife as she thumbed through a book filled with baby names as they stood in the middle of the book store. He grinned as he observed her avid concentration, her forehead furrowed as her eyes scanned the page.

"And Nicholas…ooh, and Noah."

Mark shelved his magazine and walked over to Izzie, looking over her shoulder as she scrutinized each name. "What about for a girl? These are all boy names."

Izzie didn't immediately respond to his question, her attentiveness focused on the task at hand. When her eyes reached the end of the page, she turned to Mark, offering him a smile. "I haven't gotten to that section yet."

Only halfway through her second trimester, Izzie was getting anxious for the birth of their children. Weeks before, she'd already started throwing out ideas for a nursery, suggesting they paint the room a neutral yellow or light green since they weren't going to find out the genders of the twins. Mark had to roll his eyes at this suggestion, sure that there was no way Izzie would be able to make it through the entire pregnancy without finding out whether she was carrying boys or girls.

Mark couldn't help but smile as she wistfully called out names, his hands rising to her shoulders and massaging gently. She looked adorable, her skin glowing as she happily contemplated what they could call their children, her free hand braced on the growing bump of her belly.

"I like Parker," he commented as his eyes connected with the name.

She grinned, about to reply to his suggestion when she noticed a woman hesitantly approaching them, looking at her strangely. "Isobel Stevens?"

Izzie watched her with a perplexed expression, but then realization dawned on her and her eyes lit up. "Marley Bradford?" Both women laughed with a nervousness caused by a twenty year absence. "Marley, this is my husband Mark," she introduced, turning to look at him. "Marley and I were neighbors in Chehalis when we were little girls. I haven't seen her since she moved away when her were, gosh…probably twelve or thirteen."

Mark nodded at Marley, offering her a smile that left her slightly weak in the knees. She then turned back to Izzie. "So, you two live in Seattle?"

Izzie nodded, explaining that she'd moved to the city for college after graduating high school. The two women made small talk for several minutes, leaving Mark standing quietly as he listened to them fill each other in on various highlights of their lives.

Marley grinned as Izzie unconsciously rubbed her belly. "How far along are you?"

"About five and a half months," Izzie answered with a smile. "But it's starting to feel like five and a half _years_."

Marley chuckled, nodding understandably. "Do you have any other children?" she asked, looking between Mark and Izzie.

The blissful look on Izzie's face momentarily faltered, but she recovered quickly, nodding her head. "We had a son three years ago."

Marley grinned. "Well, I'm sure he's excited to be a big brother."

Mark could feel Izzie's shoulders tensing beneath his hands. With a sigh, he resisted the urge to curse Marley Bradford for ignorance. "Yeah, I'm sure he is, too," he answered vaguely, gripping Izzie's shoulders more tightly with his hands. "Listen, it was nice seeing you, Marley, but we're kind of in a hurry."

He was unconcerned with their abrupt departure as he steered his wife to the front of the store. He couldn't care less whether Izzie's childhood friend thought they were rude; all he wanted was to get Izzie as far away from her as possible.

They were silent as they stood at the checkout counter, the baby name book placed next to the register as a clerk rambled on about how they could save ten percent if they applied for a membership card to the store. Mark's hand gripped Izzie's as he absentmindedly handed his credit card to the kid across the counter. "Are you okay?"

Izzie ignored the question, turning to meet his gaze with eyes that were surprising devoid of tears. "Did I say the wrong thing?"

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

She swallowed, closing her eyes briefly as her chest began to ache. "Am I supposed to say _no_ when people ask me if I have other children? Do…do you stop _having_ a child when your child _dies_?"

Mark inhaled sharply, ignoring the clerk's sympathetic stare as she slid their bag across the counter. He grabbed it, tugging on Izzie's hand and leading her out of the store as he fought with his own emotions. _Did_ you stop having a child when you lost one to death? Had he ceased to be a parent when he put his son into the ground?

He cursed when he saw that it had begun to rain as they exited the store, dropping Izzie's hand and passing her the bag. "Hold this. I'm going to get the car." Izzie didn't respond as she watched him dash across the parking lot, his clothes getting soaked in the torrential downpour as he hurriedly unlocked the door of his Toyota Land Cruiser and climbed into the driver's side. Within seconds, he'd pulled the SUV to the curb in front of her and had climbed out, rushing to Izzie with an umbrella trained above their heads.

When they were both settled in their seats, Mark turned on the heater, powering it full blast as they watched fat droplets of rain splatter across the windshield. He made no effort to move the car, focusing instead on regulating his breathing as he turned to study Izzie. She was sitting ramrod straight, her arms folded across her belly as her fingernails dug into the fair skin of her forearms. Her facial expression was nearly blank, her chest rising and falling with each passing breath. "Izzie?"

She didn't turn to look at him, but he knew that she was listening by the way her head cocked slightly to the side. He sighed quietly, his hands tightly gripping the steering wheel between his fingertips. "You…you didn't say the wrong thing. Ben is our child; no matter how many kids we have, we'll always be his parents, too."

She sniffed, but didn't respond to his statement. With a sigh, he shifted the car into drive and drove slowly across the parking lot, the only sound in the car being the churning of the heater and the soft hum of the radio. He braked at the edge of the parking lot, eyeing the road cautiously through the rain.

Izzie angled her head, watching his face as it was occasionally lit by headlights passing down the road. Her hand moved, finding its way onto his forearm that was resting on the corner of the console. As her fingertips lightly stroked his rough skin, he turned to look at her, surprised when she offered him a small smile. "I think he _would_ be excited, but I think he would've been a little bit jealous, too. He was so used to having all of our attention."

It took him a moment to realize that she was addressing his comment to Marley Bradford about Ben being excited to be an older brother. He returned her smile, nodding as he swallowed against the ache in his throat. "Yeah, I think you're right about that," he quietly answered as he edged into the road.

She turned away to look out her window, her eyes not registering the stores and restaurants they passed as he drove through the bustling section of Seattle. Instead, she thought about her son, envisioning him being led into the delivery room as she and Mark held their new babies. She could almost hear Ben's blissful giggle, her mind's picture vivid as she imagined him holding the tiny infants for the first time, his rosy cheeks glowing as his dimples puckered with his grin.

But just as quickly, the image was lost, and she was left envisioning herself and Mark holding their new infants alone in the room, both of them agonizingly aware that Ben is painfully absent.


	32. Chapter 32

Addison felt like a queen as she gazed at herself in the floor length mirror. Her fiery locks were a great contrast to the ivory floor length gown, the strapless sheath silhouette showcasing her slim figure. She smiled slightly as her fingers ran along the silky satin covering her body, her eyes dancing as she gazed at herself in her wedding gown.

She turned around slowly, her eyes rising to meet the gazes of her friends as they stood behind her. She looked down the line they'd formed, her eyes first connecting with Callie's, then Meredith's, and finally Izzie's, looking at each of them questioningly. "Well?"

"You look incredible," Callie answered immediately.

Meredith nodded in agreement. "That dress is perfect; I love it."

When Addison's gaze connected with Izzie's, Izzie sniffed, wiping at the moisture welling in the corners of her eyes. "It _is_ perfect," she agreed, grinning foolishly through her tears. "I think it was smart of you to go with ivory. No one would have bought that pure virginal act if you'd tried to wear white."

Addison chuckled good-naturedly as she turned around again, unable to resist the temptation to stare at herself once more. "Do you think Alex will like it?"

Callie smirked. "I'm sure he'll be more focused on getting it _off_ of you."

"That's true," Izzie remarked.

Meredith rolled her eyes, shifting Jack to her other shoulder. "I think he'll love it."

Addison grinned at the thought of Alex seeing her in the dress for the first time just moments before they would become husband and wife. "I think he will, too," she said quietly, her eyes catching sight of the bridal boutique's owner wheeling in a garment rack filled with burgundy gowns. She turned around quickly, stepping away from the mirror so that she could survey the dresses that she had picked out the previous week.

"These are ours?" Meredith asked, moving to stand beside Addison.

The owner of the bridal shop smiled proudly at the gowns, nodding her head as Izzie and Callie walked over to join them. "Yes, these are the bridesmaids' dresses. Find your size and try it on in the dressing area, and we can alter it to better fit your figure if we need to."

"Oh, what a shame," Izzie remarked dryly, sifting through the row of identical gowns. "It looks like they don't carry size gargantuan here."

Addison frowned at her as Meredith and Callie plucked their sizes from the rack and walked toward the fitting rooms. "They're going to order the dress in a maternity size after they take your measurements. Stop griping."

Izzie's arms folded across her chest irritably as she and Addison sat on the plush couch while they waited for their friends. Addison lifted Jack from his infant carrier, cradling him to her chest. "This little guy looks more and more like Derek everyday."

Izzie nodded agreeably, her irritation forgotten as she leaned toward Addison, stroking the soft skin of Jack's cheek with her thumb. "He really does. I can't believe he's almost three months old. I feel like he was born last _week_."

Addison laughed. "I know, it's crazy how time flies. I feel like it was just yesterday when I delivered Samuel and…"

Izzie smiled reassuringly when Addison cut herself off, a guilty expression marring her face. "It's okay; today's a good day. I can talk about him today," she told her, covering Addison's hand with her own.

Addison sighed. "I wish _every_ day could be a good day for you," she remarked quietly, her eyes connecting with Izzie's.

Izzie smiled at her, shaking her head faintly. "I doubt that's going to happen anytime soon, but it _is_ getting better. Now stop being such a downer," she declared, trying to lighten the mood. "This day is about _you_. Well, at least for another thirty minutes or so, and then it's going to be about me and my uterus."

Addison squeezed Izzie's hand slightly, the corners of her mouth lifting as Izzie referred to the prenatal appointment she had scheduled for this afternoon. "Well, I better savor my moment while it lasts, then," she remarked as Meredith and Callie walked out of the fitting rooms at the same time.

"I love it," Callie announced, rotating around to showcase the dress for Izzie and Addison. "The color's perfect for a December wedding. Very holiday-ish."

Izzie snorted. "Yeah, too bad my belly's going to look like a freaking Christmas ornament. Are you sure you want me standing up there? It's so sad to think that your wedding photos are going to be ruined with McChubby standing beside you."

"That's exactly why I want you up there, Izzie. You'll make me look better," Addison said dryly, smiling devilishly as her eyes turned to Meredith. "What do you think, Mer?"

"It's perfect." Meredith turned around to look at herself in the mirror, her eyes sparkling appreciatively as she observed herself sheathed in the floor-length satin gown. She couldn't take her eyes off the woman staring back at her, and she realized that this was the first time since Jack was born that she felt attractive. "Do you think I can take this home and wear it to seduce my husband?"

Addison's face scrunched up in disapproval. "Definitely _not_."

Meredith grinned, her gaze finding her reflection in the mirror once again. "Well, maybe after the wedding then."

Addison, Callie, and Izzie simultaneously reached for their bags at the sounding of a pager. "It's mine," Callie announced, frowning when she saw the orthopedic ward's number displayed on the screen. "I have to go."

Addison shrugged. "That's okay; we should be going, as well," she remarked to Izzie.

Meredith frowned, sighing dramatically. "Well, I guess I'll just go home then. _All_ alone. I'll just try to forget that the only person I have to talk to all day is less than two feet tall and has _no_ idea what I'm saying."

Izzie smiled sympathetically. "When's your maternity leave over?"

"In a couple of weeks. Derek and I are discussing child care now, but when I say _discussing_, I actually mean fighting over. He thinks Jack should go to the hospital's daycare, but as a child who was practically _raised_ by those daycare workers, I'm dead set against it. I'll win, of course, but it's really obnoxious that he's fighting with me about it."

"I have the phone number of a really great babysitting agency at home," Izzie offered, taking Jack from Addison's arms and watching the other three women disappear into the fitting area to remove their dresses.

"That'd be great," Meredith said through the dressing room door. "It'd be wonderful if we could find someone by next week. Our anniversary's on Wednesday, so it'd be nice to have someone to watch Jack for a few hours."

"Oooh, Mark and I can do it," Izzie offered immediately, grinning down at the baby in her arms. "Want to come over to my house?" Jack grinned as Izzie's face contorted with excitement, blowing tiny bubbles from his mouth as he cooed eagerly. "Jack thinks it's a stellar idea," she remarked loudly.

Meredith laughed as she exited the dressing room wearing jeans and a sweater with her dress draped across her arm. "Well I might have to take you up on that."

"What are you guys doing to celebrate?" Addison asked as she emerged from her own dressing room.

"I have no idea. Derek hasn't even mentioned it, actually. He better be planning something good."

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When she arrived at the hospital, Izzie found Mark chatting with Derek by the coffee cart in the lobby. She grinned at her husband as she approached them, wrapping her arms around Mark's waist and leaning into his body. "Hi," she said, her eyes meeting his momentarily before her lips settled against his in a brief, yet tender kiss.

He smiled at her warmly as they pulled apart, his thumb running along the contour of her jaw bone. "Hi," he repeated. "How was the bridal thing?"

"Fine," she answered absentmindedly, her fingers lacing through his as she continued to smile at him.

Derek lifted his eyebrows impatiently. "Um, _hi_, Izzie," he interjected, attempting to end their starry-eyed moment when they seemed to forget he was standing beside them.

Izzie and Mark turned to him with sheepish expressions. "Sorry, Derek; I don't mean to interrupt your coffee date with my husband, but Mark and I have an appointment with Addison in a few minutes."

Derek nodded knowingly. "Oh right. Mark told me you guys get to learn the genders of the twins today."

Izzie's eyes narrowed as she turned to look at Mark. "Oh, did he really?"

Mark smirked at her as she attempted to look intimidating. "I didn't say we were _going _to find out. I just said that we _could_ if we want to. I'm perfectly fine waiting until they're born; _I_ love surprises."

"Well…_good_."

"Good."

She scowled at him as he continued to smirk at her, and she turned away to look at Derek. "What are you doing next week?"

He looked at her with confusion. "What?"

"What are you _doing_ next week?"

"What am I doing?"

"Yes, Derek, what are you doing?"

"Well, I'll be working, paying some bills, maybe playing a little golf if I can squeeze Mark away from you for a few hours, perhaps I'll take Jack on a walk, I need to go-"

"Derek," Izzie said warningly.

He grinned at her. "Oh, you mean what am I doing for Meredith on our anniversary? Yeah, I'm not telling you that."

She frowned. "Why not?" Her frown deepened as he looked at her incredulously. "Fine, don't tell me. I just hope you don't do something stupid like buy her a fishing pole or new surgical cap."

Derek was laughing as she dragged Mark away, pulling him toward the elevators that would take them to the maternity floor. "Do you know what he's doing for Meredith on their anniversary?" she asked him as they walked into the exam room Addison would be meeting them in.

"Yep."

She huffed when he didn't elaborate, stripping her clothes off and replacing them with a hospital gown. "And?"

"And what?"

"And what are they doing?"

"What are they doing for what?"

Her eyes narrowed irritably. "_Mark!_"

"_Izzie_!" he mocked playfully.

She pouted, her lower lip protruding childishly. "Fine, I don't really care anyway."

Mark grinned. "Fine."

Izzie rolled her eyes as Addison walked in. "Hello," Addison said breezily, still in high spirits after her visit to the bridal shop.

She worked quickly to gather the necessary information from Izzie, asking her questions about how she was feeling physically and emotionally, and whether she'd begun to experience any movement from the babies. She seemed satisfied with the answers Izzie was providing, smiling as she made various notes on her chart. "Alright, now for your favorite part."

Izzie sighed as she stood up, walking grudgingly over to the scale. She turned sharply to Mark when she saw him following her, pointing her finger at him. "Stay back," she warned.

He grinned, holding his hands up in surrender as he halted. "_Somebody's_ in a testy mood today."

She glared at him, sending him a final look of warning as she hopped on the scale, keeping her eyes closed as Addison moved the weight across the bar. "You're weight's right on target, Izzie."

Izzie was about to comment when she felt Mark standing beside her, staring at the scale with humorous eyes. He let out a whistle as he looked at her teasingly, causing her to groan as she stepped off the scale. "I hate you," she muttered.

"You _love_ me," he countered with a grin, following Izzie and Addison over to the exam table.

Addison rolled her eyes as they bantered back and forth, making several notes on Izzie's chart before silencing them with a look. "Ready for the ultrasound?"

Izzie and Mark nodded simultaneously, and Addison lifted the hem of Izzie's gown above her stomach, squirting the ultrasound gel onto her skin. As she began moving the Doppler across her belly, an image of Izzie's uterus appeared on the monitor, obviously showcasing the two fetuses. Izzie quickly looked away, eyeing Mark carefully from the corner of her eye. "We don't want to know the genders," she explained to Addison.

Addison's eyebrows lifted skeptically, and she looked briefly to Mark. When he simply shrugged, she glanced back down to Izzie. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Addison nodded agreeably, looking back at the screen. She moved the Doppler around, trying to get several views of the fetuses. "The babies look great," she commented.

Izzie smiled, glancing up at Mark, but she frowned when she saw him looking beyond her. "Mark!"

He glanced away from Addison, looking down at Izzie defensively. "What?"

"I saw you! You were looking at the monitor. You were trying to find out the sexes!"

He rolled his eyes. "I was not. I was looking at Addison."

"Don't lie to me. Now you know what we're having and I don't."

"Izzie, I don't know. I swear I didn't look."

"Yes you did. I saw you."

"Izzie, I didn't lo-"

"Well now _I_ have to look. If you know, I have to know, too."

"Izzie, I swear I wasn't looking at the monitor. I have no idea-"

"I can't believe you did that," she commented irritably, turning to glance at the screen.

"Izzie, I swear to you, I did _not_ look at the damn monitor. I have no idea what the babies' genders are."

But she didn't listen to his claim, instead focusing on the monitor as her eyes studied the image. A slow smile crept to her face, her heart skipping a beat as she took in the tiny bodies inhabiting her womb.

"Do you see it, Iz?" Addison asked, knowing Izzie was searching for the genders of her children.

Izzie's gaze didn't waver from the screen as tears of happiness filled her eyes. "Yeah, I see it," she whispered.

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Mwhahaha…wouldn't you like to know the genders? Hmmm…too bad. Maybe I'll think about it. :D


	33. Chapter 33

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Meredith grinned as she halted in the threshold of the kitchen, folding her arms across her chest as she leaned against the doorway to watch her husband and son. Derek was standing at the counter with a box of muesli in his hand, staring at Jack with a serious expression as he explained the health benefits of a well-balanced breakfast. The baby gurgled contentedly in the infant swing placed in the corner of the kitchen, his feet kicking excitedly as he slobbered on his fist, seemingly uninterested in Derek's advice.

"I'm telling you, kid, muesli's the key. It'll help keep you sharp and fit, and let's face it, those rolls covering your legs might be cute now, but a few years down the road? Not so much."

She suppressed a laugh as she walked further into the kitchen, making her presence known as she uttered a good morning. Jack turned quickly at the sound of her voice, grinning excitedly as his eyes connected with her face. She smiled at him as his arms flailed eagerly, walking to the swing and kissing him lightly on the forehead. She winced slightly as his chubby fingers grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked. "Ow, Jack," she said with a laugh, gently unwrapping his fingers from her locks.

"Looks like someone inherited your tiny ineffectual fists."

She rolled her eyes as she walked away from the swing, moving past Derek and grabbing a fistful of his hair, giving it a teasing tug. "They're _not_ ineffectual."

He grinned at her, watching her walk to the refrigerator and take out a box of leftover pizza. "You can't have that for breakfast," he admonished, shaking his head playfully.

She looked at him pointedly as she dropped the box on the counter next to his bowl of muesli. "Watch me," she said with a grin, the hem of her Dartmouth t-shirt rising high on her thighs as she placed her hands on her hips.

He smiled at her challenging tone, his eyebrows rising as he walked closer to her with a determined expression on his face. Meredith bit her lip in anticipation, allowing him to back her up against the counter. He pinned her body with his, his arms settling on either side of her so that she was unable to move more than a few inches. "Have I told you how _unbelievably_ sexy you look this morning, Dr. Shepherd?" he asked, breakfast suddenly forgotten as his own breathing became slightly labored when her nipples puckered through the thin grey cotton of her t-shirt.

She smirked, her head tilting backwards as his lips sought out the hollow of her neck. "No, I don't believe you have, Dr. Shepherd."

He placed a light kiss at the base of her throat before moving upwards, his lips traveling higher and higher until they were pressed against her ear. "Well, you look simply delectable; a far better breakfast than the one that I had planned."

She giggled as he promptly hoisted her onto the countertop, the granite slab cold against her bare thighs. "Is that so?"

He spread her legs apart, stepping between them as his hands gripped the edge of her t-shirt and lifted it above her head. "Oh yeah."

She shivered, unsure if the response was a result of the chill of the kitchen or from the desire suddenly coursing through her bloodstream. His hands were burning a path up and down her body, leaving her skin tingling and her body trembling with want. "Well, I was kind of hoping for a slice of cold pizza, myself."

He laughed as he brought his lips to hers, his tongue lightly tracing the contours of her mouth. Her eyes fluttered shut as her legs gripped his waist, her ankles locking against his lower back. Within seconds, his shirt had joined hers on the cold tiles of the kitchen floor and her hands were rising upwards, her fingers running through the tufts of hair on his chest as his own hands tested the weight of her breasts.

At the sound of an infant babble second later, Meredith's eyes popped open, her body going rigid beneath Derek's hands. "Oh my god; what are we doing?" she asked frantically, her eyes connecting with Jack's as he giggled in his infant swing a few feet away.

"Well, I was _about _to make love to my wife," Derek muttered, sighing as she pushed him away and slid down from the counter.

Meredith quickly grabbed her shirt from the floor, unconcerned when she slipped it on inside-out as she looked fleetingly at the baby, who was grinning as he stared at her and Derek. Her cheeks reddened as she looked back at her husband, shaking her head gently. "What kind of parents are we? We almost _did it_ in front of our child!"

Derek chuckled as she stood flustered in front of him. "Meredith, he has no idea what's going on. Calm down."

"Calm down? Derek, we might've scarred our son for life! How would _you_ have felt if you'd had to see your dad trying to _mount_ your mother on the kitchen table? Christ Derek!"

"Mer-"

"We've probably just destined him to be obsessed with sex forever. I mean, he caught his first glimpse of semi-pornography at three months old! He's going to be a playboy, Derek; he's…he's going to be a manwhore. Oh crap! He's going to be Mark! We're going to have a little Mark Sloan running around our house! Shit, shit, _shit_!"

Derek was unable to stifle his laughter as she ran her hands through her hair worryingly. "Meredith, he's never going to remember this. It'll be fine; I promise you."

She glared at him as he laughed at her anxiety. "I'll remind you that you said that when we find condoms in his room when he's like…like _ten_ years old!"

He laughed again as she stomped out of the room, shaking his head lightly as he looked at his gurgling son. "I think it's safe to say that your mom's gone a little insane."

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Alex pursed his lips as his eyes scanned the screen of his laptop. "What do you think about Jamaica?"

Addison shrugged, looking up from the New York Times as she took a sip of her coffee. "I don't know; I've never been there before."

"It looks nice. Very, uh, tropical."

She narrowed her eyes at her fiancé. "Well, yeah, I _have_ heard that about the Caribbean."

He nodded distractedly, his eyes not leaving the screen. "I think we may have found a winner. Ocho Rios, Jamaica was voted one of the top honeymoon spots in the world."

She stood up from the kitchen table, moving to stand behind him so that she could peer over his shoulder at the screen. She rolled her eyes, standing up straighter and pushing playfully against his shoulder. "Alex Karev!"

He looked up at her with a grin. "_What_?"

"I'm _not_ honeymooning at a nude beach, so you can forget about Ocho Rios."

He looked at the screen briefly before glancing back at Addison. "Oh, is this a nude beach? I didn't realize."

She rolled her eyes again, shaking her head as she walked back over to her seat and picked up her newspaper. "Well, if the hundreds of breasts visible in the promotional pictures didn't tip you off, you should have at least realized it when you clicked on _Best Nude Beaches_."

Alex looked sheepishly at her before returning his focus to the computer screen. "I'll try to be more observant."

Addison laughed. "I can't believe you."

He glanced at her, trying his best to keep his expression innocent. "I'm just trying to find an interesting place for us to go."

"And that's the best you could come up with?"

Alex shrugged, smirking at her playfully. "Hey, I thought that sounded pretty damn entertaining."

She cocked her head to the side, raising her eyebrows as a smirk fell upon her face. "Fine, let's go then. I'm not shy. I'm sure there _will_ be plenty of entertaining things for me to look at."

Alex snorted. "Alright, so Ocho Rios it is."

"_And_, I'm sure that there'll be plenty of people there that will find _me_ entertaining to look at."

He narrowed his eyes, the humor in his face suddenly hardening at the thought. "You know what? I actually read something about Tahiti being a great honeymoon spot. Maybe I should check that out before we make any final decisions."

She smiled, raising her New York Times nonchalantly. "Okay, whatever you think, Alex."

He chuckled as he navigated the internet, trying to search for honeymoon packages that didn't involve Addison being on display in front of lusty men. "That was very well played, by the way."

Her grin widened as she set the newspaper back onto the table. "Well thank you."

Alex smiled at her as she stood up, walking around the table and plopping herself in his lap. "We don't need to go to a nude beach, Alex," she told him, raising her eyebrows at him playfully.

"No?"

"Nope," she answered, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I can promise that I'll provide _plenty _of entertainment for you. In fact, you might not even be able to handle it."

He smirked at her. "Well, I'm certainly up for the challenge."

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Izzie opened the door of Ben's room, ignoring the thin layer of dust that was covering the surface of the furniture as she walked across the floor. Her fingers ran lightly across the comforter of his bed, smoothing the non-existent wrinkles as she looked wistfully at the small space where her son had slept night after night.

"_Tonight you get to sleep in your new bed," Izzie told her two and a half year old son, grinning at him as she combed the blond hair that was still damp from his bath._

"_My big boy bed?"_

_Izzie smiled, leaning forward and kissing the top of his head. "Yep."_

"'_Cause I'm too big for my crib?"_

_Izzie nodded, fighting the tears as they walked from the bathroom to the threshold of Ben's room. "That's right."_

_Ben grinned proudly, running from the doorway toward the new mahogany twin bed, his tiny hands gripping the comforter as he tried to pull himself to the top of the mattress. Izzie laughed as his muscles strained, walking over to stand behind him._

"_Want some help, baby?"_

"_No way, Mommy! I can do it all by myself," Ben insisted._

_Izzie pursed her lips, watching helplessly as her son worked to lift himself onto the bed. He was resting his stomach against the mattress, his legs flailing below him as he tried to pull the rest of his body upwards. Izzie had to keep herself from rushing forward, fighting the urge to lift him up and place him on the bed._

_It wasn't long before Ben twisted his head around, glancing at his mother with a frustrated expression. "Help me, Mommy! I can't do it."_

_Izzie laughed, nodding her head as she stepped forward to give her son a boost. "You'll be able to get up there by yourself when you get bigger."_

"_How much bigger?"_

"_Um, just a little bit."_

"_When I'm as big as Daddy?"_

_Izzie smiled. "You don't have to be that tall. You'll be able to do it before then."_

"_Oh. When I'm as tall as Dr. Bailey?"_

"_Even before that," Izzie said with a laugh. "You just need to grow a few inches."_

_"How big's an inch?"_

_Izzie smiled, using her fingers to show her son the size of an inch. "About this big."_

"_Oh. How do I grow them?"_

"_Well, you have to eat all of your vegetables and you have to get lots and lots and lots of sleep," Izzie said with a wide grin, leaning forward and covering his face with kisses._

_Ben giggled as her long hair tickled his cheeks. "How much sleep, Mommy?" Ben asked between his laughter._

"_Um, ten or eleven hours every night."_

_Ben's eyes went wide. "How long's that?"_

_Izzie tilted her head to the side, smoothing down a few locks of his hair that were beginning to curl on the top of his head. "It's not that long," she assured him as Mark walked into the bedroom with a sippy cup of water in hand. _

"_You sleepy, kiddo?" he asked._

_Ben nodded. "Yep, I need to grow some inches." He grabbed his bear tightly between his hands as he slipped below the pale blue sheets, and then he looked up at Izzie, his brown eyes wide. "Can you snuggle with me?" _

"_Of course I can," she acquiesced, climbing into the bed as she stole a storybook from the nightstand._

"_And you, too, Daddy," Ben told Mark, giving him the same irresistible look._

_Mark grinned at him, nodding as he climbed into the bed so that he and Izzie were surrounding their son. Ben's head immediately nestled into the crook of Izzie's arm, his little hands resting against Mark's chest as Izzie opened the cover of the book and began to read. _

_By the end of the third page, Mark nudged her, grinning as he nodded down at Ben, who was already asleep. Izzie smiled at the image of her son, his rosy lips slightly parted as he breathed deeply in slumber. "I can't believe he's already old enough for a bed," Izzie whispered, closing her eyes briefly. "He's growing up too fast."_

_Mark grinned at her emotions as his fingers lightly stroked Ben's hair. "Yeah, before you know it, he'll be starting school, and then he'll be finding a girlfriend and getting his driver's license-"_

_Izzie shook her head at his teasing. "Stop it," she whined quietly, angling her head so she could get a better look at Ben. "I don't want him to grow up. If I could have it my way, he'd be two years old forever."_

"Hey."

Izzie jumped, startled out of her reverie as her eyes darted to the doorway. She met Mark's gaze, her expression almost guilty as she sprang to her feet from where she had sat perched on Ben's bed. "Hey."

"What're you doing in here?"

She glanced away from him, her eyes flitting around the room, settling briefly on a growth chart hung on the wall that was destined to always remain marked at thirty-eight inches. "Just looking, I guess."

Mark's eyes narrowed as he walked into the room, moving to stand beside her after setting his coffee mug on the dresser. "Oh, okay."

They were quiet as they looked around the now sparsely decorated space, most of Ben's belongings having been packed up and placed in the attic. All that was left in the once blissfully chaotic room were a few pieces of furniture, a couple of framed photographs of Ben with Mark and Izzie, and the small, ratty teddy bear that Ben had never gone anywhere without. Izzie sighed, tearing her eyes away from the childish object so that she could face her husband. "It's kind of weird being in here, don't you think? I mean, it's weird being in here with it still _looking_ like this."

Izzie frowned when Mark stared at her blankly, picking up the teddy bear that remained propped up against a pillow. "It's like it's still his room, but it's _not_ his room at the same time. Some of his stuff is still here, but it doesn't _feel_ the same; it feels empty."

Izzie swallowed her tears, sitting back down on the bed as she looked at the now empty floor space where toys used to be lined. She sighed, her head falling to Mark's shoulder as he joined her. "I think we need to finish cleaning out this room, Mark. I don't like walking passed a closed door every day; I don't like feeling afraid to come in here. We can't move on if it always looks like _this, _like _his_ room, and I don't want us to be those crazy parents who still can't let go fifty years after their child's gone."

Mark nodded, offering her a sad smile. "I'll see if Derek will help me move the furniture out this weekend."

Her eyes looked away from him as she glanced around the space again, seemingly trying to memorize what was left of Ben's bedroom. "Okay."

Mark's hand fell to Izzie's knee, squeezing it comfortingly as he kissed the top of her head. "Maybe…maybe we should think about using this room as a nursery."

Izzie's head flew from his shoulder, her eyes wide as she looked at him. "What?"

"It's just an idea, Iz," he rushed to say, seeing the somewhat panicked look on her face. "We don't have to; I was just thinking that since it's bigger than the other two bedrooms, and since it's the closest room to ours, it might be a good choice."

Izzie swallowed, nodding her head slowly as she listened to his reasoning. "I guess that's true."

He smiled at her sadly, standing up from the bed and walking to the wall. "We could put both cribs over here, and maybe a rocking chair in between them. And over there," he told her, pointing to the wall across the room, "we could put a changing table."

She stood up, her hesitation over the idea fading. "You've thought about this before today."

He didn't bother to deny her assumption. "It would make a lot of sense to put them in here, but…but we don't have to if you don't want to."

Izzie smiled, appreciating his thoughtfulness as she looked around the room. She sighed, allowing her mind to imagine what the room would look life if they decided to use it as a nursery. When her eyes finally connected with Mark's expectant face, she offered him a smile, her hands rising to cover her belly. "It would be cute painted pink, don't you think?"

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**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! You guys are amazing! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint. Sorry it took me so long to get it up; I've been so busy, and I'm definitely finding it harder to make time to write as much as I did this summer. I'm hoping to have at least one chapter up every week, though.**


	34. Chapter 34

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Derek was adjusting his tie in the downstairs bathroom of his home when he heard the chime of the doorbell, so he walked quickly to the foyer, swinging the front door open. On the other side of the threshold, Izzie and Mark were standing inches apart, bickering playfully. Derek smirked when they didn't even notice him open the door. "Uh, helloooo."

Izzie looked away from Mark, grinning at Derek as she grabbed her husband's hand and pulled him into the house. "Happy anniversary," she told Derek, kissing him on the cheek as she passed through the threshold.

Mark smirked at him. "Yeah, you look sexy, Shep."

Derek ignored him, smiling at Izzie. "Thank you. And thanks for offering to watch Jack tonight."

Mark held up his hand. "Uh, just for the record, _I_ never actually _offered_. My services were volunteered in my absence."

Izzie rolled her eyes, elbowing him in the chest. "We're happy to do it, Derek. Where _is_ Jack?"

"He's asleep in the nursery, but he'll probably be waking up soon."

Izzie nodded, following Mark and Derek as they went into the living room and sat on the couch. "Is Meredith still getting ready?"

"Yep, she's upstairs," Derek told her, crossing his leg as he leaned into the couch cushion. "She better be down soon or we're going to miss the ferry."

Izzie beamed, looking at him wistfully. "You two are going to have an amazing time. It's going to be so romantic."

Derek studied her for a moment before looking irritability at Mark. "I told you not to tell anyone about tonight."

With a grin, Mark shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, but she's much more persuasive than you are, buddy."

Izzie nodded proudly. "Yeah, apparently I put a better offer on the table than you did. But don't worry, Derek, I swear I didn't tell anyone. Well, no one who matters."

Derek laughed. "Well that's comforting."

Mark looked at Derek curiously as he slipped off his shoes. "Hey, what are you doing this weekend? I could use your help with something for an hour or two if you're not busy."

The smile on Izzie's face fell as she swallowed nervously, shifting uncomfortably in her seat when she realized Mark was asking Derek to help him move the furniture out of Ben's room. She cleared her throat, rising to her feet before Derek had a chance to answer. "I'm going to go check on Meredith."

She smiled at both of them before leaving the room, her eyes lingering briefly on Mark's to let him know that, though she didn't want to be there for Derek's inevitably sympathetic response, she was okay. She exited the room quickly, climbing the stairs and peaking into Jack's nursery when she reached the top of the landing. Over the railing of the crib, Izzie could see Jack slumbering peacefully in the softly lit room that she had slept in as an intern. She smiled at the sight, and then quietly closed the door behind her as she continued on to the master bedroom down the hall.

Izzie paused in the doorway, watching Meredith as she applied a burgundy stain to her lips, blotting them together as she inspected her reflection. She smiled slightly in satisfaction, tousling her hair purposefully. Izzie nodded approvingly, surveying the outfit Meredith had chosen.

"Ooh, nice C.D.M. shoes, Mer."

Meredith turned away from the mirror, smiling at Izzie as she walked in the master bedroom. "Huh?"

Izzie grinned, plopping herself on the bed. "You know, 'Come Do Me' shoes."

"_Izzie_!" Meredith laughed, looking down at the black leather sling backs she hadn't worn in nearly a year. She giggled, shrugging her shoulders when she realized that it _was_ a suitable name for the strappy heels. "Well, I guess that _is_ what I'm going for."

"Well mission accomplished; you look hot," Izzie told her with a smirk, nodding her head for emphasis as she glanced at Meredith's figure-hugging black cocktail dress that accentuated the postnatal voluptuousness that seemed to linger in all the right places. "I like those new curves. It's a very nice look for you."

Meredith smiled, her eyes scanning her body as she registered the feminine curves she'd acquired with her pregnancy. "Yeah, you better watch out. I might give you a run for you money."

Izzie snorted. "You wish."

With a grin on her face, Meredith moved to stand in front of Izzie. "Can you zip my dress?"

Leaning forward, Izzie easily fastened the zipper. "You really _do_ look beautiful. You and Derek are going to have a great time tonight."

Meredith raised her eyebrows as she sat down next to Izzie on the bed. "Do you know what he has planned?"

The only reply Izzie gave her was a futilely muttered, "Nope," and a knowing grin that betrayed her response.

Meredith rolled her eyes, shaking her head slightly. "You're such a bad liar."

Izzie laughed, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. "Yeah, you're right; I totally know what you're doing tonight."

With a sigh, Meredith crossed her legs, leaning back onto the bed. "Well don't tell me; I'm actually excited for the surprise. I feel like my life is so…so _predictable_ lately," she confided with a frown. "I'm not saying that I'm not happy or anything, I just feel like Derek and I are in kind of a rut. All we ever do is take care of the baby, and talk about the baby, and just _stare_ at the baby. And of course I love that; I love Jack, and I'm happy the way my life is going, but I really need a few hours that can be about _just_ Derek and me." She sighed again, looking sheepishly at Izzie. "I know that I sound so selfish right now."

Izzie shook her head, smiling. "You don't sound selfish at all. _Every_ parent feels that way at one point or another. Don't be so hard on yourself. You and Derek just need to go out and have a great time."

Meredith nodded, a small smile stretching across her lips as she stood to her feet. "I really appreciate you and Mark coming over here to baby-sit."

"Oh don't worry about it; it's not a problem. Plus, now you'll owe me, and I'm definitely planning on cashing in the favor when the girls are born."

Meredith's eyes widened at Izzie's statement, and she turned to her with a giant smile on her face. "Girls? You're having girls?"

With a laugh, Izzie nodded, her own smile matching Meredith's. "Yeah, we found out a few days ago."

Meredith beamed as she pulled her into a hug. "Oh, congratulations! This is so great; there's way too much testosterone in the world as it is."

Izzie giggled. "_Seriously_."

When they separated, they immediately noticed their husbands standing in the doorway. "Oh, don't stop now," Mark teased. "I'm totally into the girl-on-girl image."

Izzie groaned, rolling her eyes at Meredith. "Can you believe I have to live with that _every _day?"

"I don't know how you do it," Meredith laughed, turning to Derek. "I'm ready to go; sorry I took so long."

Derek simply gazed at her, his eyes roaming her body before meeting her eyes. "It was definitely worth the wait. You look amazing."

Meredith could feel her cheeks heating as her husband continued to stare at her, completely enthralled. "Okay, well I guess we should go."

Derek broke out of his entrancement, nodding as they all left the room in the direction of the stairs, but they halted as Jack's cries alerted them that he was awake. Meredith frowned, looking apologetically at Derek. "I should get him," she said, already moving toward the door.

"No way; we'll take care of it, Mer," Izzie told her, steering Meredith's shoulders away from the nursery as Mark disappeared inside the room to take care of the baby. "You guys just _go_; have fun. Enjoy your night off."

Meredith smiled nervously, growing slightly flustered at the prospect of leaving Jack alone for such a long amount of time. "Okay, well, uh, he'll be hungry now, so there's a bottle of breast milk in the refrigerator. If he gets fussy, there're pacifiers in the basket on his changing table. Oh, and he'll be ready to eat again in about three hours, and there're extra bottles in the freezer. When you're ready to defrost one, all you have to do is-"

"Meredith, I know how to defrost breast milk."

Meredith nodded. "Right, of course. Well, okay, I guess…I guess that's it. If you need us-"

"We won't."

"Well, _just in case_, we'll both have our cell phones and we'll just be-"

"God, Meredith, just _go_ already," Izzie said with a grin.

Meredith sighed, nodding in surrender. "Okay, well, um, we'll see you in a little while."

Izzie smiled, waving at them as she watched them descend the stairs and disappear from sight. When she heard them shut the front door behind them, she turned around and entered the nursery. She grinned when she saw Mark standing over the changing table, expertly changing Jack's diaper as the baby looked up at him with wide eyes.

"-and your room is pretty historic, kid. This is where I first got to _know_ your Aunt Izzie, if you know what I mean. Let me just tell you, a lot of magic happened in here."

Izzie groaned, shaking her head. "Mark Sloan, I seriously don't know what to do with you sometimes."

Mark smiled sweetly as he turned around, Jack tucked in the crook of his arm. He surprised her when he planted a nearly chaste kiss on her cheek, but he ruined his image of purity as he passed her, muttering suggestively, "I'm always up for offering suggestions."

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Alex was sitting in between Cristina and George at the Emerald City Bar, nursing his beer as he glanced anxiously at the door every so often. Beside him, Cristina was complaining about the newest interns, one in particular who she claimed to be the bane of her existence.

"She's obnoxious, self-righteous and completely arrogant."

George smirked at Alex, both of them humored by Cristina's description. "Yeah, she's pretty terrible."

"Her sarcasm makes me want to vomit," Cristina added with disdain.

George nodded, tilting his Heineken toward his lips. "It _is_ pretty irritating."

"And she's a total kiss up to anyone around her who can help her get ahead."

Alex rolled his eyes, unable to listen to her complaints any longer. "You get that she's _you_, right? She's like your clone; you know, a little mini-Yang."

Cristina huffed. "She is _not_."

"Whatever, dude."

George shrugged when Cristina looked at him for support. "Hey, don't look at me."

A huff escaped Cristina's lips as she leaned back in her chair. "See, this is why I need Meredith. She would totally back me up here, unlike you whiny bitches who can't tell your asses from your elbows."

George sulked, obviously offended. "I can _too_ tell the difference between my ass and elbow," he muttered to himself.

Cristina rolled her eyes. "God, I've _got_ to find new friends."

Alex laughed, signaling to Joe that he needed a new drink before glancing fleetingly at the door of the bar. When he turned back around, Cristina and George were staring bemusedly at him. "What's going on, Evil Spawn? Why do you keep looking at the door?"

Alex shrugged casually, nodding his thanks to Joe as he accepted his new beer. "I'm just waiting for Addison."

Cristina lifted her eyebrows, snorting sardonically. "You look like a school girl, Karev. Montgomery's totally got you whipped."

Alex scowled at her. "Fuck off, Yang; I'm not _whipped_. I just haven't seen her a lot recently. We've both been working, and tonight's our first night off together in four days."

George grinned. "Oh, someone's gonna get some action tonight."

Alex looked at George incredulously, shaking his head. "Dude, stop."

"Sorry," George said immediately, the smile falling from his face.

When the bell over the door chimed, Alex turned around quickly, grinning when he saw Addison standing in the threshold as she scanned the bar for her fiancé. She smiled when their eyes connected, shrugging her arms out of her out of her knee-length coat as she began to walk towards him. Alex immediately stood up, his beer forgotten as he watched her walk across the bar.

Cristina groaned when she saw the foolish expression on his face. "God, you're such a pathetic excuse for a man."

His eyes never leaving Addison, Alex muttered in reply, "I'll make sure to use you as a role model next time, Crack Whore."

Cristina shook her head as Alex walked away, meeting Addison in the middle of the room. George looked at her with a grinning face. "Looks like it's just you and me."

Cristina groaned, her face falling into her hands.

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Meredith didn't know what to expect of the night as she and Derek stood at the rail of the ferryboat, their arms wrapped around one another as their hair whipped in the cold night air. Meredith snuggled deeper into Derek's arms, her body warmed by his suit jacket draped across her shoulders and by his body heat radiating through the layers of her clothes.

"Are you cold?" he whispered in her ear, the puff of his breath tickling her skin.

She closed her eyes, her head falling lightly against his chin. "No, I'm perfect."

He nodded, his arms tightening around her as he tried in vain to pull her closer to his body, but her back was already pressed completely against his chest. "_God_, I love you, Meredith."

He had said the words at least a thousand times over the years, yet as they crossed his lips in that moment, her heart skipped a beat as though it was the first time he'd ever said them. She inhaled deeply, the cold air burning her throat as she twisted in his arms, her hands clasping around his neck as she pulled his head down to hers.

The first touch of their lips was soft, a light dance as her mouth captured his lower lip, but as the seconds stretched on, the passion grew until he was leaning her against the rail of the ferry, his hand bracing her head as he ravished her mouth. She moaned against him, her hips shifting just enough to make him groan with desire.

It wasn't until they heard the start of the vehicle ignitions around them that they realized the ferryboat had docked and they had to return to their car. Meredith giggled, surprised that they'd let themselves get so wrapped up in the moment that they hadn't even noticed the firm halt of the boat stopping in the ferry slip. When she felt Derek's hand slip into hers, she looked up and met his eyes, smiling sensuously as she leaned forward, placing one last kiss on his lips as they walked to their vehicle. "I love you, Derek," she whispered softly, her eyes dancing as he smiled down at her.

Derek not only refused to tell her where they were going as he steered the car off the ferry, but he insisted that she wear a blindfold, handing her a black silk scarf. Although Meredith frowned at him, complaining about having to wear the garment, she was secretly thrilled by the effort he was making, her heart racing with excitement as she wondered what he husband was up to.

Though she knew in reality the drive was no more than fifteen minutes, she could have sworn the minutes had multiplied, time seemingly extending as Derek's free hand lightly stroked her forearm over the console between them. She could hear the hum of the car's motor as they whipped down the road, her anticipation growing with each passing second. "Are we almost there?" Meredith asked quietly, sounding almost childish as her expectation grew.

Derek grinned, his eyes never wavering from the road. "Almost."

Meredith's breath caught in her throat when the car finally came to a stop. She smiled in spite of her blindness, pursing her lips as her other senses strained for a clue as to where they were. "Can I take off the blindfold?"

"Not yet."

She sighed impatiently as she heard Derek get out of the car, and seconds later she felt the cold whoosh of air as he opened her door, his hand wrapping around her upper arm as he helped her out of her seat. She swung her legs out of the car, frowning as her feet encountered the soft earth, the heels of her sling backs sinking into the ground as she stood in the curiously quiet space. The oddity of the atmosphere only intensified her curiosity, and she had to swallow the urge to whip the blindfold off of her face. "Can I take it off _now_?"

He smiled, knowing how much the suspense was killing her. With torturing slowness, he raised his hands to the back of her head, his fingers carefully untying the knot that had bound the scarf over her eyes. "Happy anniversary," he whispered against her hair, slipping the silk away from her face.

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dim light. Her eyes blinked as she looked around, registering the familiar and the unfamiliar all in the same swoop. She knew without a doubt where she was, the years spent in this very place having ingrained the small details into her memory, but there was an undeniable difference that made her eyes widen in surprise.

"It's…it's a house. You built a house where the trailer used to be."

Derek chuckled at her astonishment, his arms wrapping around her waist as they looked at the house in the dimness of moonlight coupled with the porch lanterns that had been left burning in anticipation of their arrival. "I did; I built you a house. Well, I built all of us a house. It's not for us to live in - I know you like being closer to the hospital – but we can come up here on the weekends and maybe some holidays. We can bring Jack up here, and when he's older I can teach him things like how to fish and how to identify the stars."

Meredith looked at him with a laughing expression. "You don't know anything about astronomy."

He grinned sheepishly. "I can learn."

She let out a breath, turning back to the house as her eyes drank in the beautiful features of the two-story home. She laughed blissfully, thoroughly surprised by the gesture. "When did you do this?"

Derek shrugged, returning her smile. "I've had the contractors working on it for a few months, but I wanted it to be a surprise. This is exactly what I'd always hoped to do when I first bought this land. To build a house for us; for my family."

She smiled, narrowing her eyes as she gazed at him in the darkness. "You didn't even _know_ me when you bought this land."

"But I knew there was someone out there who I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I knew there was a woman out there who was perfect for me, who could make me happy like no one else could. I just didn't know that she was you until the night we met."

Meredith closed her eyes, leaning into him as his words washed over her. Her arms slipped around his neck, pulling him against her body. "Take me inside," she whispered against his ear.

Wordlessly, he took her hand, tugging gently as they walked up the front steps. She laughed lightly as he scooped her into his arms after opening the door of the house, carrying her across the threshold and setting her down in the entryway. Her eyes scanned the expansive two-story living room, which seemed massive as it stood empty except for an array of glowing white candles that littered the floor, bathing the room in a gleaming light that caused shadows to dance on the walls.

She leaned into Derek when she felt him come up behind her, his hands rising to her shoulders. "Sorry it's not furnished yet, but I thought you might want a say in what we put in here."

She smiled leisurely, her head turning so she could look into his face. "Is there a bed?"

He grinned. "Actually, I _did_ take the liberty of handling that detail."

She turned all the way around, her hand rising to loosen the knot of his tie. "Well then I think we'll manage."

He surprised her when his hand covered hers, pulling her arms away from his chest and positioning them by her side. "It's not your turn," he whispered, walking around her body so that he was standing behind her. He lifted her hair, pushing it over her shoulder as his fingers wrapped around the tiny zipper of her dress. He inched it down, placing light kisses on her spine as he exposed the creamy skin. "You don't get to lift a finger until I'm done with you."

He smiled in satisfaction when she shivered, her dress falling around her ankles seconds later. With his hands on her shoulders, he turned her around slowly, not bothering with subtly as his eyes lingered over every part of her body. When his eyes finally connected with hers, he smiled, brushing a fallen curl behind her ear. "Happy anniversary, Meredith."

She swallowed, her eyes fluttering closed as his hands lifted to her body. "Happy anniversary, Derek," she whispered.

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**I hope you guys enjoyed it. I have a really, really, **_**really**_** busy week next week, so I can't promise that I'll be updating. I'm going to try especially hard, though :-)**


	35. Chapter 35

The end of the week came quickly, the busyness of life preventing Izzie from dwelling on the fact that the task of clearing out the remainder of Ben's room was looming ahead. She awoke gradually on Saturday morning, sighing in contentment at the feel of Mark's warm skin pressing against her thinly covered back. She felt him shifting closer to her, his arms encircling her waist as one of his legs settled on top of hers. She smiled, her hands landing on top of his as their fingers entwined. "Good morning."

"Morning." The husky reply was muttered tiredly as his cheek settled against her shoulder, and within seconds he was back asleep. She listened to his breaths becoming deep and even, his chest rising and falling against her spine. Sighing, she settled against his body as her eyelids slowly fluttered shut.

When she awakened nearly two hours later, the phone was shrilling loudly on her nightstand. She felt Mark move behind her, groaning in irritation. "Who the hell is calling at this hour?"

"It's actually almost ten o'clock," Izzie told him, stretching her body as she reached for the phone.

She picked it up, pulling the device to her ear without even bothering to check the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Hey," Addison greeted, her voice cheerful.

Behind Izzie, Mark nudged her, asking who was on the phone. " _Addison_," she whispered before turning her attention back to the call. "What's going on?"

"Nothing really; Alex and I just got back from breakfast. We went to that little bakery you told me about."

Izzie was only half listening to Addison, her attention already becoming diverted as Mark's hand traveled up her body, kneading her breasts through the cotton of one of his old college t-shirts. She lightly elbowed him in the chest as she tried to shift her body out of his grasp, but she was already on the edge of the bed, leaving her little room for her to move away from him. She sighed, trying to ignore him as she focused on the conversation. "Oh really? Wasn't it great?"

"Yeah, it was amazing; some of the best food I've had in awhile," she answered, pausing briefly before continuing with her thoughts. "So, um, I have a question for you."

Izzie swallowed as Mark's mouth began lightly sucking at the skin on the back of her neck, his hands continuing their massage on her breasts. "Um, what?"

"I said 'I have a question for you,'" Addison repeated, laughing softly at Izzie's absentmindedness. "What are you _doing_?"

As a shiver went through Izzie's body, she nearly groaned, her hands covering Mark's and pushing them away from her breasts. Covering the mouthpiece of the phone, she told him, "_Stop_ it; I can't think straight when you do that."

Mark smirked, one of his hands coming to rest on her hip as she continued her conversation with Addison.

Izzie cleared her throat. "Uh, what am I doing? Not much, really. Mark and I are actually still lying in bed." Izzie could swear she could practically _hear_ Addison's eyes rolling through the phone line. "We slept a lot later than I thought we would."

"Well, I hope I didn't interrupt anything," Addison commented, her voiced laced with humor.

Izzie's eyes shut at the feel of Mark's hand sliding from her hipbone to the crest between her legs, pushing the t-shirt around her hips in the process. "Um no, you're not interrupting anything."

"Good, well I was just calling because I had a couple of drinks with Derek last night after work, and he mentioned that he was coming over to your house today to help Mark move furniture out of Ben's room."

At the serious turn of the conversation, Izzie clamped her legs shut, trapping Mark's hand between her thighs and effectively stilling his teasing fingers. "Um, yeah, he is."

"Well, do you think they'd like some help? I know Alex would be happy to give them a hand, and then you, Meredith and I could go grab lunch downtown while they work; maybe even go shopping for the babies in those cute boutiques by the waterfront."

Izzie knew Addison well enough to know exactly what she was doing; she was trying to get her out of the house, trying to lure her away from what was happening in Ben's room with the promise of overly priced infant apparel. "That's okay, Ad. I think I'm going to hang around here today. Maybe we can do that next week."

Sitting in the den of her apartment with her feet propped on Alex's lap, Addison frowned. "But just think of all the cute little dresses we can buy."

Izzie might've thought about it if she could've thought at all, but the way in which Mark had freed his hand from her thighs, now using it to hold her leg up just high enough to slip inside of her, had left her mind strangely blank. She couldn't stop the gasp of surprise at the feel of him pushing into her body, her eyes closing as sensations began to wash over her. "Um, yeah, I…uh…dresses are cute."

Addison pursed her lips. "Right, so you want to go then?"

Izzie used every ounce of her ability to focus on keeping her voice even. "Go where?"

"Go _shopping_," Addison answered with exasperation. "What're you _doing_? Are you paying attention to me?"

It was all Izzie could do not to whimper into the phone. "Yeah, yeah, of course I'm paying attention."

The corners of Addison's lips curled downward. "So do you want to go? I can call Meredith and tell about our plans."

Izzie had the sudden urge to kill Mark for virtually rendering her without the ability to think. "Um, Addison, I really would rather stay here today."

Addison was about to try another angle of approach when she heard a masculine groan on the other end of the line. Her eyes widened, her jaw dropping several inches as she strained her ears to listen. "_Izzie_!"

Izzie's focus sharpened at the shocked tone of Addison's voice. "Huh? What?"

"Are you having _sex_ while you're talking to me on the phone?" Addison asked, exchanging a look with Alex as his ears suddenly perked with interest.

Izzie's face reddened at the thought of being caught. "No! Of course not!"

Addison frowned. "Yes you _are_! I can _hear _you!"

Izzie wracked her brain for a reasonable response, but nothing was coming forth as Mark continued to slide in and out of her with deep, even strokes. "Addison, I wouldn't-"

"Of course you would!" Addison interrupted, her eyes rolling toward the ceiling. "You're married to _Mark_!"

Izzie wondered briefly if she should be insulted by the comment, but her body was so tightly coiled with desire, she suddenly didn't care. "Look, we can have the freaking lunch and the cute dress shopping and whatever else."

"_Izzie-_"

"I'll see you around noon, okay?"

"Izzie Sloan! I-"

But whatever Addison was saying fell upon deaf ears as Izzie promptly shut off the phone, letting it fall limply to the floor as Mark gripped her hips tightly while bringing their midmorning romp to an electrifying finish.

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Izzie's eyes were wide, her face animated as she spoke. "He built her a _house_, Addison. A _house_!"

Addison shook her head in amazement, a smile playing on the corners of her lips. "God, when we were married, I was lucky if I got a freaking pair of _earrings_ on our anniversary."

Izzie smirked, but her eyes remained wistful as she continued to recount what she had witnessed on the night of Meredith and Derek's anniversary. "Oh, and you should have seen them when they got back-"

Meredith rolled her eyes, swallowing a bite of her salad as the three of them sat in the casual downtown restaurant. "Could you two stop talking about me like I'm not here?"

Izzie ignored her request, grinning as she finished her thought. "-They were all giggly and touchy-feely like a couple of newlyweds."

Addison smiled, turning her head to look at Meredith. "Was the house that great?"

Meredith grinned sheepishly, her eyes dropping her plate. "To be honest, I didn't have a chance to get a thorough look at the house."

"Typical," Izzie muttered, chuckling as the waiter deposited their bill in the middle of the table.

"Seriously, Izzie?" Addison said laughingly. "_You're _one to talk."

Izzie rolled her eyes before looking pointedly at Addison. "Shut it."

Addison smirked, turning to Meredith. "Izzie and Mark had sex this morning while she was talking to me on the phone."

Izzie huffed, her cheeks flushing as her arms folded across her chest. "We did _not_."

Meredith giggled, enjoying watching Izzie squirm in her seat. "Oh, you embarrassed her, Addison."

Izzie pursed her lips together. "How'd this suddenly become about _me_? We were just talking about _Meredith_." As the other women laughed lightly at her expense whilst reaching for their wallets, Izzie shook her head. "No, I'll get it."

Addison shook her head. "I'm not going to let you buy my lunch, Izzie. It was my idea to come here in the first place."

"Well consider it a thank you to the two of you for dragging Alex and Derek to my house to help Mark move the furniture."

Addison smiled gently, covering Izzie's hand with her own. "They wanted to help, Izzie."

"Yeah, they did," Meredith agreed, nodding in accord. "You know we'd all do anything for the two of you."

Izzie swallowed, her throat suddenly thick with emotion. Offering them a small smile, she sniffed to hold back the fresh wave of tears filling her eyes. "I know you would."

After the bill was paid and the three of them had walked out of the café, Addison grinned, trying to lighten the mood as she glanced down each side of the street. "Well, I just happen to know of several stores where we can do some serious damage to our bank accounts."

Meredith smirked. "What a _surprise_."

The afternoon was spent touring boutiques, most of which were filled with beautiful children's clothing and nursery décor. Within a span of only a couple of hours, Izzie had purchased far more than she had planned, her arms loaded with bags filled with tiny outfits and toys for her daughters. When they finally walked through the side door of Mark and Izzie's house, Izzie turned to Addison warningly. "It I get in trouble for this, I'm blaming it all on you."

As soon as they were inside, their bags were placed by the door and Meredith was saying that she wanted to go check on Jack. They found him on the floor in Ben's room, his back against a plush blanket as he stared transfixed at a colorful mobile that Derek had placed over his head. Meredith smiled at him, picking him up as he gurgled excitedly.

In the doorway, Izzie had paused, her breath caught in her throat as she stared at the now empty room. It suddenly seemed bigger, the absence of furniture seemingly extending the walls. Beside her, Addison placed her hand on Izzie's arm. "Are you okay?"

Izzie took in a shuddering breath, pressing her lips tightly together as she nodded her head slowly. She walked through the threshold, not knowing exactly how she was supposed to feel at the sight of the room. In her mind, she could replay a thousand memories in this very space, but as she looked around the empty room, it was hard to believe that it had once been the backdrop to such happy moments.

Her eyes peered back at the doorway when she heard footsteps resounding down the hallway, and moments later, she saw her husband, Derek and Alex appear beside Addison. Mark offered her a smile, walking into the room and taking her hand in his. "We didn't hear you guys come in. We were putting the bed frame in the attic."

Izzie nodded, squeezing his hand as she looked at Alex and Derek. "Thanks for coming over today. I'm sure there are a lot of other things you would've liked to do on a Saturday afternoon."

Alex shrugged, smiling as he walked forward and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Nothing really springs to mind," he commented, offering her a friendly grin.

She returned his smile before looking at her husband. "I can't believe how different it looks in here."

He nodded, his eyes stinging while they scanned the empty space. "I know," he agreed, his throat uncharacteristically thick with emotion.

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Izzie sighed as she fell into her bed, cuddling her body against Mark's. "I'm exhausted."

His arms immediately enveloped her into his grasp, rising to her shoulders and pulling her tighter against his chest. He smiled when he felt the light flutter of her belly against his, one of their daughters moving within her. "Looks like _someone's_ not."

Izzie grinned, her fingers moving to press gently against the side of her stomach, trying in vain to soothe her child. "I think she's trying to do _acrobatics_ in there."

Mark laughed. "Are you going to be able to sleep?"

She sighed, closing her eyes as she rested her face against his bare shoulder. "Not until _she _does."

Izzie realized, though, that her daughter must have immediately fallen asleep, because the next time she opened her eyes, the clock read 5:46 a.m. She yawned, turning onto her side and frowning when she saw the other half of the bed empty. "Mark?"

The outline of his body appeared in the doorway of the bathroom moments later, the darkness of the room shadowing his features. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered.

"It's alright," she replied, equally as quiet as she sat up on her elbows. "What're you doing up?"

"The hospital paged me. I have to go in for an emergency surgery."

She frowned, lowering herself back onto the mattress as she wondered what kind of plastic surgery would be construed as emergent. "Oh; I didn't even hear the page."

He walked towards her, leaning down and placing a kiss on her forehead. "Go back to sleep. I'll be back later."

"Okay," she whispered, closing her eyes as he walked out of the room.

Izzie sighed, trying to make herself comfortable. She tossed and turned, but no matter which way she settled her body, she couldn't find an acceptable position. She looked fleetingly at Mark's empty side of the bed, running her hand over the sheets and finding them already cool. Surprised, she angled her head toward the nightstand to see how much time had passed since he left, and she was shocked to see that it was already 7:12.

Knowing that she wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep, Izzie resigned herself to getting out of bed. She propped herself on her elbows, trying to push her body upwards, but she froze when her abdomen was attacked by a painful cramp. She nearly cried out, her hand flying to her belly as the excruciating sensation caused nausea to boil in her esophagus.

Taking deep breaths, she forced herself remain calm, knowing she needed to call Addison or Alex. She swallowed through the pain, throwing the comforter off of her body as she compelled her body into sitting position.

Her breath caught in her throat as she stared at the bed, tears welling in her eyes before slipping down her face. "No," she whispered. "No, no, _no!" _

A thin sheen of sweat broke out on her forehead, her heart thudding violently in her chest. She could feel bile rising in her throat, but she was unable to move as she stared hypnotically at the blood staining the white sheet between her legs.


	36. Chapter 36

Mark's expression was worrisome as he watched silent tears stream down Izzie's cheeks. Her face was pale, her body unmoving as soft, heartbreaking whimpers escaped through her lips. His hand slowly moved to her face, his fingers gently wiping away the moist droplets before they had a chance to seep into the pillow beneath her head. "Izzie," he whispered, brushing a sweat laden curl from her forehead.

Her only response was a quiet sob, the distressing sound causing Mark to cringe as she turned her head away from his caress. "Izzie, please," he said, his voice exhibiting his exhaustion as his fingers gripped her shoulder.

At his touch, her body jerked, her eyes opening wide as her pupils darted around the room. Her breathing sounded heavy, short gasps of air going in and out of her mouth. When her eyes finally met Mark's, they were filled with panic, her chin quivering as she struggled to sit up. "Oh my god," she croaked, her voice rising with alarm as another tear spilled over her eyelid.

"Izzie-"

Her face fell at his gentle tone, her eyes filled with sadness as she searched his features. "I don't know what happened, Mark; I'm so sorry…I don't know what I did wrong."

He shook his head in confusion, his hand wrapping more firmly around her shoulder as he helped her sit up. "Iz, what're you talking about? You were just having a bad dream," he murmured, his lips tenderly finding the side of her face as he pulled her body closer to his. "You didn't do anything wrong, baby. You're okay."

Her eyes sharpened at his words, studying his face as if to gage the truthfulness behind his claim. She looked around the room again, seemingly noticing her surroundings for the first time. Another sob escaped her lips as she quietly peeled her body away from him, freeing herself as her hand rushed to switch on the lamp sitting by her bed. They both grimaced at the sudden intrusion of light, but Izzie quickly recovered, throwing back the comforter as she looked down at the stark white sheets below her legs.

Mark frowned, unsure how to react to his wife's alarming behavior. "Izzie, what're you doing? What're you looking for?"

She swallowed through her tears, her heart hammering in her chest as her fingers felt the warm cotton beneath her hands. "It was just a dream," she whispered to herself, her eyelids fluttering shut in relief as she rocked backwards, her body resting against a pile of pillows beneath her back.

Mark brought his hand to her arm, his worry growing as he realized that she was only vaguely aware of his presence beside her. "Izzie, are you okay?"

Her face crumbled at his question, her fingers covering her eyes when she began to tremble with emotion. She leaned against him, allowing herself to be folded into his embrace and he began to gently rub her back. "I just…I just thought that…that there was something wrong," she stammered as her hand came to rest on the swell of her belly, her broken whisper barely loud enough for him to hear. "I thought we lost them…that we lost them, too."

"Oh, Iz," he sighed, closing his eyes as he soothingly rocked her body back and forth. "Honey, there's nothing wrong with the girls; they're okay, alright? They're just fine."

She bit her lower lip lightly between her teeth, trying to suppress the newest sob bubbling just beneath the surface. She eventually let out a sigh, settling closer to him as they lied back against the mattress. They lay silently, both afraid to speak as they stared at the soft glow of the light gleaming on the ceiling. Mark's hand rhythmically rubbed her arm, calmingly caressing her silky skin as he listened to her breathing become increasingly even. He tried to smile at her reassuringly, placing a tender kiss on her brow. "Do you think you can go back to sleep?"

Izzie frowned, the idea of closing her eyes and surrendering to unconsciousness sounding nearly unbearable at that moment. "I…I don't know."

Mark nodded understandingly, making no effort to turn off the light that was still glowing on Izzie's nightstand. He spared a fleeting glance at the alarm clock, suppressing a sigh when he saw that it was nearly three o'clock in the morning. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She sniffed, ignoring the moisture that began to slowly trickle from her eyes once again. "It was just so _real_, Mark," she whispered, gripping his soft t-shirt between her fingertips as her tears soaked through the grey cotton. "Everything was happening so fast. I woke up and they were just…just _gone_. Like with Ben; I just woke up and it was already too late. There was nothing I could do. I just sat there; I couldn't move, but I could _feel_…I could _feel _myself losing them and I…"

She suddenly tensed up, her body going rigid in his arms. Mark glanced down at her, frowning when she stopped speaking. "Izzie?"

"Oh no," she whispered, pulling herself from his grasp as her eyes widened in alarm.

He could feel his own panic surfacing as he watched her face pale to an unnatural colorlessness. "Izzie, what's the matter?"

Her breathing once again became labored as she stared trancelike at the bed. "What if…what if something _is_ wrong? What if the dream was my body's way of telling me that there's something wrong with one of the girls?"

Mark tilted his head to the side, regarding her almost sympathetically as his hand came to rest on her belly. "Izzie, there's nothing wrong with these babies. Every ultrasound you've had has been perfect. You can't let yourself have thoughts like that just because of a _dream_."

Her fearful demeanor remained unchanged, almost as though his words hadn't penetrated her mind. "I need to call Addison," she said quietly, already turning toward the phone.

He sighed, trying to remain patient as he brought his hand to her shoulder. "You can't call Addison right now," he told her, attempting to reason with her as she began to dial the phone number of Alex and Addison's apartment. "It's the middle of the night."

She shook her head irritably, not even trying to hide her sudden flair of anger. "There could be something wrong with our _children_, Mark," she snapped, her voice sounding sharp as the phone began to ring in her ear.

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Alex jolted awake at the shrilling sound coming from his nightstand. He opened his eyes, blinking several times to clear his vision before glancing at the clock next to the bed. He groaned when he saw the time, wanting nothing more than to cover his face with a pillow and drown out the obtrusive sound. Beside him, he could feel Addison shifting as the ringing pulled her into consciousness. She placed her hand on his arm, sitting up just enough to peer over his body at the clock. "Is that the hospital?" she asked, her voice hoarse from being awakened so abruptly.

"I don't know," he answered, already reaching for the telephone. He glanced down at the caller ID, his body immediately tensing when he recognized the number. "It's Mark and Izzie's house."

They simultaneously sat up, both wide awake at the prospect of something being wrong with one of their friends. "Hello?" Alex said into the mouthpiece, holding the phone so that Addison could hear the conversation.

At the sound of Alex's voice, Izzie lost any semblance of composure she had left. She began to softly weep, struggling to get her thoughts out as the phone shook in her trembling hand. "Al- Alex," she said, closing her eyes as she tried in vain to remain composed. "Alex, I think there's…there's something wrong with the babies."

That was all Addison needed to hear. Within a fraction of a second, she was off the bed, racing to the closet and blindly pulling out something to wear to the hospital. She was dimly aware of Alex trying to calm Izzie down as he spoke to her in a soothing voice.

"Izzie, honey, you're not really making sense," Alex said, running his hand tiredly over his face as he joined Addison in the closet, taking a pair of his slacks from a hanger. "Is Mark with you? Can I talk to him?"

Addison was only half listening to Alex's conversation as she dressed in record time, and then she was moving into the bathroom, brushing her teeth and splashing a handful of cool water onto her face. She glanced up when she heard Alex enter the bathroom, their eyes meeting in the reflection of the mirror. She noted the grim expression on his face, the phone hanging limply by his side before he placed the receiver on the bathroom countertop. She frowned at him, turning around so that she was looking him squarely in the eye. "What did Mark say? What's going on? Is Izzie okay? Did she…did she miscarry?"

Alex sighed, picking up his own toothbrush. "She had a dream."

Addison shook her head, positive that she'd heard him wrong. "A _dream_?

Alex nodded. "Mark doesn't know exactly what happened, but he said she woke up thinking that she'd had a miscarriage and now she's convinced that there's actually something wrong with one of the babies." Alex's tone was solemn as he relayed his phone conversation to Addison, unsure what to think about the turn of events. "I told them we would meet them at the hospital to make sure everything's okay."

Addison shook her head. "You don't need to go, Alex. I can go take care of it; you should get some sleep."

He shot her a look of irritation. "Of course I'm going. You may be her doctor, Ad, but she's one of my best friends." Alex cringed as soon as the words left his mouth, almost instantly regretting the biting tone of his voice. Sighing unhappily, he rubbed his tired eyes. "Sorry, this is catching me a little off guard, I guess. I might've expected something like this right after Ben died, but it's been almost _five_ _months_."

Addison shrugged, her hands resting gently on his shoulders as they stared at one another in the mirror. "Five months isn't very long Alex, especially for a parent who's lost a child."

Blowing out a breath of frustration, Alex leaned his arms against the sink, his head hanging low. "I guess you're right. I just…I feel like this is kind of coming out of nowhere."

"She had a hard day. She seemed okay this afternoon, but I know it couldn't have been easy for her seeing Ben's room cleaned out. It had to have dredged up a lot of emotions and fears that she doesn't usually allow herself to think about."

Alex nodded, wiping his face on a hand towel by the sink before turning around to face Addison. He offered her a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes, pulling her into his arms. "I just hope that she isn't right about the twins. She and Mark can't handle another blow like that right now."

They left the apartment a few minutes later. The drive to the hospital was quiet, neither needing to speak for them to know that they were both consumed with worry over Izzie and her pregnancy. When they exited the elevator on the maternity floor of Seattle Grace, Addison moved immediately to where Olivia was sitting behind the nurses' station, Alex close on her heels. Olivia smiled at them, standing up from her chair. "Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Karev."

Addison returned her smile, scanning the halls briefly before meeting her gaze. "Are Mark and Izzie Sloan here?"

Olivia frowned. "Yeah, they're in the first exam room on the right. Is Izzie okay? They didn't tell me what was going on."

Alex and Addison both remained silent, ignoring the nurse's nosiness when they each failed to come up with a diplomatic answer. "Thanks, Olivia," Addison replied, taking Alex's hand in hers as they walked toward Izzie's exam room.

They found her already lying on an exam table wearing an overly large t-shirt that belonged to Mark and a pair of old grey sweatpants. Mark was beside her, his head resting against her shoulder as he whispered soothing words that weren't entirely clear to the couple standing in the doorway. Addison cringed in sympathy for her friends, her heart aching for what Izzie and Mark must be going through.

Behind her, Alex shut the door softly, the click of the doorknob gaining Mark and Izzie's attention. Izzie's eyes were wide as she stared at them anxiously, sitting up on her elbows so that she could look at them more easily. "I'm sorry for making you come so late, but I…I just…"

Addison smiled reassuringly when Izzie trailed off, walking with Alex to the exam table. "It's fine, Izzie. I'd rather come here at three o'clock in the morning than have you up all night worrying about something you don't need to be worrying about."

Izzie nodded, attempting to return Addison's smile despite the tears filling her eyes. She turned her gaze to Alex as he walked toward her, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around her shoulders. "Everything's going to be okay, Iz."

His eyes closed as he felt Izzie's arms wrap around him, her trembling chin resting against his shoulder. He knew that, as a doctor, he had no right to offer a patient any kind of promises, but the moment he walked into that room, he knew that he wouldn't be able to act strictly as a doctor treating a patient. The way Izzie's body was trembling against the sterile exam table, the way her teeth were beginning to lightly chatter as fear overtook her body, was enough to break his heart.

After checking Izzie's vitals, Alex backed away from the table, stepping aside so that Addison could move the ultrasound equipment closer to the bed. "Izzie, have you felt any cramping recently? Have you had any bleeding or back pain?"

Izzie frowned, shaking her head. "No, I haven't."

Addison nodded as she turned on the machine, lifting the t-shirt over Izzie's belly and squirting the cool ultrasound gel onto her skin. They all held their breaths as Addison placed the transducer on Izzie's abdomen, moving it around until a picture of her uterus filled the screen. Addison smiled as the picture became more clear, the sound of a heartbeat filling the room. "There's Twin A," she said, studying the picture before pointing to the screen. "Look at that; she's sucking her thumb."

Izzie smiled slightly at the sight, a soft laugh escaping through her aching throat. The noise sounded strained as her voice shook with emotion, a fresh wave of tears filling her eyes. "And she's okay? Everything looks normal?"

Addison nodded, her eyes never leaving the screen. "She looks great."

Mark smiled down at his wife, running his hand lightly over her hair before looking back at Addison and Alex. "And the other one?"

Moving the transducer around, Addison's eyes scanned the monitor. She didn't have to look at Izzie to sense the panic that was growing within her as Addison searched the screen, Izzie's body visibly tensing as the silence in the room stretched on. "Addison?" she whispered, her voice quivering.

Addison's shoulders relaxed almost immediately, a smile crossing her face as she looked at Izzie. "There she is; there's Twin B. She's hiding behind her sister."

Relief flooded through Izzie as she stared at the monitor, her other daughter finally in plain view as the sound of her heartbeat filled the room. Addison's free hand found Izzie's arm, gripping her gently in a reassuring embrace. "Izzie, she's fine. Both of your daughters look perfect."

Izzie blew out a breath, glancing up at Mark. She could see everyone in the room staring at her expectantly, seemingly waiting for her reaction to the news of her daughters' health. She swallowed, her head falling back onto the pillow as she stared at the ceiling. "I think I, um, I want to have an amniocentesis."

Addison pressed her lips tightly together, looking first at Mark and then at Alex, before finally glancing back down at Izzie with a sympathetic expression. "You don't need to have an amniocentesis, Iz. That test is used primarily on women who are at risk for genetic or chromosomal problems, and you don't carry that risk. Your history indicates no need for you to have an amnio."

"I don't _care_," Izzie responded, unable to stop the bite of her tone.

Mark sighed, lightly gripping Izzie's shoulder. "Izzie, Addison knows what she's talking about. You need to listen to her."

Izzie shook her head fervently, ignoring Mark's advice. "I need to know that my girls are okay," she said, her shaky voice rising with each word. "I have to do everything I can to make sure that they're healthy. What if there's something wrong that the ultrasound's not picking up?"

Addison nodded, closing her eyes as she tried to approach the increasingly hysterical tone of Izzie's voice in a professional manner. "I understand your thinking, Izzie, I really do, but as your doctor, I don't think that you need to have this procedure. It's invasive, and there's no need to put yourself through it if you don't have to."

Izzie's eyes sharpened, her chest burning as she grew irritated by Addison's lack of understanding. "I would do _anything_ for my children, Addison. Almost any mother would do everything in her power to make sure that her kids are okay. I realize that you don't understand what that's like, but it doesn't matter if you _understand_ because it's_ my _choice to have the procedure."

Alex and Mark both looked sharply at Izzie, their faces revealing the surprise they felt at Izzie's words. "_Izzie_," Mark whispered harshly.

Izzie took a deep breath, already regretting her words as a look of hurt washed over Addison's features. Clamping her mouth shut, she looked away from Addison's face, staring shamefully at the bed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," she whispered.

Addison nodded, using all of her energy to keep her face blank as she avoided Alex's concerned gaze, struggling to keep the sudden rush of tears from spilling down her cheeks. "It's fine."

Izzie closed her eyes against Addison's injured tone. Reaching her hand out, she touched Addison's arm, waiting until her friend locked gazes with her. "It's not fine, Ad. I'm _sorry_. I'm just _so_ scared right now, but I…I shouldn't take it out on you."

Addison was momentarily silent, her eyes searching Izzie's. Finally she offered her a smile, covering Izzie's hand with her own. "I know you're scared, Izzie, but you don't need to be. We can do the amniocentesis if you want to, but your babies are healthy. You can't torture yourself worrying that something might happen to them."

Alex nodded, stepping forward so that he was standing beside his fiancé. "She's right, Iz. You're not doing you or your daughters any favors by stressing out over an imaginary problem."

Izzie frowned, covering her eyes with her hands. "I know you guys think I'm being crazy, that I'm overacting, but I can't let this go. I'm not going to be able to stop worrying about this until I do everything I can to know that my girls are okay."

Addison sighed, pressing her lips together as she watched Mark press a gentle kiss on the top of Izzie's head. Addison looked briefly at Alex, the two of them silently communicating. With a small nod, she eventually turned back to Izzie. "Alright, I'm going to need you to change into a hospital gown."

Within half an hour, Izzie was lying on her back on the exam table, her gown pushed above her belly as a thin blanket covered her lower body. Her arms were placed above her head, her body shivering slightly as Alex cleaned the skin of her abdomen with antiseptic. He looked at Izzie, smiling at her reassuringly as their eyes met. "You know how an amniocentesis works, right? I don't need to explain this to you?"

Izzie smiled nervously, shaking her head as Mark grabbed her hand. "I know how it works. Let's just get it over with."

Mark knelt down, his hand running lightly along the contours of his wife's cheek. "Are you okay? Are you sure you want to do this?"

She sniffed, squeezing his fingers as she brought her lips up to his, brushing a soft caress on his mouth. "I need to do this, Mark," she whispered, sighing as her head hit the pillow. "I'm fine; just stay with me, alright?"

He smiled at her as Addison walked into the room with a medical kit in her hand. Mark rubbed Izzie's arm, suddenly wishing more than anything that he could trade places with her. "Of course I'm staying with you. Where would I go?"

She held onto his fingers more tightly as Addison walked toward the bed, exchanging a look with Alex. "Ready, Izzie?"

Izzie nodded as Alex moved to the ultrasound machine, placing the transducer on her belly. As a picture of her uterus appeared on the screen, Izzie watched Addison pull out a long, hallow needle. "Alex is going to use the ultrasound machine to help me guide the needle into the amniotic sac, okay?"

Again, Izzie nodded, her body unconsciously bracing herself as she watched Addison guide the needle to her abdomen. With painfully slow precision, she guided the needle through Izzie's skin, pushing through her tissue until she punctured the uterus, and finally the amniotic sac.

Izzie cringed as the hallow needle was pushed into her body, a small whimper escaping her lips. She was aware of Mark bending down, his mouth pressed against her ear as he whispered quiet assurances. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore her discomfort as Addison withdrew amniotic fluid before promptly removing the needle from her body.

Addison glanced down at Izzie, offering her an encouraging smile as she deposited the fluid into a testing tube. "You okay, Iz?" When she nodded, Addison looked at Alex across the table, indicating that it was time to move on with the procedure.

Alex moved the transducer over Izzie's belly, careful to avoid the irritated area where the first baby's fluid had been withdrawn. "There's Twin B."

Looking briefly at the monitor before exchanging a look with Izzie, Addison held up a fresh needle. "Are you ready to do this again?"

Izzie swallowed, looking away from the intimidating length of the needle, her eyes landing on her husband's face. She could feel herself somewhat relaxing as she stared into his eyes, his closeness calming her nerves. "I'm ready," she told them, her eyes not wavering from Mark's expression.

Mark tried not to reveal the anxiety he felt as he watched Izzie's face contort, a sharp pain going through her abdomen as the second needle pushed into the other baby's amniotic sac. He could see her body going taut as she fought to remain still, her eyes narrowing.

Alex glanced up, his gaze roaming Izzie's face. "Izzie, are you okay?"

She nodded, still unwilling to take her eyes off her husband. "Yeah, I just…I'm okay."

Alex frowned, looking back at the monitor. "You need to move the needle a little to the left, Addie," he told her, watching the needle move on the monitor as she listened to his instructions.

Izzie pressed her lips together as she felt a pinch of discomfort, easily recognizing the sensation of the fluid being withdrawn from her body. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus her attention on Mark's presence as his face moved closer to hers, his cheek resting against her forehead. "I love you, Mark."

"I love you, too, Iz," he told her, unable to stop himself from inhaling the faint vanilla scent of her hair.

Addison sighed, pulling the second needle carefully out of Izzie's abdomen and depositing the fluid into a second test tube. "That's it, Izzie. We're finished."

Izzie blew out a breath, smiling when Mark placed a kiss on her lips. "You did great," he told her.

Addison smiled at them, handing the test tubes to Alex as he turned off the ultrasound machine. "We're going to take the fluid to the lab for testing; if anything's wrong with your girls that the ultrasound can't pick up, this test should find it."

"How long will it take the test results to come in?" Mark asked, his thumb stroking Izzie's palm.

"It usually takes a couple of weeks," Addison told them, watching Alex leave the room in the direction of the lab. "But I can probably have them back to you in four or five days."

Izzie frowned, the thought of having to wait nearly a week for the results sounding far more torturous than the procedure itself. Sighing she tried to sit up, cringing when her abdomen screamed in protest.

Addison scowled when she saw Izzie trying to move, her hand rising to her shoulder to keep her from sitting up. "I need you to stay here for at least an hour for monitoring."

At the distressed look on his wife's face, Mark offered her a smile. "Everything's going to be fine, Izzie. We've been through too much this year to have something else happen to us."

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Meredith hurried from her car, trying her best to jog through the rain that was pouring from the Seattle skies. Climbing up the front steps of Mark and Izzie's house, she shivered from the cold, frowning down at herself as she looked at her clothes that had been easily soaked in the nearly torrential downpour. With a scowl on her face, she rang the doorbell, rubbing her hands up and down her arms in an attempt to warm herself while she waited for the door to be opened.

Izzie met her at the door, looking exhausted as she stood in the threshold. She was dressed in a pair of maternity yoga pants and a loose fitted t-shirt, her hair piled high on her head. It had been six days since she'd had the amniocentesis and the lab results still hadn't come in. She'd been anxious about the potential outcome for days, finding herself distracted and unable to sleep through the night, and her growing exhaustion was well displayed by the dark circles beneath her eyes and the sallow look of her face.

Meredith smiled sympathetically, holding up a Tupperware container in her hand. "I made you some soup. I thought it might be nice to have on a rainy night like tonight."

Izzie smiled at her, though she was slow to take the plastic jar from Meredith's hand, observing the soup skeptically. Meredith rolled her eyes, thrusting the container into Izzie's hands as she pushed her way into the foyer. "It's from a can, Izzie. I just warmed it up on the stove, okay? It's safe to eat."

Izzie forced out a laugh, shutting the door behind Meredith and following her into the kitchen. "Well, thanks for the gesture," she said, putting the soup in the refrigerator. Joining Meredith at the counter, she smiled at her friend. "Where's Jack?"

"He's at home with Derek. We've just been stuck there all day," she told her, grabbing a freshly baked muffin from a plate in the center of the counter. "We both had today off, but the weather's been so terrible that we haven't been able to do anything."

Izzie nodded knowingly. "Mark's working, but I've been stuck at home all day, too. I feel like I'm just sitting by the phone waiting for Addison to call me with the freaking lab results."

Meredith smiled sadly, leaning her elbows on the table. "I'm sure they'll be in soon, Izzie, and I know everything will be fine." Tilting her head to the side, she studied Izzie's expression. "You look exhausted, Iz. Mark said you haven't been sleeping well."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "_Nice_. My own husband's been gossiping about how crazy I am."

Meredith scowled at her. "He's not gossiping about you. He was just talking to _me_; he's worried about you."

With a sigh, Izzie rested her chin in her hands. "I know."

"Is there anything that I can do for you? I feel like I need to do something to help."

Izzie shrugged. "You don't need to do anything. I'm sure everyone's right; I'm sure I'm worried over nothing, but I just have to know for certain that-"

She stopped speaking when the phone began ringing, her eyes widening as she looked at the screaming receiver sitting across the room. Meredith frowned at her, edging to the corner of her seat. "Do you want me to get it?"

Izzie shook her head, moving swiftly to the phone. Her heartbeat quickened when she recognized Addison's number on the caller ID, her hand immediately flying to the receiver and picking up the device. "Hello?"

Meredith watched intently as Izzie spoke to the caller, her grip on the phone growing increasingly tighter as the conversation stretched on. Occasionally, Izzie would nod her head, her gaze trained on the floor as she mindlessly curled a loose strand of hair around the end of her fingertip.

It was several minutes later when Izzie finally hung up the phone, walking back to the counter as though she were stuck in slow motion. Her eyes locked with Meredith's as she sat down in her seat, her hands gripped tightly together in her lap.

Meredith watched her expectantly, trying to remain patient when Izzie didn't volunteer any information. "Izzie? Was that Addison?"

Izzie lightly bit her bottom lip, nodding her head slowly. "Yeah, she was calling with the amnio results," she told her, a small smile stretching on her lips. "She said everything was fine with both babies."

Just as the words crossed Izzie's mouth, a jolting clap of thunder caused both women to jump, and then the lights abruptly shut off, bathing the room in blackness and leaving the house eerily quiet.

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**Longest. Chapter. Ever. I'm exhausted now. Maybe I'll update sometime next month. But YAY! Next week is the premiere of season four. And a HUGE yay for Katherine Heigl winning an Emmy! I was finally able to appreciate an award's show.**


	37. Chapter 37

Meredith felt blinded as her eyes swept around the blackened room, objects having been reduced to mere shadows in the absence of light. Narrowing her eyes as she struggled to adjust to the darkness, she realized that she could barely make out Izzie's figure sitting only a few feet away. "What the hell just happened?"

Izzie didn't answer her as she slowly stood up, blindly feeling her way around the counter until her hand came in contact with the drawer she was looking for. She quickly produced a flashlight, flicking it on and swiping the beam of light carelessly around the room until it landed on Meredith's face.

She squinted at the intruding flood of light, holding her hand up to block the beam from her eyes. "Hey, _watch_ it."

Izzie smiled sheepishly, apologizing as she walked to the kitchen window and peered outside. There were no signs of light emitting from the windows of her neighbors, the neighborhood bathed in darkness as sheets of rain continued to pound into the ground on the other side of the glass.

"Crap," she muttered, the warmth of her breath producing a small ring of fog on the cold window. "I guess I should call the power company."

Meredith frowned, producing her cell phone from her purse and sliding off of the bar stool. "While you do that, I'm going to call Derek and make sure he and the baby are okay."

Izzie nodded, shining the flashlight on a drawer. "There's another flashlight in there." As Meredith grabbed it and disappeared in the living room, Izzie pulled out the phone book, straining her eyes as she searched for the phone number of the electricity company.

When Meredith reappeared in the kitchen twenty minutes later, she found Izzie sitting at the counter, her lips forming a pout as her chin rested in her palm. "What'd they say?"

Izzie sighed dramatically, folding her arms across her belly. "The power's out in almost half of Seattle. They said it could be almost midnight before they can even get to our neighborhood."

Meredith grimaced at the news. "That sucks," she muttered, taking a seat beside Izzie at the counter. "Well why don't you stay at my house tonight? Derek just told me that we still have electricity."

"Oh really?" Izzie asked, her face brightening somewhat as she stood up from her chair. "Okay, I guess that's a good idea. I'll call Mark and tell him I'm staying with you guys while I pack a bag. I need to tell him about the amnio results anyway."

When she was safely tucked away in the privacy on her bathroom, Izzie balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she rushed to pack her things. She threw various toiletries into a bag that was sitting on her bathroom counter as she moved around the cavernous space, the tiny flashlight resting on the countertop providing the only light in the room. She smiled when she heard Mark's voice emit from the other end of the line, her hands stilling from her packing as she leaned against the wall. "Hey."

Mark paused in the hallway of Seattle Grace, leaning against the nurses' station as he focused on his wife's voice in the midst of the normal hospital chaos continuing around him. "Hey, did you talk to Addison?"

Izzie's hand moved to rest against her abdomen as one of her daughters rolled over within her. "Yeah; she said they're fine, Mark. She said that the girls are perfectly healthy."

Mark smiled, blowing out a nervous breath that he wouldn't admit he'd been holding in. "See, I told you there's nothing to worry about. Do you feel better now?"

Izzie hesitated, chewing on her lower lip as she pondered whether she did actually feel better. "I guess I do. I'm just ready for them to be here, you know? I'm ready to see them and hear them and really _know_ they're okay."

Mark nodded, understanding Izzie's answer. "I know you are, Iz, but we still have three months to go. You can't constantly worry about this; you'll drive yourself insane. Hell, you'll drive _me_ insane."

Izzie laughed, rolling her eyes at his comment. "Your compassionate side never ceases to move me, Mark."

He grinned, shrugging his shoulders as he lowered his eyes to check his beeping pager. "Hey, I have to go. I'm being paged to the ER."

"Oh, okay," Izzie said, pushing away from the wall as she resumed her packing. "Well just so you know, the storm blew out the electricity in our neighborhood, so I'm going to stay at Meredith and Derek's tonight."

Mark frowned as he walked toward the elevators. "You don't need to stay over there; I'm off in half an hour. When I get home, we can light a few candles, maybe get the fire going. I _am_ pretty sexy in the candle light, you know."

Izzie snorted. "Well as tempting as that offer is, being in a house with _heat_ sounds a bit more attractive to me right now."

Mark smirked, lowering his voice as he halted next to Dr. Bailey as they waited for the elevator. "We can make our own heat, Iz. It's called _body friction_."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "I'm hanging up now."

With a laugh, Mark walked into the elevator, motioning to Bailey to press the button for the ER. "Fine; well pack something for me and I'll head over there after work."

"I already did."

"Well, I think you should throw in a few candles just in case."

Mark grinned at the subsequent _click_ of Izzie hanging up the phone. Closing his own phone and placing it in his coat pocket, he turned to Bailey and shrugged. "She _wants_ me."

Bailey rolled her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief. "Nasty, _nasty_."

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Meredith and Izzie stared at Meredith's Jeep through the hammering rain, the short trip from Izzie's porch to Meredith's car suddenly seeming enormous. With a shrug, Meredith grabbed the small duffle bag from Izzie's hand, unlocking the doors of her SUV with her keyless remote so that the headlights flooded the darkness with twin beams of light. "I guess we should just make a run for it."

Izzie wavered, suddenly feeling lightheaded as she stared at Meredith's car. "Maybe, uh, maybe we should wait until the rain lets up a bit."

Meredith shook her head, furrowing her brow as she stared at Izzie. "No, it's not going to tonight. The weather's supposed to stay like this until morning."

Izzie frowned, flinching at the piercing clap of thunder emitting in the distance. Closing her eyes briefly, she nodded her head, taking in a shaky breath as she watched Meredith open an umbrella and run from the porch to the driver's door of her Jeep.

"Izzie, come on!"

Swallowing through the quickly forming lump in her throat, Izzie squared her shoulders, opening up her own umbrella and bracing herself against the winds of the storm. Muttering a quick prayer, she rushed down the porch steps, ignoring the icy rain as it pounded sideways onto her face, biting at her cheeks and staining her hair with moisture.

She was panting when she finally slammed the passenger door behind her, her eyes staring blankly out the window as she fought to catch her breath. Meredith frowned at her, placing her hand on Izzie's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, trying to force out a smile. "I'm fine."

Pursing her lips together, Meredith's eyes darted to the windshield as rain pelted against the glass. "Iz, we can stay here for a while if you want to, but the rain's not going to get any better tonight."

Izzie shrugged. "It's fine, Meredith. Let's just go."

With a nod, Meredith turned on the car, blasting the heater on full power to fight off the biting November chill as she backed the car out of the driveway. Izzie's trembling hand grasped the handle above the door, her shoulders braced as her body radiated tension.

Meredith frowned as she drove down the road, her eyes quickly darting to Izzie so that she could see the outline of her body illuminated by the glow of a car. Izzie's knuckles were nearly white as she tightly clamped her fingers around the handle, her face just as colorless as she stared wide-eyed out the windshield. With a sigh, Meredith turned on her hazard lights, slowing the car down in an attempt to ease Izzie's nervousness. "Izzie, I know the rain's pretty intense, but we have storms in Seattle all the-"

Meredith paused, pressing her lips tightly together as a feeling of dread assaulted her belly. With a sigh, she tightened her grip on the steering wheel, her heart beat quickening as she suddenly recognized the onset of Izzie anxiety. "Oh, right. It's not the rain, is it? You're not worried about the rain."

Izzie swallowed, unable to take her eyes off the road as she shook her head. "No, it's not the rain," she whispered, her answer nearly drowned out by the sound of liquid pellets pounding against the car.

Meredith sniffed, letting silence fill the air. She continued driving at a slow pace, her concentration keen as she forced herself not to look at Izzie. She paused at an intersection that had been deprived of electricity, the traffic lights sitting uselessly as Meredith's eyes carefully scanned the road for oncoming traffic. She lightly drummed her fingers against the steering wheel, trying to ignore the tension that was quickly saturating the car.

As they sat at the intersection, Izzie forced her fingers to unwrap from the handle above the door, her hands clamping together on top of her knees. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice almost inaudible as her eyes fell to her hands resting on her lap.

Meredith took in a breath, sparing a quick glance at Izzie. Having seen no traffic coming, she moved the car forward, shaking her head gently. "What do you have to be sorry for, Izzie?" Meredith asked, her voice sounding strained as each word crossed her lips. "The last time I drove you somewhere, your son died. I think you have a right to be nervous."

Izzie absently nodded, nearly oblivious to the numb feeling settling into her hands as she continued to squeeze them in her lap. Again, silence flooded the car, the pulsating sound of rain hitting the metal of the Jeep being the only noise they were aware of.

Izzie's shoulders began to relax when they finally saw the turnoff to the Shepherd's street. She started to smile a bit at her own anxiety, compelling herself to unclamp her hands, but as Meredith began to press her foot against the brake, the rear wheels of the car lost traction with the road, causing the back tires to skew sideways as the car hydroplaned. Izzie inhaled sharply at the unmistakable feeling of the car's tires losing their grip on the pavement, her eyes darting to Meredith as a rush of panic overtook her body.

Meredith's hands squeezed more tightly around the steering wheel as tension filled her shoulders, her heartbeat drumming loudly in her chest as she fought the urge to press her foot against the brake. "Shit," she muttered, the expletive flying from her mouth as she forced herself not to move the steering wheel.

It the span of only thirteen seconds, Meredith was left wondering whether she would ever see Derek and Jack again, whether she would ever see her friends again, whether she would be the cause of Izzie losing her yet _another_ child. Her pulse was throbbing, tears springing to her eyes as she listened to the whoosh of water spinning in the tires.

And then, just as quickly, she could feel the car naturally slowing down, the back tires finding the concrete once again.

Within seconds, she had pulled the SUV to the side of the road, the Jeep parked just yards away from the turnoff for Meredith and Derek's street. Izzie turned her head, training her eyes on Meredith's face. In the dimness, she could see just well enough to realize that Meredith's body was trembling with anxiety, her lips quivering as she took in short, ragged breaths. Izzie leaned over, placing her hand on top of Meredith's, gently squeezing her fingers. "Mer, are you okay?"

A short, strained laugh escaped Meredith's mouth as she offered Izzie a wobbly smile. "I was about to ask _you_ that."

Izzie let out a shaky laugh, pressing her body against her seat, her eyes aimed on the roof of the car. "Well, to be honest with you, I'm feeling a little stressed at the moment."

Meredith grinned, nodding in agreement as she took a deep breath before easing back onto the road. As she turned the car into her neighborhood, the ringing of a cell phone caused both women to jolt. Izzie rolled her eyes at her own nerves, leaning forward and pulling her cell phone from her purse. "It's Addison," she told Meredith as she flipped it open and pressed it against her ear. "Hey Ad."

"Hey," Addison said as she walked into the den of her apartment bathed in candle light, settling on the couch next to Alex as he opened up his blanket so that she could press herself against him. "Our electricity's out. Can we stay at your house tonight? Our apartment's already _freezing_."

Izzie frowned. "Ours is out, too, actually. We're staying at Meredith and Derek's tonight."

"Oh," Addison mumbled, laying her head against Alex's shoulder. "Well I guess we can get a hotel room."

Izzie frowned as Meredith parked her car in the driveway. "You don't need to go to a hotel, Addison. Why don't you guys just come over here?"

Meredith rolled her eyes, looking pointedly at Izzie and holding her hand out for the phone. When she had it pressed against her ear, she said, "Addison, you guys will _not_ get a hotel room tonight. That's stupid."

Addison laughed. "But it's going to be so crowded over there."

Meredith shrugged. "I don't mind if you don't."

Addison sighed, her fingers absently running up and down Alex's chest. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Meredith told her.

Addison shrugged at Alex, who nodded in agreement as Meredith's question echoed through the phone. "Alright, we'll be there in about half an hour, I guess."

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Izzie walked down the stairs donning a loose fitting t-shirt and a pair of Hello Kitty maternity sleep pants, her hair, still damp from her shower, hanging loosely against her back. She smiled when she walked into the kitchen, finding Meredith and Alex sitting at the table while Addison and Derek worked to prepare dinner at the counter. "Hey, when did you guys get here?"

Alex smiled at her as she sat down beside him, shifting Jack to his other shoulder. "About fifteen minutes ago," he told her, leaning back in his seat as his eyes scanned over her ever-growing belly. "Jeez, Iz; it's only been a week since I've seen you. What are you _feeding_ those kids?"

Izzie glared at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "Shut up, Alex."

He grinned, shrugging his shoulders. "Sorry; I guess I'm a little irritable," he said, staring at her pointedly. "I went to put our suitcases upstairs and I saw that s_omeone_ had stolen my room."

"Well excuse me, but _someone_ stole mine first," she retorted, her laughing eyes flashing to Jack.

Alex's jaw fell open teasingly as he pulled Jack up, his lips pressed closely to the baby's ear. "You hear that, Jack? You're Aunt Izzie's trying to blame everything on you. What do you think about _that_?"

Addison laughed, chopping lettuce and placing handfuls into a salad bowl. "Alex, stop being obnoxious."

"Yeah, Alex, stop being obnoxious," Izzie agreed with a grin. "What do you want to do? Kick me out of the bedroom?"

"Well _yeah_," Alex said, grinning as he nodded fervently. "_I_ don't want to sleep on the damn sofa bed."

Izzie narrowed her eyes. "So you're going to be force _me_ sleep on the sofa bed?" she asked, her hands sweeping up to rub her belly as she pushed out her lower lip. "You're going to kick me and my _children_ out of the guestroom?"

Alex rolled his eyes. "Now who's being obnoxious?"

Izzie grinned as the doorbell rang, her body twisting as she looked toward the front of the house. "Oh, that's probably Mark," she commented, pressing her hands against the tabletop for leverage as she moved to stand up from her seat.

Derek rushed forward, shaking his head. "Don't get up. I'll get it," he offered, disappearing into the foyer.

He smirked when he found Mark on the other side of the doorway, his clothes soaked as water pooled around his ankles. "Forget your umbrella this morning?"

Mark shrugged, stepping into the warmth of the house as Derek closed the door behind him. "I came to shack with ya, buddy," Mark said, flashing a smile as he threw his arm around Derek's shoulders, transferring the rain water onto his clothes.

Derek groaned as they walked toward the kitchen, already feeling the cold water leaking through the cotton of his shirt. He frowned as everyone turned to look at them as the walked through the doorway, Mark walking straight to Izzie and placing a light kiss on her lips. "I guess the rest of our party's here."


	38. Chapter 38

He knew he should be discouraging her from such naughty behavior, that he should be giving her the _look_, the look that tells her she better stop what she's doing _right now _before they get into trouble, but Alex couldn't stop the small curl of his lips when he felt Addison's naked toes slipping beneath the cuff of his pants as they sat around Meredith and Derek's dining room table. His eyes darted straight ahead of him where his fiancé was seated, a smile forming on her own lips as she eyed him through her long lashes, running her finger along the edge of her empty wine glass.

Derek pushed his chair out as he stood to his feet, grabbing his watered-down scotch as he glanced at the people who continued to lounge around the table long after their dinner had been completed. "Does anybody need anything while I'm up? Ad? Want some more wine?"

The cautionary shake of Alex's head was ignored by Derek as he accepted the wine glass from Addison's outstretched hand, returning her smile of thanks before disappearing into the kitchen.

Alex sighed, shaking his head disbelievingly as Addison's toes continued to inch up his leg. He swallowed nervously, sparing a glance at the other occupants of table who continued to chat a few feet away, oblivious to Addison's feet slowly working their way toward his already stirring arousal.

Izzie suddenly laughed, causing Alex to look up sharply, but his shoulders relaxed when he saw her hand pressing against the side of her belly. "Somebody's got the hiccups."

Mark's arm curled around Izzie's shoulders as he leaned toward her, bringing her body closer to his as one of his hands flattened against the curve of her abdomen. Adjacent to them, Meredith grinned as she watched their interaction, finding herself unexpectedly missing the surprises that came with pregnancy. With a sigh, she leaned back in her chair, her gaze remaining on the couple beside her. "Have you guys thought of any names yet?"

Addison's gaze flickered to Mark and Izzie in mild interest, her curiosity peaked by the subject, though not enough to completely divert her attention from her mission beneath the table. From the corner of her eye, she could see Alex straining to keep his face passive as her toes continued to travel up his leg, her freshly manicured nails lightly scraping the rough skin of his knee.

Izzie beamed at Meredith's question, her shoulders straightening with excitement. "Well we've talked about it a little bit, but nothing's been decided yet."

Mark nodded, enjoying a sip of his after-dinner scotch. "We each get to pick out a name."

Meredith pursed her lips, her eyes widening in surprise. "Izzie's going to let you pick out a name all by yourself?"

Izzie scoffed. "_Hey_, I'm being very agreeable about this. He can name the baby whatever he wants"

With a skeptical smile, Meredith glanced at Alex and Addison, who were being strangely silent at the other end of the table. Her eyes narrowed in curiosity as they stared at one another intently, Addison's lips curling into a mischievous grin. "What're you guys doing down there?"

Addison lazily drew her gaze to Meredith, enjoying the carefree feeling that came with a few glasses of wine as she shrugged her shoulders, turning back to Alex with a smile. "We're just sitting here."

Meredith's mouth twisted in skepticism, but she chose to ignore them as she turned back to Mark and Izzie. "So what names have you guys been talking about?"

Izzie's face lit up with enthusiasm, her smile widening as she turned to Meredith. "Well I really like Paige and Clara," she told her, her hands moving animatedly in front of her. "Oh, and I like Molly and Grace. And Charlotte. Oh, and Ella."

Alex, barley listening to the conversation, pressed his lips tightly together, his knee jerking upward as Addison's toes made contact with her target. He winced as his knee banged against the wooden table, everyone turning to looking at him as the remaining dishes on the table clanked at the movement. Alex smiled sheepishly as he attempted to subtly push Addison's foot from between his legs, his eyes darting fleetingly to his grinning fiancé before settling back on the curious gazes of his friends. "Uh . . . that's nice, Iz. Ellie's a nice name. I like that."

A small smile formed on Izzie's lips as she looked between Addison and Alex, her expression suspicious as she studied Alex's guilty features. "Um, it's Ell_a_. With an _a_. _Ella_, not Ellie."

Alex nodded nervously, sparing a warning glare at Addison, who ignored it as she watched him with laughing eyes. Looking back at Izzie, Alex shrugged. "_Right_, yeah, Ella's nice, too."

Amused by Alex's strange discomfort, Meredith grinned, her eyes narrowing as she exchanged a brief look with Izzie. "O_kay_," she said, her eyebrows rising as she turned to Mark. "Well what have you been thinking about?"

Mark cocked his head to the side, seemingly pondering the question as he thumbed his beard. "Well to be honest, I'm having a hard time coming up with names. Izzie has too many rules."

"There're rules to naming your kid?"

He smirked, nodding his head as Derek walked back into the dining with Addison's new glass of wine. "Yep; I'm not allowed to use any names that sound like strippers or foods, and I'm _also _not allowed to use the names of any women I've ever slept with."

Derek grinned, handing Addison her merlot before sitting down next to Meredith. "Well _that_ pretty much rules out all the female names in the world."

Mark nodded, gesturing to Derek with his hand. "_Thank you_. That's _exactly_ what I told Izzie."

Izzie rolled her eyes, shaking her head in mock-disgust. "You're such a pig."

Alex forced out a grin while listening to their exchange, trying to keep his face blank as he felt the cool touch of Addison's toes once again trailing beneath his pant leg. He looked at her sharply, his eyes a mixture of warning and surprise. She wasn't looking at him, though, her gaze trained on Meredith as her expression remained remarkably innocent. "Hey Meredith, do you think you could get some sheets for the sofa bed? I'm about ready to turn in for the night."

Meredith glanced at her watch, her eyes widening as she noted the time. "Oh, I didn't realize how late it was," she commented, standing up and gathering a couple of the dishes from the table. "Derek, can you get a pair of sheets and some pillows from upstairs?"

As Izzie and Mark helped Meredith take dishes to the kitchen and Derek disappeared upstairs to get fresh linens for the sofa bed, Alex turned sharply to Addison, his facial expression displaying his disbelief. "What were you_ doing_?" he whispered, his words hushed as he glanced anxiously toward the doorway of the dining room.

Addison cocked her head to the side, her face blank. "What do you mean?"

He narrowed his eyes, looking at her incredulously. "What do you mean, 'What you I mean?' I mean . . . I mean," he paused, taking a breath to calm his nerves. "_I mean _I can't get up from this freaking table without everyone _seeing_ what happens when your toes go to places they shouldn't be going during dinner with our friends," he concluded, feeling flustered as he gestured toward his lap.

Addison grinned, standing to her feet and sauntering to the other side of the table, her hands sliding down Alex's chest as she pressed her lips to his ear. "Well then you just sit here until you feel like you can get up. In the meantime, I'll be waiting for you in the living room."

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Meredith rubbed her hand lightly over Jack's wispy brown hair, adjusting the blanket over his shoulders as she watched him sleeping in his crib. His tiny mouth was parted open ever so slightly, his chest rising and falling rhythmically. Placing a light kiss against his cheek, she switched off the softly illuminated lamp on his dresser and walked out of the nursery, shutting the door behind her on the way out.

Alex smiled when he saw her in the hallway as he exited the bathroom, his hair still damp from his shower. "The kid still asleep?"

She nodded. "Yeah; he probably won't wake up until about two o'clock."

Grinning, Alex leaned a shoulder against the wall. "Dude, that's _rough_."

She laughed, shrugging her shoulders. "It's not that bad. You do what you have to do, you know?"

Alex studied her face, his lips twisting into a smile as though he were seeing her as a mother for the first time, as though he were seeing how much marriage and motherhood had really changed her. "You're a good mom, Mer," he told her quietly.

The sincerity of the unexpected compliment caught her off guard, her mouth falling open slightly as she stared at him. Biting her lip softly, she smiled, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her. "Thank you, Alex."

A brief silence hung in the air between them, neither moving as they suddenly found themselves staring awkwardly at the floor. Taking in a breath, Alex shrugged, moving past Meredith toward the staircase. "It's not a big deal. I was just saying, you know . . ."

She nodded. "Yeah, I know, but thanks anyway," she replied, her hand touching his shoulder as he passed by her. "Tell Addison I said goodnight."

He smiled, his eyes suddenly gleaming. "Oh, she's already asleep," he told her, pausing at the landing of the staircase. "The damn lush passed out before I could even get in the shower."

Meredith laughed at Alex's teasing, watching him disappear down the staircase before turning around and heading toward her bedroom. She smiled when she walked in, finding Derek stretched out on his side of the bed, his gaze aimed at the television.

"Watcha watching?" she asked, slipping beneath the covers as she pressed her body against his, her arms resting against his chest as she used his shoulder for a pillow.

His own arm snaked around her, hugging her to him as he continued to watch the TV. "Just checking the weather."

Meredith pursed her lips together, studying the screen as the weatherman pointed to his latest meteorological predictions. "Looks like the storm's going to be over before the morning."

Derek nodded, turning to face her as he switched the television off with the remote. "So, is Jack asleep?"

She bit her lip in anticipation as he rolled on top of her, his arms placed on either side of her body as he grinned mischievously. "Yeah."

"What about the others kids?"

She laughed, nodding her head. "Alex and Addison are downstairs and Mark and Izzie went to bed awhile ago."

He wiggled his eyebrows playfully. "Want to fool around?"

Meredith scoffed. "Derek Shepherd! We have _guests_ in our house."

Shrugging his shoulders, he leaned forward, placing light kisses around her mouth. "They're used to it. They all used to _live_ here."

She smiled in affirmation as his mouth captured hers, her teeth scraping lightly against his tongue as he pushed into her mouth. With a quiet moan, Meredith broke away from kiss just long enough to help him pull his shirt over his head. A small noise emitted from the back of her throat as Derek's hand slipped beneath the waistband of her panties, her eyes fluttering shut as the first sensations began to wash over her.

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Izzie's eyes were wide open as she stared at the ceiling, her heart still beating erratically as she forced herself to take even breaths. She looked fleetingly at Mark, frowning anxiously when she saw his face pressed against the pillow, his eyes closed as warm puffs of air hit her shoulder with each breath he exhaled. She bit her trembling lip, her hand running tiredly over her face as she forced herself not to think about the dream she'd been jolted awake from, the dream she'd had recurrently for the past several nights.

As hard as she tried to block the memory from her mind, however, she couldn't stop the excruciating images from flowing through her head. She could see herself running through the cemetery in a white dress, her blonde hair blowing as she blindly passed grave after grave. She was moving quickly, Ben just ahead of her, his little legs running as fast as they could carry him as though he were playing a game of chase. She told him to slow down repeatedly, begging him to let her catch up with him, but he just laughed at her request, his giggles reverberating through the air.

And then just as quickly, he was gone, leaving Izzie standing alone in the vast sea of graves as her eyes frantically scanned the area for her child. She called out his name, her pleas desperate as she continued to search, making her way through the cemetery in what felt like slow motion.

And then she stopped. Her breath left her, oxygen spilling from her lungs as she stared straight ahead of her. Instead of her little boy, she stood before a headstone, _William Bennett Sloan_ embedded in the steel-grey concrete. She swallowed through her tears, shaking her head in devastation as her hand moved upward to rest against the swell of her belly, but instead her palm was met by the flatness of her abdomen. She frowned, looking down in panic to the sight of her smooth torso, a red blood stain marring the fabric at the crest of her legs. Uttering a cry, she looked up, a whimper escaping her lips when she saw two more headstones staring back at her.

And then she felt a hand resting against her arm, cold, slender fingers wrapping around her. She turned around instantly, _needing_ to see Ben, _needing_ to see Mark holding their babies, but instead she saw a little girl staring back at her with eyes identical to hers. Izzie knew instantly who she was, a gasp escaping her lips as she took in Hannah's sickly features, the child's appearance precisely as Izzie remembered her looking as she'd laid in the hospital bed of Seattle Grace at the age of eleven.

Izzie swallowed, tears welling in her eyes as she reached out to touch her, but Hannah backed away, shaking her head. _"No. You didn't want me, and now look what happened." _

Izzie opened her mouth to disagree, but the protest died on her lips as she watched the girl fade away just as Ben had moments before, a fourth headstone appearing before her eyes, completing the cluster of gravesites the housed her children.

Now, knowing that she wouldn't be able to fall asleep anytime soon, Izzie swallowed through the lump in her throat, moving carefully from the bed as she stood to her feet. Her legs were trembling as they carried her to the door of the bedroom, treading lightly as she tried not to wake Mark while tiptoeing from the room. She closed the door quietly behind her, taking in a deep breath as she moved toward the staircase, but she paused as she passed the doorway of Jack's nursery.

Inside the room, the light was shining softly as Meredith sat in the rocking chair, her head resting against the cushion as she held Jack to her breast. Her eyes were closed as the baby nursed greedily, his tiny fists bunched tightly around the cotton of her t-shirt. Izzie tried to smile at the image as she fought with the emotions welling in her chest, tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she pressed her lips firmly together.

When Izzie glanced up from the baby, she was surprised to find Meredith's eyes now open, her friend studying her curiously. Meredith tilted her head sideways, unconsciously rubbing Jack's cheek with her thumb. "What're you doing up?" she asked, her voice soft as though she were trying not to wake the other occupants of the house. "It's two-thirty in the morning."

Izzie shrugged, willing the tears in her eyes to disappear. "I'm just going to get something to drink. I couldn't sleep."

Meredith frowned at the unmistakable quiver in Izzie's voice. "Iz, what's the matter?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

The breath hitched in the back of her throat at the soft tone of Meredith's voice, but she plastered a smile of her face, avoiding Meredith's eyes. "Nothing's wrong, Mer. I'm just not very tired right now."

Meredith shook her head, knowing by her fidgety movements that Izzie was lying. "_Izzie_," she called, but the harsh whisper fell on deaf ears as Izzie disappeared from the doorway in the direction of the staircase.

As she descended the stairs, Izzie was careful to remain quiet, knowing Addison and Alex were sleeping in the living room. She placed one foot in front of the other, expertly avoiding the floorboard creeks that she'd memorized while living in the house. When her feet landed on the first floor, she moved toward the kitchen, peaking in the living room en route to ensure she hadn't disturbed Addison or Alex on her way down.

"_Shit_," she swore, the curse flying from her mouth as her jaw fell open, her eyes widening at the sight of Addison straddling Alex in the middle of the sofa bed. The darkness of the living room hid the details of what was more than likely a pornographic image, but the moonlight shining through the window behind them caused a clear, unmistakable silhouette. "Oh god! Crap, I'm sorry! I didn't mean . . . _shit_ . . . I didn't see anything . . . I mean, I did but . . . _shit_!"

The moment the initial expletive had flown from Izzie's mouth, Addison had covered herself with her hands, flattening her body against the mattress to hide behind Alex. She groaned in humiliation as Izzie stuttered in the doorway, babbling apologies that only served to prolong the mortification.

"Let's just forget this ever happened. _Crap_, I'm seriously really, _really _sorry! God, I'm just . . . uh . . . I'm going to walk away now. See me? Walking away _right_ now," she called out, vanishing toward the kitchen.

Addison groaned again as Izzie disappeared, her hand covering her face. "Oh my god. That was so . . . so . . ."

"Mortifying?"

"Yes."

"Degrading?"

"Oh god, yes."

"Excruciatingly painful?"

Another groan. "Yes, yes, _yes_."

Alex nodded, grinning at her in the darkness. "Yeah, I have to admit, my fantasy of you naked with another woman in the room didn't exactly go like that."

Addison rolled her eyes, shoving his shoulder. "Shut up, Alex. This isn't funny."

He smirked. "Hey, don't get mad at me; this isn't _my _fault. _You're_ the one who woke up and pounced on me."

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**A/N: Okay, so this little slumber party obviously isn't over yet, but I've run out of steam for the day. I need to stop writing mindless fan fiction and go study for the GRE (which I take on Saturday, _thankyouverymuch_, and yet I _still_ updated. How sweet am I for blowing off my future for you lovely people?) Hopefully I'll have the rest of this part up in the next few days. Have a great weekend. **


	39. Chapter 39

Izzie's face was red with embarrassment as she switched on the dim light above the kitchen sink, heading toward the refrigerator. She was trying to reason with herself, trying to make herself believe that walking in on Addison and Alex doing the dirty _really_ wasn't that big of a deal. Sex was a natural thing . . . there was no need to be embarrassed. Plus, it wasn't as though she had never _seen_ Alex have sex before. Seriously, she'd seen him in bed, like, thirty-seven times. Well, thirty-seven and a half if she included the night he had technical difficulties. And Addison? Well obviously she'd never been a witness to her sexual exploits prior that night, but they'd _talked _about their sex lives together, comparing notes on Mark and Alex over too many cocktails on late nights at Joe's. And that counted, right? Yeah, there was no need for embarrassment.

She groaned, running her hand over her face as she pulled open the door of the refrigerator. She frowned at the meager contents before opening up the freezer, smiling in satisfaction when she found pints of rocky road and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Digging a spoon out of the drawer, she took both containers to the kitchen table, plopping down as she peeled off the lids.

She was swallowing a bite of rocky road when Alex walked into the kitchen, smiling sheepishly as they observed each other's twin looks of embarrassment. "Addison wants me to tell you that this is karma. The universe is paying you back for having sex while you were talking to her on the phone last week."

Izzie rolled her eyes, taking another bite of ice cream as she glared at him though her lashes. "Somehow what I witnessed seems a little worse than that," she told him, speaking around the spoon. "I was definitely _not_ prepared to walk in on . . . on _that_."

He grinned, stealing the spoon from her lips and helping himself to a bite of the cookie dough ice cream. "Well maybe you shouldn't be sneaking around the house in the middle of the night."

"Well maybe _you _shouldn't be having sex in the middle of Meredith's living room."

He nodded, shrugging nonchalantly as he studied her from the corner of his eye. "So are you okay?"

She rolled her eyes as she stood up to grab another spoon from the drawer. "I guess. I'm not planning to gouge my eyes out, if that's what you mean."

He smirked at her sarcasm, shaking his head as she sat back in her seat. "No, that's not what I meant. I was wondering why the hell you're in the kitchen eating ice cream at three o'clock in the morning."

Pressing her lips together, she avoided his gaze as she grabbed the pint from his hands. "Just hungry, I guess."

Alex frowned, scrutinizing her demeanor. "Izzie, what's wrong?"

Sighing, she avoided his gaze as she stared intently at the table. "Nothing's wrong, Alex. I just couldn't sleep."

He watched her suspiciously. "You couldn't sleep?"

"Isn't that what I just said?"

His lips twisted as he studied the visible signs of tension in her body. "Izzie, there's obviously something going on with you. Stop being a pain in the ass and tell me what's wrong."

She glared at him, stabbing her spoon into the hard surface of the ice cream. "_You _stop being a pain in the ass. I said there's nothing going on."

Raising his eyebrows at the clipped tone of her voice, his forehead furrowed as his concern grew. "Fine, don't tell me if you don't want to, but I'm just worried about you."

Her face softened slightly as her throat inflamed with emotion, forcing her to look back down at the table to hide a fresh wave of tears. "Well you don't need to worry, okay? I'm fine."

His expression remained skeptical as he studied her in the faint light of the kitchen. "Maybe I should go get Mark."

She looked up quickly, her eyes nervously wide. "No, don't do that."

Surprised by the urgency of her answer, Alex frowned. He was about to interrogate her further when he heard footsteps moving towards them, and they both looked up to find Meredith appearing in the doorway. "Hey, what's going on in here?" she asked with a smile, taking a seat on the other side of Izzie. "No one told me we were having a party."

Alex shrugged, handing over his spoon as she picked up one of the ice cream containers. "Something's wrong with Izzie."

"Nothing's wrong with me," she insisted, glaring at Alex.

He shook his head, continuing to look at Meredith. "She doesn't want to talk about it and she won't let me go get Mark."

Izzie's scowl deepened. "I walked in on Alex and Addison having sex," she offered, folding her arms across her chest.

Meredith lifted her eyebrows, looking back and forth between the Izzie and Alex. "Um, okay." She licked a bite of ice cream from the spoon, moving it slowly across her tongue as her eyes stopped to scan the rigidity of Izzie's demeanor. "Why don't you want to get Mark?"

She huffed, glaring at Alex once again for getting Meredith involved. "I just don't."

Meredith rolled her eyes, staring at her pointedly. "Izzie."

She sighed. "I just . . . I just don't want him to think . . ."

Meredith frowned when Izzie trailed off. "You don't want him to think what?" she inquired, her tone soft as she exchanged a look with Alex.

Izzie chewed on her lip, her gaze trained on her hands as they coiled together her in lap. "I don't want him to think that I'm a bad mother."

Meredith shook her head, her hand coming to rest on Izzie's arm as she forced her to meet her gaze. "Izzie, Mark has _never_ thought that you were a bad mother. Why would you say that?"

Izzie's shoulders slumped, her eyes welling with tears. "Because what kind of mother waits for something bad to happen to her children, Meredith?" she asked, her eyes wide as she ran her hand through her hair. "What would Mark say if he knew that I was waiting for something terrible to happen, _expecting _it to happen? What would he say if he knew that I dream about my kids _dying_ every night?"

Meredith's mouth fell open, her eyes wide as she stared at her in surprise. "Izzie," she whispered.

Alex pressed his lips together in concern. "I thought you were feeling better about that, Iz? The amnio results came back negative."

She sniffed, nodding her head. "I know that, but . . ."

"But you still think something's wrong?"

She was momentarily silent, continuing to squeeze her hands together in her lap. Swallowing, she lifted her gaze to meet their expectant faces. "I just feel like something's going to happen. Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe not for years, but eventually something _will_ happen. Something always does."

Meredith closed her eyes at the dejected tone of Izzie's voice. "You can't think like that," she told her, her eyes fleetingly roaming to Alex.

He nodded in agreement. "What happened to Ben was . . . it was terrible, Izzie, but it was an _accident_. Accidents happen. You can't take it to mean that something's going to happen to your girls, too."

Izzie glanced at him, a cynical smile on her face. "And what about Hannah? How do you explain that?"

Meredith frowned. "What? What about her?"

Izzie sighed, wiping at the moisture quickly pooling in the corners of her eyes. "It's hard enough as a parent to prepare yourself for the scrapes and the bruises, Meredith, but you know they're coming. You know that one day your kid will fall of his bike or trip over a shoelace or get hit by a soccer ball, but you just put on a Band-Aid and you kiss it better and you move on. You never think that something's going to happen that you can't fix, you know?"

Alex bit his lip, watching a tear slip down the side of her face. "Izzie-"

She shook her head, ignoring his effort to interject. "But there's no way to prepare yourself for the _really_ bad things because you don't think that anything terrible if going to happen to your child. You realize that it happens to other people's kids, but you don't think that it will happen to _you_," she whispered, pausing briefly when her voice cracked with emotion. "You pray that your kids won't break a bone while climbing on their playhouse but all along you _should_ be praying for them not to get leukemia and not to die in a car crash."

Meredith inhaled sharply, struggling to hold back her own tears as she watched Izzie wipe the moisture from her face with the back of her hand. Across from her, Alex closed his eyes, swallowing though a lump of emotion that began to burn in his throat.

And then silence engulfed the room, the three of them sitting quietly when they realized there was nothing left to say.

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The sun was bright as Mark stretched on the porch of Meredith and Derek's house, his body bent forward as he prepared himself for an early morning run. When he heard the front door open behind him, he turned around expecting to find Derek, but instead he saw Alex walking toward him clad in sweats and a pair of running shoes. "Morning."

Alex nodded a greeting, moving to stand beside him as he stretched his arms over his head. "Derek said he'd be out in a minute. He's getting Jack dressed while Meredith takes a shower."

"He's such a mom," Mark smirked, glancing at Alex from the corner of his eye. "Hey, you okay? You look exhausted."

Alex studied him momentarily, debating with himself about whether he should tell Mark about his conversation with Izzie. He knew that she wanted to keep what was said between him and Meredith, but Alex knew without a shadow of a doubt that her fears concerning her husband's potential reaction were misguided. Nodding at Mark, he determined that it was more important to be honest with him than to cover up Izzie's insecurities. "Yeah, I am; I was up half the night with Izzie."

Mark straightened, his eyes narrowing as he glared at Alex. "You realize I want to kill you when you say things like that, right?"

Alex grinned sheepishly, walking toward the porch swing and plopping down. "She had a nightmare."

Mark frowned. "Izzie had a nightmare last night?"

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "I stayed up for awhile talking with her. Meredith and I both did, actually."

"What . . . what was it about?"

Alex pressed his lips together as his feet pushed against the ground, launching the swing into a gentle rhythm. "Apparently she's been dreaming about . . . about her kids dying," he told him, glancing away from Mark's face when he saw the color drain from his cheeks. "She wasn't really specific, but I could tell she was pretty shaken up. And it's . . . it's not just about Ben and the girls. She also mentioned the baby she gave up for adoption when she was a teenager."

"Hannah," Mark supplied, his voice quiet as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Yeah," Alex confirmed. "It's not really that surprising, I guess. She carried two children through pregnancy and something terrible happened to both of them," he paused, looking away from Mark's face when he flinched. "Sorry, I just . . . I'm sure anyone would be nervous, you know? But it's _Izzie_. She's usually so optimistic about everything, so it was hard to see her like that."

Mark nodded, a feeling of misery settling into the pit of his stomach. Without warning, he surprised both of them by slamming his hand against the railing of the porch. "Damnit," he cursed, his eyes closing as he hit the railing again. "I can't believe I didn't realize that she was so upset about this. I knew she was worried, but I didn't realize . . . I didn't know she . . . _fuck_."

Alex frowned as Mark rubbed his hands across his face. "You didn't know because she didn't tell you, Mark. You can't read her mind."

Sniffing, Mark nodded his head somberly, straightening his shoulders. "Yeah, you're right."

Pursing his lips, Alex watched Mark begin to walk toward the front door. "Where're you going?"

"I'm going to talk to her."

Alex rolled his eyes, standing up from the swing. "Dude, stop. You don't need to talk to her right now. Let's just . . . let's just go for a run, blow off some steam, you know?"

Mark sighed. "I just want to make sure she's okay."

Offering him what he hoped to be a reassuring smile, Alex walked over to Mark, patting him on the shoulder. "She'll be okay for an hour, Mark," he told him, turning towards the door as it opened.

Derek grinned from the threshold, walking out onto the porch. "Good morning, gentlemen. Ready to have your asses kicked?"

Alex rolled his eyes. "Dude, I've seen you run. You move like a little girl."

Mark smiled slightly at Alex, nodding his head. "Yeah, I'm with Karev," he offered, already moving toward the steps. "But your welcome to give it your best shot, Shep."

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Meredith pulled out a box of pancake mix and a jug of milk, placing them in front of Addison. "They'll burn if I do it."

Addison nodded knowingly, accepting a ceramic bowl from Meredith's outstretched hands. "Maybe we should let Izzie make them."

Shrugging, Meredith walked to the coffee pot and poured mugs for Addison and herself. "She's still upstairs; I think we should just let her sleep."

Addison scrunched up her face, reading the directions on the side of the box before measuring out the ingredients. Casually, she looked up at Meredith. "So, um, I think almost dying has somehow upped my sex drive."

Meredith's eyes widened at the randomness of the comment. She grinned as she spun around, shaking her head from side to side. "A: you did _not_ almost die-"

Addison frowned. "Well I thought there was a possibility that I might, so that counts."

"-And two, I already heard something about that," Meredith concluded with a grin.

Addison's hands flew to her hips. "Alex has been talking to you about our sex life?"

Laughing, Meredith walked to the table, propping her feet on and empty chair. "Not exactly. I just heard something about a free show you put on last night."

Addison rolled her eyes. "I'm going to _kill_ Izzie Sloan."

She was flipping pancakes in a skillet when Derek, Mark and Alex finally walked into the kitchen, their faces shiny with sweat as they struggled to catch their breaths. She smiled when Alex walked toward her, placing a light kiss on her cheek before walking to the refrigerator and grabbing a carton of juice. "Did you guys have a nice run?"

Derek nodded, sitting next to Meredith at the breakfast table and grabbing the coffee mug from her hands. Meredith frowned when he took a sip, her face scrunching up in disgust. "You just got sweat in my coffee."

Derek grinned at her, taking another sip. "I did no such thing. My lips are perfectly sweat-free."

She rolled her eyes, standing up to fix herself another mug. As she passed by Mark, his gaze connected with hers. "Where's Izzie?"

Meredith glanced toward the doorway. "She's still upstairs. I didn't want to wake her up."

He nodded, mumbling his thanks as he moved out of the kitchen toward the second floor. He paused when he was standing outside of the guestroom, taking a deep breath before walking inside. He was careful to be quiet as he moved across the room, climbing onto the bed in the empty spot next to Izzie. He frowned, his eyes studying her face as she slept peacefully beside him.

They remained just so for nearly twenty minutes, Izzie unaware of Mark's presence until her eyes slowly fluttered open. She blinked, surprised to find him lying beside her, his gaze intensely focused on her face. Smiling, she propped herself up on an elbow, stifling a yawn as she stared back at him. "Good morning."

He didn't return her smile, his expression serious as his hand rose to gently caress the contour of her jaw. "'Morning."

She lifted her other arm above her head, stretching as she let out a quiet groan. "What time is it?"

Mark glanced at his watch. "Almost nine."

She nodded, noting his sweatpants and long-sleeved t-shirt. "Did you and Derek already go running?"

"Yeah; Alex went, too."

The mention of Alex brought back the memory of her conversation with him the night before, causing her smile to suddenly falter. "Oh really?" she asked, trying to keep her tone nonchalant.

"Yeah, we had a lot to talk about."

The smile instantly disappeared from her lips, her face falling when she heard the somber tone of his voice. "Oh." She expected him to say something, to comment further about their conversation, but he remained silent as he stared at her expectantly. "So he told you about last night."

Mark pressed his lips together, refusing to look away from her. "Yeah, he did," he quietly confirmed, moving his hand down the length of her body until it was resting on her hip. "He's worried about you. _I'm_ worried about you, Izzie. Why . . . why didn't you say anything? How can you be convinced that something's going to happen to our kids and not mention it to me?"

Her eyes flashed as she sat up in the bed. "Not mention it to you? You were with me at the hospital when I was scared out of my mind."

"But I thought that you would get over it when you got the amnio results back," he told her, sitting up so that they were facing one another. "Christ, Izzie, I didn't realize that you had this perpetual fear that all of your children are going to end up . . ."

She looked up when he stopped talking, her chin quivering. "_Dead_," she supplied, her voice quiet.

Mark swallowed, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek. "Izzie, I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better about this. Tell me what to say."

She shook her head, a tear spilling over her eyelid. "I don't know," she whispered, closing her eyes as his thumb rose to wipe away the droplet of moisture.

He sighed, lowering his forehead until it was touching hers. "You have to promise not to shut me out. We don't keep things from each other, okay? That's not apart of the deal. If you're scared about something like this, I need to know."

She nodded, focusing on the sensation of his hand as it began rubbing smooth circles across her back. "I'm sorry."

Neither moved for several minutes, both content in their position. Eventually Mark's hand stilled, his forehead lifting as he offered her a smile. "Want to go downstairs? Everyone's having breakfast."

Nodding her head, Izzie accepted Mark's outstretched hand, allowing him to help her off the bed. Together, they walked downstairs, not breaking contact until Izzie freed her fingers from his as they entered the kitchen. "Good morning."

Alex tried to offer her a smile as she crossed the kitchen, but she avoided his gaze as she grabbed an empty plate from the cabinet and stacked it with pancakes. Sighing, Alex stood to his feet, walking to the other side of the room so that he was standing beside Izzie. He frowned as he watched her pull a bottle of ketchup from the refrigerator, squirting a hearty amount atop the flapjacks. "Dude, that's foul."

Izzie looked up, glaring at him. "You don't get to say that to me, Alex. You're a traitor."

Alex sighed, about to respond when Izzie covered his hand with hers. "But for what it's worth, thank you," she said quietly, smiling at him. "Thanks for being a traitor."

Alex grinned, nodding his head. "Anytime Iz," he told her, squeezing her hand as they walked back to the breakfast table.

Derek's face twisted as Izzie sat down beside Mark, a frown marring his face as he stared at her plate. "Uh, Izzie . . ."

Mark shook his head as he picked up a section of the _Seattle Times_. "Just don't say anything. Apparently our daughters have an appreciation for tomato products at the moment."

Izzie nodded, stuffing a bite in her mouth and ignoring the appalled looks on everyone's faces. "So last night I walked in on Addie and Alex doing the dirty," she offered, grinning mischievously as she glanced their way.

Addison groaned, covering her face with her hand. Beside her, Alex merely shook his head. "_Traitor_," he mumbled.


	40. Chapter 40

_**Three weeks later, the beginning of December . . .**_

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Mark walked into his living room with a file tucked under his arm, smirking when he found Izzie lounging on the couch in her pajamas at nearly noon. Her feet were propped up on the coffee table in front of her as she watched the Home Shopping Network, staring intently at the screen with a large bowl of popcorn resting on her belly. Her face was keenly focused as she absorbed the words of the host, her credit card poised in one hand and the cordless phone in the other. Mark slowly approached the couch, staring at her strangely as he sat down on the cushion beside her. "Izzie?"

She shook her head without looking away from the screen, waving her hand in front of his face. "Wait, wait, I think they're about to sell out of the Cotton-Candy Maker."

Mark pursed his lips together, glancing at the TV where a woman was droning on about the benefits of a do-it-yourself cotton-candy making machine. Looking back at his wife, Mark frowned. "How long have you been sitting here?"

She shrugged, her gaze still focused on the screen. "Um, I don't know. A few hours maybe."

"A few _hours_?" he asked, glancing warily at the phone in her hand. "Have you, uh, been ordering stuff?"

She rolled her eyes. "Well _obviously_. I need this stuff for the kitchen."

Mark nodded slowly, leaning back against the couch cushion as he grabbed the bowl of popcorn from her belly. "What stuff do you _need_ exactly?"

"Um, I don't know . . . just _stuff_. Like, um, the Hot Dog Toaster Pro."

He tossed a few kernels of popcorn in his mouth, shaking his head as a smirk formed on his lips. "You _paid_ for a hot dog toaster?"

She looked up sharply as she recognized the humored tone of his voice. "_Yes_. Do you have a problem with that?"

He bit his lip, trying to hold back a laugh when he saw the fierce expression on her face. "Nope, no problem."

"_Good_," she snapped, her eyes going back to the television. "Because I also got the Santa Fe Quesadilla Maker and the Jumbo Chocolate Fountain."

This time he couldn't hold back his laughter. "You . . . you _needed_ a chocolate fountain?"

She flashed him a look of irritation, her eyes narrowed. "It's for parties and it's _awesome_, so you can stop laughing."

He pressed his lips together, sitting up and grabbing the remote control from the coffee table. With the click of the button, the television screen went blank, causing Izzie to look at him with wide eyes. "Hey, why'd you do that? I'm not finished."

"No, you definitely _are _finished." Lightly chewing on his lip, he studied her face. "Izzie, you don't need the cotton candy maker or any of that other crap. Buying useless kitchen appliances isn't going to make you feel better about the twins."

She scowled at him, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't know what you're talking about. That's not what I'm doing."

Cocking his head to the side, Mark gave her a knowing look. "Izzie, don't lie to me."

She sighed, breaking his gaze as she stared at the coffee table. "I was on the internet yesterday trying to find car seats for the girls," she told him, the thought seemingly coming out of the blue. "Did you . . . did you know that Ben's car seat was ranked third is a safety test? _Third_, Mark. Not first, or even second, but _third_."

He frowned, swearing under his breath. "Izzie, stop it."

"Maybe if I'd done more research before I bought it, he wouldn't-"

"Izzie, I said _stop it_!" Mark snapped, causing her eyes to widen. He rubbed his hand over his face, guilt instantly coursing through him at the sight of her wounded expression. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have . . . I'm sorry." She swallowed, looking down at her lap. "Don't do that, Izzie. Look at me."

She took a moment to respond to his request, her eyes seemingly glued to her lap, but eventually she pulled her gaze upward, locking contact with his eyes. He watched her with a serious expression, running his hand lightly over her cheek. "Izzie, I'm not asking you to forget about Ben, or even to move past his death before you're ready, but you've _got_ to stop torturing yourself. You've just . . . you just have to stop. _Please_ stop."

She closed her eyes, leaning her head into his hand as he continued to caress her face. He took a breath, using his other hand to pick up the file resting on his lap. "I want you to look at this."

She opened her eyes, glancing at the manila folder in his outstretched hand. "What is it?"

He didn't respond, pushing it closer to her until she was forced to take the file from him. She stared at it momentarily before turning the cover, inhaling sharply when she looked at the photograph sitting on top. She gingerly ran her fingers along the glossy paper, tears instantly springing to her eyes at the recognition of what Mark had given her. "Mark, I . . . where did you get this?"

He moved closer to her, his arm brushing against hers as he glanced over her shoulder at the photograph of Hannah Kline. "After Alex told me about those dreams you were having, I decided to hire a private investigator to locate the Klines."

She looked up at him briefly before turning her gaze back to the picture in her lap. She ignored the swell of emotion in her chest, scanning every detail of the picture into her memory. "God, she looks . . . she looks just like . . ."

Mark smiled, his hand slipping into Izzie's as she turned to the next photograph in the folder. "She looks just like _you_."

Izzie nodded, sniffing through her tears as she studied the second picture. "She's a dancer," she observed, smiling at the sight of her teenage daughter balanced on her toes in a pair of ballet pointe shoes, looking graceful as she posed in a light pink leotard with her long, blond locks secured in a bun. "I always wanted to be a dancer when I was a little girl."

He squeezed her fingers, offering her a smile. "You gave her the chance to do something you weren't able to do when you were a kid. You gave her a better life than the one you had, Izzie. That's exactly what every parent hopes to do."

She blew out a breath, flipping to the next photograph. She smiled at the sight of Hannah leaning against a boy around her age, grinning for the camera in a strapless fuchsia prom dress. "She looks happy. She . . . she looks _healthy_."

"She is," Mark told her, nodding when Izzie immediately glanced up. "She went into remission soon after you donated your bone marrow and she's been cancer-free ever since. You gave her life, Izzie. You gave her life _two_ times."

"How do you know that? That she's in remission?"

Mark placed the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, leaning back against the couch. "After the PI located the Klines, he talked to Hannah's parents about Ben and . . . and about the situation. Caroline agreed to give him some information about Hannah and she sent these photographs to you. She wants you to have these, Izzie. She wants you to know that Hannah's happy," he told her, mindlessly rubbing her back as she looked down at the photographs in her lap.

"She has a boyfriend named Wyatt and they've been dating for almost a year; Dustin hates him, but Caroline says he would hate any boy his daughter was dating. She was runner up on homecoming court this year and she plays the piano. Oh, and she's trying to be a vegetarian right now because she thinks that eating meat is a form of animal cruelty. She loves anything chocolate and Christmas is her favorite holiday. And since going into remission, she's grown her hair out twice so that she could donate it to children with cancer."

A muffled sob escaped Izzie's lips as she thumbed through the next photographs, tears falling from her eyes as Mark continued to tell her about her daughter. "She's graduating high school this year and she's up for valedictorian. She just got accepted early admission to Brown University. She . . . she wrote her admissions essay about the most influential person in her life. She wrote about you, Izzie," he told her, squeezing her hand when her face crumbled, another sob escaping her lips. "She wrote that even though she's never met you, you changed her entire life; that if you hadn't given her up, she never would have had the opportunities that she's had."

"She did?" Izzie asked, her voice cracking. Mark nodded, causing her to smile as she wiped away her tears before they could dry on her face. "I can't believe you did this for me."

Mark pulled her into his arms, his hand stroking her hair as she rested her chin on his shoulder. "Well, you know, I'm just trying to get you bed," he teased.

A laugh escaped her lips as she wrapped her arms around him, enjoying the feel of being enveloped in his embrace. "Well thank you anyway."

Smiling, Mark pulled back, looking Izzie in the eye as his hand came to rest on her belly. "Hannah's perfect, Izzie. She's perfect and these girls are going to be perfect because there is no _curse_ on your children. Look at her," he said, pointing to a senior portrait of Hannah lying in the folder on Izzie's lap. "She's has a great life, Izzie; she's fine."

Izzie swallowed, looking at the photo and nodding softly. "You're right, she is," she whispered, smiling slightly before turning back to the file, starting at the beginning so she could look through the photographs of her daughter all over again.

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Derek walked into the cafeteria, grinning when he saw Alex sitting alone at a table with his cell phone in hand, mindlessly munching on a sandwich as he typed a text message. Stuffing his hands in the pockets of his lab coat, he walked towards the table, plopping down in the seat across from Alex's without waiting for an invitation. Alex looked up, peering at him with suspicious eyes. "Uh, hey Derek."

Derek's grin widened as he took a sip of coffee, his eyebrows rising suggestively. "Hello Alex."

Narrowing his eyes, Alex set his phone on the table. "Dude, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you're getting married this weekend."

Alex narrowed his eyes. "Um, o_kay_."

Derek smirked. "Weddings mean bachelor parties."

Finally understanding, Alex allowed a grin to spread to his face. "True. Very true."

Derek nodded. "And bachelor parties mean a night filled with drinking and various forms of debauchery."

Alex grinned. "I like the sound of that."

"No children."

"Yeah…"

"No wives or girlfriends."

"Right…"

"No rules or responsibilities."

Alex nodded. "Hell yeah."

"Just a night for manly men."

"Yeah, manly men."

"To celebrate being manly."

Alex slammed his fist against the table. "That's _right_."

"To do manly things."

Alex smirked. "Like drinking."

Derek nodded, his grin widening as he leaned toward Alex conspiratorially. "_Exactly_."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Alex leaned against the table. "So when's this little bachelor party going to take place?"

"Uh, well you're getting married Saturday so . . . Thursday? That'll give you a day of recovery."

Alex grinned. "Thursday's good."

Standing up from his chair, Derek nodded. "Great, I'll ask Joe if we can have it at the bar."

"Awesome."

"I'll get George to come."

"Yeah, O'Malley should come. And what about Mark?"

Derek grinned. "Well obviously I'm putting Mark in charge of the _entertainment_."

Smirking, Alex nodded his head as Derek began to walk away. "Brilliant."

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Addison walked through the doors of the bridal shop, waving when she saw Meredith sitting on the couch near the dressing area. Crossing the room, she gave her a smile, placing her bag on the couch in the empty seat next to her.

Meredith grinned, her eyebrows darting upwards. "So, you're getting married this weekend."

She nodded, a wistful smile sliding over her face as she sank down on the couch. "Yes, I am."

"Only five days left to be an unmarried woman."

"True."

"You nervous?"

"No, I'm not."

Meredith looked at her skeptically. "Not even a _little_ bit?"

She smiled. "Not even a little bit."

Nodding, Meredith shrugged. "Well, _I _was nervous. I was sure that I wanted to marry Derek, but I was still nervous. You know, the whole lifetime commitment thing can be pretty intimidating."

Addison grinned. "I can't wait for the whole lifetime commitment thing."

Both women were smiling when the tailor appeared, holding several dresses in her hand. "Alright ladies, this is the last fitting until the big day."

As they walked toward her to take the dresses from her hand, Izzie rushed through the door of the boutique, looking slightly flustered. "Sorry I'm late. It's been a crazy afternoon."

Addison frowned, studying her face. "Are you okay?"

Izzie turned to her as she took her dress from the tailor, a smile on her lips. "Yeah, I'm actually really great."

Addison returned her smile. "That's good, Iz."

The three women disappeared into fitting rooms to try on their dresses. Meredith emerged first, staring at herself in the three way mirror as she smoothed the wrinkles from the gown. "I think my dress needs to be taken in a bit," she told the tailor as she looked over her shoulder. "I've lost some baby-weight since we tried these on last time."

Izzie walked out of her fitting room, scowling at her. "Bitch."

Meeting her eyes through the reflection of the mirror, Meredith stared at her in puzzlement. "_What_?"

Izzie pouted. "You're getting yours taken in and I can't even get mine to zip halfway up. Life's not fair."

Meredith rolled her eyes, letting out a laugh when Izzie turned around to show her the back of the dress, the burgundy fabric gapping open at the midpoint of her spine. "It'll be fine, Iz. The tailor can fix it."

Izzie sighed. "Whatever," she mumbled, rotating towards the fitting rooms when Addison emerged. She beamed at her as Addison held her arms out, looking at Izzie questioningly.

"Still like it?"

Izzie nodded fervently. "It's perfect."

As the tailor approached them, pulling out a measuring tape so that she could measure Izzie's belly, Meredith sat on the couch, picking up a bridal magazine from the table and mindlessly flipping through the pages. "So what do you think the guys are going to do for the bachelor party?"

Izzie and Addison both looked at her quickly. "Wait, they're having a bachelor party?" Izzie asked. "Mark never mentioned that to me."

Meredith shrugged. "Derek didn't exactly tell me, either. I heard him talking about it to someone on the phone this morning."

Izzie's eyes narrowed. "So what does that mean? That this is, like, a super-secret, man-only kind of thing?" She crossed her arms over her chest, careful not to get in the way of the tailor as she continued to take measurements. "Well fine, we can have a super-secret, woman-only, our-party-kick's-their-party's-ass kind of thing."

Addison smirked as she watched Izzie's competitive nature emerge. "I don't want a bachelorette party. I had one before I married Derek and one's enough for my lifetime."

Izzie shook her head. "No way, Ad, it'll be fun. _Seriously_."

Addison sighed. "Izzie, I don't know . . ."

She stuck her lower lip out. "Please? Please, please, _please_?"

Rolling her eyes, Addison acquiesced. "Fine, but there'll be rules."

Meredith grinned as Izzie nodded enthusiastically, clapping her hands excitedly. "_Yay_!"

Addison looked at her skeptically. "Seriously Izzie. I don't want anything crazy. I'm not twenty years old."

Izzie nodded. "Rules are fine. I can do rules."

Sighing, Addison crossed her arms over her chest. "Okay, well I want something small. Like just us and Callie."

Meredith held up her hand. "We should invite Cristina, too. She's already pissed that she's getting stuck doing the guestbook at the wedding."

Addison nodded. "Fine, but that's it. Nobody else."

"Got it," Izzie said, smiling widely.

"I don't want it at a bar or a male strip club or anything like that. Let's keep it classy."

Izzie nodded. "Classy. No problem."

"And it can't be the night before the wedding. There's no way I'm walking down the aisle with dark circles under my eyes."

Izzie nodded. "No problem. We can do it . . . we can do it Thursday."

With a small smile, Addison shrugged. "Thursday's good."

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**Just so you know, I'm going out of town for about a week. I'm not sure when I'll be updating again (it's possible, though not likely, that I'll post a new chapter while I'm gone). I hope everyone has a great weekend ;)**


	41. Chapter 41

**I'm obviously back from my trip :-) Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Here's to hoping that tonight's episode of Grey's will rock my world. (It would really, **_**really**_** rock my world if Mark and Izzie spontaneously ended up in bed together. Or in an on-call room together. Or even in a linen closet together. Somehow, though, I don't see that happening.)**

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Meredith pressed her mouth closed as she looked in her bathroom mirror, rubbing the rosy gloss across her lips before smiling at her reflection. She glanced up when she heard Derek enter the room, a grin on his face as he walked toward her, his hands falling to her shoulders as he placed a kiss on the side of her neck. "Is the babysitter here?"

He shook his head, his breath soft against her ear. "Not yet," he told her, continuing to place open-mouthed kisses on her skin as he moved his lips down to her virtually bare shoulder. "You look great."

She smirked, her eyes roaming to her reflection where she stood in only her bra and panties. "I'm nearly naked."

He nodded, pushing the loose waves of hair over her shoulder as his lips traveled to the back of her neck, placing soft kisses on her skin as he slowly moved down her spine. "I like you nearly naked. Not as much as I like you _naked_ naked, but I guess this will do for now."

Her eyes fluttered shut as his hands snaked around her body, lightly cupping her breasts through the thin material of her bra. "Stop it," she whispered, smiling in spite of herself. "You're going to make me late."

He shrugged, allowing his hands to slip beneath the black lace. "I'm sure no one will notice."

She sighed, the sound displaying a mixture of impatience and desire. "Trust me; they'll notice. Come on, Derek, I have to finish getting ready for the bachelorette party."

His hands slipped down to her waist, lightly caressing her soft skin as he met her gaze in the mirror. "Rain check, then?"

Meredith casually lifted a shoulder, grinning teasingly. "Maybe. Maybe not."

Narrowing his eyes, Derek smiled as he turned her around to face him, lowering his head so that he could place his lips over hers. He smirked against her mouth as he heard a quiet moan escape her, his teeth gently capturing her upper lip. "Rain check, Meredith?"

Again, she lifted her shoulder, trying to keep her voice even as his hands traveled down her body. "We'll see."

He moved his hands to her panties, rubbing his thumb against the soft black silk as he boldly met her eyes, capturing her gaze with the intensity of his stare. "Rain check, Meredith?" he repeated, his voice low and insistent.

She shuddered as sensations began to wash over her, her resolve crumbling as his fingers dipped beneath the waistband of her panties. "_Yes_."

He suppressed a groan as he felt her hips rock against his, her body instinctively arching toward him. Biting his lip, he looked down at her, smiling devilishly as he met her gaze. "Stop it. You're going to make me late."

With a frown, Meredith pouted as Derek grinned at her before walking out of the bathroom.

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Izzie pursed her lips together as she leaned against the threshold of the master bedroom door, watching Mark study himself in the full length mirror attached to the inside of their closet. He ran his hands through his hair before straightening his shirt and leather jacket, his head tilting to the side as he checked his appearance. She lifted a brow, humored as he winked at his reflection before turning around.

He froze at the sight of her, his mouth falling slightly open at the shock of finding her standing behind him. "Uh, hey."

"Hey," she said, her grin widening playfully. "Whatcha doing?"

He rolled his eyes at the teasing tone of her voice, sitting on the corner of the bed as he put on his shoes. "Shut up."

A laugh escaped her lips, her expression humored as she watched him sulk. "I'm not making fun of you," she insisted, walking toward the bed so that she was standing in front of him. "I'm just curious as to who you're getting so _pretty_ for."

He glared at her as she smiled teasingly. "Oh, you know," he casually remarked, a smirk appearing on his face. "I need to look good for all the hot women that are going to be at the bar."

Izzie's eyebrows shot up, her face suddenly devoid of humor. "Oh really?"

He grinned. "Really."

She huffed, her arms folding across her chest as she scowled at him. "You know, that's not funny. I'm feeling very vulnerable right now, Mark. I don't need you making jokes about other women being hot when I look like this."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he sighed loudly. "Sorry."

Izzie glared at him. "Don't apologize if you don't mean it."

He forced himself not to roll his eyes again, standing up and taking her shoulder in his hands. "I'm _sorry_. Stop being so sensitive."

She made a face at him. "I'm not being sensitive."

He looked at her incredulously. "Fine, you're right. You're acting perfectly normal." He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, ignoring her scowl as he stepped around her, grabbing his keys from the dresser. "Do you want me to drop you off at Addison's on my way to Joe's?"

Her mouth fell open. "Joe's? You can't go to Joe's. _We're_ going there."

He narrowed his eyes. "No, _we're_ going there. Derek reserved that room in the back of the bar."

Izzie crossed her arms over her chest. "You guys can go somewhere else."

"Why don't _you _go somewhere else?"

Izzie frowned. "Because."

"Because why?"

She glared at him. "Just _because_."

Mark suddenly laughed at he watched Izzie scowl at him from across the room. "Okay then, I guess we'll all be going there. You guys can stay in your area and we'll stay in ours."

She stuck her chin out, her eyes narrowed. "Fine; now I can keep an eye on you and your _hot women_."

He smirked at her as she placed her hands on her hips. "Fine."

"Fine!"

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Derek was grinning as he leaned across the bar, taking the drinks from Joe's hands while nodding in appreciation. As he turned around, he smirked at the table of women across the room, winking at Meredith. "_Rain check_," he mouthed in her direction before disappearing into the private area at the back of the Emerald City Bar.

Mark cheered as he walked through the door, holding his hand out for the glass of draft beer as Derek sat at the table in between George and Alex. After the beer was distributed, Mark raised his glass toward the center of the table. "Time for toasts."

"That's right," Alex said, nodding smugly. "Tonight's my night."

Mark smirked. "To Alex," he said jovially, his grin widening. "The future Mr. Addison Montgomery."

The smile fell from Alex's face as he rolled his eyes. "Fuck off, Sloan," he mumbled, taking a hearty swig of his drink.

Laughing, Derek raised his own drink. "To Karev. May you never walk in on Addison sleeping with your best friend."

Glaring at him, Alex took another sip of his beer, shaking his head. "Don't be such a dick, Derek."

"_Yeah_," Mark agreed with a grin. "Don't be such a dick, Derek."

Clearing his throat, George raised his glass to the middle of the table, his eyes darting nervously toward Alex. "To Alex. May your syphilis-spreading days finally be over."

Alex scowled at him. "Thanks, Bambi," he gruffly replied, bringing his glass to his lips. With one final swallow, he downed the rest of the liquid, slamming the empty glass on the table as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I can't believe I'm getting married in less than forty-eight hours."

Derek grinned. "Well believe it, my friend."

Mark nodded. "No more whoring around for you, Karev."

Alex frowned, shoving a handful of nuts in his mouth as he stole the nearly full glass of beer from George's hands and took a sip. "I've _never _whored around."

George snorted at the comment before automatically backing away, his eyes wide with nervousness as he stared at Alex. "Right, right. You're kind of a prude," he remarked, shaking his head contradictorily at Derek and Mark.

Alex frowned, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. "You know, as pretty as you guys are, this _is_ a bachelor party."

Derek lifted his eyebrows. "Yes it is."

Mark grinned knowingly as they all turned toward him. "Keep your panties on, men. The stripper will be here any minute."

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Addison frowned, shaking her head fervently at Izzie while looking incredulously at her hand, Izzie's fingers wrapped around a veil attached to a tiara. "I'm not wearing that thing."

Izzie grinned, evading Addison's efforts to ward her off as she easily leaned forward and placed the crown on her head. "Oh yes you are. And you're going to like it."

Meredith giggled as Addison glared at Izzie, the cubic zirconium clad tiara glinting in the dim light of the bar. Addison groaned, fingering the headpiece. "I look ridiculous."

Callie shrugged, taking a sip of her amaretto sour as she exchanged a humorous grin with Meredith. "I think you're supposed to look ridiculous."

Addison rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the backup, Callie."

With a laugh, Callie's eyes flew to the entrance of the bar as Cristina walked in. "Well look who finally showed up."

Cristina grinned as she approached her friends, plopping a tote bag in the middle of the table. "Okay, I'm here. The party can officially start."

"The party already started, Cristina," Izzie told her, rolling her eyes. "You were supposed to be here an hour ago."

"I had surgery, Izzie. I just removed a massive tumor from a guy's vena cava. His _vena cava_. Sorry, but tumors always trump the celebration of impending nuptials. _Always_."

Meredith laughed, shaking her head in her friend's direction. "It's fine, Cristina. We're just glad you're here."

Cristina nodded. "You bet your ass you are," she responded, grinning as she reached into her bag. "I brought party favors."

Izzie closed her eyes. "Oh god."

Pulling her hand from the bag, she dropped a handful of items on the table before turning to Addison. She scowled at her, her eyes scanning the tiara. "You look ridiculous."

Addison gestured toward Cristina. "Thank you." With a frown, she looked back down at the table, her eyes widening. "Um, wow."

Meredith giggled as she picked up a pink lollipop. "Is this a . . . ?"

Izzie's mouth fell open as she grabbed the candy from Meredith. "It looks like a penis!"

Cristina nodded proudly. "It's a Lusty Licker Pop. Tastes like cherry."

Izzie glared at Cristina. "Cristina, that's _gross_!"

Cristina grinned back at her, grabbing the lollipop from her hand and popping it into her mouth. "Tastes great to me."

Meredith laughed, rummaging through the other party favors. "I can't believe you bought all this stuff."

Sucking loudly on the candy in her mouth, Cristina shrugged. "Barbie told me I had to bring something."

Izzie lifted her eyebrows. "A _present_, Cristina. You were supposed to bring a gift. Like lingerie. Nice lingerie. _Classy_ lingerie."

"First of all, there is no such thing as classy lingerie," Cristina told her, reaching across the table and stealing Meredith's drink. "And second of all, I _did_ bring a gift, thank you very much."

Meredith pursed her lips as she watched Cristina place the nicely wrapped present on the tabletop. Laying her hand across Addison's forearm, she shook her head. "You probably don't want to open that."

Ignoring them all, Izzie's eyes widened as she turned toward the back of the bar just in time to see a woman enter the door of the private room, her skirt barely long enough to cover the skin of her lengthy upper thighs. Izzie's face reddened as she turned around, her jaw set as she glanced at her friends. "The guys hired a _stripper_!"

Cristina smirked. "Oh course they did. Well either that or they hired a hooker."

Izzie glared at her. "That's not funny. This is serious. They're like, cheating on us."

Addison shook her head as she tried not to laugh. "No they're not. It's a bachelor party, Iz. It's a right of passage."

"Not for Mark, it's not," Izzie replied, standing up from her stool. "He thinks he can get all _pretty_ for a stripper and I won't know about? Well we'll see about that!"

Exchanging glances, Meredith and Addison promptly hopped down from their seats, quickly catching up with Izzie. Cristina smirked, laughing as she looked at Callie's amused expression. "Now this is something I have to see."

Throwing the door of the back room open, Izzie stood in the threshold with her hands on her hips, ready to lash out at her husband. With a scowl on her face, she stepped through the doorway, halting only after witnessing the horrified looks on the men's faces.

Sitting around the table, they were all frowning, their lips curled in shock as they stared at the stripper dancing before them. Mark's head was tilted to the side, his face red as he exchanged a horrified look with Derek.

In the doorway, Addison's lips were pursed as she studied the dancer. "Wow, guys, I never would have expected this from you."

Meredith giggled, pushing between Izzie and Addison to have a better look. "God, I wish I had a camera."

Stifling a laugh, Izzie walked into the room, nodding toward the stripper who continued to sway to the music in the front of the room, peeling her shirt off to reveal a shockingly flat chest. Sitting on Mark's lap, she grinned at him. "You got a male stripper, Mark? Is this your way of telling me that you no longer like women?"

Mark glared at her. "It was _supposed_ to be a woman! How was I supposed to know that they were going to send me a transvestite?"

They all turned toward the entrance of the room when they heard laughter in the doorway. Alex rolled his eyes when he found Cristina standing in the threshold with an amused expression on her face. "You guys got Evil Spawn a male stripper?" she asked, walking in the room and sitting in an empty chair at the table. "Now _that's_ funny."

Mark groaned as Cristina reached for the bowl of bar nuts, leaning back in her seat as she began to watch the show. Smiling, Izzie caressed her husband's cheek, sparing a glance at the stripper before turning back to Mark. "Don't worry, baby. I'm sure he thinks you're pretty."

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Alex grinned as he walked out of Joe's with Addison, pushing her against the wall on the outside of the Emerald City Bar. Addison sucked in a breath, the coldness of the brick building easily penetrating her layers of clothing. She shivered, smiling when Alex immediately took another step forward, his body pressed against the length of hers.

He grinned at her, his hands cupping her cheeks that were turning red against the chilly December air. "Are you cold?"

She shook her head, leaning forward to capture his lips to hers. Her tongue pressed into his mouth without waiting for an invitation, slithering against his as the taste of beer and bar nuts registered with her taste buds. She giggled as his cold hands reached down, slipping inside of her coat and moving beneath her sweater as he gripped her waist.

When Alex finally pulled away from her lips, he was panting for air as his cheek rested against hers. "Want to go home?"

Addison grinned coyly. "I don't know. I'm not sure if I can compete with your new lady friend."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Mark's such an idiot."

Laughing, Addison slipped her hands beneath his shirt, running her fingers along the contours of his chest. She could feel his heartbeat quickening beneath her palm, and the very movement sent shivers through her body. Alex smiled, capturing her wrist in his hand as he leaned forward, pushing his nose in the fiery strands that were spilling over her shoulders. "Want to go home, Addie?" he repeated.

Addison nodded fervently, reluctantly removing her hands from his body and threading her fingers through his as they walked across the parking lot. Alex walked around to her side of his SUV, opening the door for her and waiting for her to climb inside. He placed a soft kiss against her cheek before pressing his lips to her ear. "Happy wedding day eve."

She smiled, glancing down at her watch and noting that it was just past midnight. Addison leaned forward, placing a quick, soft kiss on his mouth before pulling away. "I love you, Alex."

He didn't look away from her, his eyes glued to her face as she glowed in the soft light of the street lamp above them. His hand captured hers, his thumb running across her palm as he smiled at her. "I love you, too, Ad."

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**And yes, the lusty licker pop is a real thing. Seriously.**


	42. Chapter 42

The church was glowing, dark shadows dancing on the walls as hundreds of candles and the ideal amount of light from the ceiling fixtures worked to create the perfect ambiance. Alex swallowed nervously, his hands clasped in front of his body as his eyes scanned the room, tiny beads of perspiration forming at his hairline. Grinning, Mark leaned forward. "Get it together, man."

Alex turned around at the sound of his whisper, shooting him a glare. "I've got it together. Shut up or you're going to be demoted to the end of the line."

Smirking, Mark let out a quiet laugh. "Fine, whatever. Let me know if you want to borrow a handkerchief to wipe off that _ocean_ that's forming on your face."

Groaning in irritation, Alex turned back around, mumbling, "When's this thing going to start? I just can't stand the waiting."

Almost as if on cue, the nearby string quartet lifted their bows, the sweet sound of Pachelbel's Canon emanating from their instruments. Taking in a deep breath, Alex's eyes turned to the back of the room, watching the rear doors of the church being opened. One by one, the bridesmaids made their way down the aisle, Callie coming first, and then Meredith, and finally Izzie, and within seconds, Addison finally appeared, smiling at him gently from the back of the room as she stood in the threshold of the doorway.

Alex swallowed, his heart beating rapidly in his chest as his eyes drank in her appearance, appreciatively noting the way her figure looked in the ivory floor length gown, the strapless sheath silhouette accentuating her best features. Her hair was pulled back, her slender shoulders exposed as a few wavy tresses framed her face.

And then the congregation was standing up, turning to face Addison as she began making her way down the aisle. As he stood there, watching the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen walking towards him with the intention of becoming his wife, Alex's nervousness suddenly vanished, a smile forming on his face as he waited for his bride-to-be to arrive at his side.

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Meredith was smiling as she watched Alex and Addison sway to the music, dancing their first dance as husband and wife. Sitting at a round table in the midst of the banquet hall of the Archfield Hotel, she slipped her hand into Derek's, her lips covering his when he turned around to look at her.

Derek grinned as they pulled apart, cocking his head to the side as he studied her expression. "Well look at you," he said teasingly, pushing aside the dark curls that had escaped her French twist. "I think that this wedding has made you all gushy and starry-eyed"

She shrugged, turning her face to look at Addison and Alex. They were wearing identical grins, their faces inches apart as they whispered into each others ears, their faces glowing with happiness and a rush of excitement. Smiling, Meredith turned back to her husband. "I can do bright and shiny, you know. I'm a very bright and shiny person. As a matter of fact, I'm _the_ bright and shiny person."

Derek lifted his eyebrows. "Oh really?"

She nodded, pointing to her face as she offered him a grin. "See this? Is this not the face of a bright and shiny person?"

Laughing, he squeezed her hand. "I do believe that it is, Dr. Shepherd." Running his hand over the cool, burgundy silk of her dress as he placed a hand on her knee, he smiled at her. "I'm going to run to the lobby to call the babysitter; just need to make sure everything's okay with Jack. I'll bring you a glass of champagne on my way back."

Mumbling a thank you, Meredith returned his smile as she watched him cross the room. She was still grinning when Cristina walked over, plopping herself down in the seat next to Meredith with a scowl on her face. "Ugh, I _hate_ weddings. They're almost as bad as _baby showers_."

Lifting her brows, Meredith frowned at her. "How can you hate weddings? Look at everybody here. Everyone's happy, everyone's having fun." Grinning at her with a smile that she knew would undoubtedly irk Cristina, she leaned toward her friend. "Love is in the air."

Cristina groaned, rolling her eyes. "_God_, you're as bad as Izzie."

Meredith laughed, shrugging her shoulders as she turned around in her seat so that she could watch Addison and Alex. "I'm just really happy for them. They both deserve this."

Huffing, Cristina stood to her feet. "Okay, clearly I can't sit with you without running the risk of puking. I think I'm going to see if I can find one of Alex's old wrestling buddies to hook up with."

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Mark found Izzie at the buffet table, an empty plate in her hand as she surveyed the wide variety of food. Her mouth was open, her eyes lingering lustfully on a plate of imported cheeses. Sensing him approaching, she kept her eyes on the tray, licking her lips as Mark moved to stand behind her. "Everything looks so good. God, this is heavenly."

Mark smirked, resting his chin on her shoulder. "The cheese tray is awesome."

She smiled, turning around so that she was facing him. "You totally read my mind," she told him, leaning in to place a soft kiss on his lips. She grinned at him as she pulled away, her eyebrows rising. "Mmm, you taste like brie. That's yummy." She leaned forward again, her mouth caressing his slowly as his hand rose to her waist.

Mark smiled as his lips left hers, pressing them close to her ear. "Mmm, and _you_ taste like an orgasm."

Smirking, Izzie let out a quiet laugh as she rolled her eyes, stepping away from Mark. "Stop being dirty."

He grinned, his eyes scanning the immediate area to ensure no one was listening to them. With mischievous eyes, he turned back to Izzie, noticing the faint flush crawling up her neck. "I don't know how to stop being dirty when I'm around you."

Shaking her head in disbelief, Izzie trapped a piece of brie in between a pair of tongs, placing it on her plate before walking further down the table toward the fruit tray. "Well try. This is Alex and Addison's wedding. _Try_ to act like an adult, not a horny teenager."

Following her down the table, Mark pressed his chest against her back, leaning close to her ear. "Is it wrong that all I could think about during the ceremony was how I wanted to take you in the confessional, lift your dress around your waist and-"

"_Mark_!" Izzie interrupted, her eyes wide as she turned around. "_Yes_! Yes, that's so wrong! So _freaking _wrong! You can't say things like that out loud. You shouldn't even _think_ that. _God_! What's wrong with you? You're going to Hell. To _Hell_, Mark."

Mark laughed through her tirade, reaching over her shoulder and stealing a grape from her plate. With deliberate movements, he stuck the tiny globe in his mouth, his eyes on Izzie as he began sucking it of its juices. Izzie sighed, shaking her head. "Stop looking at me like that."

Smirking, Mark feigned innocence. "Like what?"

Leaning toward her husband, Izzie whispered with a teasing smile, "Like you want to bend be over the buffet table and push my dress around my waist."

Mark closed his eyes, groaning at the mental image. "I knew it. You're trying to kill me, woman."

With a laugh, Izzie began walking toward their table, Mark closely at her heels. She offered friendly smiles to several of the other guests as she crossed the banquet hall, pausing to chat briefly with Dr. Bailey and her husband before finally arriving at her table, sitting across from Meredith and Derek. When Mark sat down beside her, he was grinning from ear to ear. "Want to go check out the coat closet?"

Pursing her lips together, her eyes subtly darted to Meredith and Derek, a relieved sigh escaping her lips when she saw that they were immersed in conversation, oblivious to everything around them. Turning back to Mark, Izzie shook her head. "Mark Sloan, that's just _tacky_."

With a laugh, Mark shrugged. "Well how about we get a room? If I _pay_ for a place to have sex with my wife, does that make it less tacky?"

Chewing slowly on her slice of brie, Izzie titled her head to the side, seemingly pondering his suggestion. "You know what?" she finally said, her eyes meeting his. "I actually think that it does."

His eyes widening, Mark looked at her in surprise. "Seriously?"

With a nod, Izzie stood up, forgetting about her plate as she tucked her chair under the table. "Yeah, but we better hurry up. I want to be here when they cut the cake. Addison decided to go with chocolate buttercream icing, God bless her. I mean, talk about orgasmic, right?""

As they walked away, Mark's hand resting on the small of Izzie's back, Meredith watched them leave the room, a knowing smirk on her face as they headed in the direction of the lobby. Turning her head to face Derek, she grinned. "I think those two really might need to go to Sex Addicts Anonymous."

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In Alex's opinion, weddings were overrated. He didn't understand why it mattered who sat where at the reception or how many candles were lit in the sanctuary of the church; he didn't understand what the big fuss was when the flower bouquets appeared to be a shade closer to dusty pink than maroon. When asked if he thought they should do hors d'oeuvres or a sit-down dinner at the reception, he'd just shrugged his shoulders, leaving the decision up to Addison because, in all honesty, it really didn't matter to him. To Alex, they were all insignificant details, tiny obstacles that he was forced to hear about during the weeks leading up to the wedding.

But as he stood in the middle of the banquet hall at the Archfield Hotel, a smile on his face as he watched Addison laugh with Naomi and Savvy while sipping on their flutes of champagne, he suddenly realized why it was all so important. She had created the perfect day. With every decision, no matter how small it might have seemed, Addison had created a day that neither would ever forget.

_I, Addison, take you Alexander, to be my husband, my life-partner, and my one true love._

Alex pressed his lips together in a smile, his eyes shining as he watched Addison throw her head back in laughter at something Naomi said. She looked happy, _truly _elated, and Alex couldn't prevent the warm feeling in his heart at the knowledge that he had helped to make her feel that way. With a look of determination on his face, he placed one foot in front of the other as he began to cross the room in her direction, his shiny loafers making quiet squeaking sounds on the hardwood floor beneath his feet.

When he was standing behind her, he placed his hands gently atop her bare shoulders, smiling warmly when she angled her head to look at him with love-filled eyes. Breaking their stare only long enough to glance at Naomi and Savvy, he cocked his head to the side, grinning at them charmingly. "I hope you ladies won't mind if I borrow my wife for another dance."

_I, Alexander, take you Addison, as my best friend, my family, and the love of my life._

Her body was pressed closely against his as they swayed to an old Frank Sinatra song, Addison's hands draped loosely at the nape of his neck as she pressed her cheek against his, smiling wistfully. "I can't believe that you're my husband."

_It is you who owns my heart, my body, and my soul._

Alex smiled, nodding his head as he tightened his arms around her waist, trying to bring her closer. "And you're my wife. _Finally_."

_It is you who I live for and would die for._

Addison closed her eyes, relishing the sensation of his hands resting against the small of her back, his hard platinum wedding ring pressing gently against her spine. Sighing contentedly, she allowed her lips to travel just below his ear, her warm breath tickling the sensitive skin of his neck. "I love you, Alex."

_My eyes open to see you and close to picture you._

Alex smiled, running his hands lightly up the base of her spine, causing her to shiver slightly at the touch. "Thank you for marrying me, Addison. I never thought that I could be as happy as I am when I'm with you." Pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead before leaning back, he met her eyes and smiled.

_It doesn't matter if it's a sensuous kiss or a passing glance; it's always perfect because you always make me feel loved._

Alex could feel the curious eyes of their guests, their friends and family smiling at they watched the couple move in the middle of the dance floor. He tuned them out, though, banishing them from his mind as his eyes fluttered shut, and suddenly it was as if it were only he and Addison in the room, their bodies pressed together as though their sole purpose in life was to exist only for one another.

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Derek found Addison talking with Richard and Adele by the bar, her arm around each of them as she spoke with a huge grin stretched across her face. Derek joined them, nodding in greeting as to not interrupt their conversation.

Eventually excusing themselves with an air of subtlety, the Webbers walked away, leaving Derek and Addison alone. Derek grinned at her, leaning his hip against the bar as he watched Addison take a sip of her champagne. "Well hello, Mrs. Karev."

The statement caused Addison's grin to widen. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing that."

With a smile on his face, Derek nodded. "You know, twenty years ago, I never could have imagined us here. This entire scene," he said, his arms gesturing around the room. "It wouldn't have even entered my mind. Me being here, attending your wedding to another man."

Addison smiled. "With your wife as your date and your baby staying home with a sitter."

Derek nodded, his smile growing. "And Mark here, not trying to get every bridesmaid into bed because one of them is actually his _wife_."

Laughing, Addison's eyes grew teary with humor. "And she's just a couple months away from giving birth to his twins."

With a grin, Derek's eyes landed on Mark, who was grabbing two slices of cake from the table across the room. "Why is it that Mark's marriage and impending fatherhood would have seemed far more preposterous than us being married to other people?"

Sighing, Addison returned his smile, leaning her shoulder against his. "I think it's probably because in the back of our minds, we knew we wouldn't end up together. We were never meant to be husband and wife. You're meant to be with Meredith, and I'm meant to be with Alex."

Derek nodded, turning to meet her eyes with an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry if I wasn't a good husband to you."

Shaking her head, Addison sighed, turning to envelop him into a hug. "Don't ever think that. We were happy for a lot of years, Derek. You were a good husband to me until you weren't. We had a great life together."

Returning her hug, Derek smiled, pressing his lips close to her ear. "I love you, Ad. I'm really happy for you and Alex."

Pulling away from him, she grinned, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Dance with me?"

Nodding, Derek took her hand in his, leading her onto the dance floor.

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It was like the parting of the seas as Alex and Addison made their way to the door at the end of the night, the collective guests stepping aside so that the newlyweds could make their departure. Every few steps, someone would reach out to shake Alex's hand or pull Addison into a hug, offering their congratulations and bidding them a wonderful honeymoon.

When they finally reached the doors, Izzie and Meredith approached them both, pulling each of them into strong embraces. Smiling as she wrapped her arms around Alex's frame, Izzie rested her chin on his shoulder. "I'm so happy for you, Alex. You and Addie are going to be so happy together."

Beside them, Meredith smiled as she admired Addison's ring set. "Wow, it really is beautiful, Ad. Seriously. And this wedding? Everything was absolutely perfect."

Walking over to them as Alex went to speak quietly to Mark and Derek, Izzie nodded her head. "It was the most amazing night," she told Addison, pulling her into a hug.

Addison laughed, not because anything was particularly funny, but because her happiness seemed to be overflowing within her, spilling out of her in the form of incessant smiles and unwarranted giggles. "I wish we'd decided to stay in Seattle tonight and just taken a flight out tomorrow. I can't imagine being on a plane for four hours right now. I just want to be with Alex. _Alone_, you know?"

Meredith grinned. "Maybe everybody will be asleep since it's a late flight. You two could consummate your marriage by joining the mile high club."

Scrunching her face, Addison shook her head. "No, that's just . . . that's just uncomfortable. I don't want the first time I have sex with my husband to be in a tiny bathroom with my back pressed up against that little sink. Ugh, it's awful."

Raising her eyebrows, Izzie smirked. "Oh, is it really?"

Her eyes widening a bit, a scarlet flush began to creep up Addison's neck. "Shut up, Izzie." Addison's eyes darted over Meredith's shoulder, connecting with Alex's as a brief, yet knowing smile played on her lips. "I just want our first time as husband and wife to be perfect."

Izzie grinned, a dreamy look in her eyes. "It _will_ be perfect. In your hotel room in Los Cabos, with the sound of the ocean coming through the window, candles lit all around the room."

Meredith nodded. "Ooh, and maybe some nice music playing in the background."

"Ooh yeah," Izzie confirmed. "And champagne. And maybe chocolate covered strawberries."

Grinning, Meredith leaned forward. "And eight or nine orgasms."

Scowling at her, Izzie shook her head. "This is supposed to be romantic, Meredith. Saying the word _orgasm_ kind of kills the mood."

Looking at them incredulously, Addison shook her head. "If you two are done fantasizing about _my _honeymoon, I think my husband and I are going to leave now."

With a sheepish nod, Izzie laughed, leaning forward and giving Addison a hug. "You guys have a wonderful time."

Addison nodded, her hand resting briefly on Izzie's belly. "Keep those girls in there, Izzie. You better not have those babies while I'm gone."

Izzie shook her head, waving her hand in the air. "That's not going to happen. I've already told them that their room's not going to be ready until the holidays are over. They've agreed to give me at least another month."

Smirking, Addison nodded before turning around to find Alex, his hand held outstretched as he waited for her to slip her fingers through his. She did so, smiling widely as he pulled her to his body, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as they began to walk to the limousine.


	43. Chapter 43

**Hey guys. Sorry for the long delays between chapters. I'm sure that many of you, like me, are feeling the stress of finals and the holidays quickly approaching. I promise I'll keep updating when I can, though!**

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Palm trees lined the tiled driveway of the resort as they slowly made their way to the front entrance of the hotel. Alex turned to look at Addison as their shuttle from the airport stopped in front of the grand entrance of the lobby, his hand pausing just above her thigh when he noticed her state of slumber. He couldn't help but smirk as he watched her head fall limply to the side, lightly hitting his shoulder as her hair spilled loosely over her face. Alex smiled, using his free hand to push the messy tresses behind her ear before gently nudging her thigh. "Ad? We're at the hotel."

Her eyes fluttered open, blinking slowly as they adjusted to the light. "Already?" she croaked.

He nodded as a small frown formed on his face, hating having to awaken her after their long day of wedding festivities and their flight from Seattle. Taking her hand as the door of their car was opened by a waiting bellhop, he offered her a smile. "Can you walk? We need to get checked in."

A large part of her wanted to fall limply into his arms and let him carry her across the lobby into their suite, but she merely nodded her head, allowing him to pull her to her feet outside of the car.

Addison leaned her weight against him as Alex checked them into their room, accepting the keys from the clerk before turning toward the elevators. Only minutes later, she briefly wondered if she had fallen asleep against him while they'd ridden the lift to their floor because, almost instantaneously, they were stepping onto the seventeenth floor, her feet dragging sluggishly across the lavish carpets as they followed the bellhop to their suite.

Alex's eyes widened ever-so-slightly when the door was opened, the open threshold revealing a lavish suite decorated in an elegant manner that Alex knew Addison would appreciate. Or she would, he thought, if her eyes weren't half closed as she walked drowsily into the room. Alex smiled sheepishly at the bellhop, slipping him a tip for carrying their luggage before shutting the door behind him.

He took a deep breath, his eyes roaming the room admiringly as he walked across the tiled floors, slipping off his shoes as he made his way to the mini bar and helped himself to a drink. He smirked when he heard a crash coming from the bathroom, followed by a quiet string of unladylike expletives that would, in most situations, not be coming from Addison's mouth. "You okay in there, babe?"

A muffled affirmation wafted through the wall so Alex merely nodded, shrugging his shoulders as he walked to the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. He could feel his shoulders instantly relax, the stress draining from his body as he walked outside, breathing in the salty scent of the Pacific Ocean as he leaned against the rail of the balcony.

His eyes scanned the beach, the sight of the waves breaking against the sand barely visible under the artificial light that illuminated the pool area seventeen floors below. Alex smiled as his vision located a fairly isolated spot beneath a string of palm tees, an adjacent cabana providing the spot with privacy that could possibly come in handy after a late-night stroll on the beach. Grinning as he made a mental note, he turned back toward their suite to find his wife.

He nearly laughed when he found Addison curled up on top of the comforter, her legs covered by the long linen dress that fell to her calves. He eyes were closed, her body totally relaxed as her chest rose and fell in an even rhythm.

Smirking, Alex grabbed a blanket from the closet, wrapping it around her sleeping body before entering the bathroom to take a shower.

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It was nearly midnight as Mark and Izzie laid in bed, Izzie pursing her lips as her eyes scanned the pages of a catalog. There was a pen poised in her hand as she circled various items, her eyes remaining trained on the pages in front of her as she nudged Mark. "Hey, what do you think we should get Addie and Alex for Christmas?"

Beside her, Mark grunted, his eyes remaining closed as he tried not to let her chatter disturb his sleep. Izzie frowned when she didn't get a response from him, her eyes roaming to his side of the bed. She scowled when she saw his sleeping figure sprawled out beside her, a loud sigh escaping her lips when she noticed the abandoned book left open on his naked chest. "_Maaaark_," she whined quietly, running a finger lightly over his arm. "I thought you were going to help me pick out Christmas presents."

"Mmmph." The quiet mumble was accompanied by Mark pulling the covers over his head, his body rotating as he turned his back to her.

Izzie rolled her eyes, her lower lip protruding in a pout. "_Fine_, I'll do it myself."

She sighed dramatically, turning her attention back to the catalog on her lap, but she frowned when she realized that her attempt at Christmas shopping had suddenly lost its appeal. Tapping her fingers impatiently against the plush duvet draped over her body, she turned to Mark. "Hey, do you want a snack?"

He moaned, snuggling deeper beneath the covers. "Shhhh."

Crinkling her nose in irritation, Izzie crossed her arms over her chest. "Well I want a snack. I want a taco. Or maybe a doughnut." She turned to him, pressing her lips near his ear. "Mark, do you want a doughnut?"

Trying to suppress his irritation, he groaned, his body not moving an inch. "Izzie, _please_."

Narrowing her eyes, Izzie scowled. "But we're _starving_, Mark," she complained, bringing her hands up over her belly. "We _need_ nourishment. We need a _doughnut_. _Please _go get me one. No wait, actually get a dozen. You know, for breakfast tomorrow."

He sighed, not even bothering with a reply. With a huff, Izzie gave up, throwing the covers off of her body and struggling to her feet. "Fine, I'll go _all_ alone. I can't believe you're making your pregnant wife fend for herself."

Slipping one of Mark's sweatshirts over her head, Izzie put on her shoes and grabbed the car keys from their dresser before heading out the door.

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Shutting off the faucet, Alex grabbed a thick cotton towel from the towel rack, rubbing it across his body as he stepped out of the marbled shower. He sighed, wiping the mirror with his palm to clear away the steam, his tired expression staring back at him.

He didn't feel particularly tired, though, his mind running on adrenaline as it raced with thoughts of his wife. His _wife_. He'd had plans for their first night together as a married couple. Amazing plans that he knew would leave them with memories that neither would ever forget. That's the way a wedding night was supposed to be, after all, and Alex had planned to leave Addison trembling in anticipation and want so that she would never have regrets about how they'd begun their marriage.

She'd had a long day, though, having had to rise in the early morning hours with Izzie, Meredith and Callie, going through the assortment of feminine rituals that included pedicures and facials in an attempt to beautiful things that, in Alex's opinion, didn't need to be beautified in the first place. The process had lasted all day, not ending until right before she'd walked down the aisle, and now here they were, hours later, and she was finally able to rest.

Alex knew that she was exhausted, he knew that she would be a lot happier tomorrow if she could get a good night's sleep, but the selfish part of him wanted to disregard that information, to walk into the room and wake her up in the most erotic way she would ever experience.

But he wouldn't. He wouldn't because she was exhausted and he was her husband, and as her husband, it was his job to make sure that she had everything that she needed. Right now, he acknowledged, she needed sleep, so he pushed away his selfish desires, reminding himself that they had the rest of the week to make up for one night devoid of love making.

No, thought; not a week. They had the rest of their lives.

He smiled at that thought as he turned the knob, pushing open the bathroom door and feeling a gust of steam rush out into the cool air of his hotel suite. As he lifted his eyes to the room, he couldn't stop his jaw from dropping as he drank in the romantic scene before him.

The room was bathed in a subtle light as soft music wafted from unseen speakers, a cool breeze drifting through the air as sounds of the ocean arrived through the opened balcony door. He smiled when his gaze connected with Addison's, a delicate smile playing on her features as she stood in the center of the room, a cream-colored silk negligee deliciously hugging her every curve.

Alex grinned, walked toward her until their bodies were nearly touching. "Addie."

Her hands gripped his shoulders, her fingers running across the ripple of muscle. "I know you didn't think I'd sleep through our first night as husband and wife," she whispered with a grin, closing the distance between them and she pressed her lips to his.

His eyes drifted closed as she molded her body to his, her arms snaking around his neck as her fingers delved into the wet strands of his hair. He released his grip on his towel, letting it fall to the floor as his own arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer until she was rising to her toes, pressing herself against him in the most intimate of ways.

She moaned when he pulled away, holding her at arms length as his eyes drifted over her body. She pressed her lips together as his gaze studied her figure, her gown now transparent from the way her body had pressed against his damp skin. She could feel her face flushing as he continued to drink in her appearance, her cheeks turning warm from the desire clawing at her nerve endings.

A whimper escaped her lips when he finally stepped forward, placing a gentle kiss on top of her forehead. The loving gesture had caught her by surprise because, judging from the look of lust on his face, she'd expected something far more feral. Instead, though, he smiled at her, pressing his lips lightly against her cheeks until they captured her mouth, his fingers slipping beneath the straps of her gown until it was sliding down her body.

And then he was backing her against the bed, lowering her onto the mattress as his eyes connected with hers. "This is the beginning of the rest of our lives," he told her, his hands sliding up her thighs as he nuzzled her cheek with his own.

She smiled, sighing contentedly as her eyes fluttered closed. "I know."

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Derek walked into the twenty-four hour convenience store near his house, his eyes trained on the ground as he maneuvered to the back of the store. Grabbing a Styrofoam cup from the counter, he filled it with steaming decaffeinated coffee and a handful of sugar packets, swirling the liquid with a straw as he moved down the nearest aisle. Pulling a pack of diapers from the shelf with his free hand, he walked toward the cash register, setting the items on the counter.

"Is that it?" the cashier asked, not even bothering to look up.

Derek nodded, pulling his wallet from his back pocket and taking out a credit card. His eyes widened in surprise when, seconds later, he felt a slender arm wrapping around his waist, an unmistakably feminine body pressing against his side. "I think I want to marry you."

Derek turned his head, smiling slightly. "I hate to disappoint you, but I'm already married."

Beside him, Izzie sighed dramatically. "Well I am, too. _Unfortunately_ to a man who won't even buy his wife a doughnut when she's _starving_," she complained, eyeing the items that the cashier was slipping into a bag. "Obviously you don't mind running to the store for _your_ wife in the middle of the night."

Derek shrugged, accepting the bag from the cashier as Izzie laid her items on the counter. "Diaper emergency." He smiled, scanning the array of snack foods placed on the counter. "So, uh, you came here for a doughnut, huh?"

Izzie looked at the counter sheepishly, shrugging her shoulders. "And other stuff." She rolled her eyes when Derek's grin widened, swatting her hand toward his arm. "Shut up, Derek."

He laughed, rubbing his arm playfully. "So Mark really wouldn't go to the store for you? That _bastard_."

Izzie grinned, nodding her head. "Seriously."

Paying the cashier, she moved to take her bags from the counter, but Derek stepped forward before she could, picking them up and turning toward the door. "I'll walk you to your car."

Izzie smiled, threading her arm through Derek's as they walked toward the entrance. "Such a gentleman."

Laughing, Derek held the door as he and Izzie walked outside. "Well clearly I have to pick up your husband's slack."

A giggle escaping her lips, Izzie unlocked the doors of her car so that Derek could place the bag in the front seat. "Well, thanks Derek. Tell Mer-"

But her thought was cut off as a loud bang reverberated through the air, the nearly deafening sound causing Izzie to jump before her mind had even registered that it was a gunshot. Without thinking, Derek moved his body over Izzie's, his chest pressing her against the door of her SUV. He heard a whimper escape her lips as the back of her head slammed against the window, his shaking hands gripping her waist to keep her from falling to the ground.

The next seconds were a blur, a mixture of screams from inside the building and the sound of the front door of the store crashing open as two men escaped through the parking lot.

"Derek," Izzie whispered, her shaking voice sound weak.

Derek shook his head, his grip remaining tight on her waist. "Christ," he whispered, backing up ever so slightly so that he could look at Izzie.

Tears were hovering behind her eyelids, her face shockingly pale as she stared at him with wide eyes. Derek swallowed, a feeling of nausea rising to his throat. "Iz."

His tone was somber, his eyes trained on her chest. Following his line of vision, Izzie's own eyes widened at the sight of the scarlet bloodstains marring her husband's favorite New York Yankee's sweatshirt.


	44. Chapter 44

A strange noise emitted from the back of Izzie's throat as she looked at the blood coating the area just above her heart. She hesitantly brought her hand up, her fingers becoming sticky as she delicately touched the stained area.

She wondered if the feeling she was experiencing was the feeling of death, if maybe her soul was floating away from her body, her organs shutting down one by one. The thought caused a tiny whimper to escape her lips, her heart aching not for herself, but for her family. For the husband who she couldn't help but think might never recover from another loss, for the daughters who would never have the chance to live the life she had envisioned for them.

Izzie couldn't help but feel surprised by the realization that she was dying; this feeling of body disassociation was not what she expected to feel while her heart was beating its last beats. Perhaps it was because she worked in a hospital, experiencing death each and everyday, but she had always expected death to be painful. She was experiencing no pain, though, her body feeling numb as though the power supply to her nerve endings had suddenly been shut off, her body completely losing sensation.

Except the funny thing was, her body _wasn't_ numb. She could feel each beat of her heart slamming against her chest; she could feel each breath that she was painfully dragging into her lungs. She could even feel the aching pulse of her head, a knot forming on her scalp where her skull had slammed against her car window. So why the hell couldn't she feel the bullet wound that had ripped through her chest, splattering blood all over the front of Mark's sweatshirt?

And then she looked up, noticing Derek staggering backwards, his hand clutching his chest in a way that made Izzie's face pale. A gasp fell from her lips as she stepped toward him, her hand outstretched as everything suddenly clicked in her mind. It wasn't _her_ who had been shot; the blood on the sweatshirt hadn't come from _her_ body. "Derek?" she whispered, her voice shaky as she laid her hand on his shoulder, her eyes automatically drawn to where his hand was clutching his chest.

His glassy, unfocused eyes met hers briefly before looking down, peeling his hand away from his shirt and staring open-mouthed at the scarlet stains soiling his palm. He blinked as his vision became blurred, a ringing sound resonating in his inner ear. "I think I . . . I think I've been shot."

His voice sounded distant in his mind, as though the sounds had reverberated from someone else's mouth far away from him. He looked up once again when he heard Izzie's voice, her tone sounding high-pitched and panicked.

"Derek," she called, struggling to get his wavering attention. She was clutching his palm, trying to push it out of the way as her eyes focused on Derek's chest. "Let me see it! I need to see it, Derek. You have to move your hand!"

Izzie's heart was beating wildly, her body shaking as she pushed Derek's hand to the side. Her eyes were filling with tears of panic, making it impossible for her to see the wound that was slowly leaking blood onto the white tuxedo shirt that Derek had never changed out of after the wedding. Sniffing, she took a deep breath, forcing her tears away as the wails of approaching emergency vehicles echoed in her ears.

Derek was doing his best to breathe, trying to constantly remind himself to keep taking oxygen into his lungs, but each breath he took felt like someone was grinding a knife into his chest cavity. He could feel his legs beginning to shake, his own body weight causing his muscles to quiver from tension. Reaching out toward Izzie, he placed his hands on her shoulders as he tried to steady himself, but his knees buckled, his legs collapsing and propelling his body towards hers.

A gasp escaped Izzie's lips as she felt her body being pushed to the ground, the cotton pajama pants she was wearing ripping at the knees as gravel tore into her flesh when she hit the concrete. And then Derek was falling on top of her, his chin slamming against her cheekbone as his body impelled her flat against the pavement.

Derek groaned, using every ounce of his energy to push himself off of Izzie, knowing his weight had to be crushing her. His breathing was labored as he rolled onto the side of his body, pain shooting through every nerve ending as he hit the rough ground with a thud. He heard Izzie moan, saw her struggling to sit up from the corner of his eye.

She appeared above him moments later, her face stained with dirt and tears, her hands pressing against the sides of his cheeks in an attempt to force him to meet her eyes. "Derek? Derek, look at me!"

Another groan fell from his tongue as his eyes slowly crept up to meet hers. His breaths were now coming in unsteady, shallow pants, his skin pale and clammy beneath her palms. She tried to smile at him, her lips forming an awkward, undulating line as tears once again gathered behind her eyelids. "Help's on the way, Derek. Do you hear that sound? Those sirens? See, they're almost here." His eyes were unfocused, his pupils dilated. "I need you to keep looking at me, okay? I need you to talk to me. Talk to me about Meredith. Talk about anything, Derek. Just talk to me."

Derek smiled, his eyes suddenly refocusing as Izzie began unbuttoning his dress shirt, carefully peeling it from his body. "Meredith? Meredith is . . . so amazing," he whispered, his voice sounding strained as he worked to get the words out. "She looked . . . beautiful tonight . . . didn't she?"

She nodded, only half paying attention as her eyes scanned the bullet hole resting on the right side of his chest. "She did. She really did," Izzie verified distractedly. "Keep talking to me, Derek."

Derek closed his eyes, his lips remaining parted as he labored to draw air into his lungs. "It was a . . . nice wedding. I hope that. . . Addie and Karev . . . are having fun." He swallowed, cringing at the pain spreading through his chest. "I saw you and . . . Mark leave . . . in the middle of . . . the reception."

She looked up, her eyes studying his face as he tried to smile at her. "Yeah, we . . . we did," she confirmed, unsure how to respond to his comment as she began taking off her sweatshirt.

She shivered as the cold December air bit into her skin, penetrating her body as she struggled to remove the outer layer of clothing. Goose bumps appeared on her arms as she sat in only a tank top and pajama bottoms, her teeth beginning to chatter as she moved to press the sweatshirt against Derek's chest.

A groan escaped his lips as she used her weight to compress the gunshot wound. He tried to ignore the pain, tried to fight back his tears as waves of nausea plagued his stomach. Taking in a shuddering breath, he met Izzie's eyes. "You make him . . . happy, Izzie. I . . . hope I make . . . Meredith as happy as . . . you make Mark."

Izzie nodded, pressing her lips tightly together as a tear spilled over her eyelid. "You do, Derek. I promise you do. Meredith's never been happier in her life." Sniffing, she turned her head as she heard the roar of an engine pulling into the parking lot, a sigh of relief escaping her lips as she saw a police car speeding toward the side of the building. "The police are here, Derek. Do you hear me?"

He nodded, opening his eyes to find the blackened sky being illuminating by the blinding blue lights flashing only a few yards away.

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Meredith groaned, her eyes cracking open as a shrilling noise penetrated her mind. Looking around the room in confusion, the shadowed, pale blue walls reminded her that she was in Jack's room, the tiny infant slumbering in her arms indicating that she had fallen asleep while rocking her son after his midnight feeding.

Sighing, she stood up, resisting the urge to stretch her body as she walked Jack to his crib, laying him inside and covering him with a tiny blanket that Izzie had knitted for him. She smiled, running her hand over the soft head decorated with silky dark hair, her finger rounding to stroke his cheek.

She frowned when she heard the shrilling sound once again, this time correctly identifying the noise as the ringing of the doorbell. She moved out of the room, cracking the door of the nursery and rushing to her own bedroom. "Derek?" she called, her eyes scanning the area. "Hey, are you in here?"

Her face twisted with worry when she realized that he'd yet to return from the store, her confusion growing as her eyes noted the time glaring brightly from her alarm clock: 1:19 in the morning. Turning around, she walked quickly toward the staircase as the doorbell resounded again, her frown deepening as the chime was followed by the sound of frantic, nearly-violent pounding against the front door.

Stopping in front of the threshold, she placed her hand cautiously on the knob. "Who is it?"

"Meredith, it's me! Open the door!" Mark yelled, his voice anxious as he jiggled the knob impatiently.

Her brow furrowing, she hurriedly unlocked the door, her eyes wide as Mark rushed passed her into the foyer. "What are you doing here, Mark?"

His face was pale, lines with stress creasing the skin around his eyes. "Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you for the last fifteen minutes!"

Her mouth fell open, her shoulders shrugging lightly. "I . . . I fell asleep in the baby's room; I'm sorry. Is everything okay? What's going on?"

He ignored her questions, struggling to regulate his breathing as his pulse pounded against his skin. "Get dressed. We have to go."

Her worry increased at the frantic tone of his voice, her body already turning to go back upstairs to change out of her pajamas. "Is it Izzie? Is she okay?"

Mark took a deep breath, swallowing as tears filled his eyes. "We have to go. We have to go _now_. Get Jack, Meredith."

She frowned, her nerves fraying at his obvious urgency, causing her to pause midway up the staircase. "Mark, tell me what's the matter. Did . . . did something happen to the twins? What's going on?"

"It's Derek and Izzie!" he blurted, stepping towards her as her eyes widened. "There was an accident, Mer. They're on there way to Seattle Grace. We have to go."

Meredith shook her head, her face full of confusion. "What're you talking about? Izzie's with him? What kind of accident?"

"Damn it, Meredith!" he snapped, his patience running out as his worry for his wife and best friend exploded. "Just . . . just _please_ get your coat and the baby. We have to go. I'll explain everything to you in the car but we have to go _now_!"

XXXXX

The sirens of the ambulance were screaming as it raced down the streets of Seattle, the emergency wails echoing in Izzie's ear as the EMT took Derek's vitals on the other side of his gurney. Her eyes were full of worry as they met Derek's, her smile weak as she tried to offer him some semblance of comfort. "You okay? We're almost there, Derek. They're taking us to Seattle Grace."

He swallowed, his breathing shallow. "Izzie, where's . . . Meredith? She needs . . . to be here. I need to tell her-"

"Meredith is going to meet us at the hospital, okay?" Izzie interrupted, wiping away the thin film of moisture pooling out of the pores on Derek's forehead. "Mark is picking her up from your house." She swallowed through her tears, taking in a deep breath. "But I need you to stop talking now, Derek. I can hear air being sucked into the puncture hole. I think you have a collapsed lung."

Derek shut his eyes again, his hand rising to blindly seek out Izzie's where her fingers were now pressing a thick mound of gauze against the wound on his chest. "I'm sorry, Izzie," he whispered hoarsely, his face pinching into a grimace as another wave of pain shot through his body. "I'm so . . . sorry that I couldn't . . . save Ben."

She immediately looked up, shaking her head fervently as she laced her fingers through his. "It's not your fault Derek. You don't need to worry about that right now."

He nodded, his movements weak as he opened his eyes. "I just hope . . . that your girls are . . . alright."

A whimper escaped Izzie's lips as she felt the ambulance slam to a halt, her eyes closing as the back doors of the rig were thrown open. At that moment, she understood exactly why Derek had jumped in front of her when the gun exploded.

XXXXXX

**Okay, so for those of you reading **_**Calamity**_**, I'm really not sure why I seem to be beating the life out of Derek. Seriously, I have no problem with the man. I actually love him to** **death** **(and I don't even mean that to be taken as a twisted, clichéd pun)**. **Not really sure what's going on with my morbid need to explore his mortality. Sorry, I can't fight the way my mind works. **

**Now go ahead. Let me have it.**


	45. Chapter 45

**So I'm finding myself slightly irritable as the weekend comes to an end because **_**finally**_**, after weeks of trying to block it out of my mind, we're seeing the effects of the Writer's Strike first hand. Because now there's no new episode of Grey's this week. And I'm choosing to believe that it's because ABC has to drag them out as long as possible because they won't pay the writers, well you know, what they deserve. And anyway, I'm just complaining right now because I'm in a complaining kind of mood and my roommate has _abandoned_ me because of appendicitis or something lame like that, so **_**you guys **_**are the only people I have to talk to. **

**And I just have to share this with you. My friend, Kate (you know, TerribleKate, the ****writer/****abandoner of several great stories), sent this to me in an email a couple of weeks ago. And it's kind of brilliant because it totally sums up how I feel right now, in a totally Kate way: **

**I heard about the strike and I am SO NERVOUS. Ack. I kind of feel like there's just been an atomic bomb and the whole world has been destroyed and there's only a few of us left and we only have enough supplies to last us until January and then we'll all **_**die**_

**Isn't she great? Agh. So no more Grey's until next week. It hurts. How are we ever going to get through next year? Well, let's just hope that things go well during this week's renegotiations.**

**Okay, rant over. **

**Also, thanks PITAQUEEN, for your review. You weren't signed in when you left it, and I'm too lazy to hunt for your profile. But just so you know, I totally agree. Meredith's died enough on the show. Let someone else have a turn :)**

**XXXXXX**

Addison was panting, her skin coated in a light film of sweat as her head dropped back against the pillow. "I think . . ." she paused, a smile stretching across her face as she struggled to take in oxygen. "I think our married sex might be even better than our relationship sex."

Beside her, Alex nodded, a sated grin covering his lips as he allowed his eyes to flutter closed. "Yeah. Yeah, that was . . ."

"Intense," she supplied, her smile widening as she turned toward him. "And impressive. We're _very_ impressive right now."

Alex chuckled, opening his eyes as Addison rested her cheek on his bare chest. "We're always impressive."

She giggled at the teasing tone of his voice, her fingers slowly sliding over the slick muscles of his abdomen. "I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to let you out of this bed the entire week," she told him with a grin, her eyes twinkling as they connected with his. "I might not be able to walk by next Friday, but you know, that's just a sacrifice I'm going to have to make."

He smiled, placing a kiss on her forehead. "God, I don't know what I did to deserve you," he whispered, his voice mischievous. "Someone who's willing to make such difficult _sacrifices_."

She laughed, hitting him playfully in the chest. "I don't know what you did to deserve me, either."

Alex tilted his face down, capturing Addison's upper lip in between his own, massaging her mouth in a gentle caress as he pushed her onto her back, bracing himself above her with his weight resting on his elbows. "Well, we have to go to the beach at least once," he said, placing gentle, opened-mouth kisses against her throat. "I've never been in the ocean, and it'd be a shame to leave Los Cabos without even getting in the water."

Addison's fingers stilled on his shoulders, the smile on her face faltering as she pulled her head back, her eyes narrowed as they connected with his. "What do you mean? You've never been in the ocean in your entire _life_? How can that be possible?"

He shrugged, leaning against his elbows. "I don't know, I just haven't."

"But you've lived in Washington for years. Seattle's not even a three hour drive to the coast."

He smirked, shaking his head. "When would I have had time to do that without you knowing about it?"

She frowned, pushing against his shoulder as she struggled to sit up. "But _everyone _goes to the beach. What about when you were a kid? Didn't you ever go in the summers or on the weekends?"

Alex laughed at the flabbergasted expression on Addison's face. "Not everyone's been to the beach, Addie; probably just everyone who grew up in Connecticut." He smiled apologetically when she scowled at him, shrugging his shoulders. "Look, you know my history. I grew up in Iowa; we were completely landlocked. Plus, I lived with a drunk who could barely afford to put food on our table. Going to the beach on the weekends wasn't really a priority in my family."

There was a moment when Alex was afraid that Addison was going to give in to the sympathetic look on her face, that she was going to take his hand and tell him how sorry she was that he had such a terrible childhood. But then she surprised him, a sweet, tender grin forming on her face as she grabbed his wrist, tugging on his arm as she climbed out of the bed. "Come on; get dressed."

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head lightly as he watched her walk across the room, her sensuous curves glowing in the dim moonlight that was beaming through the balcony doors. "Addie, what're you doing?" he asked, studying her dubiously as she grabbed her dress from its spot of the floor, shimmying until it fit snuggly over her body.

"We're going to the beach," she told him simply, grinning as she tossed his shirt and pants onto the bed. "Come on, you're wasting time."

The grin never left Addison's face as they silently rode the elevator down to the main level of the hotel, their fingers entwined as a dinging sound announced their arrival. She tugged on his hand, flashing him a smile as they walked out of the double doors at the back of the hotel, moving across the abandoned pool area until their feet were sinking into the sand, the tiny grains tickling their skin as the sand squished between their toes.

Addison glanced up at Alex, her eyes searching his expression as he looked out into the Pacific Ocean. "It's amazing, isn't it?"

He nodded, breathing in deeply as the soft breeze compelled the salty scent of the sea onto his senses. "Yeah, it is."

She smiled, dropping Alex's hand as her eyes scanned the abandoned beach with a mischievous expression. "Want to go swimming?"

Alex couldn't stop the gentle laugh from falling from his lips, his eyes widening in pleasant surprise as she slipped the thin strap of her dress from her shoulder. He didn't question her as he grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head before watching her push the linen dress down her body until it gathered at her feet.

And then she had Alex's hand in hers, their feet running a jagged pattern across the beach until their toes hit the cool water of the ocean. Addison glanced at him, her eyebrows lifting questioningly. "Ready to go in?"

He nodded, grinning happily as they walked into the water, the waves breaking against their legs as they moved deeper and deeper into the salty sea. And when they were almost completely submerged, Addison stopped, wrapping her long legs around Alex's waist, her body pressing intimately against his as her arms slipped around his neck. "Doesn't this feel amazing?"

He smiled, watching shadows dance across her beautiful face as tiny beads of water dripped from her eyelashes. With a nod, he placed a soft kiss on her lips. "It really does," he agreed, but they both knew that he wasn't talking about the water.

XXXXXX

The hospital was unusually quiet, the kind of quiet that made Meredith's skin crawl as she rushed down the hall toward the surgical waiting room. Mark was a couple of steps ahead of her, his face looking pale and haggard with lines of worry, his right hand firmly clutching the handle of Jack's baby carrier to keep Meredith's trembling fingers from being burdened with its weight.

He was the first to cross the threshold of the waiting area, a gasp escaping his lips when he found Izzie alone in the middle of the room, her face buried in her bloodstained hands as her shoulders shook from the weight of her tears. He was across the floor in an instant, gently placing Jack on the floor as he gathered his wife in his arms, his muscles shaking as his eyes scanned her body. Russet stains covered her clothing, her pastel pink pajama set turning an ugly shade of brown as blood dried in the crevices of the fabric. Her eyes were brimming with tears as they met his, her body shivering violently as she fell into him, letting him support her weight as her arms wrapped around his neck.

Mark shook his head, his hands softly gripping her arms as a feeling of panic filled his chest. "Are you hurt? Izzie? Izzie, look at me! Where's this blood coming from?"

She backed away, her eyes catching a glimpse of Meredith's meek frame in the doorway of the waiting room before meeting her husband's stare. "It's Derek's," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper.

A whimper fell from Meredith's tongue, the quiet sound just loud enough to ring in Izzie's ears as she pulled away from Mark. "Mer, I'm so, _so_ sorry," she told her, her head shaking in an apologetic appeal as she turned to face Meredith. "I tried to make them wait until you got here, but Dr. Myrick said they needed to get him into surgery as soon as possible."

Meredith nodded as her eyes widened, her mind suddenly going blank as she crossed the room. "Oh," she whispered unsteadily, her pallid features seemingly contradicting the unexpectedly calm reply. "So . . . so it's bad?"

Izzie's face crumbled as she gingerly sat in the seat next to her, ignoring her own aching body as her hand covered Meredith's in an offering of comfort. "I don't know how bad it is, but I know that it's . . . it's not good."

Meredith shut her eyes, her body rocking lightly in her chair as a wave of dizziness overtook her. She could feel Izzie's fingers tightening around her own, her free hand tucking a loose strand of hair behind Meredith's ear.

Izzie swallowed the growing lump in her throat, her eyes looking everywhere except at the baby slumbering peacefully in the carrier resting at her feet. "Dr. Myrick, uh, he told me that they would come out here to give us an update as soon as they assess the internal damage."

Mark knelt in front of his wife, his hands resting gently above the ripped fabric at the knees of her pajama pants. "Did you have someone look at you while you were in the ER?"

She shook her head, her eyes turning to meet Mark's. "I'm fine. It's just some scrapes and bruises."

He looked as though he was about to protest when Meredith spoke up, her facial expression vulnerable as she trained her eyes on Izzie's. "What happened, exactly?"

An uncomfortable silence elapsed, breathy shudders falling from Izzie's mouth as she tried to suppress the tears huddling behind her eyelids. She closed her eyes, flashes of Derek bleeding outside the convenience store flashing in her mind. "We were in the parking lot of the store," she told them, her voice sounding quiet as Mark and Meredith turned to stare at her. "Derek . . . he, um, he walked me to my car after we finished inside. And we were getting ready to leave; you know, we were just standing there talking and then this . . . there was this _bang_. And Derek jumped in front of me and . . . and it all happened so fast. I didn't even know what was going on at first, but then he was bleeding and I . . . I just _knew_."

Meredith's body stilled at Izzie's words, her expression becoming stony as she stared sightlessly at the floor in front of her. "So, when you say he jumped in front of you . . ." She paused, taking in a deep breath as another tear spilled over her eyelid. "He was doing what, exactly? Trying to move out of the way? Was he trying to get out of the bullet's path?"

It took every ounce of willpower Izzie had to meet Meredith's eyes. She knew without a doubt that the hesitant, monotone drawl of Meredith's voice meant that even Meredith didn't believe the words that she spoke. "I don't think he knew where the bullet was going, Mer. I mean, we . . . we didn't even know that someone inside the store had a gun until after we heard the shot. Derek probably didn't realize what was happening until it was too late, but he . . . he jumped in front of me to protect me. He was trying to save me."

Meredith swallowed through the thick swell of emotion, her hands trembling as she brought them to her face to wipe away the moisture collecting on her face. "So if he hadn't moved in front of you . . ."

Sniffing, Izzie's eyes filled with tears as she felt Meredith pull her hand out of her grasp. "I probably would've been shot instead of him," Izzie admitted, her voice low as her hands twisted nervously against her knees.

Meredith nodded, a tear silently trailing down her cheek. "So um . . ." The words came out in a hoarse, straggled manner, causing Meredith to clear her throat before speaking again. "So where was the bullet wound?"

Izzie took a deep breath, glancing fleetingly at Mark before training her eyes on her own lap. "On the right side of his chest. It looked like it was near his lungs, but I can't be sure. I think that one of his one of his lungs collapsed while we were in the ambulance."

Mark sighed heavily, closing his eyes as he laid his head against Izzie's thigh. He squeezed her gently, his arms wrapped around her calves as though he was afraid to let her go. Izzie pressed her lips firmly together, holding back the tiny sounds of emotion that threatened to spill from her mouth as her hands delved into his hair, her fingernails lightly scraping against his scalp as his body shook against hers.

"I'm fine, Mark," she whispered, her hand caressing the side of his cheek.

Mark shook his head, sitting up as he met her eyes. "No, I want you to let someone check you out." He held up his hand when she opened her mouth to protest, his face tenacious as he wrapped his fingers around hers. "No, just . . . just _please_ do this for me, Izzie. I'm not asking a lot, okay? But you need to get cleaned up and-" He paused briefly, his eyes filling with tears as his chin began to tremble. "And we should get a sonogram. Just to be sure, Iz. Since we're here anyway; we might as well."

She looked torn, glancing at Meredith with a concerned expression as her free hand rose to the swell of her stomach. "Okay. Um, yeah. But . . . but maybe we can go in a little while. I don't think . . . I mean, we shouldn't leave right now," she told him, studying Meredith from the corner of her eye.

The sound of approaching footsteps resonated from the doorway, causing the three of them to anxiously glance behind them. Dr. Bailey stood in the threshold, a sympathetic smile on her face as she walked towards Meredith, sitting in the empty chair beside her. "I came up here as soon as I heard about Derek," she told them, her eyes connecting with Mark's as she took Meredith's hand into hers. "I can stay here."

She shifted her gaze to Izzie, her brow furrowing as she shook her head. "You look _awful_. Go take a shower and let your husband fix you up. You're not doing anybody any good sitting up here looking like that."

The familiar chiding of Bailey's voice caused the corners of Izzie's mouth to curl upward. With a small nod of her head, she smiled appreciatively at Bailey, accepting Mark's outstretched hand as she allowed him to pull her to her feet. "Mer, we'll be back in a little while, okay?"

But Meredith didn't look up at her, her eyes remaining closed as a lone tear fell down her cheek, and Izzie got the distinct impression that Meredith didn't care whether she came back or not.

XXXXXX


	46. Chapter 46

**Alright, sorry it's taken me so long to update. Seriously, I feel like my life is **_**nuts**_** right now**

XXXXXX

Meredith was so tired, so unbearably exhausted, but she refused to allow her eyes to close until she heard news about Derek's condition. She was sitting ramrod straight, her fingers digging into her thighs every time her body tried to betray her by lulling itself to sleep, her eyes stinging as she held them open. Beside her, Bailey was holding Jack, the baby sleeping soundly against her arm, his tiny lips parted as rhythmic sighs escaped his mouth. Bailey smiled as she looked down at him, her thumb lightly running along the length of his cheek. "Such a handsome boy; looks a lot like his daddy."

Meredith pressed her lips firmly together, her eyes misting as she nodded head. "Yeah, he does." She smiled a wistful smile, sighing as she studied her son. "You should see him when he yawns. It's weird. It's like I'm looking at this tiny, squirmy little version of Derek."

Bailey smirked, her eyes rolling toward the ceiling. "It's annoying, isn't it? We carry these babies for nine months and go through hours and hours of labor, and then they end up looking like _them_."

Smiling slightly, Meredith shrugged, rubbing the bottom of Jack's foot as she watched him sleep, a tear clinging to her eyelashes. "No, I'm glad he looks like Derek."

Bailey's lips twisted, nodding sympathetically as she placed the baby in his carrier, turning to Meredith with narrowed eyes. "Why don't you go lay down in the on-call room? I can come get you when there's news."

Meredith shook her head, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her hand. "No, I need to stay here."

Pursing her lips, Bailey nodded. "Okay." She leaned back in her chair, her eyes shifting to study Meredith's face. "Well, do you need anything? Are you doing alright?"

Meredith sniffed, her mouth twisting into a somber smile. "No, I'm not _alright_. I'm exhausted. I'm terrified. I'm _angry_."

Bailey narrowed her eyes, her lips pressed thinly together. "What're you angry about?"

"I'm mad at _Derek_!" She closed her eyes, shaking her head gently as she took a deep breath. "I'm glad that Izzie's fine. It would've been _horrible_ if something had happened to her and her girls. But . . . but I can't be happy that Derek jumped in front of her, Dr. Bailey. What the hell was he _thinking_? Because it definitely wasn't about our son; it definitely wasn't about me. I mean, what if . . ." Her voice cracked, a tear slipping from her eye. "It's like he wasn't thinking about his family. He wasn't thinking about what would happen to us in all of this."

Bailey chewed on her lip, watching as Meredith buried her face in her hands. She sighed, shaking her head as her lips formed a think line. "That's the _stupidest _thing I've ever heard."

Meredith looked up, her eyes narrowed with surprise. "_What_?"

A quiet, humorless laugh escaped Bailey's mouth as she folded her hands in her lap. "What Derek did was nothing short of courageous, Meredith. He saved _three_ lives tonight. And . . . and that doesn't sound like much to us because we _forget_ how precious it is to save a life. We save hundreds of people every year, so we lose sight of how amazing it really is."

Bailey shook her head, her eyes meeting Meredith's. "But I can't imagine Derek doing anything other than what he did for Izzie; he wouldn't be the person that he is if he had just stood back and let something happen to her. He's a hero, Meredith. A _hero_. And that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you and Jack. No matter what happens, you can't lose sight of that."

XXXXXX

An exhausted sigh escaped Izzie's lips as she followed Mark into the locker room, her eyes hooded with fatigue as she lowered herself to the bench. She exhaled slowly, closing her eyes and bringing her hand to her belly. "I'm so tired."

Mark nodded at her whispered admission, crouching in front of her with his hands resting on her thighs. "You should take a shower." His eyes scanned her stained pajamas, his chest aching at the sight of Derek's blood discoloring the cotton. "You'll feel a lot better when you get cleaned up."

She shook her head, her eyes cracking open. "I'm too tired to take a shower."

He sighed, chewing on his lower lip. "Iz, come on. It'll be quick. But you've got to change; you have to get this blood off of you."

She was on the verge of tears, her chin quivering as she shook her head once again. "Mark, please just leave me alone."

Mark let out a shaky breath, nodding his head as he stood to his feet, disappearing into the connecting bathroom. When he returned minutes later, Izzie was lying against the bench, her hand covering her eyes as silent tears streamed down her cheeks. He stooped to his knees, his forehead furrowed in concern as he softly rubbed her arm, offering her a gentle smile when she opened her eyes. "Can you sit up?"

She sniffed, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand as she allowed Mark to pull her into sitting position. He frowned when she was facing him, scrutinizing her appearance before bringing his hand to her face, softly pressing a warm washcloth against her skin. The gesture brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes, a swell of emotion burning her throat as Mark caressed her cheek with the cloth, gently removing the traces of dirt and blood that were still clinging to her face.

Tears were still hovering on her lashes when he lowered the cloth from her face, her cheeks flushed from the heat of the damp cotton. "You okay?" His gaze connected with hers, his eyes narrowed as he lightly brushed his thumb over her lip.

She nodded, leaning forward until her forehead was resting against his. "Derek has to be okay," she whispered. "He . . . he _has_ to."

Mark swallowed, breathing deeply as her hair loosely fell against his cheeks, the overwhelming scent of her shampoo flooding his senses. "He will be."

She didn't respond to his comment, lifting her head so that she could meet his stare. "I was so scared tonight."

"I'm sorry, Izzie." Nodding his head, Mark took a deep breath, shifting his gaze to her face. "I'm your husband; I'm always supposed to be there for you, and I wasn't. I'm supposed to protect you and . . . and I couldn't. Derek had to protect you, and I should've . . . I _never _should have let you leave the house by yourself. None of this would've happened if-"

"Stop it." She said the words firmly, her eyes wide with tears. "Don't do that. We're fine, okay? I'm fine, and the according to the ultrasound, so are the babies." She sighed, shaking her head as she gazed at him with keen eyes. "You can't blame yourself for this, Mark. I'm the one who chose to leave the house tonight. It was my decision, not yours."

He clamped his mouth shut, taking an unsteady breath as he took her hands in his, dragging the washcloth across her palms in an effort to dissolve the blood from her skin. His movements were rhythmic, his hands gentle as he carefully wiped away the scarlet stains.

Izzie watched him intently, her eyes focused on the way the cloth moved back and forth across her across her palms, Derek's blood seeping into the fabric with each stroke. His movements were becoming blurry as the tears in her eyes clouded her vision, so she blinked, the downward force of her eyelashes sending new tears sprawling down her cheeks. "Meredith _needs _Derek, Mark." Her comment caused his hands to still, his eyes rising to her face. "I don't know if she can survive without him. And . . . and that baby? _God_, that baby needs his father. Derek should never have jumped in front of me. If he doesn't come out of that operating room . . ."

Mark pursed his lips together, not immediately responding to Izzie's fear as she trailed off, her trembling voice no longer supporting her speech. He placed his hands on her hips, his fingers slipping into the waistband of her pajama pants. "Stand up for a second." She did so without question, watching him carefully slip the pale pink fabric down her legs, tugging it free of her ankles and dropping the pants on the floor. He swallowed as he eyed her swollen, scraped knees, his forehead furrowing. "These are bad. You should've said something."

He stood up, getting a first aid kit from the supply closet before repositioning himself in front of his wife. "I could've gotten you a pain reliever to make you feel more comfortable. They look like they're hurting you."

Izzie frowned as she reseated herself on the bench. "Not as much as a gunshot wound would have."

Mark sighed, nodding slowly as he extracted a pair of tweezers from the kit. "There's some gravel embedded in your knees. I'm going to have to-"

"It's fine," she interrupted, rolling her eyes to the ceiling as he brought the tweezers to her broken skin.

Mark avoided looking at Izzie's face, instinctively knowing that it was twisting from pain as her knees throbbed from his touch. He worked carefully, trying to be quick as he pulled tiny fragments of the pavement from her skin, her knees already turning an ugly purplish color around the edges. He took a deep breath, blinking to keep tears from filling his eyes. "What you said earlier? About Meredith and Jack needing Derek? Well . . ." He swallowed, trying to control the quiver in his voice. "Well, I need _you, _Izzie; I need our _daughters_. And . . . and I'm not saying that I don't hate this. I hate everything about this; I would give anything to trade places with Derek right now."

He paused, his throat aching with emotion as he met her eyes. "But _he_ made the choice to jump in front of you, Iz. And you're not allowed to say that he shouldn't have done it. It was the only thing he _could've_ done; that's the kind of man that Derek is. And I . . . I can't be sorry that he did it. I just _can't_ because . . . you and these babies are my life. There's no way that I could have survived if I had lost you."

Izzie was breathing heavily as the words tumbled across his lips. Her face crumbled as his voice cracked, a sob escaping her from her throat as she slipped her arms around Mark's neck, leaning into him. He held on to her, his grip firm as her shoulders shook, quiet cries pouring from her mouth as she pressed her lips against his neck.

When she finally pulled away from him, her cheeks were glowing with tears, her eyes swollen as she stared at him with glassy, regretful eyes. "I'm so, _so_ tired, Mark."

He nodded, resting his head on her lap. "So am I, Iz."

XXXXXX

Meredith opened the door of the on-call room slowly, frowning apologetically when the light from the hallway startled the couple who had been sleeping soundly on the bottom bunk. "Sorry," she whispered, walking quietly through the door as Mark and Izzie sat up, blinking their eyes slowly as their vision cleared.

"It's fine," Izzie mumbled, swinging her legs over the bed, stifling a yawn as she struggled to her feet. "How's Derek?"

"He's out of surgery," she told them, a thin line forming on her lips. "They removed the bullet from his chest wall and repaired his collapsed lung. He's in recovery coming off of anesthesia."

Mark studied Meredith's face, his expression denoting his concern as his eyes scanned her swollen features. "You should lay down, Meredith. You look like crap."

She rolled her eyes, a light chuckle escaping her lips. "Thank you, Mark." Shaking her head, she briefly glanced at her watch. "But I can't. I'm on my way to see Derek. I was actually hoping that you guys could take Jack home with you."

Nodding eagerly, Izzie offered her a small smile. "Of course we will. Whatever you need."

Meredith let out a tired breath, handing the baby carrier to Mark. "Thanks, but I think I'm okay for right now."

"Do you want me to call anyone? Derek's mom or . . . or his sisters?

Shaking her head, Meredith offered Izzie an appreciative smile. "I just called his mom to let her know what's going on. She's freaking out, but I think she's going to stay in Connecticut until I have more information. Which is good, you know, because I honestly don't think I could handle any of this if I had to deal with his family right now."

Mark smiled understandably, nodding his head. "They can be a pain in the ass, but they mean well."

Lifting a skeptical brow, Meredith shrugged. "Hey, how're the babies? Was everything okay with the ultrasound?"

"They're fine," Mark told her, unable to restrain a small smile of relief.

"That's good. Addison would never have forgiven herself if something had happened to them while she was gone." Meredith sighed, smiling slightly as she moved toward the doorway. "I'll call you later to check on Jack."

A frown formed on Izzie's face when Meredith disappeared through the doorway, her eyes narrowed. "God, I hadn't even _thought_ about Addison and Alex. I guess . . . I mean, we should probably call them and let them know about Derek."

Mark frowned, sighing as he wrapped an arm around Izzie's waist. "Well this is definitely going to put a damper on their honeymoon."

XXXXXX

The sun was peaking through the window, rays of light falling across the bed as the new day began. Her eyes cracking open, Addison stretched her muscles, a wistful smile spreading across her lips as Alex's arms wrapped around her waist. She laughed as he pulled her towards him, her back coming in contact with the warmth of his bare chest as his lips pressed against her ear. "Morning, wife."

She grinned, her hand covering his as it rested on her hipbone. "Good morning, husband."

A giggle escaped her lips as Alex leaned forward, capturing her earlobe between his teeth. "I'm _famished_," he whispered, hugging her tighter to his body. "What do you say we order some room service?"

She nodded, her eyes closing as his lips pressed against the sensitive spot on her neck. "Mmm, that sounds nice."

"Omelets?"

She smiled, rolling over so that she was facing him, her arms wrapping around his neck. "And fruit."

"And pancakes."

She laughed, placing a quick kiss on his lips as she reached for the phone. "Sounds perfect."

Addison was immersed in placing their order when Alex slipped out of the bed, causing her to frown as their eyes met. "I'm going to take a shower," he whispered, grinning as he turned toward the bathroom, knowing that her eyes were glued on his retreating figure.

She had just placed their breakfast order and was already moving toward the bathroom to join Alex when the phone rang, the shrilling sound causing Addison to roll her eyes. With a sigh, she moved toward the nightstand, picking up the receiver as she sat on the corner of the bed. "Hello?"

Curled up on her couch in her living room, Izzie sighed, glancing at the baby playing on the floor. His back was lying against the plush blanket, his eyes staring widely at the colorful toy clutched between his tiny fingers. "Hey, Ad."

Addison's eyes narrowed, an incredulous smile on her lips. "Izzie?"

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me." She swallowed nervously, a tiny sigh escaping her lips. "Um, how's Los Cabos?"

Addison laughed softly, lying against the mattress. "Heavenly. Not that I've seen very much of it."

Izzie smiled lightly, the blissful tone of Addison's voice unmistakable. "And I'm sure that you have no intention of seeing it."

"You're damn right I don't."

Izzie bit her lip, closing her eyes. "Listen Addie, um . . ."

Addison's smile faded as Izzie trailed off, her eyes narrowing. "Iz? You okay?"

"Um, yeah, I'm fine. I just . . ."

Addison sat up, her lips pursed together. "You don't sound fine. Are you feeling okay? God, you're not having contractions, are you?"

"_No_. No, I'm not having contractions."

Addison laughed. "Thank god." Lying back against the mattress once again, Addison relaxed. "So why are you calling me? Not that I don't love you, Iz, but I have a very naked, very wet, very _hot_ man waiting for me in the shower. So let's, you know, make this quick."

A tiny smile formed on Izzie's face. "I uh . . ." She sighed, glancing fleetingly at Jack before averting her eyes to her lap. "You know, I was actually just calling to make sure that you guys got to Los Cabos safely."

Addison grinned, running her fingers through her hair. "Well thanks, Iz. Everything's fine here." She smirked, her eyes glancing fleetingly toward the bathroom door. "Actually, it's better than fine. The last couple of days have been the best days of my _life_. Seriously, Izzie, I'm so happy right now; I don't think _anything_ could ruin my mood."

A light film of tears covered Izzie's eyes. "That's great, Ad."

Tilting her head to the side, Addison frowned. "Hey, are you sure you're okay?"

But before Izzie could answer her, the bathroom door of the hotel opened, Alex's head peaking through the opening. "Was it not clear that I wanted to have raunchy, soapy shower sex before breakfast?"

Izzie pursed her lips, her eyebrows shooting up as Alex's voice wafted through the phone. "And on that note, I think I'm going to hang up now."

XXXXXX


	47. Chapter 47

**A/N 1: This was the longest break from a story I've ever taken! My guilt overwhelms me. Sorry everybody. I told you that everything has been crazy with exams and the holidays and **_**life**_**. But I'm back. Just a little while, though. See the author's note at the bottom.**

**Also, thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! **

XXXXXX

The heart monitor was beeping quietly, providing the only sound in the room as Meredith fidgeted with her fingers. She was watching Dr. Myrick check Derek's stats, her eyes hopeful when the doctor looked her way, smiling at her. "His vitals are strong. We just have to wait for him to wake up."

She nodded, uncrossing her legs before standing up, walking to the side of Derek's bed. "I know."

Dr. Myrick pursed his lips, his tired, aged eyes floating to the chart in his hands. "I realize that it probably doesn't seem like it, but Derek was lucky, Meredith. The bullet didn't pierce any organs; it stayed in a straight path, not even bouncing around like bullets tend to do. Considering what could have happened, he's coming out of this a lucky guy."

Meredith didn't respond, her lips pressed tightly together as she ran a hand alongside Derek's cheek. With a look of sympathy covering his features, Dr. Myrick tucked the chart under his arm as he turned to the door. "Page me if you need anything, alright?"

She nodded, offering him a brief smile as he walked out of the room. Heaving a heavy sigh, she turned toward her chair, rubbing her face tiredly as she sat back down. She thought briefly about calling Izzie and Mark; she needed to check on her son, but she was worried that Derek would wake up while she was gone, and she didn't want him to wake up alone.

His surgical anesthesia had long since worn off, Derek's pain now controlled by a time-released morphine drip. There was now nothing keeping him asleep except for his own body's need to mend itself, and waiting for him to awaken had appeared to somehow slow down time, each second seemingly crawling by slower than the previous one. With a sigh, she closed her eyes, the heels of her hands pressing gently against her eyelids.

"-Love you."

At the sound of his weak utterance, Meredith's eyes snapped open, her head flying upward until her gaze was trained on Derek's face. His eyes were hooded with exhaustion and were red-rimmed compared to his pallid features. But he was smiling, a weedy smile that caused his eyes to crinkle at the edges, caused her heart to skip a beat at the sight of it. "_Derek_."

She stood to her feet, moving quickly to his bedside and taking his hand in hers. She smiled at him, her heart quivering in relief, but almost instantaneously, his eyes were fluttering closed. And then he was asleep again, his breathing becoming even as his face relaxed in slumber.

As a light smile covered her face, she watched him sleep, his lips parting ever-so-slightly as soft breaths escaped his mouth. The brief exchange had caused her own heartbeat to increase rapidly in her chest, a thin film of tears coating her eyes. With a shuddering breath, Meredith leaned forward, pressing her lips gently against his. "I love you, too, Derek."

XXXXX

A lusty smile settled on Addison's face as she arched her naked back against the plush cushion of the lounge chair, her eyes focused on the starry sky as she bit her bottom lip. "_Alex_."

The whisper of his name caused Alex to look up, his lips momentarily abandoning the sensitive spot over her hip bone. "I told you, you're not allowed to talk."

She let out a frustrated sigh, her breathing coming out in pants as her thighs began to quiver. "But I-"

"Quiet." He muttered the command against her abdomen, the soft word disappearing into her skin, causing her to shiver. Alex merely smiled, his hands flattening on the sides of her hips, holding her squirming body in place as his tongue darted out, following a line of cantaloupe juice that disappeared into her navel.

Addison pressed her lips firmly together, unable to resist the urge to thrust her hips upward. Sensuous feelings washed over her body in waves, her nerves tingling as Alex's tongue lapped up the fruit juices that he'd drizzled over her body, his teeth capturing just enough skin to make her yelp.

He was driving her crazy, his intimate touches quickly pushing her toward the edge. She knew that he was enjoying watching her squirm, but she wasn't sure how much more she could take, how much longer she could suppress the moans that she knew would be heard far beyond their own hotel room balcony. "Alex, _please_."

He smirked at the simple words, throwing her legs over his shoulders so that the backs of her knees her pressed against the ends of his clavicle, his mouth hovering at the crest of her thighs. "Reduced to begging, Addie?"

She swallowed, a lusty shiver overtaking her entire body as his warm breath tickled her sensitive flesh. "I . . . I don't beg."

His eyebrows rising in skepticism, he placed a light kiss against the inside of her thigh, his lips lingering against the warm skin. "No?"

She shook her head, watching his every move through eyes heavily lidded with lust. "No."

He grinned wickedly. It was a challenge; they both knew it. His eyes gleaming, he leaned forward. "We'll see about that."

XXXXXX

Mark placed the phone on its base, turning to Izzie. They were sitting on the couch in the den, the volume of the television turned low as they lounged lazily in the dimly lit room. "That was Meredith. She said Derek woke up."

Izzie sat up, her jerky movement startling the slumbering baby in her arms. Soft cries emitted from Jack's mouth, his face scrunching as his legs began to kick. Without thinking, Izzie brought the baby closer to her chest, bouncing him lightly as her wide eyes connected with Mark's. "And?"

"They're running some tests now, but Meredith said it's looking good. He was only awake for a few seconds, but his vitals are strong."

Izzie nodded, a relived smile covering her lips. "That's good. That's really good."

Mark stretched his tired muscles, standing from the couch. "I'm going to go to their house. Meredith asked if Jack could stay over here for the night so she could spend the night with Derek. I'm going to get some of his stuff."

"Oh, okay," Izzie mumbled, standing beside him. "I'll go with you."

The ride was quiet, Jack sleeping soundly in his car seat in the back of Mark's SUV. They let themselves into the house with the key that had remained on Izzie's keychain ever since she'd lived with Meredith during her internship, flipping lights on as they walked into the dark house.

Mark grabbed a small duffle bag from hallway closet before trucking up the stairs, following Izzie and Jack into the nursery at the top of the landing. Izzie flipped on a light, moving toward the dresser. "I'll get some extra clothes; can you grab whatever he needs from his changing table?"

Mark nodded, walking toward the changing table as Izzie folded outfits and placed them neatly into the duffle bag. They worked quietly while Jack rested in his crib, his eyes bright as he watched the musical mobile twirling around above his head.

With his hands filled with necessities, Mark walked across the room, dumping them into the duffle bag. Izzie frowned as he ruined her neatly organized arrangement, a smirk on his face. "I think that's everything he needs. I couldn't find the diapers, though." He turned to the closet, opening the door and eyeing the shelves. "Do you know where they keep them?"

Izzie frowned, her fingers slowing as she nodded her head absently. "They're out of them. That's why . . . that's why Derek had to go to the store."

Mark narrowed his eyes, his hand reaching to the top shelf of the closet. His fingers wrapped around a soft, plush package, pulling it into his arms. "No; here's a new pack. They must've missed this when they were looking."

He smiled, turning proudly with the fresh package of diapers in his hand, pausing at the crib. "They were probably still drunk from the reception when they were looking for them. Your mom's a bit of a lush, kiddo." He patted Jack's leg, turning to face his wife, but his smile faltered when he saw Izzie's expression. Her eyes were wide, her face pale as she looked at the package, staring at it as though the tiny plastic parcel had saved her life.

XXXXX

Alex left the balcony, jogging into the hotel room at the sound of the ringing telephone and placing the receiver to his ear. "Hello?"

Sauntering in behind him on still trembling legs, Addison stretched out on the bed beside his standing frame, spreading out her lithe body in a way she knew would draw Alex's eyes. She smiled at him as his gaze connected with hers, his face serious as he nodded slowly. "Oh, okay; sure," he muttered into the receiver, averting his eyes from her luscious curves as he ran a hand through his cropped hair. "Thanks for calling."

Addison raised her eyebrows as Alex sat down beside her, her expression curious as she studied his face. "Who was that?"

Alex smirked, shaking his head as a quiet laugh escaped his lips. "The front desk. Apparently there have been several complaints. About _us_. They asked up to move the honeymoon inside."

Her mouth fell open, her cheeks turning a humble shade of crimson as her eyes widened. "You're kidding."

He shook his head, laughing. "Apparently your _begging_ was a little too loud."

She rolled her eyes, her lips pursing as she sat up. "You sure do sound cocky, Alex," she commented casually, swinging a leg over his thighs as she straddled his lap. Her grin was mischievous as she placed her hands flat against his chest, pushing hard against his muscles until his back was pressed against the mattress. "But payback's a bitch, you know."

He grinned, his heartbeat quickening in anticipation. "Bring it on, Mrs. Karev."

Trapping his wrists against the sheets, her eyes sparkled as she shook her head. "No talking."

XXXXX

As she came out of a light sleep, Meredith's head felt heavy, her neck unbearably sore as she gingerly sat up in the stiff chair by Derek's bed. She groaned quietly, rubbing the aching muscles on her shoulders, the tight knots from her less that comfortable sleeping position causing her to cringe.

"Yeah, that didn't look very comfortable."

Her eyes widened at the weakly mumbled response, her gaze shifting to the bed where Derek was smiling feebly at her. Her eyes sparkled with unwelcome tears when they connected with his, her lips curling upward. "You're awake."

He nodded, the movement so small that it barely registered in Meredith's brain as she stood from the chair, moving closer to his bedside. "You should have woken me up."

His smile softened as she sat on edge of the mattress, his eyes closing at the sensation of her fingers running softly through the tufts of hair at his forehead. "I like watching you sleep."

At his comment, her eyes narrowed, her fingers stilling momentarily before lightly swatting him on the side of the head. "Well I don't like watching _you _sleep," she muttered, her face red as a tear spilled onto her cheek. "And that's all I've been able to do for almost fifteen _hours _because you nearly got yourself killed, Derek! What the hell were you thinking?"

He pursed his parched lips, his eyes dancing with laughter in spite of her anger. "Didn't anyone ever teach you bedside manner?" he teased, his weak voice sounding hoarse. "You're not supposed to hit patients."

"Derek Shepherd, I'm serious!"

His fragile smile disappeared, his tired eyes closing momentarily before settling on Meredith's face. "I wasn't going to let something happen to Izzie, Meredith."

She could hear the heavy emotion in his voice, the exhaustion laced with pain echoing against his words. Her eyes filled with a fresh wave of tears, brimming at the edges as she took a shuddering breath. "Well I'm glad you didn't let anything happen to her. I really am, Derek. But . . . but next time you decide to play the hero, just . . . just think about your family. We need you. I don't know how we would survive without you."

A light smile fell upon Derek's face, his eyes fluttering closed under the weight of the time-release morphine drip. "You're never going to have to worry about that, Meredith. I'm not going anywhere."

XXXXX

_**Five Days Later**_

XXXXX

Addison threw her head back in laugher at the sight of her husband, her cheeks tinting as giggles bubbled from her throat. She could feel the mid-afternoon sun beating down on her face, the hot rays tingling her skin as she and Alex paused in the midst of a touristy artisan market.

Alex smirked at the sound of her laughter, catching her around the waist and bringing her toward his chest. "What? Is it not me?"

She shook her head, her giggles subsiding as she pulled the oversized sombrero from his head. "Definitely _not_."

She grabbed his hand after placing the hat back on the table, tugging him down the narrow dirt pathway. Alex wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him until her body fit perfectly against his. Addison sighed contentedly, laying her head against his shoulder as they continued to move about the market. "I don't want to leave. This trip has been amazing."

Alex nodded, pausing beside a table. He gingerly picked up a necklace, placing it around Addison's throat. She smiled at him, tilting her head to the side. "How's it look?"

Alex grinned. "Perfect. You'd look perfect in anything," he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. "You'd look perfect in _nothing_. On a bed. Underneath me."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Alex, don't say things like that. We're taking a little _break _from all the sex."

He sighed. "So you tell me."

"Just for a few hours. I want to shop. I want to go to the beach. I want to enjoy the sun. I mean, how's it going to look when we go back to Seattle without _any _color?"

Grinning, Alex paid for the necklace, wrapping his arm around Addison's shoulders as they began walking through the market. "It's going to look like we had a damn good time in our hotel room."

XXXXX

Meredith stomped into Derek's room, staring pointedly at her husband as she crossed her arms over her chest. "The nurse said you won't eat your lunch."

Derek rolled his eyes, his shoulders shrugging casually as he flipped off the television. "It's disgusting. I'm not eating that."

Meredith shook her head in exasperation. "You work here, Derek. You eat this stuff everyday."

"Well not today."

She gritted her teeth, his flippant reply causing her blood to boil. "Will you _stop _being such a pain in the ass? You're getting on everybody's nerves, Derek. They're going to ship you off to Seattle Pres if you don't start behaving."

For five days he had mostly been confined to his bed. Interns, who were supposed to respect him, perhaps even harbor a slight fear over his power, were in and out of his room like clockwork, disrupting his sleep and invading his privacy. He was poked and prodded and tested for every complication. He was already forced to endure miserable bouts of physical therapy to prevent muscle deterioration. He hadn't seen his child in nearly a week.

He'd had enough.

Derek laughed humorously. "Behaving? You want me to _behave_? Well, if everyone would stop treating me like a _toddler_, I might start _behaving_."

"We're not treating you like a toddler, Derek." Her exasperation was evident as she threw up her hands, her expression incredulous. "We're treating you like the victim of a shooting. You're the patient in a hospital; people are trying to take care of you."

"Well it's annoying. I'm ready to go home."

Meredith huffed, shaking her head as her face reddened. "Well so am I, Derek. I'm ready to sleep in my own bed at night and eat food that isn't from the cafeteria and see my baby for more that a few hours a day. I want you to come home, too. But you can't. Now yet. So just suck it up and stop being so god damn annoying."

His eyebrows rose at her irritated tone, her domineering bout catching him by surprise. The corners of his mouth turning upward, he flashed her a grin. "You know, I like it when you get all hot and bothered like that. It's sexy."

"Oh God." She rolled her eyes, a soft laugh escaping her lips as she pushed his tray of food in front of his face. "I think you might've hit your head in that parking lot."

XXXXX

Mark stepped quietly into the nursery, Jack nestled in the crook of his arm as he surveyed the pastel pink walls with delicate white stenciling etched around the middle. The nursery had been completed weeks ago, but whenever Izzie was feeling emotional or anxious, Mark knew he would find her in there, moving things around or cleaning the room until each piece of furniture gleamed with polish.

It was almost hard to picture the gracefully decorated room as having once belonged to his son, the new, softer patterns and lightly colored tones leaving the nursery decidedly feminine. Gone were the toys made for little boys and the blue pallet adorning the room. Now the nursery was filled with plush animals and dolls, all surrounding identical cribs nestled beneath large windows overlooking the front yard, a cushioned rocking chair situated cozily in the middle.

Mark smiled as he crossed the room, placing a hand on his wife's back as he rested his chin on her shoulder, his eyes settling on the picture frame resting in her fingers. She grinned at him as she angled her head, twisting around to meet his eyes. "This is a good one for the nursery, don't you think?"

He nodded, taking the frame from her hand and studying the picture. It had been taken not long after Ben had turned two, an impromptu photo taken in his bathroom. Izzie had found him standing on his stool at the bathroom sink shortly before his mid-afternoon nap, an entire tube of his bright blue training toothpaste squirted all over the porcelain countertops and wads of toilet paper clinging to the sticky gunk like makeshift glue.

_Izzie's eyes widened, her hands flying to her hips. "William Bennett Sloan! What do you think you're doing?"_

_Ben turned quickly, his cheeks dimpling as a tiny smile played on his cheeks. "I'm cleanin' up the mess."_

_Izzie took a deep breath, trying to maintain her patience as she shook her head, walking through the bathroom door. "Ben, _why_ did you squirt your toothpaste all over the counter?"_

_At his mother's irritated tone, the smile disappeared from Ben's face, a frown forming on his lips as he shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno."_

_Izzie rubbed her eyes as she took in another breath, caught somewhere between needing to further admonish her son and wanting to smile at the sweet innocence of his response. She was certainly leaning toward the former. "Well, you're going to have to help clean this up."_

_Ben's lower lip stuck out, his eyes shifting to the sink where strands of toilet paper clung to the toothpaste, rolling over the edge of the counter and lightly touching the floor. "I try to, Mommy. It's stuck!"_

_Izzie sighed, resisting the urge to turn around when she felt Mark walk up behind her. "Mark, get in here."_

"_What's going on?" A smirk formed on his face as he looked over her shoulder to study the room, his eyes narrowing as they landed on Ben. "Buddy, what're you _doing_?" _

_Izzie rolled her eyes, shifting to look at him. "Causing trouble. Clearly he takes after his father."_

_Mark lifted his eyebrows skeptically. "Right." Shrugging his shoulders, he turned down the hallway in the direction of the master bedroom. "I'll help you clean up. Hold on a second."_

_He had disappeared down the hall before Izzie could comment. Heaving another sigh, she eyed the counter, folding her arms across her chest. "What in the world am I going to do with you?"_

_Ben giggled, his cherub cheeks coloring. "I dunno, Mommy."_

_She laughed in spite of herself, the sweet sound of Ben's giggles causing her to smile. She turned away from her son only when she heard the echo of approaching footsteps, a frown forming on her face when she saw the camera in Mark's hand, a grin plastered across his lips. "What're you doing with the camera?" She scowled when his smirk only deepened, shaking her head. "You can't take a picture of this. He'll think he did something cute or funny."_

_Mark laughed, nudging Izzie out of the way as he held up the camera. "Say 'cheese,' Buddy." Ben squealed in delight, throwing his hands up proudly as though the mess was his greatest accomplishment. Mark grinned as the photo appeared on the LCD screen of the camera, turning it so his wife could see. "Come on, Izzie. This _is_ funny. We can torture him with this stuff at his wedding." He smiled as he turned to Ben, watching the toddler smear the toothpaste with a wad of toilet paper. "We have to enjoy this stuff while it lasts. It'll be gone before you know it." _

Mark sighed as he placed the photograph on the dresser, shifting Jack to his shoulder. "This guy needs a new diaper."

Scrunching her nose, Izzie nodded, moving to sit in the rocking chair as Mark lifted Jack to the changing table, unbuttoning the snaps on the legs of his pants. She sighed as she used her toes to edge the rocker backward, sending the chair into a soothing rhythm. "I have to pick up Addie and Alex from the airport tomorrow. I was thinking you could come with me."

Mark shrugged, fastening the tape of a new diaper around Jack's belly. "Okay."

Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back against the cushion, listening to the metrical creaking of the swaying chair as it continued to move back and forth. "I haven't told them about Derek."

Mark stilled, his head turning slowly until he was staring at his wife. "Please tell me that you're joking."

Izzie sighed, meeting his incredulous gaze as she folder her arms defensively. "I didn't want to ruin their honeymoon, Mark. They're having such a great time, and if I had told them about the shooting, they wouldn't have been able to enjoy their trip. God, Addison probably would've dragged Alex back to Seattle just to see Derek for herself."

Nodding his head slowly, Mark brought Jack to his shoulder. "And that would've _their_ choice, Izzie. It wasn't up to you to decide whether they stayed in Mexico or came back to Seattle. God Iz, what if . . . what would you have done if Derek hadn't made it and Alex and Addison were stuck in Los Cabos?"

She blew out a breath, her defensive demeanor quickly deflating as she averted her eyes to her lap. "I don't know," she whispered.

Mark sighed, setting Jack in the nearest crib before kneeling in front of Izzie. He rubbed her thighs gently through the cotton of her maternity yoga pants, his face serious as their eyes met. "I know you were doing what you thought was best, but they had the right to know what happened."

She nodded, closing her eyes tiredly. "I know."

Sighing, Mark stood up, pulling Izzie to her feet. "Well, we've waited this long; I guess we can let them enjoy the last night of their trip," he told her, closing the door of the nursery quietly behind him before moving toward the master bedroom. "But you have to have sex with me now. I'd like one more night with my wife before I lose her to the evil wrath of Addison Montgomery Karev."

XXXXXX

**A/N 2: So I've given the ending of this story a lot of thought; I've gone through several scenarios, in fact. And I've finally picked one! Yay me. And guess what? You get to read it **_**soon**_**. Because this story is almost over. Yes, that's right. I'm estimating three more chapters after this one. And that's it! Woo. I'm so excited! If the world was a perfect place, it would be finished by Christmas. But.**

**It's not.**

**So.**

**I'm hoping that everything will be posted by the end of next week. (It won't happen. But I'm **_**hoping**_**.) So goodbye, for now. If I don't get anything else posted before Christmas, happy holidays to everyone. Keep your fingers crossed for a timely ending.**


	48. Chapter 48

The baggage claim's conveyer belt in the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport screeched to life, jerking once, then twice, before settling into a fluid rhythm, shoveling clumps of suitcases into the view of the impatient crowd. It seemed that every waiting passenger of flight 4130 was suffering from terrible bouts of anger and exhaustion, their initial four hour flight delay in Los Cabos, Mexico having propelled nearly all of them into a fit of irritation. Now, finally back in Seattle, the wary travelers grew even more agitated as their luggage made its way onto the baggage claim at a snail's speed.

At the back of the crowd, Addison stood on her toes, trying to peak over the hoard of shoulders obstructing her vision. She frowned when her attempt was unsuccessful, her arms folding across her chest. "I can't see our bags!"

Beside her, Alex shrugged, trying to push his way through clump of angry travelers "I see them, Ad. Just stay there."

She sighed as she watched him disappear into the masses, running her slender fingers through her disheveled locks. She could feel the tension in her shoulders knotting as passengers attempted to push passed her, a pulsating throb developing in the center of her forehead. Turning her body away from the chaos, she scanned the crowd for familiar faces, smiling tiredly when her eyes connected with Mark's face across the baggage claim. Her arms rose as she struggled to gain his attention over the flood of people walking through the claustrophobic room, her mouth gaping to call out his name. "Mark!" She pushed through the mass of people, her eyes never leaving his face. "Mark!" she repeated, her gaze connecting with his when her voice finally carried to his ears.

He grinned as their eyes met, turning to take Izzie's hand. She was standing behind him, almost as though she were hiding from some sort of unknown fate, her eyes nervously surveying the crowd as she balanced Jack on one hip. She smiled a wavy smile when she felt Mark's fingers wrap around hers, squeezing gently. "She's over there, Iz."

Izzie nodded, remaining close to her husband's side as they crossed the room, meeting Addison in the middle. She smiled when she saw her friend, wrapping her free arm around Addison's shoulders and pulling her into an embrace. "How was the trip?"

Addison smiled gleefully as they separated, turning to hug Mark. "So amazing. Even this horrible travel day couldn't ruin my honeymoon. Everything was perfect."

Izzie grinned, her eyes temporarily darting over Addison's shoulder as Alex approached, his arm muscles bulging as he lugged two large suitcases in his hands. Mark quickly stepped forward to take one of the bags. "Thanks." Alex smiled in appreciation before glancing curiously at the baby in Izzie's arms, who's large blue eyes were darting around the bustling room in fascination. "What're you guys doing with Meredith's kid?"

Izzie smiled sheepishly, shuffling the baby to her other hip. "Just babysitting."

Addison leaned closer to Jack and nuzzled the baby's cheek. He giggled, his chubby hands reaching out to clasp around the fiery strands of hair that were cascading over Addison's shoulders. "Oh, you want to come to your Aunt Addie, don't you baby?" She stole the giggling bundle from Izzie's arms without pretense, placing a kiss against Jack's cheek and earning another wide, toothless grin.

Alex smiled, his eyes lingering on his wife as she cuddled with the baby. Lifting the suitcase once again, he glanced at Mark. "Let's get out of here."

They walked across SeaTac's baggage claim, exiting through the sliding doors into the chilly parking garage. When Izzie shivered against the cool wind, Mark automatically threw his free arm over her shoulder, pulling her against the side of his chest. Her lips curled upward as her eyes met his, but he countered her smile with a knowing glance, his eyes narrowed as he gestured toward Alex and Addison.

Her first response was to roll her eyes, but then she sighed, nodding her head softly as they reached Mark's SUV. When the suitcases were secured in the back, Izzie took Jack from Addison's outstretched arms, strapping the baby in his carseat while Addison and Alex climbed into the vehicle.

They were pulling out of the parking garage in a matter of minutes, Mark edging onto the freeway. With her hands twisting nervously in her lap, Izzie shifted her body, angling her head so she could see the couple in the back seat. "So, I have something that I need to tell you guys."

They both looked up curiously at the shaky tone of her voice, their eyes narrowed in concern. "Okay."

Izzie blew out a breath, her gaze fleetingly shifting toward Mark, but his stare was trained solely on the road. "It's not a big deal," she began on a sigh, warily moving her eyes back to Addison and Alex. "I mean, it _was_ a big deal, but it's not anymore. Well, it kind of is, but it's nothing to worry about. I don't want you guys to freak out or anything. Which, I'm sure you will anyway, but you really shouldn't because everything's fine now. It's not perfect or anything, but it's -"

Alex groaned. "Oh my _god_, just tell us."

A shaky laugh escaped Izzie's mouth. "Right." She pressed her lips firmly together, her hands tightly gripping her thighs. "Um . . ."

Beside her, Mark sighed, shaking his head when Izzie failed to speak. "There was a shooting," he announced, his booming voice flowing smoothly in the otherwise silent car. "Last Saturday. It happened in the middle of the night after you left for Cabo. It was at a convenience store just outside of our neighborhood."

Addison pursed her lips, her eyes darting confusedly toward Alex. "Um, okay. I don't understand why you're telling us this."

Izzie swallowed nervously. "Because Derek and I were there."

Addison and Alex's eyes sharpened at her admission, their mouths gaping open in surprise. "Okay, wait. Start over."

XXXXXX

Derek's hands gripped the walker in front of him, his irritated eyes flashing to Meredith. "I don't need this thing."

She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. "Of course you don't, Derek."

On the opposite side of the room, Cristina's amused stare darted between the bickering couple, her lips pursed in humor. "God, Mer, do you realize this is your life in forty years? McDreamy attached to a walker, bitching about life."

Derek turned quickly to glare at her, his fingers wrapping more tightly around the handgrips when he nearly lost his balance during the rapid movement. "Why are you even here?"

She laughed mischievously, crossing her legs as she sat down in a chair pressed against the wall. "Why _wouldn't_ I be here? I just wish that I had a video camera."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Just ignore her." She shot Cristina a look of irritation before focusing on Derek. "You need to keep moving. Do you want to walk down the hall?"

"No."

"_Derek_."

"No, Meredith."

She groaned, running her hand through her hair. "Fine. Do whatever you want."

He grinned triumphantly, moving slowly toward the edge of the bed and sitting gingerly against the mattress. He cringed as his chest muscles protested against the movement, his pain medication doing little to quell the ache in the core of his body. "_Christ_."

Meredith's face flinched as she watched her husband tense in pain, his face reddening. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, blowing out a breath as he settled against the bed. "I'm fine."

Meredith shot Cristina a look, prompting her to quietly leave the room, before sitting on the bed next to your husband. "What do you want me to do, Derek? Just tell me."

He sighed tiredly, shaking his head as he leaned against the pillows. "I don't know."

"I hate this for you." She took his hand in hers, her expression sympatric and contorted with worry. "I would trade places with you if I could. I just want to make things better for you. I'm trying to help."

Derek bit his bottom lip, his eyes rising to meet her tear-filled ones. With a nod, he squeezed the hand that was resting in his palm. "Just . . . just lay with me, I guess."

A small smile spread across her lips. She nodded, lying against the pillow and pressing her body against the side of his. Her eyes fluttered closed as she rested her cheek against his shoulder, her hand moving across his chest and settling when she felt the steady beat of his heart beneath her palm. "Tell me what you were thinking about when you realized you'd been shot."

He frowned at the quietly uttered question, his arm tightening around her. He couldn't help but notice the slight trembling of her hand against his body, or the way she unconsciously curled herself over him, almost as though to keep him from leaving her. "I was thinking about all of the things that we need to do; about how you and I needed more time to go to all of the places that we want to go and say all of the things that we need to say."

She nodded at the words, her throat aching as she sniffed against his chest. "What else?"

He'd been waiting for the questions, knowing they were coming for days, but the force of her emotion took him by surprise. "I thought about everything I would miss in Jack's life if I didn't make it. About how I wanted to see his first steps and hear his first words and be there on his first day of school. I thought about how much I missed my dad growing up and how I didn't want my son to go through that."

Again, Meredith nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek and disappearing into his shirt. "What else?" she whispered.

He knew what she was looking for; what she needed to hear. "I thought about how it would take more than a bullet to take me away from you. We made a promise that I intend to keep. One-hundred and ten years old, Meredith. Lying in your arms. That's how I plan to die. We have a lot of life to live before you're going to be able to get rid of me."

She smiled, nodding into his shoulder. "Good. I might have to kill you if you break that promise."

Derek smiled, running a hand over her hair before resting it on the middle of her back. They remained silent, both reveling in the feel of one another before drifting into a light sleep, their arms and legs entangled as their hearts thumped against each other's chests.

When they woke up, it was to the sound of the door being thrown open, thumps of footsteps moving into the room. "Oh, sorry," Addison said immediately at the sight of the waking couple. "We can come back later."

Meredith sat up on an elbow, her eyes hooded from sleep as she looked from Izzie to Addison and Alex. "You're back."

Alex nodded at her quiet statement. "We just got in. We didn't know about . . . I mean, we just heard about Derek today so we came here from the airport."

Addison's shoulders stiffened. "We would've been here sooner if we had known."

Derek pursed his lips, noticing the way Izzie's shoulders slumped in the doorway before glancing at Addison and Alex. "Well, that would have been stupid, don't you think?"

Addison rolled her eyes, walking across the room to kiss him on the top of the head. "Stop being an ass and show a little gratitude." She smiled, shaking her head as she glanced at Meredith. "Sorry to just barge in. We'll come back tomorrow."

Meredith nodded. "I'm glad you guys are back."

"I'm glad that Derek's okay," Addison countered, walking across the room and taking Alex's hand before turning to Izzie. "Can you and Mark still take us home?"

Izzie sighed, her eyes pleading as they moved into the hall. "Addie-"

Addison shook her head, sighing warily. "I'm exhausted, Izzie. Not now, okay? Can you take us home or not?"

Izzie could tell by the curt tone of Addison's voice that there was no room for debate. She took a deep breath, squelching the tears that were begging to come to the surface before nodding her head. "Let's go."

XXXXXX

**One week later**

XXXXXX

Alex and Addison let themselves into the Shepherd household, surveying the foyer as they walked inside. "Hello? Where is everybody?"

Addison's questions were answered by a loud screech coming from the kitchen, followed by a burst of babyish giggles. She smiled, taking Alex's hand. "I think they're back there."

They walked into the kitchen to find Meredith shuffling around the room, Jack attached to her hip as she struggled to prepare lunch. "Hey."

She instantly looked up at the sound of Alex's voice. "Hey," she smiled, using her free hand to pour tea into waiting glasses. "What're you guys doing here?"

Addison shrugged, pulling Alex further into the room. "We just came by to see you guys before we went to the hospital. Our shifts start in an hour, but we wanted to make sure Derek got home okay."

Meredith smiled appreciatively. "We did. He got discharged a couple of hours ago; he's lying on the couch in the den."

Alex grabbed Jack to free up Meredith's hands and she lifted the tray holding Derek's lunch, walking toward the den with Alex and Addison on her heals. "Hey," Addison said quietly when they entered the room, smiling gently when Derek glanced up from the television. She leaned forward to place a kiss on the top of his head. "So how're you feeling?"

He grinned, flipping off the television with the remote as they sat on the couch across from him. "Super," he said with a smile. "How's married life?"

Alex smirked, his eyebrows rising suggestively. "Dude, it's _beyond_ super. I would say it's mind blowing."

Addison flushed. "Shut up, Alex."

Meredith grinned, swatting at Derek's feet until he was forced to pick up his legs, making room for her on the couch. Derek made a face at her, settling his feet across her lap before turning to face the couple across from them. "Hey, we were thinking about having a little Christmas thing at our new house."

Meredith nodded. "Izzie always has something at her place, but she hasn't said anything about it this year. She probably hasn't thought about it with the babies coming."

Addison nodded. "I'm sure she wouldn't be thinking about Christmas anyway. You know, since it's the first one without Ben. She's probably trying to avoid it, a little."

Derek nodded somberly. "Yeah, I didn't think about that."

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence while the two couples stared at each other. Sighing, Alex placed a hand on Addison's thigh. "We're actually going to Iowa to see my mom for a few days over the holidays. We won't be here for Christmas."

"Oh, we won't, either," Meredith told him. "Derek's family wants us to go to New York and Dr. Myrick okayed it. We were thinking we could do something afterwards, though. Maybe over New Years or something."

Addison nodded. "That works."

The opening and closing of the front door caused them all to glance up, Mark and Izzie appearing in the doorway of the den moments later. "Hey," Mark said.

Izzie smiled nervously, glancing at Addison and Alex as she anxiously twisted her hands over the length of her abdomen. "Hey, I didn't know you guys would be here."

Alex nodded. "We stopped by before our shifts."

Beside him, Addison's hand entwined with Alex's. "We should probably be going, actually. We don't want to be late."

Alex frowned, glancing at his watch. "We have a few more-"

She tugged on his hand, standing to her feet. "Come on."

Addison's abrupt behavior didn't surprise Izzie. In the five days since picking them up from the airport, she'd only spoken to Addison twice, both conversations occurring within the walls of Seattle Grace and remaining strictly professional, despite Izzie's attempt to make them otherwise. She sighed as the couple moved passed her, placing her hand on Addison's wrist. Her expression was remorseful as she met Addison's eyes, her lips curling into a frown. "Will you call me tonight? Please, Ad?"

There was a brief silence, Izzie's apologetic look attempting to offset Addison's obstinate pose. An excuse was on the tip of her tongue, ready to roll out of her mouth in an effort to avoid Izzie for yet another day, but the dark circles below Izzie's eyes caused her to pause. Addison studied her, sighing as she folded her arms across her chest. It was only a moment before Addison's shoulders slumped, her lips pressed into a thin line as she nodded her head. "Okay."

Izzie sighed, she and Mark taking the empty couch after Addison and Alex closed the front door behind them. "Do you think that she's going to be mad at me forever?"

Meredith pressed her lips together, smiling in sympathy. "I don't think she's mad, Iz. She's just still a little hurt."

Derek nodded, wincing slightly as he sat up. "She'll get over it."

Meredith narrowed her eyes as he swung his legs over the side of the couch, moving to stand up. "What're you doing?"

"Going to get something else to drink."

"I'll get it for you."

Derek rolled his eyes. "I can do it." He walked slowly toward the door of the den, looking over his shoulder before leaving the room. "Tell Mark and Izzie about the holiday thing."

Meredith shook her head as he disappeared from view. "He's driving me crazy. He doesn't want to let me do anything."

Mark smirked. "I bet he'd let you give him a sponge bath."

Rolling her eyes, Izzie shot Mark a look. "I'm sure Derek's just frustrated, Mer. He doesn't want to feel helpless."

"Well I don't, either," Meredith countered. "I want to make things easier on him, and he doesn't want to let me. He needs to realize that he can't do everything by himself."

Almost as if on cue, a small crash echoed from the kitchen, followed by a string of expletives. Meredith frowned, looking pointedly at Mark and Izzie. Sighing, she moved to rise from the couch, but Izzie stopped her with a look. "I'll go check on him, Meredith."

Meredith narrowed her eyes. "You don't have to; I-"

"Please, Mer?"

She studied her for a moment, her eyes searching Izzie's before Meredith eventually smiled at her, nodding her head gently as she sat back down on the couch. "Okay."

When Izzie walked into the kitchen, she found Derek frowning at the floor as he struggled unsuccessfully to crouch down, staring at the glass that had shattered against the tile. "Hey." She smiled gently when he looked up, walking to the other side of the counter to stand beside him. "Let me help you."

She bent down awkwardly, bracing one palm against the floor while using her other hand to gather the tiny fragments of glass. Derek sighed, watching helplessly as he hovered above her. "I feel like a child."

His defeated words echoed in her ears as she carefully swept the jagged shards into her palm. Izzie glanced up, emotion welling in her heart at the frustrated tone in his voice. She nodded solemnly, picking up the remaining pieces of glass and grappling to stand up. "I'm sorry," she murmured as she dumped the broken pieces into the garbage bin under the sink. Her face was apologetic when she turned to face him, her eyes clouded with tears. "I'm so sorry that this happened, Derek. What you did for me-" She sighed, shaking her head as her words became stuck under a surge of emotion rising in her throat. "I just wish there was something more that I could do to help you."

He shook his head, smiling gently as he lifted her chin with the side of his thumb, forcing her to meet his eyes. "You've done a lot, Izzie. I'm glad that it turned out the way that it did. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you." He placed his hands on her shoulders. "If I had to do it over again, I would do everything exactly the same. And I don't want you to feel guilty about this." She opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head, cutting off whatever she was going to say with a single look. "I can see it in your eyes, Iz. I can tell you feel guilty about this just by the way that you're looking at me. But let me tell you, this is not a big deal, okay?"

She sighed, shaking her head in disbelief. "It _is _a big deal. You saved me. You saved my _family_. You'll never know how much that means to me, Derek. And to Mark." She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, gingerly pulling him toward her. "I don't even know how to _begin _thanking you."

Derek smiled, leaning comfortably into her embrace. He could feel her small breaths hitting his shoulder, the swell of her belly pressing into his abdomen, and suddenly his discomfort didn't matter quite as much. "You don't have to thank me, Izzie. I didn't do anything heroic. It's not something I planned to do; it just happened in the heat of the moment."

"It _was_ heroic. It was heroic to me. Don't try to belittle what you did." Her arms carefully tightened around his frame as her eyelids fluttered closed. She was taking deep, even breaths in an attempt to remain composed, her enlarged stomach gently pressing into his as she tried to force her tears away. "_Thank you_, Derek."

He nodded, his head pressed to the side of her cheek. "You're welcome," he quietly answered, offering her a smile as his hand rose to the small of her back.

"Are you kidding me?"

The amused tone of Mark's voice drifting from the doorway had them both looking up, the somberness of the moment disappearing as their curious eyes met his teasing features. "I leave you guys along for one minute and my best friend's in here feeling up my wife?" He grinned, walking around the counter until he was standing in front of them, his finger pointing in their direction. "Whores. Both of you."

Derek's eyebrows rose, a humored grin spreading across his lips. "Serves you right for sleeping with Addison when we were married."

Mark snorted. "I did you a favor."

Shrugging Derek laughed. "An eye for an eye, my friend." He jovially patted Mark on the shoulder before turning to Izzie and winking. "Thanks for all the great sex, Iz. We should do it again."

She grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Anytime, Derek. You're the best I've ever had."

As Derek walked out of the kitchen, laughter bubbling from his throat, Mark shook his head, turning to Izzie with his hand over his heart. "That wounds me, Isobel Sloan."

She laughed, standing on her toes to place a gentle kiss on his cheek. "You know, you're kind of cute when you're jealous."

Mark narrowed his eyes as she turned away, sauntering across the kitchen to exit the room. "Um, _cute_?" he called, moving quickly to catch up with her. "I think the word you were looking for was _sexy_. Or hot. _Man candy_, Izzie. I'm man candy."

XXXXXX

**I've decided that since I **_**clearly **_**don't know how to keep my own deadlines, I'm going to give up on trying to have this thing finished in a timely manner. The only thing I'll commit to now is that **_**Winding Road **_**will be finished some time between today and October 21, 2011. Really, guys. I promise.**


	49. Chapter 49

**I know, it's been forever, right? I've heard that people thought I died. (Waves to Amanda and Blair! I'm alive, ladies! But Blair, I really **_**did **_**almost die last Saturday night after I talked to you. **_**Whoa**_**.). I've just been lazy. And kind of busy. But mostly just lazy. I'm sorry that it's been so long since I updated. I hope that you didn't forget about this story!**

**To make it up to you, a super long chapter. Behold:**

XXXXXX

White Christmas lights adorned the railing of the porch, bathing the front of the Shepherd's weekend home in glittering lights that contrasted the late night sky. The air was frigid when Izzie and Mark stepped out of their car, inspecting the house with approval. Izzie raised her eyebrows as her gaze swept over the two-story mountain home, folding her arms across the length of her belly. 'This is beautiful," she commented.

Mark nodded, pulling a suitcase from the rear of the SUV before moving to stand beside Izzie. "I'm surprised Meredith agreed to string Christmas lights. She's usually a scrooge around the holidays."

Izzie shrugged, threading her arm through his as they walked toward the front steps. "It's their son's first Christmas, Mark. They want to make it special."

Her voice was impassive when she said it, her face carefully blank under the scrutiny of the porch's gas-powered lanterns, but as Mark knocked loudly on the front door, he couldn't help but wonder if there was a twinge of jealousy, perhaps even bitterness, humming just beneath the surface.

They had been alone in Seattle during the previous week, the Shepherds having gone to New York for Christmas, and the Karev's having gone to Iowa, and the solitude during what was usually Izzie's favorite time of year had been lonely and strikingly quiet compared to the previous holidays. Their house had been decorated in typical Izzie fashion and they'd exchanged gifts when they'd woken up on Christmas morning, but the energy was decidedly lower without the enthusiasm and excitement of the toddler who'd inherited his mother's passion for the holidays. Neither had commented on Ben's absence, though, the fact that it was the first Christmas without their son seemingly a topic to remain off limits.

Mark's loud knock on the Shepherds' front door was answered within seconds, Alex's grinning face appearing in the entryway. "Merry Christmas," he exclaimed, folding Izzie into a hug as Mark shut the door behind them. In reality, Christmas had been over for nearly a week, but in the spirit of friendship, they were extending the holiday until the three families could get together to celebrate.

Izzie grinned into Alex's shoulder before turning her head, placing a kiss on his cheek. "And happy New Year."

Alex shook his head with a smirk. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Iz. We still have," he glanced at his watch, "about six hours."

She rolled her eyes as they walked into the house. Mark followed them with the suitcase, smiling cheerfully when Meredith appeared in the hallway with Jack asleep on her shoulder. "Hey!" she said, hugging them both. "Merry Christmas."

Izzie's eyes swept over the mostly decorated home before settling back on Meredith. "This house is gorgeous, Mer."

"It's Derek's dream home," Meredith answered as she surveyed the interior proudly, her lips curling upward before turning to Mark. "Hey, I'm going to lay Jack down upstairs. Want to put your bag in the guest room?"

Izzie turned to Alex when Meredith and Mark disappeared toward the second floor. "Where's Addison?" she asked with an attempted nonchalance, her eyes roaming the empty foyer.

Alex tilted his head to the side, studying Izzie with a tiny smirk. "Kitchen," he confessed. "Down the hall, to the left."

She smiled appreciatively, nodding her head as she walked in the direction Alex suggested, her hand rising to press gently against her lower back in the hopes of relieving the dull ache that had appeared during the drive to the Shepherd's home. She paused in the threshold of the lovely rustic kitchen, watching Addison blend butter into a ceramic bowl filled with mashed potatoes. Taking a nervous breath, she walked through the doorway. "Need some help?"

Addison's shoulders jolted at the unexpected voice wafting from the doorway, her eyes widening in surprise as they rose from the bowl in front of her. "Oh, hey. I didn't hear you come in." Her hand stilled, tightly clutching the spoon between her fingertips as she watched Izzie walk around the counter. "Um, I think I'm okay in here, actually. Everything's almost ready."

Izzie nodded, trying to hide her disappointment. "Alright." She hovered in her spot against the edge of the island, watching Addison as she resumed her task of blending the. "How was Iowa?"

Addison frowned. "It was okay, I guess."

Izzie couldn't remember the last time she and Addison had been reduced to uncomfortable small talk. With a sigh, she nervously fiddled with her fingers. "How's Alex's mom?"

Addison paused. "Fine. It was nice to see her again," she said, shrugging her shoulders as she lifted her eyes to meet Izzie's.

Izzie nodded once again, deciding to push a little further. "Does she still want you and Alex to move to Iowa to be closer to her?"

At that, a tiny smile spread on Addison's face, her eyes rolling toward the ceiling as she nodded in answer to Izzie's question. "Oh yeah. She already found a house for us and everything. It's two blocks away from hers."

Izzie hesitantly smirked. "Oh god."

Nodding, Addison added, "And apparently it has a room that would be perfect for a nursery."

Izzie grimaced before smiling sympathetically at Addison. "What'd you tell her?"

"I told her that it was up to Alex," she said, her mouth twitching as she watched Izzie pull a barstool away from the counter to sit down. "And then I told Alex there's no way in hell that we're moving."

Izzie grinned, a laugh escaping her lips. "Nicely played."

Addison's own laughter blended with hers, and they shared hesitant smiles as their giggles subsided. Eventually, Addison sighed quietly, pressing her lips together as she met Izzie's gaze. "Here," she said, pushing the ceramic bowl across the counter. "Will you finish blending these while I take the bread out of the oven?"

Izzie smiled softly, recognizing the gesture of attempted reconciliation for what it was. She nodded, picking up the spoon as Addison pulled the bread from the oven and placed it on the stove to cool. "I'm sorry, Ad. About not telling you about Derek. I know I've said it before, but I _really _am sorry."

Addison nodded, adjusting the temperature on the oven in preparation for the next dish. "I know."

"I just wanted you and Alex to enjoy your honeymoon," she continued, her voice pleading for understanding. "Nothing good would've come from me telling you about the shooting. I was just trying to protect you."

Addison turned around quickly, her lips pressed together. "I don't need you to protect me, Izzie. I need you to be honest with me."

Izzie nodded solemnly, her eyes apologetic. With a sigh, Addison forced a smile to her lips, shaking her head as though she were clearing the conversation from her mind. "Look, let's just forget about this, okay? I want us to enjoy tonight." She looked at Izzie inquisitively before popping a pecan pie into the already warm oven. "So how was _your_ Christmas? You and Mark stayed in Seattle?"

Izzie nodded, her hand slowly moving around the edge of the bowl as she whipped the potatoes. "It was quiet," she admitted in a soft tone. "We didn't really do anything."

A frown formed on Addison's mouth as she set the timer on the oven, her eyes rising to study her friend. "Well I guess you should enjoy the quiet while you can. There won't be a lot of moments like that once the girls are born."

Izzie nodded, smiling slightly. "This is true."

They were chatting meaninglessly while working on the last minute dinner preparations when Meredith eventually entered the kitchen. "What can I do to help?"

Addison and Izzie exchanged a smirk. "Stay out of our way," Addison teased.

Meredith shrugged, fixing a glass of wine before sitting beside Izzie at the counter. "So Ad, tell us all about Cabo. What'd you guys do?"

Addison grinned, her face virtually glowing at the simple question. "We had ridiculous amounts of astounding, mind-blowing sex." She lifted her eyebrows at their smirks, ignoring the roll of Izzie's eyes. "That's about it."

Izzie laughed. "Well that's great. Meanwhile I've suddenly grown so large, I can't seem to _reach_ my husband long enough to have sex."

Addison frowned sympathetically. "That's not you're only problem." She pursed her lips, leaning forward as though she were about to tell them something in confidence. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you're husbands are _old_, ladies. You have no idea what you're missing. Sex with a younger man is _so_ much better."

Meredith made a face. "Our husbands aren't old."

Beside her, Izzie narrowed her eyes, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, they're the same age as you."

Addison shrugged. "True, but everyone knows that women reach their sexual peak later in life."

Izzie snorted. "Oh _please_. That is so not a problem for me. Mark Sloan will exist in a state of sexual peak until the day he dies."

XXXXXXX

Long after dinner was completed and the table cleared of leftovers, the clock struck midnight and the sound of New Year's music emitted across the living room, followed faintly by the cheers from a crowd far away in Time's Square echoing from the television . "Happy New Year," Alex whispered to Addison, kissing her softly.

She grinned. "Our first New Years as an old married couple."

He nodded in acknowledgement, pulling her closer against his chest. They were all sitting around the den, Izzie and Mark sprawled out on the couch on the other side of the room while Meredith snuggled on Derek's lap in the arm chair beside the Karev's. Everyone was smiling, their lips curling upward despite the fatigue that was causing their eyes to hood.

It was almost as if the moment was anticlimactic, the first seconds of the New Year coming and going as if they were any other moments in time. Quiet bids to have a happy New Year were exchanged around the room, but no other acknowledgment of the holiday occurred. It was a far cry from many of their New Years celebrations in the past; no all night benders at Joe's, no dancing and cheering as one year rolled into the next. Their celebration was quiet and subdued, perhaps because they were growing older, more mature, but more likely because they all preferred to let their hellatious year quietly come to an end, ringing in the New Year with a peace that they hadn't been afforded in the previous months.

When the music eventually quieted on the television, the crowd's cheers becoming muted, Meredith stood abruptly, saying, "I think I'm going to bed." She glanced around, mumbling _Happy New Year_ once again before turning to Derek with her hand outstretched. "Want to come up with me?"

He didn't hesitate, grabbing her hand as he met her eyes, a knowing grin spreading across his lips. "Yeah, I'm pretty beat."

Across the room, a snort of disbelief fell from Mark's lips. "Oh, give it a rest. We all know you're heading upstairs to do the dirty."

The room fell quiet after Meredith and Derek slipped upstairs, the house mostly hushed barring the muffled sounds from television. Izzie turned away from the sight of Addison and Alex cuddling in the oversized armchair, her eyes meeting Mark's as he lay stretched beside her. A subtle smile played on her lips, their mouths inches apart as they faced one another in the faintly lit room. "We made it through this year, Mark," she whispered, her warm breath, smelling faintly of the cinnamon that had littered the pecan pie, gently wafting onto his face.

He stiffened beside her, the movement so subtle that it might have been missed if Izzie didn't know her husband like the back of her hand. His soft smile fell from his lips, his face darkening unexpectedly at her comment. She frowned at his reaction, watching him sit up without warning, throwing his feet over the edge of the couch. "Mark?"

He cleared his throat, not quite meeting her eyes as he stood to his feet. "I'll be right back."

Izzie's frown deepened as she watched her husband exit the den, his shoulders rigid as he moved toward the kitchen. Across the room, Addison's worried expression mirrored Izzie's. "What happened?"

Izzie watched the empty threshold with a puzzled appearance, her eyes narrowed as they swept sideways to meet Addison's. "I have no idea."

Alex raised his eyebrows. "Is he okay?"

With a shrug of her shoulders, Izzie struggled to her feet. "I'll go check."

When they were alone, Addison turned closer to her husband, angling her body so that their eyes were lined. Alex frowned, his lips thinned as he pressed them together. "That was weird."

Addison nodded in agreement as Alex's fingers fanned across her denim-covered legs. "Yeah."

A couple moments of silence ensued between them before Alex smiled, his expression surprisingly tender considering the suggestive journey his hands were beginning as they traveled across Addison's thighs. He leaned forward until his forehead was brushing hers, wisps of fiery hair tickling his cheeks. "So, I've been thinking that we should look for a house."

"A house?" she repeated, her tone echoing her surprise.

He nodded, pulling back so that he could meet her gaze, a tiny smirk on his mouth. "Yeah," he began, his tone teasing, "you know, one of those structures that serve as shelter for families."

"Shut up, Alex." She rolled her eyes before studying his expression. "You don't like our apartment anymore?"

He shrugged. "I do. I just . . . well, I don't see us living there for the rest of our lives. I want us to have a _home _together."

She chewed on her lip, seemingly pondering his suggestion. "I _have _always wanted a yard."

He nodded, his lips curling as he watched the idea grow on her. "And you could have a huge walk in closet. You won't have to share your shoe-shelf with me anymore."

Her eyes widened as her smile grew. "That's true. And we could get a bigger kitchen."

"And a big den with a giant flat-screen TV."

She giggled. "And a whirlpool tub in our bathroom."

He nodded, playfully wiggling his eyebrow at her idea. "And maybe two or three bedrooms. Or four."

She stilled at that comment, her lips pursing. "Alex . . ."

He interrupted her before she could continue, wanting to quickly quell her doubts. "You know, we might need them when my mom comes to Seattle for a visit. Or even your parents. Or we could turn one of the bedrooms into a workout room. Or an office. Or hey, even a room for your shoes. See, your heels could even have their own room."

She grinned, shaking her head gently. "But Alex . . ."

He silenced her with a kiss, his lips slowly caressing hers before he met her eyes. "There's a lot we could do with those bedrooms. You never know what we might want to use them for."

She sighed, her eyes searching his face. And then a tiny smile formed on her lips, her cheeks warming as she pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. "Yeah, I guess you're right," she whispered. "You never know."

XXXXXX

When Mark crossed the threshold of the kitchen, his bare feet hitting the cold tiled floor, a dam of emotion seemed to burst within him. He covered his face with his hands, his shoulders heaving as a choked sob slipped from his lips before he could stop it.

He swallowed the rest of his emotion before it could get the best of him, sitting at the kitchen table with his palms pressed into the center of his eyelids. He was wiping the moisture from the corners of his eyes when Izzie walked through the doorway, her lips forming an _oh _of surprise when she found her husband's hands pushed tightly against his face. She didn't hesitate before walking towards him, wrapping her fingers around his shoulders to gain his attention.

Her face was pinched with worry when Mark glanced up to meet her gaze. He shook his head against the fresh swell of tears, biting his lip as she sank down to his lap. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she pulled his face to her shoulder, her hands delving into his hair as she pressed her lips to the top of his head. "Mark," she whispered, "what's wrong?"

He shook his head once again, clearing his throat as he leaned into her. "Nothing," he answered, his voice equally muted. "I just … I don't know."

Izzie closed her eyes, placing a kiss on his hairline. "Mark, talk to me."

A tense silence ensued, Mark breathing heavily against her shoulder. When he eventually turned his face, pressing his nose against the side of her neck so that he was inhaling her perfume, his lips caressed the soft skin at the edge of her throat. "I just can't believe that we made it," he finally whispered, breaking the suffocating quietness. "I really thought … I mean, there were so many times that I thought we weren't going to survive this year."

He sighed, pulling back so that he could meet Izzie's eyes. "But we did, and I thought the New Year would feel like a fresh start. I really did, Iz." He paused, taking a breath as he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. "I thought that it would feel different. But it doesn't; it feels exactly the same. Ben's still gone, and I still miss him just as much as the day he died."

Izzie nodded, stroking the back of his neck in an act of comfort. "Of course you do. That's never going to change, Mark." She pressed her lips together, framing his cheeks between her hands as she studied him intently.

They were quiet for several moments, Izzie's words hanging in the air. "I didn't know you were still hurting so much. You've always been the strong one. I had no idea that-" She paused then, her eyes narrowing as she studied his face. A quiet sigh left her lips as recognition fell over her features, her face softening as she tilted her head. "God, Mark. You've been waiting for me to get over this, haven't you? You haven't let yourself really grieve because you've been waiting for me to be okay."

He looked away, his hands tensing against her thighs before meeting her gaze once again. "I needed to take care of you, Iz. You're my wife. I want you to be happy."

She smiled gently, stroking his cheek. "And you're my husband. I want _you _to be happy. We have to take care of each other, Mark. It's okay to let me take care of you sometimes, too, you know."

His lips twitched as he pulled her closer, her chin fitting snuggly against the crook of his neck. "I love you so much, Izzie."

They stayed like that for several moments, not moving as they rested against one another. Eventually, Mark shifted slightly so that he could reach into his back pocket, pulling out a small box adorned with wrapping paper. "Here, this is for you."

She initially looked puzzled. "What is it?"

"Open it."

She smiled, her excitement growing as she reached for the gift. She pealed away the haphazardly applied wrapping paper like a child on Christmas morning, her eyes shining as she stared at the jewelry box breathlessly. "I wanted to give it to you before now," he told her, "but I ordered it from the jewelry store and it just came in yesterday."

Peeling the top of the velvet box open, Izzie glanced at the antique gold necklace lying within. She ran her fingers over the necklace gently before pulling it out, her lips curling upward at she studied the small locket balanced in the center of the chain. "It's beautiful."

Mark nodded, watching her carefully as she opened the locket. He saw her breath hitch in her throat as she studied the tiny photograph, her eyes moist as they scanned the sepia-colored copy of Izzie holding Ben on the day he was born. In the picture, Izzie was staring at her son, her mouth open in an elated pose, a smile covering her face as she gazed at the baby bundled tightly against her chest.

With trembling fingers, she closed the locket before turning it over, reading the small words engraved in the metal:

_Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality. Emily Dickinson_

When she eventually looked up from the engravement, she met Mark's eyes, surprising him with a happy smile. Her fingers entwined with his as she studied his waiting expression. "It's the best gift you've ever given me." She leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, their minds easily forgetting any pain their hearts might be feeling as their lips molded together in a sensual dance.

Izzie smiled when they pulled apart, her swollen lips parting as Mark carefully fastened the necklace around her neck. "I love you," she told him.

He nodded, running his hand gently over her cheek. "Happy New Year, Iz."

XXXXXX

The explosion was strong, forcing Meredith to cry out at the burning pleasure biting at her nerves as her body was propelled onto the hard planes of Derek's chest. He grunted upon impact, causing her to grimace and roll beside him onto the mattress, mumbling an apology despite the sated grins covering their lips.

"Addison was so wrong," she muttered. "You'll never be too old for this."

If Derek heard her, he didn't comment. She settled close to him, perched on her side so that they were able to face one another in the center of the mattress. Their breathing was completely out of synch, sounding erratic as their lungs labored to gain some semblance of regularity.

Derek's grin matched hers as his hand settled against her hip, running over the soft lace of the negligee that she'd slipped into when they'd first gotten upstairs. "God, I sure hope we ring in the New Year like this from now on."

Meredith smirked, drawing imaginary circles up and down his calf with the edge of her toe. "I don't know if I'll still be up for that when I'm eighty or ninety," she offered, glancing down at her body. "And I definitely won't be wearing _this_."

Derek couldn't resist letting his eyes sweep below his line of vision to the scrap of black lace she was referring to, lingering appreciatively on the swell of her breasts as they rose and fell in rhythm with her breathing. When his eyes eventually met hers, he grinned, running his hand along the contour of her jaw. "You'll still be beautiful to me."

Meredith held his gaze, resisting the urge to close her eyes as his fingers delved into her hair. "Really?" she asked. "Even when I'm wrinkly and gray and my body is sagging to the floor?"

He smirked, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively as their faces moved closer together. "Especially then."

She giggled at his teasing tone. "You're such a liar," she mumbled, capturing his lips with hers as she reached toward the lamp resting on the nightstand, flipping the switch and bathing the room in darkness.

XXXXXX

On the first morning of the New Year, the scent of cinnamon rolls and coffee wafted from the kitchen, traveling though the air ducts and straight into Mark Sloan's nose as he slumbered deeply in the bed in the middle of the second floor guestroom. His eyes cracked open at the infiltration of the sweet aroma, a wide yawn stretching his jaw muscles as he sat up, glancing with tired eyes at his wife's empty side of the bed.

The sheets beside him felt cool against his palm, a telltale sign that Izzie had long since risen for the day. He sighed, stretching his arms above his head as he climbed off the mattress, a shiver going through his body when his bare feet hit the cold hardwood floor below.

He grabbed a sweatshirt from the suitcase that had been left on the armchair in the corner of the room, slipping it over his shoulders as he walked toward the adjoining bathroom. He squinted at the light as he moved through the threshold en route to the sink, eventually spotting Izzie lounging in the large bathtub in the center of the room. "Morning," he mumbled, grabbing his toothbrush as he turned toward his wife, resting his hip against the counter. "How long have you been up?"

She shrugged, opening her eyes slowly as she tilted her head to the side. "I don't know. Awhile." Her fingers twirled around the warm water surrounding her body, skimming the surface and shifting mounds of bubbles toward the edge of the porcelain tub. "I made cinnamon rolls and coffee. They're downstairs in the kitchen."

He nodded as he finished brushing his teeth, rinsing his mouth with water before moving toward her. "I can smell it all the way up here," he commented with a grin, sitting on the edge of the tub. His own fingers glided across the water's shell, meeting Izzie's in the middle so that the tips of their fingers brushed together. "Is there room in there for me?"

She glared at him. "Does it look like there's room? My stomach's as wide as the tub."

He smirked, shaking his head. "It is not."

"Is too."

He laughed, still shaking his head as he stood to his feet. "Fine, I'll take a shower later. I think Alex and I are going for a run anyway."

Izzie pursed her lips, shifting slightly to get more comfortable and causing water to surge toward the edge of the tub. "You don't want to go for a run. It's cold outside. Really cold."

"The exercise will keep us warm."

Izzie frowned, leaning her head against the back of the tub and allowing her eyes to flutter closed. "Fine. Do whatever you want. Oh, but you should probably know that I'm in labor. I think we're going to need to head to the hospital soon, so don't be gone for too long."

Mark instantly stilled, his eyes widening like saucers as he slowly turned to face his wife. He could feel every beat of his heart slamming inside his chest wall, every thump of his pulse pounding against his neck. His stomach hummed with an instant dose of nervousness, his body temperature seemingly rising at the news. "What? Are you joking?"

She frowned. "Why would I joke about that?"

He let out a breath, sitting back down on the edge of the bathtub. He ran his hand across the top of his hair, studying her face intently as though to gage her sincerity. "You're in labor?"

She nodded, her eyebrows rising in amusement. "That's what I just said."

"Well," he began, his voice relaying his exasperation, "why the hell didn't you wake me up?"

She narrowed her eyes, tilting her head as she glanced at him knowingly. "Because you freaked out when I was in labor with Ben," she answered. "You were annoying as hell. I figured the longer I could do this without you, the better."

He scoffed. "I did _not_ freak out."

"Yes you did."

"Izzie, I did not freak out. I -"

"_Shit_," she mumbled, closing her eyes as her uterus painfully contracted, silencing Mark as an agonized expression spread across her face. Mark's lips clamped shut, his eyes widening.

"Izzie?"

She shook her head, an obvious appeal for him to stop speaking. He held his breath, his eyebrows knitting together as he worriedly watched her inhale deep, even gulps of oxygen.

When her face finally relaxed, her shoulders slumping at the relief coursing through her abdomen, Mark swallowed nervously. "You okay?"

She nodded, opening her eyes to glance at him. "Yeah. The contractions aren't that bad yet."

Mark blew out a breath, ignoring the shaking of his knees as he stood to his feet. "Okay. Alright, um, I'm just . . . I'll just get our stuff together. I'll repack our suitcase."

Izzie closed her eyes, resting uncomfortably against the back of the tub as the warm water soothed her muscles. "We never unpacked our suitcase."

Mark nodded. "Oh, right. Well then, I'll just, um . . ."

"You don't need to do anything right now. I just want to sit in here for a little longer."

Mark shook his head, his expression flustered. "No, we need to get to the hospital." He moved quickly about the bathroom, gathering the toiletries from the counter. "Oh, that's what I need to do. I'll call Seattle Grace to tell them that we're coming in."

She sighed. "Mark, you're starting to stress me out."

"Have you talked to Addison?"

Izzie groaned as Mark's continued to babble nervously, becoming increasingly flustered as he moved about. "No, she's still sleeping."

"Well I'll get her up." He dumped the toiletries into the suitcase, his hands beginning to fiddle in front of him when he reentered the bathroom. "Have you been timing your contractions? We need to time them."

"Mark . . ."

"Do you remember where we put the carseats? God, what if I don't remember how to put them in? Those things are so fucking complicated. All those goddamned straps and buckles. How the hell do they expect people to figure those things out?"

He was still moving about, seemingly pacing without purpose, his eyes widening when he saw that she wasn't getting out of the bathtub. "Izzie, you need to get out of the tub. _Christ_, we need to go. We have to get to the hospital."

She sighed, shifting once again as her body refused to find a comfortable position. "Mark Sloan, I swear to god, I'll lock you out of the delivery room if you don't man up right now."

He stilled at her sternly delivered words, turning toward her with wide, panicked eyes. And then he slowly walked toward the tub, forcing himself to calmly sit on the edge as he chewed on his bottom lip, tiny beads of sweat forming at his hairline. "No, you're right. I'm sorry." He swallowed, blowing out a breath as he tried to calm his frayed nerves. "I'm freaking out."

Izzie nodded. "I told you." She sighed, finally finding a comfortable position, her body relaxing in the warmth of the water. "Our life will be so much easier when you finally realize that I'm always right."

XXXXXX

**Guys, ****I'm so, **_**so**_** sorry that it's taken me so long to post this chapter. I had a whole list of excuses that I was prepared to give you, but most of them are lies so I won't bother. There's not really a good reason that I didn't have this up last week. If it helps, I really do feel insanely guilty about taking so long. That guilt, however, probably won't do much in getting me to post the next (READ: last) chapter in a timely manner.**

**What will, you ask? Reviews. Obviously. Because I love them so, so very much. **

**But I **_**am**_** sad that this story is going to be over after the next chapter, so I'm going to try to make it worthy of your time. That could take . . . awhile.**


	50. Epilogue

**As promised, here's the last chapter. Tardy as ever. **

XXXXXX

_**The Shepherd's vacation house **_

_**Five years later**_

She heard the unmistakable creak of her bedroom door being pushed open, followed by the patter of tiny feet making their way across the hardwood floor. She sighed, snuggling closer to Alex as the mattress shifted under the weight of the bed's newest occupant. It wasn't until two warm hands wrapped around her arm, tugging gently, that she allowed one eye to peak open, glancing above her through a sleep induced haze into wide, brown eyes. "Hi," she mumbled, rolling onto her back so that she had a better view of the little girl. "What're you doing up already?"

The child's long blond hair, which spiraled at the ends, hung messily around her face, still disheveled from a night of tossing and turning as she impatiently waited for morning to come. Her cherub cheeks puckered at Addison's question as she grinned excitedly, leaning forward on her hands and knees as her face flushed. "It's _Christmas_, Addie! _Christmas Day_! You have to get up!"

Addison yawned, frowning as Alex groaned beside her and buried his face into the plush, feather-filled pillow beneath his head. "I can't. I'm too tired, baby," she whispered, her voice hoarse from a combination of fatigue and too many glasses of eggnog consumed the night before. "Go wake up your parents."

Molly Sloan sighed dramatically, tilting her head and producing a trademark pout that she'd clearly inherited from her mother. "I already tried. Daddy told me to come wake _you _up."

Addison scowled at that, sitting up on her elbows. The sun's rays were barely peaking through the windows, casting a thin twinge of light across the middle of the otherwise darkened room. It couldn't have been later than six o'clock, and a sideways glance at the alarm resting on Alex's nightstand confirmed her suspicion. "He did, did he?"

Molly nodded, her lips pursing together to form a serious expression. "Yep."

Addison fell back against the pillows as she resisted the temptation to mutter a curse against Mark Sloan, blowing out a breath and allowing her eyes to flutter closed. "Just give me thirty minutes, sweetie. Then I'll get up, okay?" she proposed, cracking open an eye to peak at her reaction. "I promise."

Molly narrowed her eyes, studying her skeptically. "Cross your heart?"

She nodded, her eyes fully closing once again as she placed her hand over her chest. "Cross my heart."

Another dramatic sigh crossed Molly's plump lips, and not for the first time, Addison reveled at what a perfect combination of her mother and father she was turning out to be. "Okay, _fine_," she conceded, scooting toward the edge of the bed.

Addison was already drifting back to sleep when she heard the creak of the door swinging open as Molly made her exit, followed by an obtrusive crash echoing through the open doorway from somewhere downstairs. She sprang upright in bed, her eyes wide as she stared at the doorway. "What was _that_?"

Molly's wide eyes swung from the landing of the second floor staircase toward Addison's inquisitive stare. "Um, I don't know," she began nervously, her lips pressed into a thin line. "Maybe . . . maybe the dog?"

Addison stared, her lips falling open in surprise. "Wait, what? What're you talking about? What dog?" she rambled, causing Molly to gently bite her lip, her forehead furrowing as if she were formulating a response.

The little girl's attention suddenly shifted across the hallway as the other guestroom door swung open, revealing a noticeably disheveled Mark, and Molly instantly forgot Addison's questions. "You're up!" she grinned. "You're finally up! It's _Christmas_, Daddy!" she yelled, her excitement refueled by the appearance of her father. "We have tons and _tons _of presents to open!"

Izzie appeared behind her husband an instant later, pulling her shoulder-length hair into a messy ponytail before wrapping her robe more tightly around her body. She glanced at Addison and Alex through their open doorway, raising her eyebrows inquisitively before warily settling her sights on her little girl. "Molly, what was that noise?"

Molly's lips twitched, her expression relaying her disappointment that no one was sharing her excitement over the fact that it was Christmas morning. "Why are you asking _me_? I didn't do anything."

Izzie's eyes narrowed as she studied her face, her hands coming to rest against the swell of her hips. "Molly Elizabeth Sloan," she warned.

The girl sighed, pursing her mouth as she brought her own hands to her hips, mimicking her mother's stance. "Well, you see, Mommy," she began, "this is what happened."

XXXXXX

_**One hour earlier**_

It had turned out to be one of those days where just looking outside the window sent a cold chill through her spine. The edges of the glass panes were laced with the remainders of frost from the previous night, and the cold winter air seemed to permeate right through the sides of the house, cooling the edges of the floor where the hardwood met the walls.

This, of course, was why Emma Sloan's little heart had simply broken when she heard a stray puppy whining at the door of the Shepherd's front porch. She had been perched beneath the Christmas tree, squished between Molly and Jack as they shook the packages marked with their names in an effort to guess what was inside each box. The noise, though, had startled her from her task, causing her hands to grow still as she turned her head toward the front door. "What was that noise?"

Molly and Jack had shrugged, but curiosity had gotten the better of them, and the three children had walked slowly toward the door, peaking out the windows that flanked the house's entryway. It had still been dark outside, the sun having yet to rise in the early morning hour, but the porch had been illuminated by the gas lanterns mounted on either side of the front door.

Emma's mouth had fallen open as her eyes settled on the scruffy dog pawing to get inside, shivering against the cold winter air. "It's a _puppy_!"

Against the advisement of Jack and her sister, Emma had quickly placed her hand on the knob, twisting the lock and throwing open the heavy oak door. "Aw, look how cute he is!" she cried, grabbing the dog between her hands and lifting him to her chest.

It had seemed like a great idea at the time, adopting the stray animal and saving it from a freezing, lonely Christmas, but the moment the wiggly ball of fur had shimmied out of her grasp, darting across the foyer into the depths of the house, Emma had begun to question the wisdom behind her gesture. "Uh oh," she had muttered fretfully, sparing a glance at her unwilling accomplices before scurrying after the pup.

Molly had shaken her head, sighing. "I knew this was a bad idea," she threw out, grabbing Jack's hand and racing after them.

XXXXXX

_**Now**_

Derek Shepherd was trying desperately to ignore the chatter taking place in the hallway, his eyes remaining closed as he covered his head with a pillow, attempting to block out the sound of Molly's voice as she rambled on about something that Derek couldn't quite make out. Through his eyelids, he could sense the sunlight piercing through the fabric of the drapes, a sure indication that he wouldn't be able to stay in bed much longer, but he was determined to stretch it out as long as he could, his body begging for more sleep.

He stifled a yawn, stretching his arms above his head as he attempted to twist his body toward Meredith's, but he was rewarded with a small foot pelting his abdomen, causing him to groan. "_Jack_," he grunted, reaching out for the boy.

The girlish giggle in response was a sure sign that the offensive foot did not belong to his son, so he opened his eyes, adjusting to the dimly lit room as his sights settled on the tiny girl stretched out between him and his wife, her little body clad in hot-pink colored fleece pajamas and a mischievous smile stretching across her face. Derek smiled, trying not to laugh at the way her curly brown locks fell unkemptly around her face, almost identical to Meredith's own hairstyle when she couldn't be bothered with more than a quick brush through before securing it in a ponytail.

Derek pursed his lips, trying to look stern. "You know, Mackenzie," he began, "you're supposed to sleep in _your_ bed."

The little girl shook her head as she grinned, scooting closer to Derek until she was directly in line with him, her chubby hands reaching out to frame his cheeks. "Silly, _silly_ Daddy," she giggled, pressing her nose against his. "But I _love_ you."

It was instant, the way he melted under the sweet declaration of his two year old daughter. He smiled, pulling her into his arms. "Well how can I say no to _that_?" he laughed.

Just after Jack's second birthday, Derek had broached the idea of having another baby to his wife. Meredith, appearing as though the idea had never occurred to her, had apologetically refused, claiming that she was happy being a family of three. He hadn't given up, though, pulling out Jack's baby book to remind her of the sweet joys of their child's infancy. He had watched her wistfully flip through the photos of their son's first bath, his first Christmas, first haircut, and so forth, her resolve visibly weakening with each turn of the page.

By the end of the day, Meredith's determination to only have one child had been tossed out of her mind, and she'd quickly rushed through Jack's bedtime routine, putting the child to sleep early before cornering her husband in their bedroom. "Okay, let's do it. I want another baby," she'd claimed with a grin, pushing Derek toward the bed as a playful smile curled on her lips.

That night hadn't led to the conception of a baby, though, and neither had the next night's efforts, or even the next. Five weeks into their mission, Meredith began to think how ironic it was that she couldn't get pregnant when she was _trying_, while Jack had been conceived completely unintentionally. Within four months, sex had become more of a duty than a pleasure within the Shepherd household, and the two had begun bicker, both growing increasingly frustrated over their lack of success in getting pregnant.

After six months of failed attempts, their frustration over the situation and their strained relationship had reached its climax, causing a nasty, highly unprofessional screaming brawl in OR Two as they argued over what music to play while operating on their patient. Meredith had left the OR in tears, furious with her husband, furious with herself, and completely humiliated over their behavior in a room full of their colleagues.

Hours later, Derek had found her lying dejectedly in an on call room. The moment he'd sat on the bed beside her, her eyes had brimmed with moisture as rushed apologies fell from her tongue. He had shaken off her words, accepting his own responsibility for the recent tension in their marriage. As they had lied together on the bottom bunk, they'd both agreed that, for the sake of their sanity, they would put their baby making efforts on hold for the time being. With relief, they'd made love for the sake of wanting to for the first time in months.

Five weeks later, they'd found out that Meredith was pregnant, the end result being Mackenzie Grey Shepherd, a healthy six pound baby girl who would eventually grow to develop her father's compassion and her mother's smile.

It was that exact smile that she was using now, looking up at him with her fist tucked beneath her chin. "Daddy, can we open presents?"

Derek raised his finger to his lips, gesturing behind Mackenzie to Meredith's slumbering figure. "Shh, let's let Mommy sleep a little bit longer."

Derek's efforts were futile, though, because just as he was sitting up to sneak downstairs with his daughter, the door of the bedroom slammed open, causing Meredith to jolt awake. She jerked up, appearing as startled as she was, her face marked with lines from her pillowcase as she stared at the opened doorway. "Alex, what are you _doing_?"

Alex smirked at her, releasing the knob as he walked through the threshold. He was still dressed in his plaid drawstring pajama bottoms and an Iowa State University t-shirt, his face still full of stubble from the night before. "I've heard that there's a dog destroying the downstairs of your house," he told her with a grin. "Just thought you'd want to know."

Mackenzie was the first to react, springing to her feet in the center of the mattress and nearly knocking her father in the nose with the heel of her foot. "A doggy?" she shouted. "A _real _doggy?!"

Alex nodded, walking toward the bed and sweeping the toddler into his arms. "A _real_ doggy," he mimicked, throwing her over his shoulder and causing her to giggle hysterically. "Let's go check out the damage, kid."

Meredith sighed as the two disappeared through the doorway, Mackenzie's laughter echoing from the hallway as she turned to face Derek. "Did you hear that? There's a dog destroying our house."

Derek nodded. "I heard," he whispered, grinning as he threw an arm over her hip. "What should we do about that?"

His nose was tickling hers, causing her to smile as she met his eyes. "Well, we should probably check it out, I guess."

Nodding, he traced the curve of her hip with index finger. "Maybe we should," he conceded. He was still grinning, his lips hovering over hers. "But do you think they _really_ need us down there?"

She laughed as he threw the comforter over their heads, their lips coming together in the darkness of the makeshift cavern. "I'm sure they can handle it," she whispered through her smile, giggling as she wrapped her arms around Derek's neck.

XXXXX

The living room slightly resembled a war zone, in Izzie's opinion, complete with a messy array of debris strewn about the floor. She blew out a breath, glancing at Mark as they walked through the doorway. "How the hell did they make such a mess before we even woke up?"

Mark shrugged, bending to the floor to gather the scattered throw pillows. His muscles were achy, sore from a night huddled on the edge of the bed as Izzie slept sprawled across half the mattress. "They're like atomic bombs, Iz, except they're disguised with these cute little faces so you think they're all innocent and pure." He smirked as he tossed the pillows back onto the couch, and then he pulled his wife into his arms, kissing her forehead. "You never see the attack coming until it's too late."

Izzie leaned against him. "Ugh, I'm too tired for this," she mumbled into his shoulder, nestling against the soft cotton of his sweatshirt. "How about you take care of this while I go back to bed?"

He laughed at that, running his hand down her spine before allowing it to rest on the small of her back. "I don't think so," he quipped, smirking against the top of her hair. "It's not my fault you and Addison overdid it with the eggnog last night."

She made a face at him when he pulled away, shaking her head. "Bastard," she mumbled.

Mark cringed, placing his hand over his heart as he pretended to be hurt by the comment. "You know you love me, Isobel Sloan," he told her, a grin coming to his face. "I'm the love of your life." Izzie shrugged her shoulders dismissively as her eyes roamed the chaotic mess, but the small smile that stretched across her face didn't go unnoticed by Mark.

A sigh escaped Izzie's lips as she walked to the edge of the room. By now, the sun had risen completely, rays of light filtering through the windows and casting a glow on the top of her hair as she stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips. "Emma? Jack? Where are you guys?"

The nervous voice that wafted from the hallway belonged to her daughter. "Um, we're in the kitchen."

With Mark on her heels, she traveled down the narrow hallway in the direction of Emma's voice, finding the two children standing side by side, their shoulders nearly touching as they stared at her expectantly. Emma's lips twitched as she nervously chewed her bottom lip. "Mommy, you have to promise not to get mad."

"I already know about the dog, Emma. _And_ I saw the mess in the living room."

The little girl frowned, her shoulders slumping a fraction as she glanced at Jack. "Oh."

"It's not Emma's fault," Jack offered, immediately jumping to her defense. "She just wanted to bring the puppy inside. It's cold out there!"

"Yeah, and it's Christmas!" Emma added, her eyes wide. "No one should be alone on Christmas!"

Mark frowned, shaking his head. "But guys, you can't just bring stray animals in the house."

Nodding in agreement, Izzie caught her daughter's eye. The little girl looked nervous, standing in the middle of the kitchen in her red Christmas nightgown that nearly reached her toes, her wavy blond hair spilling from the ponytail on top of her head. No one had to tell Izzie that her daughters were exact images of herself, as if someone had made two smaller copies of her complete with her sarcasm and timely eye rolls. And, as it appeared, also her compassion. With a sigh, Izzie tilted her head. "Alright, where is this dog?"

Like the parting of the Red Sea, Emma and Jack each took a step backwards, their hands twisting nervously at their sides as they revealed a tiny cream colored puppy eagerly lapping at a bowl filled with water. Izzie's lips parted in surprise, her mouth curling upward as she knelt to the floor. "Oh my god, look how cute he is."

In the doorway, Alex appeared with a squealing Mackenzie on his shoulders, a smirk springing to his lips as he watched the puppy crawling onto Izzie's lap. "Dude," he laughed, glancing at Mark, "it looks like you have a new dog."

Mark groaned, rubbing his forehead with the heel of his hand. "Yeah, I can see that."

XXXXX

Later that morning, after the Christmas presents had been gleefully torn open and the living room put back together, Izzie and Addison found themselves in the kitchen, stirring a bowl full of pancake batter and slicing pieces of fruit on top of a cutting board. It had been snowing for hours now, a thick, white powder forming on the ground outside of the kitchen's bay window, and no sign of it letting up anytime in the near future. With her head, Izzie gestured toward the window, her lips curled. "Look how beautiful that looks." Addison nodded in agreement, continuing to make thin slices into the strawberry beneath her fingers.

She had just finished throwing the slices into a large bowl of mixed fruit when Alex popped his head though the door, Mackenzie still perched on his shoulders. "Hey, mini-Mer wants to know when breakfast will be ready. She's _starving_."

Mackenzie nodded fervently, her little hand rising to her belly. "_Starving_," she repeated, her bright blue eyes going wide.

Izzie laughed. "Give us ten minutes, guys."

With a nod of his head, Alex and a giggling Mackenzie trotted toward the living room. The whole encounter was over in less than a minute, but it left Addison quiet, no longer focused on the bowl of fruit as she stared at the now empty doorway, a wistful smile on her face. Izzie glanced up, her lips twitching as she watched the haze in Addison's eyes begin to fade. "Ad?"

The sound of Izzie's voice caused Addison to turn her head, and she smiled tentatively, biting her lower lip. "He's really great with her, isn't he?"

The statement made Izzie frown, her head tilting to the side. "Yeah," she quietly answered, "he is."

Izzie often wondered if Addison still thought of having children, if her yearning to be a mother was still as strong as it had been when she and Alex had first gotten married. Addison didn't talk about it anymore, though, not like she did after Emma and Molly were born. But sometimes, especially in the last few months, she would get this look in her eye when she was watching the kids that Izzie couldn't help but notice. It was a look of longing, and it caused a pang in Izzie's chest, a hurt that rose from knowing there was nothing anyone could do to take that longing away.

Izzie's hands stilled as she placed the batter covered spoon against the counter, creating a splatter of creamy pancake mix on the grey colored granite. "Ad, you okay?"

Addison looked up, smiling. "Yeah, of course."

The good spirited tone of Addison's voice did little to deflect Izzie's concern. "Addison, if you need to talk-"

"I don't, Iz. I'm fine. _Really_."

Addison knew Izzie well enough to know that it was her in personality to want to push her, to edge her toward an explanation for her odd behavior, so when she merely nodded and refocused her attention on the pancake batter in front of her, Addison's lips parted in surprise. "Okay," Izzie murmured, taking the spoon off the counter. "Well, I'm here if you need me."

Perhaps it was Izzie's quiet acceptance that caused her to relent, but Addison immediately straightened, turning her body so that her back was pressed against the counter. "Okay, you have to promise this will stay between us."

Instantly, Izzie nodded, giving her full attention to Addison. "Of course."

With a cautionary glance toward the empty doorway, she leaned closer to her friend. "Well," she whispered, her heart racing in anticipation of Izzie's reaction, "Alex and I are getting a baby."

In all the years Addison had known her, she had never seen Izzie's eyes widen to such a degree. Izzie's cheeks flushed, her lips curling into a giant smile. "You're pregnant?!"

Addison shook her head, anticipating Izzie's misunderstanding. "No, we're adopting." She smiled, blowing out a breath. "We've known for months, but we didn't tell anyone because we didn't want to jinx it, you know? But it's going to work out, Iz. I can feel it."

Izzie laughed, feeling giddy as she grabbed Addison's hands. "Wait, when is this happening?"

Addison bit her lip, still smiling. It felt amazing to tell someone, to have someone other than Alex to talk to about her impending motherhood. "In _two weeks_, Izzie! The baby is due two weeks from Saturday, and I have so much I need to do before then."

Izzie smiled, not able to remember the last time she had seen Addison so happy. "I can help," she immediately offered. "Whatever you need, I'm here. You know that, Ad. Decorating, shopping for clothes . . . oh my god, do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

If it was possible, Addison's smile grew even larger. "It's a girl." Her cheeks were already beginning to ache from the force of grin, but she just laughed, shaking her head as though she still hadn't quite grown used to the idea herself. "We're going to name her Charlotte. We're still fighting over her middle name. I want Grace, he wants Margaret. The poor thing is probably going to end up like me, strapped down with a hundred names."

Izzie laughed. "Oh my god," she whispered in delight, unexpected tears shining in her eyes. "You're going to be a mom."

Those were the words that echoed in Meredith's ears when she walked through the doorway, causing her to immediately stop in the threshold as her mouth hung open. She grinned, her eyes narrowing. "Wait, what did you just say? Addie, you're pregnant?!"

Addison and Izzie quickly turned to face the doorway, their faces anything but blank as they stared at Meredith in surprise. "I, uh," Izzie stammered, glancing beside her. "I was actually, um, saying that-"

Addison grinned at Meredith, laying her hand on Izzie's arm to silence her. When Alex would ask her later why she couldn't keep her mouth shut, she would claim that it had been because of the exhilaration of telling someone about her daughter, that it was because she had instantly become addicted to the high of admitting she was about to become a mom. "Alex and I are adopting a baby girl," she admitted.

Mark's mouth fell open in surprise when he turned the corner into the kitchen. "What? Seriously?" he muttered, grinning as he turned his head over his shoulder. "Alex, man, I can't believe we've been here for two days and you didn't tell us you were becoming a daddy," he bellowed.

It was a domino effect, the way one person after another quickly learned of the baby girl who would soon join their family, and before long, everyone was crowded into the kitchen, their breakfast forgotten as excited voices rose in an effort to be heard. No one even noticed when Addison and Alex slipped out, Alex gently pressing his wife against the wall of the hallway as an apologetic smile formed on her mouth. "I'm sorry. I was only going to tell Izzie, and then . . . well, I'm not really sure how this happened."

Alex grinned. "It doesn't matter," he whispered, pecking her lips lightly. "I'm sure they would've noticed when we showed up with our baby in couple of weeks."

She smiled. "Our baby," she repeated, almost as though she were testing out the words. "Yeah, they probably would've noticed something like that."

XXXXX

The men were buried beneath their layers of sweaters and coats as they stepped onto the porch, their stomachs now satisfied from a breakfast of pancakes and fruit. Jack shivered as he was lifted onto his father's shoulders, listening to the snow crunch beneath Derek's boots as they made their way across the yard. "It's _freezing_," he offered, his little teeth chattering together.

The air around them was stagnant, making the outdoors a bit more bearable than if they'd been fighting against strong gusts of wind, but nevertheless, the cold air immediately bit at their skin as they ventured away from the house. "It has to be freezing, kid," Alex began, bending to the ground to gather a lump of snow between his palms, "if you want a good snowball fight."

Mark wasn't expecting the attack, so when the tightly packed ball of snow flew towards him from Alex's direction, splattering against the center of his chest, his eyes widened, a mischievous smile playing on the corners of his lips. "Oh, your going _down_, Karev."

Jack laughed gleefully as the battle ensued, creating his own attempt at a snowball when his father placed him in the middle of the yard. The freezing weapons were thrown until all four were soaked and gasping for air, pants of warm oxygen blowing out of their mouths and mixing with the frigid temperature to create steamy currents of breath that fell from their parted lips.

They were all lying on their backs, the weight of their bodies creating deep grooves in the snow, when Jack eventually spoke up, his forehead furrowed in thought. "Hey, Alex?"

Alex didn't move, continuing to stare upwards into the overcast sky as he focused on regulating his breathing. "Yeah, kid?"

The little boy was absently gathering small handfuls of snow as he collected his thoughts, squeezing the powder tightly between his hands until it disappeared into a thin stream of melted liquid, traveling down the crevices of his waterproof gloves. "I've been thinking about this whole baby thing," he began, oblivious to the smiles that fell upon the older men's faces. His expression was serious as his hands stilled in his lap, his gaze falling on the man stretched out beside him. "I've decided that maybe you and Addie should trade her in for a boy baby. I mean, don't you think we have _enough _girls around here as it is?"

Despite himself, Mark couldn't stop a laugh from falling across his lips. "Buddy, you can never have enough women around," he teased.

Jack frowned. "Huh?"

When Alex sat up, he had a clear view of the kitchen through the large bay window on the side of the house. The room was illuminated by the overhead lights, spotlighting Izzie, Meredith, and Addison as they sat around the dining table, laughing hysterically between sips of cider. It was his wife who Alex couldn't take his eyes off of, though, her smile bright as she sat with her legs pulled to her chest, her chin resting on the tops of her knees.

Through the window panes, she caught his eye, her smile widening as she held his stare just long enough to cause his heart rate to increase. He returned her smile, not breaking their gaze until he remembered that Jack was still waiting for an answer. "You know, kid, you don't really get to pick you're family," Alex began, turning to face to boy. "Somehow, you just end up with up with who you're meant to be with. It all just works out in the end."

Almost unconsciously, he began shoveling snow between his palms, his fingers red and swollen in the icy powder. "And this little girl is supposed to be in my family. She's meant to be with Addison and me." He smiled, packing the snow tightly between his hands. "We've been waiting for her for a long time, you know? So I wouldn't want a different baby."

On the other side of Jack, Mark smirked. "That's sweet, Karev."

Within a fraction of a second, the snowball that had been in Alex's hand splattered against the center of Mark's forehead. Alex grinned, his eyes shining as Jack and Derek hooted in laughter. "Aw, thanks Mark. What can I say? I'm a sweet guy."

Recovering from his shock, Mark jumped to his feet, grinning wildly. "Oh, you're going to regret that!"

Below them, Jack grinned, throwing his fist in the air. "This is _war_!" he shouted.

XXXXX

Later, Addison was sitting in the center of a Cinderella sleeping bag in the bedroom the kids shared, her legs crossed in front of her as she waited perfectly still. Above her, Emma stood, staring intently at a glittery palette of brightly colored make-up in a hot pink case, the little girl's most prized Christmas present. Her lips puckered, the tiny make-up brush in her fingers lingering above the kit as she studied each color. "I'm thinking the blue. It'll match your pajamas."

Addison tried not to grimace as she glanced down at the dazzling aqua-colored eye shadow, nodding slightly as she closed her eyes. "Whatever you think, Em. You're the expert."

Emma nodded, swiping the brush across the chosen color before slathering it onto Addison's eyelids. She smiled, standing back to study her handiwork. "Wow," she exclaimed, nodding approvingly. "You look _so_ beautiful."

Addison tried to smile when she glanced in the mirror that Emma provided, despite the fact that she hadn't seen anything so horrific in ages. "Well, it's certainly very … blue."

The little girl grinned, taking it as a compliment. It was one of her favorite things to do, spending time with her super girly Aunt Addison, who tended to buy her cool gifts, and let her eat too much ice cream whenever they had sleepovers, and take her to see the new babies in the maternity ward. Of course, these moments were always shared with her sister.

Emma knew that people tended to think that she and Molly always had to do the same thing since, apparently, they looked _exactly _alike (which really wasn't true, because Emma would _swear_ that Molly had more freckles on her nose and that she, herself, was a little bit taller). Whenever she could manage it, though, she loved to spend time with Addison all by herself, and this was turning out to be one of those rare occasions. "You know what, Addie?" she asked, moving to stand behind her.

Addison looked up, smiling at the girl through the mirror as Emma's hands snuck out to grab of chunk of red tresses. "Hmm?"

With deliberate precision, Emma folded sections of hair, forming a messy braid with the fiery strands. "I think," she began, her voice unnaturally quiet, "that you're going to be a great mommy."

She didn't know why it meant so much to her, why the young girl's words caused tears to spring to her eyes. She sniffed, allowing her lips to curl upward as she met Emma's eyes through the mirror. "You do?"

Emma nodded, smiling in a way that made Addison wonder if people sometimes misjudged the wisdom on five-year-olds. "I do," she told her, clasping the braid with a glittery, hot pink elastic. "Because you take such good care of me and Molly when we stay with you. And because you love us so much, just like my mommy does."

It felt good, hearing the words delivered so sincerely. She smiled, blowing out a breath that she hadn't even been aware she was holding. "Thanks, Em," she whispered.

Emma smiled, moving around her to sit on Addison's lap. "But we can still hang out, right? You're not going to stop spending time with me just because you get your own baby?"

The logic behind Emma's worry was understandable, but it still didn't stop Addison's lips from parting in surprise. She met the little girl's worried, dark brown eyes with her own, curling the end of Emma's long, blond ringlet against her index finger. "Of course we're still going to hang out, baby girl," she told her, smiling. "You're never going to get rid of me."

Addison and Emma were giggling over which lip gloss to use when Molly and Mackenzie appeared in the doorway hand in hand, their faces full of excitement. They were dressed for the cold weather, complete with puffy snow jackets and scarves knitted courtesy of Izzie Sloan. "Guys, come on!" Mackenzie said, jumping up and down.

Addison laughed. "What's going on?"

Standing nearly a foot taller than Mackenzie, Molly's eyes glowed with enthusiasm. "There's a war outside!"

The confusion that Addison and Emma felt was apparent on their faces. Emma frowned, standing to her feet. "A war?" she asked.

Meredith and Izzie appeared behind their daughters, bundled up in much the same fashion. With her hands rising to rest on Mackenzie's shoulders, Meredith grinned devilishly, her eyebrows rising suggestively. "A _snowball_ war."

Izzie nodded. "Men," she beamed, "versus women."

XXXXX

It seemed like so long ago, those months before their girls were born that had been plagued with so many moments of pain and emptiness. Life had been too quiet, too still for far too long. At times like this, though, when screams and shrieks and mouths full of laughter pierced the air, it was almost hard for Izzie to remember what that had felt like.

But then she stepped back, her lips puckering as tears pricked her eyes, as if suddenly it occurred to her that in the large crowd of their family, in the mass of children running through the snow screaming in delight, there would always be someone missing.

Perhaps sensing her mother's unexpected distance, Molly looked up, smiling as she made her way across the yard, her boots leaving small holes in the white powder that rose halfway up her calves. She grabbed Izzie's hand, entwining her sopping fuchsia glove with Izzie's black one, tugging gently. "Come on, Mommy, you're missing the war!"

Izzie smiled, sniffing quietly and swallowing her unexpected emotion. "I'll be there in a minute, baby."

It was probably the tone of Izzie's voice, the underlying sadness that rarely made an appearance in the presence of her children, that stopped Molly in her tracks. She frowned, her hand squeezing Izzie's fingers. "You're missing Ben."

It wasn't a question, but a statement made with an insight that caught Izzie off guard, and for the first time, she realized that her daughters were no longer the babies she still pictured them being. She sighed, her sadness growing a fraction deeper as she nodded her head. "Yeah, I am, Mol."

Molly nodded, biting her lip as she looked out at the others, lost in the whirlwind of flying snowballs and screeches of laughter. Her eyes were bright when they met her mother's, filled with a confidence that was reserved solely for children. "I think Ben made this snow for us, don't you?" she asked, inclining her head toward the sky. "That he made it in Heaven and sprinkled it down so that we would have the perfect Christmas?"

Izzie smiled, wondering if her daughter truly believed her words, wondering if there might be a part of her that believed them, too. It helped, the edges of her pain dulling when she realized that her son would always live on through their memories, though their thoughts of him when they were missing him the most. "I think you might be right," she smiled.

Mark's arm snaked around Izzie's waist when she and Molly joined the crowd moments later, his lips pressing against her ear as he placed his hand against the side of her hip. It caused her breath to hitch, her heartbeat quickening as she leaned into the embrace. "You okay?" he quietly asked.

She nodded, turning her head so that she could brush her lips against her husband's. "Of course," she whispered, smiling as she glanced at Molly below them. "We were just discussing our war strategy."

Mark grinned at that, a devilish twinkle in his eye. "Well in that case…" he muttered, and brought his hand upwards, flattening a huge snowball on top of his Izzie's head.

Everyone took notice, cheers and groans from the opposing sides echoing in the frigid air. "I call foul on that, Mark Sloan!" Addison yelled.

He smirked, shaking his head. "Only because the women lost," he retorted, surprising Izzie yet again as he dipped her backward and captured her mouth is a kiss that made the children giggle.

Emma shook her head from across the yard, her hand on her hip. "Just wait until next year, Daddy, when we have Charlotte on our team!" she boasted. "Then you'll be so outnumbered, you'll _never_ beat us!"

And everyone smiled because, in their hearts, they knew that they had the rest of their lives to test Emma's theory.

-_**End**_-

**XXXXXX**

**Thanks to everyone for sticking with this story! I never imagined that it would go on this long. It feels great to have it finished, though I'll definitely miss it at times. **

**This will probably be my last chapter story. If I write anything in the future, it will more than likely be in the form of one-shots. So, because of that, it especially means a lot to me how great everyone has been in giving me support and encouragement as I've written this story. If it wasn't for all of you, it definitely never would have gotten this far (truth be told, my original layout of it was about twenty to twenty-five chapters long). So, thank you! It means more than you can imagine!**

**For the sake of tradition, feel free to leave me one more review :)**


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